4511 - This Boots was made for walking to

I'm afraid that again I have not done
Work on my comedy show, but I will
Tomorrow, can't see what else that could come
Between that and my aim, although I'll still
Walk to Boots third day in a row to fill
My photo album with more prints, the last
Few from this year, and also my last hol
Of 2017, to Belgium, washed
Down with glasses of beer that got me smashed
Pictures of those beers, not just buildings, from
That trip. Exercises next. The appeal
Of going out and buying booze, a task
To say no to, but last night lay alone
Awake three plus hours. Drink is like a pill...

4510 - How many long strange trips there've been

I'm watching Top of the Pops, yes it's true
They have it annually at end of year
Walked to town this morning while crowds were few
To collect photos from Boots, put in picture
Album, solid memories that I will treasure
And I'll soon print more from my many trips
In the last few years. I've been here and there
And yet I never thought of making prints
Well it's the new old thing, retro but mint
And bought hair clippers, can't be hard to do
Can it? Dyed the back of my head before
And my mate Tom does it, so I'll do it
Did exercises, cooked, music on, new
And old on Spotify, pleasured my ear

4509 - Not only, but disco

I don't feel up to much creatively
Today, maybe I overdid it late
Last night, with the vanilla liqueur I
Had left from Christmas, but I had a great
Time with that and a beer to follow, treat
Made better by listening to all the Doors
Tracks on the Spotify playlist. Watched Pete
And Dud's long-lost clips and Father Ted, he's
A racist in this one, seen it before
So many times, but I am still happy
To see it again. No, not done much but
I did think of a good song idea for
The Edinburgh show - Worm Disco, wriggly
Dancing and all. To write it - just can't wait!!!

4508 - What happened, bro?

Well well, just as I prepared to write this
My computer almost crashed, an error
Alert accompanied by a loudness
Of deafening proportions, hurt my ear
It could have been the end, but for three hour
Negotiations with Re-Image (who they?)
But their link popped up just as things turned sour
Was it a trick, a scam by hackers? Way
Out of my league, I gambled worriedly
And paid for their help despite my fears
From the States they accessed my computer
Jesus D did his shit, got McAfee
Now, forty quid a year, but it's serious
I need a safe website for Edinburgh

4507 - This Christmas, I gave you my cheese

It's Boxing Day, slept on inflatable
Bed which was weird but OK, have to say
If you near the edge it gets unstable
But slept quite well, and soon was on my way
Home by car to change and collect Jo. Hey
She was wearing my presents, jacket and
Pants, they looked good, Clash t-shirt, black shoes, they
Gotta admire the dudess. Had a grand
Snack of bread, lightly toasted, the top spanned
By my cheese selection, and Jo dabbled
In it too, and a grilled aubergine they
Made for her which she liked. New board game planned -
Articulate - but way more suitable
Would be Argument... but ended OK!!

4506 - When a child eats quorn

Good night's sleep meant that Christmas Day was fun
Bummed around at home, then drove to Vee's flat
Got the route right for a change, few cars on
The Christmas road blocking my way, so that
Was nice. Pearl in a purple dress, and heat
Was nice, me in my new red pumps looked good
A few drinks, then Pearl began cooking at
The kitchen counter. Previous years she would
Get stressed but mainly it went well. I had
Quorn mince and herbs I brought, but also some
Cheesy grilled aubergine dish and veg - great!
The odd drink more, Vee slept while we two played
Monopoly, my luck was dumber, dumb
But laughed, then watched a film with Cary Grant

Tue 25 December

4505 - Twas the night before Christmas (part 55)

Twas the night before Christmas. I had been
In the office that day, Tanya, Lisa
The only other colleagues that were in
We had a laugh and chat while we were there
All left early, I knew for me to fare
OK in the Christmas film quiz, needed
To watch films pronto at home. On sofa
With meal on lap, first film, Superfly, did
Struggle to stay awake as it ended
But Meaning Of Life was entertaining
And Midnight In Paris likewise. Some fear
The neighbours would party late, but quieted
Down nicely, they went out and no return
Peaceful night, ready for get-together...!

4504 - Big prang theory

So yesterday we drove to that Sheffield
Today we drove first of all to Derby
Always a nice drive, then drove to Lichfield
Derby city centre in the rain, we
Ate in Slug and Lettuce, she had steak, me
I had sausages and mash, good value
Not been there since well the mid seventies
When Dad bought me the Sparks' single and you
Don't know what it was called, oh but I do
Something For The Girl With Everything, world
Beater still, after The Rams under Mackay
Had won or drawn at the Baseball Ground. Now
Walked round a new Derby then drove past field
On field to Lichfield, changes there to see

4503 - Prangs for the memory

It's Saturday and I've got a hired car
I drove to Sheffield, we had no such plan
It's just where we went in the end through the
Clouds and rain of the Pennines near the end
Of the year when it gets dark early and
It did, but got back out of there in time
Got a guide to Marrakesh, got my hands
On new slippers (red) with strong soles, look fine
Pranged the hired car reversing, the bang signed
With yellow paint, need to remove that scar
Or I'll be paying extras the day when
I return the darn thing to Bolton town
Meeting Jo tomorrow also, wonder where
We'll drive? Can't be too far, but should be fun!

4502 - Mad Friday

Helen's off out to see 808 State
How cool is that, on Mad Friday? I'm in
Tonight, but had three nights out this week, ain't
Feeling bad. Had a few beers, uke session
Spoke to Louis, now I will start cookin'
It's all good, so good, I am so happy
I'm in control, my new workplace rockin'
This is better than it seemed it could be
A few months ago, it's how it should be
I'm free now to decide and to create
It's grown, it's a 12 year evolution
And the one constant is that I am me
If anyone doubts, I can outcompete
But I have fun and that is the main thing

4501 - Symphonie pathetique

Was woken soon after dropping off by
Those pricks next door playing disco music
Starting at 12:20 at night when I
Was already knackered, needing rest. Sick
Fuckers, and naff to boot. Gets on my wick
Then about 4-ish they started bonking
And woke me again with their knock knock knock
Against the wall as he was climaxing
I even heard his pathetic moaning
How nice on a week night. No empathy
No consideration, taking the mick
Worked well today though, finally sorting
Through stuff with deadlines. Laughs with Tanya. I
Met Tom and discussed Edinburgh schtick

4500 - Four green and brown bottles

Another boozy night last night listening
To reggae and The Smiths when I got home
From seeing Pearl for a chat and a drink
Felt happy today in work but felt some-
what sluggish, workwise, but we all had fun
Secret Santa, a quiz and a buffet
Had lots of laughs, told jokes, comedian
Status suddenly rumbled by Jacqui
Steve my manager gave out beer, away
Home with four bottles in my bag clinking
I need a break from drink tonight and some
Unbroken sleep, refresh my battery
Tomorrow got to go to depot, bring
Jo's parcel home, then hopefully meet Tom

4499 - Uni and loony

Well here I am after one more night out
This time with daughter Pearl, four or maybe
Five hours in Turtle Bay, Oxford Road, caught
Up with each other's events, Italy
Move in her case, though she's split up sadly
With Luca, she's still moving to Milan
And there's no reason why it won't still be
A great move, and she will then meet someone
Else fairly soon. She got a distinction
In her Masters. I can now hardly wait
For the Uni of Bristol ceremony
The day before she emigrates! Had fun
Updating her on my news, it's about
My great new job, my show and holiday

4498 - Not not going out

Poor Helen's still injured, her arm still hurts
I found out that Simon Collins will not
Now help me in my recording so it's
To a recording studio that will cost
£25 per hour, but it's about
The end product, which will at least be good
Money well spent if it wins my crowd round
The musical talent that's in my blood
Shown to the wider public with a mood
Of fun and games which I don't think distorts
Its impact. I am going out a lot
This week: Dermot tonight, then Oxford Road
Tomorrow with Pearl, and then Tom awaits
We'll discuss our shows next year, raise a toast

4497 - Cough cough

A cold day, not as cold as yesterday
Feel a bit better, but disturbed sleep since
The neighbours rocked their bed 'gainst wall at 3
I kept coughing, I hope they heard, and think
Hey, we can hear him, can he hear us? Wink
Wink, yes I can, fools, is that a surprise?
Just move the bed, move rooms, do anything
To be less disturbing to your neighbours
Despite my poor sleep, I've advanced my cause
Today, sharing a room with Tom when we
Both do next summer's Edinburgh Fringe
Five hundred for the full run, and Tom's car's
There should I need it. Had a good uke play
Posted Christmas cards. Next - Boots app, pic prints...

4496 - Coming down fast

Got a good night's sleep, much needed it was
In the morning, heard poor Helen had hurt
Her shoulder, falling over. Now that does
Remind me of early May, when I fought
But failed to stay on my feet, and lay sprawled
On a busy road in Salford, too pissed
To get up, my life at risk. Can get caught
Out necking copious amounts, but still wish
To do it regularly. Today, it's
All about taking it easy, because
I've not slept well this week, but I've felt good
Since getting my show signed up. It's the Ritz
Hotel for me, where I'll stay between shows!
Played The White Album on uke. 'Twas good sport!

4495 - It's perky without turkey

I felt pretty bad yesterday, a cold
And sore throat made me feel weak and chilly
But despite this I was looking forward
To my old team's Christmas meal. Not turkey
But Thai. The venue, Thaikun. One curry
Would have been enough yesterday the way
I felt. Two courses was too much for me
So I left half my curry, was away
Outside with Helen, it got took away
Without me having to feel, well, awkward!
Drinks, we tried Albert's Schloss, but too busy
Then Peaky Blinders, then the Nag's Head. Hey -
It's the new must-go-to place for a good
Old sing-song with raucous karaoke!

4494 - I got the point

Still awake half the night last night. I've got
A cold and sore throat, I am quite unwell
And yet today, in the cold, I went out
For a tattoo appointment which went well
Over four hours for three big new ones. Hell -
No shirt on all that time, plus agony
The chosen spots for the tattoo needle
Were all bony areas, or soft fleshy
Ones. Ouch! But the ordeal is behind me
Look forward to the new look when it's hot
Like when Helen and me go on our hol
To the Moroccan sun, dressed scantily
Last night Chan was asleep and I could not
Turn on the heater, but now it's on. Brill!

4493 - Sit down shut up

Bloody tired, two nights of not enough rest
Struggled to speak at work, unusual
But just too knackered. Home, quorn pieces fest
With carbonara sauce, gave it appeal
Then a uke session, I've got a phoneful
Of tunes to play along to. And confirmed
With Space UK I've reserved Surgeons Hall
Theatre 3, and Charles has really warmed
To my show, in fact he loved it right from
The moment he saw it in summarised
Form by email. The hardest part was all
Too easy. No mates were needed, they're gone
They'll look on from the seats and will have missed
The boat, because they're all boring people...

