4993 - Mr Clean not Mr Bean

Clean since Saturday evening, paying off
Although tired, still did exercises and
Just now, this evening, uke session take-off
My mind felt clearer than usual, my hands
Obeyed my quick mind, and in wonderland
A lifetime's dreaming turned reality
As like a god, was able to command
My fingers to go where they had to be
And at the speed of thought, yes, instantly
Am enjoying being clean right now, no bluff
I know it won't last, but just for instance
I'm reading at last, about '63
And Dallas, a Stephen King book, and tough
Arms and stomach muscles, yes it feels grand!

4982 - Bottom of the pops

It's Thursday. I think. Hard to tell these days
Did quiz research first, and had some ideas
For a comedy sketch, not that it pays
But it's fun to think up and do, I guess
Filmed at home, there's no travel expenses
And it doesn't take me long to do it
It never has. It suits my laziness
I've done so many now, feel less a tit
If people don't watch, that don't make it shit
Popularity, I don't know its ways
But then so many don't. Even success
Is no guarantee of that, not one bit
Played good uke, a few soul numbers. My craze
For music is something that never dies

4981 - Four bottles

Oh shit, I just had to have a chillout
Session, and it was good, who cares, my mind
Needed a break, and I needed an out
From modern shit that encroaches, unkind
I'm happy now, have had a big unwind
And I'm ready for bed, covers come here
Cover my head, let me slowly grow blind
Forget all of this shit and all the fear
Let me regress to darkness all too clear
Who cares what years have gone by since without
I remain me, and it's time to unwind
I haven't eaten, but it's too late, be a
Little forgiving for this lad. A shout
Out to the greats, now pull down all the blinds!

4975 - From beer to eternity

Very tired after lying awake for hours
Last night, because I was so energised
Unable to stop a flood of ideas
And thoughts. Then slept a bit, but paid the price
Today. I was too tired to exercise
But buoyed by it being the last day before
A long Easter weekend, with some blue skies
My plan was to doze off on the sofa
But messages kept coming from Tanya
And Ian. However, fun interferes
With rest, and it stopped me closing my eyes
Now I was even more tired, so drank beer
Intended for tomorrow, let the fuss
Die down, get to bedtime, no more duties

Thur 9 April

4973 - I'll be coming down the mountain when I come

I feel as though I'm through the hardest part
Work-wise, I feel like the struggle's plateaued
And I can see the sunlit lowlands treat
Me to a pleasant view, descending road
Winding its leisurely way as I stride
Taking in the pleasant spring air en route
Who do I think I'm kidding? I'm supplied
With so much work I wanna parachute
Off this mountain into a pool, and float
See blue sky up above, feel the sun's heat
Dreaming of travel, leaving my abode
It will be difficult, there's no dispute
All flights and rooms will sell out in a heart
Beat, and also will cost a barrel-load

4953 - Absinthe makes it hard to ponder

A reasonable day at home, working
Bit tired and hungover, to be honest
From last night and some absinthe imbibing
But coped okay, overcame mental mist
Gradually, as the online meetings forced
My brain into action. Facebooked a bit
But in the back of my mind, knew the test
Of success today would be doing a vid
What's more, though not til 9pm, I did
And it was based on today's news breaking
About schools closing from Friday. That's best
But it should've been long done, not delayed
A short speech culminating in a song
But couldn't put it on YouTube, damn, blast!

4912 - Trauma transformer

Today was pretty good, quite a few laughs
Lots of work done, and mental health talks which
Were interesting and moving. Down dark paths
Worse than mine, a relief knowing I'm such
A relatively calm person, though much
Of my life's marked by a series of fails
More than many of these sufferers, can't match
Their pain, it's internal. My anguish pales
Beside their trauma and what it entails
If I can avoid all those psychopaths
Whether individual or group, I stitch
The wounds quickly and find peace soon prevails
And cheerfulness resumes, so I give thanks
I'm lucky after all, though life's a bitch

4911 - He's got control

A much better day, went in with a plan
Of what I'd do, and managed almost all
Of it, and more besides, and also Sian
Twice came over, first with good news. She'd called
Operational Excellence, and they will
Be helping me with process maps of my
Many regimes the rest of this year. Brill!
The second time she checked I was okay
In fact we had fun, chatting, joking, play
Time breaking out, stress turning into fun
What a weight off my mind, boost to my cool
Things feel back to where they should be - wa-hey!
There may be awkward times to come, but on
The whole, I feel that I'm back in control

