4904 - Sticky singers

Extremely hectic and frenetic day
Thank God, slept well, since I set the alarm
For 6:30, it's been all work, no play
Recently, so I worked hard as a storm
Left early enough to go and perform
Up in Middlesbrough at Sticky Fingers
Three of us in a car, me trying to learn
The chords. It's much better when with others
The whole experience shared with my peers
Sadly I quite forgot to ask AJ
Or Barbie to film me, so short of gorm
Was I, but my set went down well, got cheers
And got dropped off home quickly by Barbie
But what's my next move? Where wriggles the worm?

Wed 29 January

4903 - My room's not a balloon

So glad I found time last night to work on
My set, it's tomorrow night, yes, that soon
Although sleep-deprived and hard-worked, I've done
More on it since getting in, searched my room
And various boxes for props and costume
I'll get up early, finish work early
Then home to change, think I'll wear the maroon
T-shirt for the Middlesbrough gig. Must be
At Dane Road tram station by 5 in the
Afternoon, so Barbie can get us gone
Up the road, and not too far from the Toon
Got Thursday off as leave, yes thankfully
So enough sleep tonight's wish number one
No sneaking in my room to pop a balloon!

4875 - Train not in vain

Returned the car to Avis in Bolton
No scratches or surcharges, thank goodness
Got the train back, forgot my main mission
To buy a bedside alarm clock, replace
The broken one where time never changes
Main task once back has been to watch videos
And I've now seen those shot at Barbie's place
Back in early December! I suppose
They're not too bad, ten songs in all. I froze
From watching them all this time, a burden
I shrank from, watching myself make a mess
From inadequate rehearsal, but shows
I'm improving at the uke if I can
Make it sound ok while singing, I guess!!

4873 - Ashton fashions

Got up slightly drunk after last night's binge
Of almost ten Guinnesses while I soaked
Up the Disgraceland stories, hearing strange
Tales of excess and death from rock stars coked
Up and more, doing stuff as careers choked
Like Brian Jones in his pool, stoned and drowned
Rock or soul stars, shot, who could not be woke
Most bought their drugs with dollar, some with pound
But today, took a break from Disgraceland
And had a day out in the car which ranged
From Uppermill to Ashton as we Merc'd
Along. I bought new boots, waiting around
For Pearl and Jo finally to re-emerge
From Ashton's arcade, we talked, laughed and joked

4869 - Wrap it up and start again

Took ages to wrap presents, then I rang
At almost twelve mid-day, to check they were
Expecting me at all, I'd heard nothing
From them so far, but they said come over
So I drove the hired Merc through Manchester
And parked in space 34 as was told
Bag of presents in the elevator
And got given mine in the family fold
Pearl cooked the meal, so tasty, all were filled
But not too much, then film quiz competing
I came second, not bad, beating Vera
But losing to Pearl, but I was more skilled
At Trivial Pursuit. They went off sleeping
I listened to podcasts for two hours

Wed 25 Dec

4868 - Eve of dissipation

Christmas Eve, was supposed to work at home
But also had to collect a hired car
A Mercedes, no less, quite a big one
Train to Bolton, drove home, then bought cheap beer
From Sainsbury's, and drank and watched five hours
Of my Chernobyl DVD. Dozed off
In episode three, replayed it, then four
And five on disc two, by then I felt rough
And went to bed soon after, disposed of
Christmas Eve satisfactorily on my own
Not a great fan of this time of the year
Mainly it's the darkness I find quite tough
That's why we have the lights, music and some
Big eating and drinking to revive cheer

Tue 24 Dec

4855 - Off the boil

Less work done today, but lots of vital
Other stuff. Firstly, I emailed Helen
Arranged another meet just before Yule
That meant I knew better than before when
I should hire a car from Avis, Bolton
And it's Christmas Eve, though a working day
I'll collect it late morning, drive it home, then
Go to work. Not many in anyway
Jo will be pleased, she likes those drives away
Around Christmas. It's easier to see Pearl
And Louis too when I'm driving. I went
To the T-shirt shop, Oldham Street, to buy
More, same design, new colours. Boiler hell
It won't ignite, got plumber appointment