4492 - I am floating in space

Last night I worked hard emailing venues
And after I left to go out, I got
A reply which I read today. Good news
Three venues have replied saying it's great
The first one bit my hand off - The Space at
Surgeons Hall - and other Space venues too
Were made available to choose from. It
Is so exciting! I have got MONTHS to
Refine, prepare, practise, plan and review
It should be easy, as Space will produce
The audience and the show. Just got to get
Myself on stage. That's all I have to do
Much of my know-how has come from that course
In France last June, and last year's Fringe visit...

4491 - Man at work

A busy day, stayed at the office til
Six thirty, then went to a meet-up group
At Ziferblat, biscuits, cakes, had my fill
And a reviving coffee, filled me up
The point was to meet someone who I hope
Can help me with my Ed Fringe show music
Some were just chatting music. I'm no dope
Not going down that road, they think they're sick
While I'm truly working, I know the trick
I've found Simon, cost will be minimal
To record at his Whitworth Street flat, whoops
Sorry expensive studios, I won't pick
You, just need comedy show stuff, no frills
Let's hope this happens, won't produce no poop

4490 - Not a weak end

Sunday evening, it's been a long weekend
So have to accept work is tomorrow
Had a late night on Friday with Helen
Then a lie-in to recover and grow
Back energy Saturday to meet Jo
We went to Wigan on the Northern train
Lucky it was even running, they're so
Unreliable. Watched the football game
Then a few beers later listening to some
Spotify, then watching footy again
This time the Premier League highlights. I'd go
To the loo many times last night. The blame
Is mine! Today played uke. Now I must end
With the Fringe. Must contact those venues now

4489 - Virgin on the ridiculous

Cold and wet day in Wigan, and once more
I bought an umbrella and it broke straight
Away, what the hell. That I think makes four
Since November (two in France). I do hate
The way brollies don't work in strong wind, mate
We went to watch Wigan v Derby and
Derby won one nil, but they weren't so great
They couldn't close the game down or withstand
Wigan's attempted comeback at their ground
The train system's gone crap, with strikes and more
Why were the Virgin trains with no strikes on, all late?
Jo had to wait an hour on the train, sands
Of time run slow then, it is such a bore
What's happening to the European state?

4488 - Wigan work it out

It was the office Christmas do although
I didn't really take part at all, but
I had a lovely time with Helen, so
I ain't complaining. We spent all eve out
I was well pissed by the end. Hope she got
Home OK, she got on the V2 bus
Sounds like some World War Two flying rocket
It was great to hang out and feel so close
Let's hope there's more soon. I've had a nice doze
And now I must finish this and then go
And meet Josie and have a walk about
In town, then on the train to Wigan - there's
A match between Wigan and Derby, so
I've persuaded her to go - might be shit!

4487 - Etch a comedy sketch

Been to see Mum today, for pre-Christmas
Presents and cards exchange, and a nice meal
I went by Northern Train and, well, it was
OK, and from Lime Street by Merseyrail
And the 437 bus. Nothing failed
So much cheaper than car hire, and I could
Work on my comedy ideas, and sail
To the end of my 'What?' my Fringe show should
Entail, broadly speaking. Sunday's a good
Chance to sketch out the actual show, then pass
The ideas to the venues, see if they'll
Accept the show, knowing there's still a load
Of time to refine it, resolve issues
And then chances of success will be real

4486 - Rainy day shoppin'

A long hard day at work but mainly fun
Getting to grips with a new soft drinks tax
And also with my management role in
The first month of the job. Now to relax
Having gone in the rain to the markets
To choose presents for Mum and Robin which
I'll give to Mum tomorrow. The visit's
The last time I'll see her before that kitsch-
Fest known as Christmas. It can be a bitch
Though usually it's OK. Really, the down
Sides are the weather, darkness, and life shuts
Down, like we're hibernating in some ditch
On the train to Mum, rested, I will pen
Next year's Fringe show broad concept's final parts

4485 - The Brexit Club

I'm listening to the Brexit vote debate
It's been going on for three and a half years
And more, from when Farage got on his feet
And got the media coverage, stoked fears
And national pride, distrust of foreigners
From Europe (notwithstanding his own wife
Is German). Consequently the Tories
Took over the UKIP mantle, set strife
On its way, thinking a Yes vote was safe
But the vote was Leave. Cameron headed out
Johnson failed in his leadership bid, was
Defeated by Mrs May, a relief
To some. Her deal-making skills - not too great
And now all her efforts may end in tears

4484 - Kim Kim Hooray

I didn't get much sleep, went in early
And lasted all day, I did really well
But even better, writing comedy
Principles, eight pages, back home, the spell
Of inspiration acting like a fuel
Chan's friend Kim arrived, came and said hello
She even thought to bring me snacks from Seoul
Think I'll take some into work tomorrow
Hope I get a good night - you never know
Got shopping to do, if time allows me

But right now, energy's exhaustible

And bed is surely where I should now go

Just two more lines - this feels marathonny

I'm on the last lap - yes, there goes the bell!

4483 - Trouble in Store

A day spent more profitably within
The comedy world, continuing to write
Ideas for my show, then Gullivers. None
There apart from three comedians. All right
I did a quick routine, then one more pint
In The Unicorn, not been there before
Then to what is a very scary night
King Gong at Gullivers, Comedy Store
Saw some familiar faces give what for
James Heath did well, Erika nearly won
Met Lubo from London, and he was quite
Good (driving back home tonight!!) Cards were borne
Aloft quite harshly but correctly in
The air, it was fair, but the whole thing's shite

4482 - Travels to Gulliver's

Not done much today, felt mentally slow
Although more ideas for the festival
Did pop in my head, but I need more so
I can describe the show in some detail
When contacting venues soon by email
I also need to decide what I'll do
In the 5 minute slot during Heckle
Comedy event, maybe seen by few
But still better than nothing, wouldn't you
Agree? Then to see King Gong, the tough show
Where hapless try-outs get gonged off, it's hell
For performer but rib-tickling to view
And then on Monday back to work I'll go
For the first time with managerial role

4481 - We drink therefore we are

A day off, looking at festival venues
Then lunch and shower and off out for some drinks
And chats with ex-work colleagues that I used
To see every day, back for more chatting
Some funny photos for which I'm waiting
As Sonia kept them safe in her bag while
We went on to Cooper's Hall for meeting
The rest of the party. They didn't sell
Food so we diverted to Slice to fill
Tummies, though I'd eaten already. Booze
Was all I bought there. Some great drinks bargains
At Cooper's Hall, and five Pilsner Urquell
Pints went down well. But shame I couldn't choose
From the fun cocktail list. Next time, methinks...

Fri 30 Nov

4480 - Comedy of terrors

Great episode of Berlin Station, the
Drama set in the German capital
Where me and Helen were in October
A story about the CIA, all
Geo-politics and geo-sex. Well,
What's Chan up to? No sign of her last night
Nor tonight either. But she doesn't tell
Me about her life. Seems quite dull. But quite
Out of character it may be, can't write
Off the chance of romance! Social media
Or work mate, someone she's met, who can tell?
It's quite exciting if she has! Tonight
I'm watching Question Time, Brexit, blah blah
Then a lie-in, off work, plan festival...

4479 - I'm drinking to that

I said to Helen, drinks were out until
Friday, but after two glasses of wine
At an evening motivation talk, I'll
Admit I've bought four cans, but I won't whine
I've worked and networked after work was done
All part of my new focused showbiz plan
A new age has dawned, and tonight I've gained
Both new contacts and a good tip, begun
To think about marketing, position
Myself to succeed, working not to fail
Nobody will give me my chance to shine
But nobody can stop me moving on
And up, if I commit and give it all
My passion, intellect, effort and time

4478 - With you I'm quorn again

It's eleven at night, and I'm cooking
But that's better than getting in the booze
I'm tired but hungry after enduring
A dash on foot to Piccadilly plus
A tense taxi ride, arriving there just
In time for my driving speed awareness
Course. I did one of these courses three years
Ago, so just eligible for this
Four hours it lasted. Had to catch the bus
Back to Manchester from Gorton, getting
Home real late. I needed these late night chews
I was hungry, despite the real lateness
Empty plate, twenty-five past eleven
Now it's straight to bed, there's no time to lose

4477 - Learning my kraft

There's so little time, but I've used it well
Today I bought blue trousers and can now
Plan my Kraftwerk uke open mic debacle
At the White Lion on Thursday. I don't know
If I'll do it or not, but I've allowed
Myself the chance. Listened to Autobahn
Four times to learn its twenty minute flow
Now to play along at home sitting down
Next task, to research what venues are shown
On the Ed Fringe site, find ten possible
Ones, and ask about terms and also how
They can help with sound and lights, and so on
If I do the whole month, the costs mean I'll
Need to find someone to share it somehow

4476 - No Deal Blues

A slow start to the day, a nice lie-in
Then watched all of the Brexit breaking news
Theresa May, her head is in a spin
From all the criticism, the abuse
Not so much in Brussels, she couldn't choose
Or cherry pick everything, of course not
And she didn't and couldn't, no excuse
Except the EU won't allow a rot
To set in by letting us have the lot
Labour seem to think still that they could win
More favourable terms. Are they on the booze?
The closer to Remain, the less Brexit
Yet still honouring the vote. Come again?
This is nonsense. Here come those No Deal Blues

4475 - There's no limit

Well here we are, and life feels good right now
Divested of Facebook and all that shit
I've got days off to come, weekend, and how
I intend to make the most of all it
Belated decision to revisit
What I learned from my course in France in June
So much to use, so many benefits
Great notes I made, tonight was a full moon
And I am making strides, using my own
Lessons learned, setting goals I must follow
Just like I do at work, why inhibit
My own potential? Now I have to hone
My act, got the whole weekend. Tomorrow
Is a whole day in which there's no limit

4474 - Bed head

Woken at quarter to four, think it was
By a loud party from the flat below
Took a while to get tired again because
I'd had to get out of bed to see who
Was making that racket even although
It was still a school night. I was quite tired
The rest of the day, and so not much more
Could be done, apart from the usual. Fired
Up my uke, played Aretha, so inspired
Her voice was, but her music was the blues
Easy to predict. Tired and feeling slow
But I've got through the day, come wind, come fire
It's half past ten, the weekend it is ours
I'm going to work on Edinburgh, you know

4473 - New year, new style, new everything

A day off, but I feel I used it well
Cleaned the flat thoroughly, all chores are done
Spent nowt, played uke, but I felt pointless til
I realised I should focus properly on
Something, and that meant procrastination
And fear should be vanquished, needed a goal
And that's Edinburgh Festival, even
If it costs time and money. As the old
Year nears its end, a year when I enrolled
In a comedy course in France, revealed
I had talent, got good advice, then Tom
Played host to me at this year's Fringe, I stole
The show, topped the bill, time to rise, not fall
So let's do a show in 2019!

4472 - Speaker freak

It's great catching up with such ease on all
The music I've missed, not bought on CD
Or not heard on the radio when a child
It shows how little I still know, really
Anyway, now my phone's playing Spotify
Playlists thru my new wi-fi speaker which
Although mono, has pretty good bass. I
Am enjoying listening to reggae licks
That said, it's UB40 now, oh shit
Why can you understand not a single
Word that geezer sings? Now I hear Funky
Kingston out of the speaker, it feels hot
Like I'm there myself sitting on a wall
Soaking up the smoking rays, so sunny

4471 - Tony Wilson Said

At work starting to gain some momentum
Got embroiled in an interesting query
Making new contacts as resolution
Draws nearer. It's fun learning things this way
But couldn't wait to play ukulele
On my new speaker once I got back home
Walked home listening to Hendrix and Queen, the
Aftermath of the film I'd watched at Home
Cinema, Tony Wilson Place, it's gone
On replaying in my head. No mushrooms
Again, keep forgetting at Sainsbury
To buy them! Is anything going on
Tonight? Don't think so. Chan's incense perfume
Permeated the flat - it smelled lovely!

4470 - Speaker's corner

OK chats at work, gradually getting
To know them better, some of them easy
Some of them not quite as, but I'm feeling
More at home. Like with my ukulele
Played along to my new speaker and the
Phone playlists, using Bluetooth, my first time
I feel more in touch now with the IT
Played Led Zep, Queen and Quo. Pleased to say I'm
Now able to play Brian May, it's fine
But one thing I can't face, should be doing
Is applying for Edinburgh. See,
To be a hit means being there the whole time
And I don't want to do that, that's the thing
It would be knackering and unhealthy

4469 - Lazy Sunday and the moon

Got up at 2pm this afternoon
Lovely to loll in bed after a late
One and recover slowly in my room
Listened to the England game - what a great
Comeback to beat Croatia against fate
Which seemed to be handing us a failure
Still with my orange hair left from last night
Amazingly the postman came with a
Parcel at 9:15 am, quicker
Than I expected, with my Amazon
Purchases of a calendar about
Great destinations, plus wi-fi speaker
Charged it, then went to see Bohemian
Rhapsody film, then watched football highlights

Sun 18 Nov

4468 - In town tonight

It's Saturday afternoon, and gearing
Up for a nice night out, first to a short
Comedy open mic where I'm doing
A 5 minute slot, then a few pints ought
To do the trick with Dermot, catch-up caught
We'll hopefully have laughs in Manchester
Maybe a few quid spent as much beer bought
But this long weekend's great, still time for more
Drunkenness and a lie-in, Sunday's a
Recovery day to which I am looking
Forward, listening to Spotify, a lot
Of new playlists, new material to hear
In a few minutes, time for practising
My 5 minute routine I'll do tonight

4467 - Chemistry professor

Day off, slept well, after my wine and beer
Real laid-back, I did not get dressed til two-
Thirty, after I'd had a shave and shower
Had been busy on Spotify, found new
Playlists, downloaded them to my phone so
I can hear them anytime when walking
Around. Exciting! Spoke to my mum too
And posted my brother's birthday card in
A postbox near me. Even phoned Triton
Shower company, but they can't fix the shower
Or send me a replacement part. Oh poo!
Watching reggae and David Rodigan
He looks like a chemistry professor
Chan's out late Friday night - what's she up to?

4466 - Eewwww exit

That completes my second week of the new
Job, I'm on leave tomorrow, cos I've got
A build-up of leave to take before New
Year. The autumn weather's been almost hot
As it often is these days, with climate
Change, and all that. The big story goes on
Looking worse each day, and that is Brexit
Ministers resign, backbenchers are in
Conspiracy talks. Nice people, all one
In their pursuit of power, so untrue
To each other, or to party or state
It's an auto-aphrodisiac demon
That takes over all else. They care for you
They say, to get your vote, but that's all rot...

4465 - Big deal

Today was a better day, much more talk
I feel I'm building my relationships
With new colleagues quite quickly. Had a walk
Down the aisle, talked to Sue, then had a trip
To Sian's desk, chatted to Nic, no more chip
On shoulder. Also getting to grips with
The new work area. Ready to put lip
To phone and chat to Laura, and forthwith
Learn from an expert, time to cut my teeth
Meanwhile, exercised back home, played uke, spoke
(Messaged) Helen, after her painful blip
She's doing OK. Next, there'll be some grief
Over the Brexit deal. Brexiters stalk
The corridors, Remainers defy the whip

4464 - They don't talk anymore

I thought this week there would be more talking
But my manager Steve's in just one day
So no chats even about work, something
That's hard to take coming immediately
After so many fun times recently
At the old place. Their goodbye card it said
End of an era, but it seems to be
The start of the ice age. I'm surrounded
By one grumpy bloke and by one real quiet
Another guy nearby, he likes chatting
But he's just talking to the women, they
Of course talk to each other, understood
They don't talk to a new bloke, he's sitting
There alone, friendly workmates far away

4463 - The Moon and Manchester

Mainly a day spent at the cinema
Two films seen - first one I saw was First Man
Ryan Gosling could play Lee Harvey, a
Dead ringer, but no, Neil Armstrong who some
Believe in '69 trod on the moon
It was a moving film, but Gosling made
Him seem boring somehow, like Michael Sheen
Underplaying Cloughie, Damned United
The second film was Peterloo, afraid
The first half was quite tedious after
A good start, I felt like I was trapped in
A series of union meetings, so sad
But the build-up to that small massacre
Was great and worth the wait, and served to stun

4462 - Day trip to London

Went by train to London with Josephine
The weather forecast was for heavy rain
Yet the sky was blue as we walked within
Its streets and parks. But it started to change
When we crossed the river. The dark clouds came
And torrents fell. We sheltered and ate fish
And chips but it continued, couldn't drain
Anywhere, deep puddles, wet feet, hair wash
Free from the heavens. Brollies now brandished
We crossed to St Paul's, then to she gleaming
Lights of Oxford and Bond Street, on tube train
Also to wet Piccadilly Circus
An army of umbrellas bypassing
As the deluge showed no sign of refrain

4461 - Time to say goodbye

Well it's here, the date of my leaving do
But first, Mike's leaving do (lunchtime) at my
New office. I don't know him, but still you
Have to socialise ASAP, free
Yourself of shyness, aim to show that I
Am friendly and can chat, and new colleagues
Should talk to me. Ate quickly, had to fly
To my own do, popped into Ralli Quays
Spoke to people, then headed off for brews
Down The Dockyard pub. I had quite a few
But they seemed weak, didn't get drunk, but why
Worry about that, they could have accused
Me of acting stupid, spoiling my new
More sober image as I climb more high

Fri 9 Nov

4460 - Pictures of silly

It's gone a bit colder, quite Christmassy
Dark and cold, but at least Manchester is
Now full of lights, new flats ubiquity
Had a haircut, arranged some new tattoos
Some funny sayings, three new languages
They're Polish, Flemish, and Ukrainian
Want them to wind like snakes around the place
To reveal them anytime will be fun
Certainly different from most anyone
I've almost caught up now with history
Of travelling in recent years to places
Around and near Europe, in snow and sun
It'll be a shame if they cremate me
When I've spent so much on these images

4459 - Quiche, Lorraine?

Ate a quiche, made me sneesh, must be the cheesh
Ate beans like they do in the Queen's marines
Ate parsley, fastly, quite Planet Marsly
Ate rocket, took it, not from my pocket
That's my tea, might be nice to eat nightly
Want pudding, but suddenly got nuthin'
I'm hungry for dungarees from Hungary
Inland drunks in Finland call it Ginland
Needin' to go to Sweden, get wee'd on
In Australia they'll jail ya for failure
In Kazakhstan, smack Stan in his black van
Theresa May may sneeze a lot in May
Eat peas a lot in Pisa, dear Lisa
Ate a quiche, made me sneesh, must be the cheesh

4458 - Meetings and greetings

Second day at my new office and job
It's so interesting to have this at last
And I don't think about the extra bob
It's mainly the change that does you good, just
Doing something new, liking the difference
A long team meeting, learning more new names
It was a good thing that I'd not got pissed
The night before. I had to up my game
And concentrate hard, show mental staying
Power. Done two nights' exercises, up
And down with my press-ups, having a blast
Getting bored now, though, feel I need a dram
Keeping in touch with old office pals. Sob -
I miss old office pals - to them, a toast!!

4457 - New faces and opportunity knocks

Good first day at work, learned new names, faces
Not much help given so I've begun to read
The relevant guidance on penalties
(Tax, not football!) and other info. Feed
The brain with new stuff. Nonsense, but repeat
It enough, and it'll make sense, and they
Will be impressed hopefully at my speed
Of learning in this new job. Second day
(Tomorrow) is a meeting where they'll say
Lots of gobbledygook, but that way is
The quickest way to learn, to plant the seed
Of knowledge, and relationships to lay
The groundwork for, maybe for a few years
And more money too! Now, less of that greed!

4456 - Nice au revoir

Last day in France, and we weren't there for long
6:30 a.m. bus to the airport
Thank God it wasn't early, hadn't gone
Thank God also that it didn't leave late
A tiring journey. B-21 gate
Tried to sleep but couldn't quite pull it off
The flight was too short. Then, a 4 hour wait
At Heathrow, where we had a breakfast scoff
In the end, passing time wasn't so tough
Laughing at funny passengers among
The ever-flowing crowds that walked and talked
Then a more relaxing flight back up north
Unpacked, showered. ate tea, washed clothes, I'm done
Knackered, early night... New job! Chose my suit!

Sun 4 Nov

4455 - Nice Day 7

Got up at eight to catch a train at nine
To Ventimiglia, Italian Riviera
First town out of France on the coastal line
And once there, weather couldn't have been fairer
Such warm sun. Late morning coffee, oh yeah
Not bad for November - twenty degrees
Maybe more. Corsica - storms in the air
Had pasta, Italian style, for lunch. She's
Chosen gnocchi, me ravioli. It pleased
But not as good as Pisa! An hour's time
And we were in lovely Villefranche-sur-mer
What a picturesque bay. Cruise ship at ease
Offloading American tourists. Wind
Our way around the bay, so nice to see...