4773 - Baby you can drive your car

Great night out last night at the comedy
Things are back to normal, plus J has got
A car now and it's easier to be
Back quicker. They seemed to know me, but what
Do they know? My face, name, or I've a lot
Of good material out there? Probably not
That yet, though they soon will, I'm on the road
I'm hitting the streets, doing things of note
Coming out of hibernation, the cold
And the closet of comedy foretold
I was worried as time went by I'd be
Too late getting to sleep, things would unfold
Badly in today's workshop, but then we
Were fine, it's done, so wine's being downed, tut tut!!

4750 - Back home

This was going to be my last Edinburgh day
Albeit consisting of just catching the bus
But a lift from Tom last night means today
I'm home, and the sunshine is glorious
After unpacking and shopping I was
Able to sunbathe and top up my tan
It was great listening to songs on the grass
And just getting settled back home again
Got some beers in, and healthily eaten
Next thing I want to do is have a play
On the uke while I digest potatoes
Chicken and salad. Summer's almost gone
This might be the last day this year I'll say
I could soak up the sun's refreshing rays!

Mon 26 Aug

4749 - Ed Fringe Day 26

Last day in Edinburgh. Dehydrated
But such a nice sunny day, relaxing
To stroll around, vest on, tattoos stated
Places I've been. Drank fluids, liked eating
Ice cream, stopped me overheating. Packing
Now in this heat, and listening to music
Will finish at Tom's Comedy Shorts, watching
(Unless I get invited to the mic
Unexpectedly)*. Then Tom and me, and his chick
Will pile into his car and be headed
South for Manchester, finally ending
Our month-long odyssey we have all liked
I'm actually sad to leave, though it's costed
Me a fuckin' packet! Been exciting!

*Didn't go to that show, Tom cancelled it so we could drive home earlier!

Sun 25 Aug

4707 - Final draft

What a day of sport, what a day of my
Authorship, nearly nine hours of writing
Accompanied by Grand Prix, Lewis' high
Then as I continued my hard working
I watched the tennis final, an hour in
Already, yet it went on for so long
I finished my show re-draft, then cooking
And eating my kipper for tea, the strong
Jokovich finally lifting the gong
The older Federer not disgraced, not by
The longest final in remembering
And when that was done, quickly popped along
To Channel 4 to see the last balls fly
England win the cricket World Cup. Thrilling!

4507 - This Christmas, I gave you my cheese

It's Boxing Day, slept on inflatable
Bed which was weird but OK, have to say
If you near the edge it gets unstable
But slept quite well, and soon was on my way
Home by car to change and collect Jo. Hey
She was wearing my presents, jacket and
Pants, they looked good, Clash t-shirt, black shoes, they
Gotta admire the dudess. Had a grand
Snack of bread, lightly toasted, the top spanned
By my cheese selection, and Jo dabbled
In it too, and a grilled aubergine they
Made for her which she liked. New board game planned -
Articulate - but way more suitable
Would be Argument... but ended OK!!

4506 - When a child eats quorn

Good night's sleep meant that Christmas Day was fun
Bummed around at home, then drove to Vee's flat
Got the route right for a change, few cars on
The Christmas road blocking my way, so that
Was nice. Pearl in a purple dress, and heat
Was nice, me in my new red pumps looked good
A few drinks, then Pearl began cooking at
The kitchen counter. Previous years she would
Get stressed but mainly it went well. I had
Quorn mince and herbs I brought, but also some
Cheesy grilled aubergine dish and veg - great!
The odd drink more, Vee slept while we two played
Monopoly, my luck was dumber, dumb
But laughed, then watched a film with Cary Grant