Sat 3 Nov

4454 - Nice Day 6

Just could not decide where to go today
Wanted to see San Remo, Italy
But we'd missed the train, couldn't waste all day
Then tried to hire a car. It proved tricky
Avis was shut, then went to one by the
Railway station, where they told me the cost
Of hiring a car for one day would be
A hundred and seventy eight euros!!!
Sacked that idea. Just sat and ate some toast
(Sorry, panini!) - then, hotel to stay
Rest of the day and evening. Tomoz, we
Will go to Italy's Riviera coast
Ventimiglia, the first town on the bay
Only thirty euros. It's almost free!!!

Fri 2 Nov

4453 - Nice Day 5

The good weather ran out, but still lucky
The rain stopped when the train arrived in Cannes
We went on a train tour which meant that we
Didn't have to walk miles along the prom
Three kilometres long, 'twould be a pain
At one end, Palm Beach, other, the old town
The train took us to both. Movie stars' hands
We saw many of their prints on the ground
Outside the film festival hall. Then, Juan
Les Pins, very '60s, then Antibes, the
Amount of yachts staggering. Back on train.
Ate cheeseburgers for tea. Stomachs feel round
And full (of crap). We're watching French TV
A funny film in French, set in Britain!

Thur 1 Nov

4452 - Nice Day 4

Good night's sleep, refreshed, both looking forward
To a day out, but where? And the weather
Forecast predicted rain. But it was good
We bought train ticket to Menton, via
Monaco. First, Monte Carlo harbour
Then round the coastline to Monaco-Ville
Walked the parks and quaint narrow side streets there
Then headed back around and up the hill
To the Casino. Monte Carlo's real
Dense, all about property, overhead
Soar near skyscraper apartments. Further
Down the line, Menton. Hoped to eat a meal
There but restaurants closed! Back to Nice. Had
Tea there, Halloween night, kids dressed to scare!

Wed 31 Oct

4451 - Nice Day 3

Thankfully a sunny day. Thought we'd be
Too tired after some students disturbed us
All night, but we still found the energy
To enjoy the day. The boat trips have ceased
Until next spring, so instead did a bus
Tour, open top, through Nice, to Villefranche
And back, up Cimiez Hill, Musees Matisse
And Chagall, architecture was a bunch
Of huge Belle Epoque hotels and mansions
Photography Museum, then more sea-
Side walking, up to the castle, great views
P'raps given energy by a nice lunch
In the old town. Tourist train ride locally
Til sundown. Back to the hotel for rest!

Tue 30 Oct

4450 - Nice Day 2

First full day here, both had a good lie-in
But had to make breakfast, ending at ten
It had been raining cats and dogs, but in
The early hours. We ventured out with sun
Poking through the clouds. We'd had some warning
Today would be stormy, rainy and bad
On TV they forecast thunder, lightning
But it seemed OK, walked on the prom and
On the pebbly beach, the Mediterranean
Lapped my red boots, But later, a soaking
Befell me and Jo. Walked round the old town
Hunting umbrellas, but near hurricane
Conditions made brollies useless! Hid in
A brasserie, then headed 'home' again

Mon 29 Oct

4449 - Nice Day 1

Up at 5, bowl of cereal, then taxi
To Liverpool Airport, and no waiting
Straight on the plane, 2 hour flight, quiet, so we
Both got some rest, which we were both needing
At Nice Airport, caught bus, soon admiring
The Prom des Anglais, though the sky was grey
The sea was still partly blue. Alighting
At the main gare, we walked such a short way
Azurea Hotel, rue Paganini
Rested a while, then before dark began
Walked round the streets, mild evening, kids at play
Bought chocolate and pizza. First day OK
But rain's forecast for tomorrow, so the
Options are limited for sightseeing...

Sun 28 Oct

4448 - Nice Day -1

Had lie-in after final wine last night
Before a detox trip with Josephine
To Nice, although I can still drink there, right?
How much, probably not that much, will be seen
Washed bedding, cleaned up the flat, did shopping
Ate three meals before leaving the home scene
Met J at Picc station, coffee drinking
Got the train to Crewe, quick drink, then changing
Onto the Chester train, then taxi-ing
To Trafford Hall, chalet number 13
Luckily for us it turned out real quiet
Despite the fact it's around Halloween
With weirdly dressed youngsters all causing fright
Two to three hours' sleep, up early morning

Sat 27 Oct

4447 - Onwards and upwards

Well that's my last day done at Ralli Quays
A place I came to in June '98
The France World Cup holding early matches
Scholes scored a good goal in the sun against
Tunisia. Went there to progress, but ain't
Been successful til now, but I probably
Wouldn't have managed it elsewhere, a faint
Chance out in the sticks to reach the
Amazing heights of SO. Got to be
Happy I'm there despite the long delays
Tomorrow I'll be packing, then I'll wait
For Jo in Piccadilly. Then we'll flee
To Trafford Hall near Chester, spend the night
Then early cab to Liverpool Airways

4446 - Cote of many colours

Another good uke session, come what may
At work today started clearing cupboards
Nearly done now, and also printed my
Boarding passes for Nice, going abroad
This Sunday early morning with my daught
Lil Josephine, now 15, let us hope
The sun shines down in south France like it ought
Nice, Monaco, Italy, and St Trop
It will be great, this Cote d'Azur trip hop
Despite Jo's restrictions, I hope to play
And do what I like, we cannot be bored
That's not the point of holidays, no strops
It will be a challenge, but mustn't stray
From having a good time like we are lords

4445 - Please freeze me

I've eaten too many peas for my tea
A big panful of the fuckers because
Chan stuffed her stuff into the freeze box, We
Only have a small one shared between us
And I bought a new bag of frozen peas
At Sainsbury's, for which there wasn't room
So I poured all the old bag of peas, please
Understand why, into the pan, but doom
Filled my brain, so many there to consume
Didn't believe I could eat so many
But I did, caused my stomach agonies
I probably look pregnant, though I've no womb
Better though to binge with intensity
On green veg than meat, so I rest my case

4444 - From jester to Chester

Hard day's work, got in early but two hours
Wasted, spent trying to check in online for
The flight to Nice from Liverpool, and as
I struggled with that, also booked somewhere
For me and Jo to stay, it's near Chester
Saturday night, early taxi to the
Airport, 7:15 flight, but we are
Now able to do it. Sonia showed me
Our hotel's in town by the station. We
Are well-placed for day trips to Cannes, Frejus
Menton, Italy, you name it. Before
I went out to the King's Arms, had a wee
Sleep, felt a bit pissed, smuggled in beers
Got found out, had to leave, who really cares?

4443 - New balance

Only one night of detox and I'm back
Hard day's work done successfully and then
Exercises when back home. Back on track
It's King's Arms tomorrow though, temptation
Will rear its head again, but beer is down
Right now in my affections, although it
Is still hard to turn down. But since Berlin
Booze itself is less important, not fit
To base a lifestyle around, cigarettes
Also, and that is good. Long-term, it's whack
Although still good fun on odd occasions
Like parties, nights out and so on. I bet
There'll be plenty more good ones, there's no lack
Of chances, but balance is the main aim

4442 - Weeder's digest

A very late sea bass and potato
Polished at 10:15 this evening
I've got to digest it next hour or so
So come on, let's do some quick digesting!
It's better than another night's drinking
Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I've had
A bottle of wine each night, enjoying
It, but now need to detox, clean my blood
Rehydrate, etc. Try to be good
Later than usual meet with Little Jo
She was obsessed with funny group chatting
On her phone, with some daft weed-smoking lads
She thinks it's funny, when you're young, s'pose so
Saw V, P and L, usual chat and ting...

4441 - Sea bass, sea bass, sea bass, are we

Nice lie-in after last night's beer and wine
Out with Steve Clarke to La Vina for three
Beers, then carried on drinking, didn't dine
No, no tea for me last night, so hungry
By today lunchtime. Sea bass so yummy
With peas, carrots, potato, gravy and
Cheese in the spud. It hit the spot for me
Then went to Home art cinema to spend
Some time outside on a nice day, not planned
It but watched Touch Me Not, hard watch but fine
Choice so soon after Berlin. Got curry
And rice in the fridge, big Leffe on its end
A nice treat waiting. First, I feel like tryin'
To write some jokes I could do on Tuesday

4440 - Oh shit again

Only a week now to go til I leave
Ralli Quays 3rd floor policy and peeps
I've known since '98, would you believe?
And I can't make Helen's 40th, hopes
Are dashed, it would've been so good, but nope
I've booked the train to London that same day
Oh well, that's how it is, give me some rope
I'll hang myself, can't believe I'm away
For such a good do, maybe I can sway
Things so I can join her and mates, reprieve
A bad double booking. I'll ask the Pope
Or whatever it takes! I'd like to say
That Helen's super cool. Now I'll be brief
If only, the thoughts that torment and creep,,,

4439 - Just a delusion

Great uke session, at the moment it's all
I wanna do, and then I ate mackerel
Lovely it was, only a pound. I'm full
But bored, so I might buy a wine bottle
It's days now since Berlin with lovely Hel
We were supposed to be going healthy
But she's not, not yet anyway, so hell
Why not join her in glorious failure? We
Might be apart, but this is unity
In spirit, hope I'm not delusional
Does she care at all? It is hard to tell
What is the secret, and where is the key?
Just need to digest my late tea so I'll
Have room for drink, watch Question Time, settle

4438 - New kids on the block

My last team meeting as an Oils team man
Talked about guidance, then completed my
Handover document as best I can
So when I've left they can all still apply
My knowledge and advice, it won't just die
They'll need it, the team lacks experience
The newbies at my old grade, they will try
Their best, but can't claim that it all makes sense
To them. Brexit is in tomorrow's plans
Not only in the news. The government
Is also the civil service who I
Work for. I'll be going through our guidance
Highlighting EU references so then
Changes can be made to them by and by

4437 - Zuruck

Incredibly, it's only yesterday
That me and Helen were still together
Coming back from our Berlin holiday
She's been out of the office, not seen her
Today, but she did pop in and said the
Trip had been full-on. Yes indeed she was
Quite tired lots of the time, but then before
It started she was ill, and just two hours
Sleep the night before. And again, no hours
On our first night there!! But there is no way
It was bad, just because it was, well, her
I was only sad when her speaking paused
But it didn't for long. Hopefully we
Have passed the test and we will go elsewhere

4436 - Berlin Day 5

Wrapping up my first holiday with Hel
Up at 6, caught the train to the airport
Getting to eat my breakfast a struggle
Got tense with queuing, it got slightly fraught
In the end, all was fine, I even caught
40 winks on the plane to Manchester
What a temperature drop, it was extraord!
From 24 to 8, Berlin to here
That's the degrees of freeze we have to bear
Walked home, my MP3 player's not well
Bought a new one later from Argos. Sort
Out holiday photos, took well over
Three hours, but now all saved and sent, all's well
Catch up with diary, listen to football

Mon 15 Oct 18

4435 - Berlin Day 4

I got a few hours, bed til 12:30
Punctuated by breakfast at McD's
(Her idea!), so about five hours, but she
Only got two or three. So tired, but she's
Done so well today. Pizza, then taxis
To and from Schoneberg. But why? Helen
Wanted to see the flat David Bowie
Stayed in with Iggy Pop here in Berlin
A long drive, but seeing it was interesting
Nice Indian food at Sadhu, duck curry
Kreuzberg has great food and great premises
All at good prices, better than Britain
Helen was done, had no more energy
So I went to Madame Claude, watched singers

Sun 14 Oct 18

4434 - Berlin Day 3

Although Helen flaked out and slept early
She still wasn't recovered by morning
Pity, because tonight was the real key
Nevertheless, we had real fun seeing
The Berlin Wall artwork, lots of paintings
From 2009 on the old wall
Sat by the River Spree, just relaxing
In the sun, clear blue sky, Berlin Kindl
Beer in a bottle. Museum. More bottle
Then Checkpoint Charlie, Hackescher Markt, we
Then ate Vietnamese. To flat returning
Chalked my hair blue, then on train to pub crawl
Via Alexanderplatz. Six shots were free
Left club, quarter to four. We'll be paying....:(

Sat 13 Oct 18

4433 - Berlin Day 2

Both got not a lot of sleep, so we rose
Earlier than expected, and had 'breakfast'
At McDonald's, then walked round Kreuzberg's roads
Had lunchtime cocktail, 4 euros the cost
(Real cheap), then got some quite cheap train tickets
And headed for Berlin city centre
As soon as we got there, H saw the boats
So we cruised on the canals or River
Spree, not sure which.* There were locks. But we were
So tired, although the sun shone like it was
Still the heatwave. Went back for a repast
At Que Pasa in Kreuzberg. I couldna
Finish it - too tired! Doggy bag chose
Then H flaked out, two nights no sleep - she's bust!

* It was a canal cruise

Fri 12 Oct 18

4432 - Berlin Day 1

Cleaned flat, even did exercises, well
I'd had a bloody good sleep, then prepared
To meet Helen at about 3, so we'll
Have lots of time. Train to airport. H scared
Of flying, but it was fine. Plane late. Dared
Not get a train, so late, taxi to flat
Met Larissa, unpacked, over the road
At quarter to one at night, and we sat
In a dark bar, Schwarze Traube, and met
Some American women, made a deal
Stayed up late, music, chat, and more beside
Talkin' bout next trip already, and that
Could be Marrakesh in December! Fell
To bed, but little sleep for the wicked!

Thur 11 Oct 18

4431 - Pack it up, pack it in

Yuk! That was tense! I couldn't get contact
With Larissa, the Berlin flat owner
It's no longer listed, getting panicked
She got in touch after maybe an hour
Severe stress the night before departure!
Not what you want! But the plans are back on
And that nice flat wasn't a dream, no sir
We really will spend time there, not a con
So now onwards and upwards to Berlin
My new case is already almost packed
Not gonna do much else tonight, for there
Is enough time tomorrow. Meet Helen
At 3.30 for a drink, then on track
For the airport by train, then through the air!

4430 - Drinking wine spody o Spree

Couldn't resist a bottle of red wine
Too excited to not self-medicate
Need some horse tranquillisers by the tonne
Hairdresser appointment to trim my pate
New silver suitcase partly packed, it waits
By my side, five days break, easy to pack
Promotion got, holiday, celebrate
It feels good now and I don't give a fuck
Listening to Alex Harvey, art prog rock
New tracks to learn, all part of this good time
All good things they all come to those who wait
Stayed happy and busy e'en when it sucked
Wish it was sunny, could swim in the brine
Berlin has no sea, but the Spree is great!

4429 - Now is very nearly the time

Too knackered due to sleep interruption
To do exercises tonight, what balls
But so excited as the clock ticks down
I'm tired, she's ill, if that stays so we'll fall
Into more normal tourist stuff, but still
I'm sure we'll have a great time in Berlin
Narrowed songs down to maybe five. I will
Hopefully practice like interviewing
Build-up, memorise my lines so it's in
My head, not on a page. May not happen
Anyway, but if not, then there are all
Sorts of ideas, all of them exciting
Best of all will be going with Helen
That's the main thing, it is incredible

4428 - Germany of an idea

Really tired, can't find any energy
But I must do some kind of song practice
If when we're in Berlin I want to play
At an open mic night. So after this
Sonnet is written, at the very least
I must listen to the chosen songs more
Than once to learn them better, which will boost
My confidence to play and sing them for
The audience. Never done these songs before
Not sung songs properly for ages, Could be
Getting laughs is the thing that I do best
Keep the songs simple while you sing and you're
Giving yourself a chance. Keep it easy
Like in an interview. A piece of piss!

4427 - Friends united

Life's a high right now, getting excited
About the Berlin trip with Miss Helen
Things have gone so right, so unexpected
Don't care what happens, I know it's great fun
She's lovely, so am I, we can't go wrong
You're the bee's knees but so am I rings true
And where better to start but in Berlin?
I'll bring it all to the table, so few
Opportunities like this, we all queue
Up at the gate waiting, competing, hid
From joy, but now the gate's open, and wide
Nothing can stop us from being not blue
But red, and the most joyful shade of red
Bring it on, let it start, let it happen!

4426 - No no no

Went out with Nancy, but it didn't go
Well, as it hasn't the last few times, so
I've said that's it, let's not bother, let's go
Our separate ways if we can't agree, no
Hard feelings. Life's too short. I hope she goes
On to good things, as I will, but meantime
I can do without shit when things are o
k, if she doesn't like it that's not mine
To worry about. She'll realise in time
It's a time of change, don't want blockers, no
Please don't dictate or be negative, no
There's no reason for that and there's no rhyme
I'm happy now, and I don't want that so
And so. All I want now is let it flow...

4425 - Then from the office, I'll be a leaver

So tired, was awake from three to half six
Can't find energy to do much this eve
Only half seven... Hoped for 40 winks
When I got home, but no chance of relief
Chan was cooking. So I cooked mine. Mint leaf
Popped onto my white fish, peas and pasta
Now my stamina is what I must prove
In the office today, was asked by more
Than one about when I was leaving here
And congratulated me on success
At last. So nice. Soon me and H will leave
For Berlin. Online check-in's done, prepare
By buying a small suitcase with wheels, fits
In the cabin, practice songs, stay fit, breathe!

4424 - Uke can do it

I've done two good things tonight. Exercised
And worked on songs to play, and chosen those
I will focus on live. At last I've wised
Up to choosing simple soulful songs, chose
Songs that'll sound good, make them tap their toes
And not too hard to sing, underlying
Funky rhythms, simple lyrics, obtuse
Meanings dispensed with, complex chord changing
Thrown out. A solo act is challenging
So don't try to be clever. Well advised
To communicate feeling, heaven knows
That's what it's all about with performing
This strategy will bring about my prize
To cap the holiday that's uttermost

4423 - Cheshire OK

It's been a different day, refinery
Visit to Stanlow, the place that I've seen
So often on the way to my mum's. We
Had a presentation, then a tour in
A minibus round the site. Interesting
All those pipes and towers, clever people
And a free lunch too, despite the saying
Then to Cheshire Oaks in the rain, a while
Since I've been there. The place felt sad, but full
Of leisurely shoppers whose time is free
On a Tuesday afternoon. Now back in
My flat, a uke session, and a bottle
Of beer or two. And next, I'll have my tea
Then song practice, preparing for Berlin...

4422 - It's off-fish-al!

I got my promotion, that's the main news
My last promotion was in '98
Twenty years I've waited, have felt the blues
Especially this last year or two. Can't wait
To crack on with this new job. Such a state
I downed a bottle of white wine and played
The uke, then fish, beans and salad I ate
Now I'm writing this feeling almost slayed
But it's good. The year that's ending in 8
Was quite bad at times, fate threw boots and shoes
But now there's good green food upon my plate
Berlin with Helen, promotion attained
Uke playing, Edinburgh, French chateaus
Tattoos, World Cup, lodgers two. Celebrate!

4421 - September songs

It was weird watching Putin hand the cup
To Lewis Hamilton at the Grand Prix
He looked a bit stiff and old there, stood up
On the platform. Dressing room seemed to be
Awkward as Putin stood there, and when he
Had to stand for the British anthem when
We all have heard of the controversy
Of the Salisbury poisoning. Poor Putin!
Meanwhile today, did a lot of cleaning
And so did Chan, well done to her. A top
Uke session. Found lyrics to George Formby
And other songs, though didn't practice them
Need a shower to wash my tattoos, then flop
Into bed. Aim to get to work early!

4420 - Who knows what next week may bring?

Interrupted night's sleep, maybe that's why
I'm a bit tired now, at only half six
Played a mean uke this morning though, played my
French tracks, then some classic tunes by Traffic
Don't feel like doing much, maybe I'll stick
On that new Alex Harvey CD and
Get some beer in, or maybe wine, and sticks
Of white. I shouldn't, but what else to hand?
I feel it's too late now to try to plan
A Leicester Festival show. That's cos I
Had to devote three days to trying to trick
An interview panel to think this man
Is fit for our job. That's just irony
Of course I am. Pick me, I'm terrific!

4419 - She's leaving home

A drink after work with Pearl. As usual
Her life's not smooth, Luca is not in touch
As often as she'd like, he doesn't call
She's moving to Italy, should be such
An exciting time, but she's forced to clutch
At straws of hope amongst trepidation
At his reticence. Time will tell how much
He cares and whether she is his woman
Finished yesterday's wine now, and I am
Frankly quite tired now, I'm ready to fall
Into bed, why stay up late? Things can catch
Up with you, rest and recuperation
Is what I need. Tomorrow might see Pearl
Again as I hang with Jo and have lunch

4418 - Ich bin ein pisshead

I did my interview, hope it went well
It seemed to, but you really never know
It's really too soon yet to really tell
It's like there is a hundred types of snow
What is, is. Anyway, in my suit, though
Not wise, I went for a drink with Helen
Then another and another, oh no
She got pissed, mustn't happen in Berlin
That soon, or where will we be? Where's the fun?
Great plans for dressing up supping cocktail
At Alchemist, revived my spirits, so
We went to King's Arms, but Helen was done
It's always great hanging out with Hell's Bells
Got my suit off now, bottle of wine, go!