Tue 25 December

4504 - Big prang theory

So yesterday we drove to that Sheffield
Today we drove first of all to Derby
Always a nice drive, then drove to Lichfield
Derby city centre in the rain, we
Ate in Slug and Lettuce, she had steak, me
I had sausages and mash, good value
Not been there since well the mid seventies
When Dad bought me the Sparks' single and you
Don't know what it was called, oh but I do
Something For The Girl With Everything, world
Beater still, after The Rams under Mackay
Had won or drawn at the Baseball Ground. Now
Walked round a new Derby then drove past field
On field to Lichfield, changes there to see

4503 - Prangs for the memory

It's Saturday and I've got a hired car
I drove to Sheffield, we had no such plan
It's just where we went in the end through the
Clouds and rain of the Pennines near the end
Of the year when it gets dark early and
It did, but got back out of there in time
Got a guide to Marrakesh, got my hands
On new slippers (red) with strong soles, look fine
Pranged the hired car reversing, the bang signed
With yellow paint, need to remove that scar
Or I'll be paying extras the day when
I return the darn thing to Bolton town
Meeting Jo tomorrow also, wonder where
We'll drive? Can't be too far, but should be fun!

4478 - With you I'm quorn again

It's eleven at night, and I'm cooking
But that's better than getting in the booze
I'm tired but hungry after enduring
A dash on foot to Piccadilly plus
A tense taxi ride, arriving there just
In time for my driving speed awareness
Course. I did one of these courses three years
Ago, so just eligible for this
Four hours it lasted. Had to catch the bus
Back to Manchester from Gorton, getting
Home real late. I needed these late night chews
I was hungry, despite the real lateness
Empty plate, twenty-five past eleven
Now it's straight to bed, there's no time to lose

4354 - Driving for pearls

A hot and mainly sunny day, and I
Was off work, visiting mother with girls
Bad start, drove the wrong way in Bolton. Why
There are so few signs to Manchester fools
Me every time. Was late picking up Pearl
She looked nice in her summer dress. Next we
Collected Josephine, then we were Wirral-
Bound, and a nice meal, chatted happily
No beach trip though, I didn't know Mummy
Didn't like the hot sun, she doesn't fry
Happily, so instead for a short while
We sat in her back garden, although she
Kept in the shade. The car's returned. Might try
To quickly watch a film now, yes I will...

4348 - Reasons to go to Bolton Part 3

Day trip to Liverpool, blue skies again
The venue was the Liner Hotel by
The temporarily closed Lime Street station
So I went by National Express coach, my
Ticket on my phone. Lunch, rice and curry
Chatted to Karen, and others besides
On way back, dropped off outside Sainsbury
Now I know how to arrange it, avoids
Walking to Chorlton Street for future rides
Played uke, ate, showered, recycled in bins
Ordered a car so we can see Mummy
On her birthday next week, and I've saved loads
By hiring from Bolton and not from town
Seventy quid saved, and no word of lie!!

4343 - Achy breaky eyes

My eyes are aching, cos I woke early
When Bart went out to work soon after six
I stayed awake, got up and read quickly
About a north-east woman sold to sex
Slavery in Amsterdam, turning tricks
In shabby rooms, earning nothing at all
When I went there I didn't see that sick
Scene, I'm glad to say, didn't have a ball
Instead, well never mind. Finally cancelled
My incorrect parking fine Saturday
Morning at Avis, then met Jo, a quick
Snack in the Football Café, watched people
Visiting the Italian Food Fair. Vee
Hosted us, lots of talk on politics

4317 - Viella Day 8

Homeward bound day, cloudy rainy morning
Breakfast, goodbye to Claire and Martin and
Their three dogs, and then two hours of driving
The conversation in the bus weren't grand
The egos of Carly and Logan, friends
Already united, it seems, to stop
My enjoying myself right to the end
But everyone else was fine, just the top
Dogs being nasty. Toulouse Airport, up
To 5 hours' wait before finally boarding
The Brussels flight, and a wait there. England
Were fucking up their game in the World Cup
One-one at half-time, then some quick walking
To Gate B4 to Manchester - homeland!

Mon 18 June