4417 - The longest day since D-Day

A very long day preparing for my
Promotion interview tomorrow, 10:30
I was in the office long after the sky
Went dark, just working on competency
Numbers one to four, and then finally
A 20 minute slide presentation
I emailed off to those who'll need to see
It and display on their television
So I can prove my communication
Skills. Ten past ten it was by the time I
Completed it and sent it off, Very
Helpful tips from the lovely Marion
Taking time out to advise how to be
Succinct and to the point. Almost ready...

4416 - And I had some new tattoos!

Worked at home, though must admit I delayed
Doing some chores and even exercise
And tried returning my boots, but they said
It wasn't a manufacturer's fault, was
Wear and tear, and merely loss of colours
And I should apply black marker pen to
Restore the black look! Hope this isn't lies
To fob me off! I don't wanna buy new
Ones anyway, so might work out fine. Two
Days to interview. Tomorrow must be made
The most of, answers ready, and the slides
Of my presentation done, stuck like glue
To my mind. There's no time to be afraid
The goal is to have a happy surprise!!

4415 - Work your socks off, baby

Listening to George Formby (second CD
Of a 3 CD set) despite tiredness
I got six hours' sleep, not enough for me
Then worked from 7:30 through to, yes
Six in the evening. My soul you must bless!
I'd have left sooner, but, what a surprise!
I got an interview. It's in three days
So gotta work my socks off, learn my lines
But also in that time I must devise
A 20 minute presentation, be
A great communicator, must impress
The panel, if to the next grade I'll rise
It's scary, but no time to be scared, see
So tomorrow, I'll work at home on this!

4414 - So much art, so little time

Urgghh. Not much sleep, tried to lie-in but it
Didn't work. So much to do, like Leicester
Festival application. Feel like shit
Then, I wanted to work on songs. Oh yeah,
Like that'll be good won't it. My mind's bare
Of energy, my body's fuckin' fucked
Which one's Gordon Brown, which one's Tony Blair?
I probably couldn't tell you if I looked
But these tasks today, they cannot be ducked
It's already 2pm, goddammit
I've done washing, recycling, but nowhere
Yet with the important stuff. I've just mucked
About reading Guardian comments. I'll eat
Lunch soon no doubt to delay things further...

4413 - Train in pain

Been out with Josie to watch United
At Old Trafford against Wolves, and Fergie
Returned after his brain op, they all stood
And applauded, although we couldn't see
Him from where we were. One-all draw. Next we
Walked to the Salford Quays mall for a drink
Jo had a nightmare return home journey
Train delayed nearly an hour, then filling
To bursting point, people even climbing
Onto tables and even overhead
Racks meant for bags. For Jo, alone, scary
Her mum met her, but she had been waiting
And worrying a good while til she did
See Josie finally arrive back safely

4412 - Grub and pub

I'm a day late with this one - it's Friday
Again, one day ago, no time to write
Til now, and also too drunk, I might say
It was Sonia's birthday bash. Went to eat
At La Vinya Spanish place on Deansgate
Had wine there and three tapas, a good price
After that, went to The Bridge, stayed til late
Had fun with Helen, Sonia and the guys
Naming songs, singing along, was real nice
After all left, it was me and Steve K
I seemed to have no trouble with my pint
But, though as is traditional my prize
Once home, was more beer, my mouth wouldn't obey
Could only drink half a can. Return, slight

4411 - All in vein

Hello, here we are, it's late Thursday night
Been out with Helen and despite the rain
We enjoyed it, starting with one or two pints
At The Vine, then Turtle Bay, and then on
To Jimmy's, Newton Street, poetry pain
And pleasure, young crowd, and Gerry Potter
I'm pleased to say my efforts weren't in vain
I hit them with three sonnets, got laughter
They didn't know I'd been to Edinburgh
And survived the comedy tightrope, tight
More than this, this wasn't scary, my veins
Were more interested in boozing than the
Conventions of whatever these folks might
Expect, and I did OK. Can't explain....

4410 - Poetry of life

A busy evening, think I need to chill
Think I'll pop out soon and get me some booze
Chan's a bit of a boozer, a bottle
Of white wine in the kitchen, partly used
And previously, beer bottles were produced
That's good, I'll feel less guilty when I get
A bit drunk myself with little excuse
Except I want to, and my mind's got set
On that objective. After this is writ
I must first rehearse poetry, or a fool
I'll look tomorrow onstage at Jimmy's
At 'Speak' spoken word night. Need to time it
So that I don't overrun. Sonnets will
Appeal, I hope, three, which I'll introduce

4409 - Snap, crackle and shop

Disturbed night, lie-in, arrived late at my
Workplace, fairly busy, had to stay late
But despite that, went out shopping, to buy
A new shower rail, some boots, and a t-shirt
Wanted something new for Berlin. I might
Buy more after payday. Put the shower rail
Up, it was tricky, hope I got it right
It's up for now, but my efforts can fail
When trying to do what DIY entails
I think Chan must be too nervous to try
She popped out, probably for a shower at eight
At the JD Gym. Saves on water bills!
Played uke to some new stuff quite capably
Last task now, rehearse poems for Thursday night...

4408 - The milk of human blindness

Just been rooting through old poems, sonnets
In congested ring-binders, days of old
When to type and print out your latest thoughts
Seemed modern. How quaint! Paper, you can fold
And even post it! Postman in the cold
Like the milkman or coal-deliverer
You are all spectres from an age not gold
I was a paper-boy, pushed newspaper
Through letter-box. A box made for letter,
Birthday and Christmas card, or wrapped presents
In jiffy bags and parcels bright and bold
People posed in costly animal fur
Their jewels on show, doorway of The Ritz
Riches - the dream with which we're all beguiled

4407 - Flat (no longer) broke

Yesterday's sonnet was written while drunk
That's why it's meaningless mumbo jumbo
The blood gets excited, brain's in a funk
Senses weakened, disruption of thought's flow
Today however, before seeing Jo
The odd job man who lives nearby, he rang
To say he was coming. I'd asked him so
Various things could be screwed in tight or banged
In place. The bathroom door had to be slammed
Shut, now it's quiet, no more that nasty clunk
Disturbing whoever's asleep. Chan's woe
Is over now, she's got a bolt to swing
Into place to keep me out! New shelf hung
In the kitchen. The cost? Just ten quid's dough!

4406 - Now is the time...

Today, you say, it's now, not yesterday
That's true, but who cares, today is today
What does it matter, what does it mean, hey?
Today's the same as yesterday, and they
Can't distinguish between then and now, way
Wide of the mark, it's meaningless. They say
Now's all there is, that's right, but in its way
The present's momentary, time at play
Best abandon it's tyranny, obey
Your instinct, know what's true, ignore what they
Try to oppress you with, live for each day
Each hour, each minute, precious, come what may
Not much else to say, Hamlet's play, swordplay
Pyrrhic victory, logic we will slay

4405 - Tattoos - hurts so good

This is yesterday, now today is here
What happened yesterday? it's cold and wet
Went for a lunchtime drink with Helen, beer
And chips in my case, in hers, chips, she ate
A falafel veggie thing, and then yet
We then had to go back to work right then
Having popped in to the tattoo place, set
An appointment to get some new design
Of multi-lingual text on my back when
I can, in just over a week. I'd feared
Too long had gone by and they had forgot
The previous times I'd been there, but hen when
We stood there, they remembered, so that fear
Was unfounded. More tattoos soon I'll get!

4404 - Having not yet read the book

Can't be arsed doing much now, but I could watch
A DVD of Superfly I bought
On Sunday, but I must start soon to catch
It all, allowing me an early night
Watching a film now I don't care about
So when I'm done writing this, I may read
Still re-reading Lady Chatterley. Ought
To crack on and finish it with all speed
Today we were wondering where we should feed
For our Christmas meal. Christmas food is such
Shit normally, turkey slices, some sort
Of winter vegetables, so I need
To try to pick somewhere less of a bitch
But persuading people's harder than thought...

4403 - Loud but they shouldn't be proud

Really knackered now, after late night drink
Last night, when back from the King's Arms, although
I wasn't so very late retiring
I kept having to re-visit the loo
Time and again, delaying sleep for too
Long, considering the previous night I had
Been disturbed by loud voices who showed no
Consideration for their neighbours. Weird
How people can be like that, really hard
To understand. How can people not think
We all should be thoughtful, not just a few?
Jo messaged me this evening, asking would
It be possible to go travelling
Soon to London? Train tickets bought. Let's go!

4402 - It still noh funny

I've got blue hair tonight, matching my shirt
I'll wash it off in the morning, I hope
I remember! Or else my name is dirt
In the office! I'll look like a right dope
More ridiculous even than the Pope
My comedy was a bit dull tonight
But who cares, at least it wasn't old rope
And I was tired, and had a beer, bit tight
There are many worse than that kinds of plight
OJ was headlining again, he's shite
At least people don't see me like that, nope
Now I'm having a beer quite late at night
Chan's in, but I only heard her, no sight
Gets up at 4:15 … I couldn't cope!

4401 - Sit up and boogie

Got home, did exercises, including
An increase in sit-ups from 30 to
50, half-sit-ups, if I'm honest. Being
Careful with my back, I mustn't put too
Much pressure on it and cause damage through
Over-enthusiasm. While shaving
In the bathroom, I heard Chan emerge, who
Finally moved in today, on returning
From seeing her sister in New Jersey, in
The States. Not surprisingly, she's sleeping
So I'm trying to be quiet. Some new
Comedy stuff jotted down, ad libbing
But on ideas that I've been preserving
On post-it notes sticky, of yellow hue

4400 - Walking in rhythm

All weekend spent listening to music, now
I've put my chosen tracks on my player
Can't wait to hear it all soon, as I go
Walking around the streets of Manchester
As I learn to play it, I'll get better
Popped out with Jo for lunch - we ate so much
She had steak, I had a big breakfast. Where?
Beastro in Spinningfields. A real big lunch
But we still wanted dessert, so we crunched
The pavements til we came to Black Milk. Wow -
Tasty cakes n shakes, full as we could bear
After many hours, I feel I could munch
Once more, got a big bag of nuts, you know
Tomorrow, I think, is the day Chan's here!!

4399 - Spain in the arse

A day in which I have done little else
But listen to music, all classical
Stuff I've not heard in years, I speak not false
Looking for a change in what I hear all
The time as I walk around. It's a thrill
To learn some new tracks I can play along
To, finding stuff that is more difficult
Is the aim, keep forward momentum strong
Played uke well today, hammered every string
But Spotify tracks for a change, it feels
Fresher than playing my MP3, usual
Tracks I know so well. Now for football. Eng-
land are being outplayed by Spain, so all's
Back to normal then - we're crap at football!

4398 - Jazzper Carrott

Listening to Handel's Water Music now
As I type this, and it's most relaxing
Lots to do, wrote a list for tomorrow
Not going out, except for food shopping
Too much to do, and must curb my spending
In any case, tomorrow looks rainy
And I can work hard, then watch football in
The evening, if it's on. Oh lucky me!
My uke playing's improving gradually
I'll probably add some Handel, get to know
It better after repeat listening
There's new jazz tracks and some miscellany
New musical challenges, some highbrow
Stuff to replace the pop and easy things

4397 - The doors of disruption

Disturbed night, next door woman's a night owl
Banging and crashing, throwing things down and
Slamming doors at all hours, disturbed my cool
In addition, some student types around
The far side of the grass made crazy sounds
Singing Bohemian Rhapsody at one
In the morning, and that wasn't all. Zounds!
Despite my tiredness, it was kinda fun
But next door made more bangs, throwing things down
At 5:20 and again around seven
So I got up, knowing that it was all-
Important that I made the train at nine
To Birmingham with the work crew. Now soul,
No, funk, I'm listening to now - George Clinton...

4396 - Bummer in the summer

According to Debs the caretaker gal
The gangster man's gone, not his missus or
Young son, so while the son's been on his hol
She's been havin' it off big style galore
Mainly at night, the bedsprings almost tore
Through my wall, any night you care to name
But now the son's due back so I feel sure
Those fine and dandy randy nights, that flame
Of hers, his thund'rous plundering of that dame
Must be approaching its climactic tale
One last time, least til Christmas or Easter
Best to end things before passion goes lame
Anyway, all's for the best, gal and pal
Here comes the autumn, let shriek turn to snore

4395 - Real gangster time

Woke at 4 a.m. and then heard next door
This time it wasn't repeat rampant sex
That was the source of noise, no, it was more
Just moving things around sound side effects
Between 4 and 5, and though he relaxed
After that, I got no more winks, even
Blinks, methinks. And I still don't know the facts
But I think it's still the gangster husband
With some new bird, no more the wife and son
I'll ask Debs, who I need to speak to for
An odd-job man recommendation. Let's
Fast forward to lunch, with smashing Helen
Talkin' bout Berlin. Not long now before
We go. Listening to Wes and Lee, jazz axe

4394 - Bedquake - disaster movie

Listening to jazz as I type this sonnet
Been out for tea at the Cote Brasserie
With Josephine who's back from Lanzarot
With a great tan and looking real healthy
At least they'll see she's been on holiday
When she goes back to school this week and meets
Her friends again. I'm so tired. Last night they
Were back and at it again 'tween the sheets
On the stroke of midnight they came, complete
Satisfaction, from the noise, you'd have thought
But then, forty-five minutes after three
Bedsprings in earthquake mode, repeat, repeat
And once again at six, more sex, dammit
So I've got beer in, oblivion the key

4393 - The sleep of the pissed

Many hours' sleep, bed at quarter to ten
The earliest I can recently recall
No chance of watching Match of the Day when
I was too pissed to stay and watch football
Two bottles of beer, and one of wine, all
Poured down with alacrity before dark
When darkness came I was done, done for, fell
Gladly into bed, heard the radio talk
For a few minutes at most, then a stark
Lights out of the mind, consciousness regained
Now and then, especially as daylight called
Another day of shopping, what a lark!
Bought and put up a new shower curtain
New sheets, and also new large and small towels

4392 - Shop til you drop (payday mayday mix)

Listenin' to Funkadelic while watchin'
The football scores, havin' been out shoppin'
To keep maraudin' flies away, new bin
A shelf for the kitchen wall for cookin'
For two, for ingredients, ready for Chan
Got a reduced price big new black fryin' pan
Nearly bought a wok too but I'm goin'
Out again tomorrow, when I'm buyin'
Among other things, a new shower curtain
Bought a new whisk, new microwave. Cookin'
Will be easier for us both, and savin'
Money on not needin' to use oven
To celebrate, I've got beer and wine in
That's enough for today, I'm relaxin'

4391 - Chat-anooga choo choo

A fun Friday at work, chat aplenty
But still worked on revising some guidance
If you're bothered, it's Notice 184a
Tied oil public notice. It was real pants
But when I'm done, it's gonna be the prince
Of notices, but then they'll abolish
Them anyway. Time moves with quick footprints
It's boots head for the sea, sleep with the fish
Meanwhile, did not need to eat liquorice
Today in the office, Sonia bought three
Irresistible munchy treats that hands
Had to grab and force down throats, so delish
Choc fingers, Jaffa cakes, made up for the
Theft of our sweets the night before, so thanks!

4390 - Sorted, mint

Woke early and felt energised and fit
Put in a long day, could have stayed longer
Did 55 press-ups, and then a great
Uke session. Feels like I'm getting better
Can even play Borodin without a
Single bit of rehearsal. That's well cool
Now what do I do? Maybe a beer
Is in order and deserved. Eaten well
A late tea, with refreshing mint leaves all
Scattered, but it's all used up now. I got
Some food for tomorrow from a cheaper
Shop - Home Bargains! Panda liquorice for
89p... Yet Holland & Barrett
Sell it for £2.50...!! That's not fair!!

4389 - Red fails in the sunset

The red chalk washed out fully this morning
My hair returning to normal colour
Great news, I can implement my scheming
To jazz up my boring hair. A shower
Will wash it out easily soon after
Although it's made a mess of my pillow
I'll put a towel on that in future
Or shower before bed - you never know
Anyway, last night's unexpected show
Means I haven't done enough practising
Songs for the White Lion open mic affair
On Thursday - that's tomorrow now! Might go
And do comedy though, by relying
On the set I did up in Edinburgh

4388 - One more red night-hair

Nice to see Helen and back to work again
After the bank holiday washout's done
After that I experimented on
My hair, used chalk, made it red, bit of fun
Then Dave got in touch, said are you goin'
To the King's Arms, and I was quite surprised
So I went with red hair. They're acceptin'
It pretty quickly, I noted, so wised
Up about this, I see the distant prize
Of lookin' interesting is not beyond
Achievability for this old son
Should I go into work like this or prise
The colour out my hair in the mornin'?
We'll see if I can be bothered quite soon

4387 - Bowel of laughs

Not yet applied to Leicester Festival
Laziness, procrastination and fear
I hope to do it next though. I've got all
My papers ready on the table here
What type of show, I need to consider
And even worse, do I have suitable
Footage of any recent shows to share
With the promoters? No. It's laughable
I'm so bad at self-marketing. It's hell
But no-one likes doing it, and they still
Do it because they have to. Persevere
My lad, gird your loins, prepare for battle!
It isn't scary sending an email!
Better to try and fail than not, d'you hear?

4386 - Leicester tester

A quiet day although got some stuff done
I decided to write a comedy
Sketch inspired by news stories about nuns
Who'd been arrested for repeatedly
Abusing kids in their care home, and the
Idea led on to funny observations
Written, as first draft guidance says should be,
Without too much thought or hesitations
Bought a CD, Johnny Guitar Watson
On Amazon, then sought lyrics to songs
I fancy doing covers of shortly
Browsing on Facebook, was alarmed at some
Leicester Festival comments - not got one
Decent showreel, no gigs, agent … fuck me!

4385 - Jingle jangle jungle

A great lie-in, woke at six, then drifted
Til eight, I always feel good when I drift
In and out lots of times, my restless lids
Open and shut, open and shut, a lift
To energy levels. Put in a shift
Of uke-mania this morning - on fire,
I was, cos I was fresh, my fingers skipped
Around, hopefully strengthened by rubber
Balls, rings and elastic bands, stretching the
Fingers and thumbs, squeezing hard as I could
Strength and dexterity helped as I gripped
The uke and made it rock!! Slight disaster
Missed a pub crawl, the others all seemed hid
So bought a tambourine - comedy gift!

4384 - Amazing Journey

Life is an amazing journey, for sure
But only while we're alive does it count
So do what you can while you're on its shore
Because before long, the tide's sure to mount
And overcome you, and then you'll have drowned
It has no feelings, only you care, so
Focus only on your brief enjoyment
I've done that as much as I can, also
I've brought others in who might somehow grow
From my existence. But it don't matter
They must make their own way that they have found
Just like I did and still do, ride the flow
We shouldn't criticise the natural law
Be thankful for all of this sight and sound

4383 - Mr Fingers

A fun day where I booked a real good flat
In Berlin, in trendy Kreuzberg district
Me and Helen looking forward to that
Better location I could not have picked
Finally some happy boxes are ticked
Got home, didn't feel like exercising
Should have done really - what a lazy prick!
But at least shortly I will be using
My kit for finger and wrist strengthening
While watching TV, on my sofa sat
Shame that last night the habit wasn't kicked
Of drinking beer, fags accompanying
But I'd not done it for some time. Congrats
Not due. This habit I have to restrict

4382 - Hairdresser slightly smouldering

A fun day working with Sonia, then I
Went for a haircut, avoiding rain, just
Good chat with John the hairdresser, fun guy
(Well not really), but he was quite impressed
When I said 'Keep the change' - that was the first
Time I've tipped any of them. I was hot
In that barber's chair under the cape - it's
Been a cloudy but humid day. It's not
Looking like a return to what we got
From May to July, a heatwave. Bye bye
Summer sun, autumn's blowing from the coast
And heading our way. I'm an idiot
I'm thinking beer and fags, I miss the high
Yet my health's improved without them both, trust...

4381 - Love and Pride

It's just about dark as nine approaches
Listening to Tuesday night Championship
Football games on the radio. Derby's
Struggling again, at Pride Park, playing Ip-
swich. Frank Lampard's first managerial blip
Disturbed by the sex-mad neighbours again
Last night, about 1 a.m. Hope they slip
Out of the bed and knock themselves out when
They next resume their torrid horrid din
Bedsprings creaking is what reaches my ears
It starts off slow and regular, speeds up
Then settles down. But it's so late, often
If only it was in the evening hours
But no, they wake me from my night's dream trip

4380 - Food for chorts

Felt great this morning, but as the day went
On, felt tired, accumulated tiredness
From five long days in Edinburgh. Won't
Have a late night tonight, back to my best
Is the aim. I'm not far off. Who'd have guessed
I could go on at midnight, do so well
Well I've got stamina, I passed that test
Many times before in many ways. Full
Of greens tonight, at last, my tea a pile
Of peas and spinach. Though I didn't spend
Much on food up there, my diet was gross
At times, eating at Greggs twice. Not a deal
In the long run. If I do a show, can't
Live like that for a month, I'd be a mess

4379 - Edinburgh Day 5 - Stick Out The Jams

Weather gone to shit, dour, rainy and wet
Made the coach from Edinburgh to Glasgow
But the Glasgow to Manchester coach hit
Technical problems, breaking down, then slow
Progress, with traffic jams from the Lakes to
The big cities to the south. It's Sunday
And it's August, and the weekend is through
It's the end of many a trip away
As for mine to the Fringe, I am happy
How it went. Learned a lot. There's really hot
Competition for punters, but lots go
To watch a show, and not having to pay
Much to be entertained is a real treat
For them, if your show's good - so make it so!!

4378 - Edinburgh Day 4 - To be Frank

Saw more shows. Firstly, Mr Hennessy
Upstairs at Bar Bados about lunchtime
Next, Jew-o-Rama. Four comics pleased me
One played a uke, Hitler name-dropped oft-times
Missed a show, so had lunch. Haggis was fine
The next show that I caught, it was Dave Green
Wearing a green T-shirt - clothes choice sublime
Then, Musical Comedy Showcase in
The Globe Bar, Frank Sinazi headlining
And then, Church of Phil, unfortunately
It's now approaching my final showtime
As guest of Tom's Comedy Shorts. A keen
Saturday night crowd. Generated glee
Toe dipped into the Fringe. Had a great time!

Sat 18 Aug

4377 - Edinburgh Day 3 - The pie who I didn't love

Today was mainly about seeing shows
The first one was Tom Short and Tom Little
Time was short to see Tony Law. My toes
Took me quickly to the Monkey Barrel
About 4.15, it was time to fill
My face cheaply at Greggs, with two pies that
I didn't even like. Sauce makes me ill
Keep eating this shit and I would get fat
A month here would need a healthy diet
Two average Irish comedians, then chose
To see Canadian comedian Glenn Wool
Rushed to catch Tom and Josh, Hanover Street
(A hard gig), then rehearsed my stuff, which goes
Down very well, I'm pleased to say - real well!!

Fri 17 Aug

4376 - Edinburgh Day 2 - I'm Better You Bet

Although I only had about 5 hours
Sleep, today I felt massively better
Some of it's adrenalin, gives you powers
But somehow today I felt much fitter
Scotch egg and cheese for breakfast, then put a
Spring in my step to meet Carla, Mandy
Also. We saw Seymour Mace. Ace titters
I worked on my material with coffee
To keep me going, and cordial to be
Rehydrated and well. Walked round the towers
And castles of Edinburgh for a
While. Popped back to the flat, ukulele
Collected. Saw Paul Currie, then I was
Rehearsing for my gig. Did good patter!

Thur 16 Aug

4375 - Edinburgh Day 1 - The long and winding day

Woke at 3.30, alarm set for 4
Just time to get dressed, eat, and catch the bus
At 5:05 from central Manchester
To Edinburgh. Changed at Glasgow. Was
Not as wet as I'd feared. With little pause
For rest, followed Tom, mine host, round the town
As he helped various mates with numerous shows
So many hopefuls trying to play the clown
Competing for an audience, figures down
On midweek's 'Black Wednesday.' Teatime pasta
With Tom and a good group of improv-ers
(Improv comedy troupe). My own slot, round
Midnight, so late, so tired. Can do better
Having some energy would be a plus!

Wed 15 Aug

4374 - Get up, get on up, I feel like being a slapstick machine

Writing this early on Tuesday evening
Got to be ready for Edinburgh
Early start tomorrow. Done my packing
Even wrote a song, can practice on the
Bus up there tomorrow from Manchester
5 am start, fer Gawd's sake, what is that?
Gonna be really knackered, that's for sure
Hopefully, some sleep on the bus to start
Then some rehearsal as we go up nort'
The weather ain't gonna be good - raining
Looks most likely. I've packed my umbrella
I'd rather stay dry, don't care if a twat
Is what I resemble as I'm walking
Along the Royal Mile, sampling atmosphere

4373 - Tony Be Good

Definitely got a cold, not severe
That's why I've felt not quite right last few days
That means I'm dehydrated, so no beer
Must take it easy as Edinburgh nears
Need mental and physical faculties
To be in full working order so I
Can enjoy it, do my spots, see others
And learn lots about it so I might try
For a show next year, not pie in the sky
My focus should be on that, and so here
Tonight I must be good, just blow my nose
Read a bit more, watch TV. Right now my
TV's got a Brexit debate. 'We're 'clear'
They say, but they're not, so don't use that phrase

4372 - Eddie Lizard

Woke early for a Sunday, mainly read
This daft David Icke conspiracy book
About ancient gods all being the same god
Religions, like wars, made up by the Black
Nobility (Phoenicians) and a pack
Of white Aryans, with lizards in control
Of course he believes that Shakespeare wrote fuck
All of his plays, the guy could barely spell
He suggests Francis Bacon wrote them all
When I was at school, they said Holinshed
(A historian) was the main source, he took
A lot from there. Today I ate my fill
Four or five meals were stuffed into my head
Did no comedy work, but played my uke

4371 - Cat-a-clysm

Sunny morning but a gloomy evening
Safely back home though, so don't really care
Doing my best to resist more drinking
Think I'll succeed, just don't want to go there
It's lazy and expensive, why bother?
Been out with Josie Wosie and we tried
A new place, Evelyn's, we'd not been before
Long wait, but nice staff. We both had eggs (fried)
Watercress, and something weird, shoelace fries
The main thing being medium rare steak, tasting
And looking pretty good. Had hoped to share
Some time in Cat Café with cats that lie
All around on cushions. Couldn't get in
A two hour wait was too long. Oh, despair!!!

4370 - Lizard joint

Been a bit achey today, warding off
An infection I think, need to stay clean
Hard though that is on Friday night, yeah, bruv
But I must make it, remain determined
This David Icke book is proving a scream
The royal family is a lizard race
Not Diana though. That's why she was deemed
Fit to bump orf, I guess. Wills, Harry, they's
Lizards, I take it, Dave? All these theories
From Yank acid freaks do seem to derive
'UFO researchers' are his reading
Matter. Inaccuracy don't seem to faze
Our Dave. Must play uke soon, because I love
It and want to improve, keep improving...

4369 - Body doubled

Nice lunch with Helen at Beastro, made up
Hopefully we'll sort out the trip quite soon
I had some filling steak, full to the top
Struggled with work rest of the afternoon
Managed to stay til four, then I was done
I somehow forgot at teatime that I
Had eaten that meal, and I filled a pan
With a pile of more food. Just habit, my
Son. How did I find room. Sausages. Fried?
No, cooked in the oven, though I did pop
Some mushrooms in the frying pan. Balloon
Of stomach ensured, an expanding guy
Like Steely Dan, or Bad Manners, hip hop's
Biggie Smalls, Giant Haystacks, Man on the Moon...

4368 - Eat my sausage

The weather improved, the evening OK
Got beers in, listened to music, felt good
We'll see if others are like what they say
If not, I'll carry on just like I should
Not my problem what they do or couldn't
Life is fine with music and thoughts and heart
If they haven't got that, why on earth should
I give a toss? Great uke session, caught light
Did exercises, fifty press-ups, ought
To feel good, and I do. Then for my tea
Sausages, not healthy, but it's still food
Must be two years since last had them, I thought
Had healthy greens alongside them, and they
Offset the badness. In reasonable mood...

4367 - Uke a not be serious

Bloody tired for some reason. Got OK
Night's sleep, did some work at work, fairly tough
But not all that hard really. Shall I play
The uke, can I be bothered? Find some stuff
On Spotify to play, I've got enough
But first (after this) think I'll cook my tea
Second half of that quiche looks good. First half
Was last night, fed by non-sobriety
On the warm early evening balcony
After that, there's a match - Derby away
At Oldham in the League Cup. Think I'll have
To tune into BBC6 Marc Riley
For a session that's due. Meanwhile I may
Finish 'An Equal Music' - hope no bluff

4366 - It's all good, lol

Oh well, it's been a good day, got a new
Flatmate, at least that's how it seems, she is
From Korea, mutual liking too
She's already paid the deposit, she's
A good un, so that's sorted, now that biz
Is done I can relax, had beers, now I
Will cook a late tea. I got quiche
Just in time to watch TV. But just why
Can't people be nice? It's a mystery
It's all good now, people do what they do
They fuck things up, let them, I do what is
Necessary, and it works out for me
I don't care if they can't cope. I'll renew
Myself and my life, look for happiness

4365 - There goes the sun

How did I fail to sunbathe? I don't know
I heard today was gonna be all sun
So I had a busy morning, tried to
Clean the flat, read the news, listened to some
Albums on Spotify, such as the one
By Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs, then Rush
Then The Strokes' Comedown Machine, then took from
The fridge some soup. But clouds had gathered much
To my chagrin, felt like I'd missed the bus
By the time it cleared again, the shadow
Had encroached too far, and my space taken
By a woman in black. Man City bossed
The Community Shield game. Who would go
Against them as champions? Just Mr Dumb!

4364 - Bartleby Gone

A fairly cloudy start, glorious finish
Bodes well for tomorrow, I'd like to think
Some sunbathing's what I want, diminished
Opportunities remain as we sink
Towards the autumn, berries ripening
Today me and Jo went to Hebden Bridge
It was hot, crowded and fairly boring
To be fair, but we found a nice refuge
In a small café garden, the sun's huge
Power peeping over the roof, lavished
Us with timely rays. Without time to blink
Bart's fled the flat, keys left, I hold no grudge
As Nina Simone might say with flourish
The football season's back. Good luck to Frank!

4363 - Closer to the heart

Oh dear, oh dear, although I might be bad
Some others are worse, as time only shows
I'm gonna get on with my life, it's good
Don't want to be polluted by others
I hope they're happy, though I doubt they is
Not my problem, time's precious, make the most
Of it, concentrate, try to do my best
Focus on what I like, I never boast
Nothing to boast about, never can coast
The next year or two are mine, can't be bored
Or tied up or down, distracted. I've closed
My open heart, fate dictates, so I've lost
Again, that's fine, but still happy inside
I'll take the world on, no-one can oppose...