4910 - My continuing struggle

Although I felt better last evening
Today at work, perhaps through tiredness
After a broken night's sleep following
Sunday comedy, Monday's early rise
A day's hard work, and then that sleeplessness
I had minimal energy today
But some were nice to me, some do seem nice
As though they know what I've gone through. Do they?
And do they know that some want it that way?
Today it all felt a bit depressing
As work piles up, squeezing me like a vice
Most colleagues are also struggling to stay
On top of their workloads, but not suffering
From feeling like others couldn't care less

4907 - 1917 Revisited

Well, the syrup's all finished, I'm feeling
Clearer-headed already, de-toxing
And feeling like it's time to start working
And being positive again, moving
Forwards. I need to get some help for things
Like making more videos and soon as poss
Keep the momentum, keep people viewing
If people turn against me, it's their loss
I'll stay productive and active, because
That way I'll be confident and showing
That I'm unaffected by silly things
And silly people fighting for some cause
One day after her birthday, Josephine
And I met up, watched 1917...

4902 - Do adjust your set

Early start, and a long day in office
But still I did exercises later
Sent over a biog and couple of pix
For the upcoming gig in Middlesbrough
Wednesday night - so soon! Needed to prepare
So next, I rewrote the set, started to
Learn the words, and I might practice in ,,, where?
In bed, that's where, and it might be fun too
So I can wake early again I do
Want to finish these sonnetary tricks
And get creative under the covers
Jiggling with words, juggling with how d'ye do?
So don't say to me, hey, you can't touch this
Because I need to touch my big idea

4898 - Rhyme with chime

Oh God, my brain hurt at work - not today
Would I solve the riddles that chill my mind
So on white wispy clouds I drift away
But sadly I've not stopped the flow of time
And I don't wanna admit it's bedtime
Played uke for a while, seemed to play it sweet
Nice and relaxed, caressing rhyme with chime
My style gave me a smile and feel complete
That's really the main thing that I achieved
My chance to film has gone, thrown it away
Decided to chill my body and mind
Struggling to follow, brain cells cry defeat
My creativity is dull and grey
Except for on the more musical side

4890 - Vegetable Man

I'm super-knackered, two days' early rise
And a late night last night
And super hard work which, surprise surprise
Was not enough to do all that I might
Intended to sleep briefly back home, slight
Recharge, but changed my mind, thought it better
To carry on and keep active, to fight
The tiredness. Played uke well, first time for a
While, good use of my time. Rediscovered
Syd Barrett's The Madcap Laughs. It supplies
Some good lovelorn weird thoughts which resonate
Animal images which swim and purr
Druggy and wasted, vegetable eyes
Tripping on love, though sad, darkness and light

4874 - No alarms

Went to work, did some things but I struggled
To concentrate. It was fairly useful
As a memory jogger, attempt to meld
Together my broken brain after full
Days and evenings of drinking and slow fall
Into stupor. I got some momentum
But left early, walking to the Arndale
Managed to get a refund for that bum
Bedside alarm clock. Argos will have one
That's better, I'm sure. My new boots niggled
And I'll get blisters soon, so I've now pulled
Out some plasters from the kitchen. Good strum
On the uke, exercised, forgot it'll
Be a party at Tom's tomorrow. Cool.

4843 - The gates of hell

Today, I had a mad day, highs and lows
But it's ended. miraculously well
Problems at work, problems with videos
Problems with people who won't want to tell
The truth, how do you combat this? You sell
Your soul because you want something so bad
And people see that you are credible
Take the lead, fight for your vision, they've had
To recognise it's your thing, in your head
They'll never know how you think, and the blows
You deflect, you must be strong, mustn't fall
Believe in yourself and it's not so bad
And five things have resolved today, it shows
That faith will get you through the gates of hell

4839 - A fishy tale

Quite tired at work, less sleep than usual
Quite quiet at work, and got quite a lot done
Came home and had fish for tea, tasted well
Then Harry appeared, a wag of the chin
And that 's taken up all of this evening
But it's been funny, and quite productive
Although it's not so helping my thinking
And my brain's feeling so radioactive
It's malfunctioning like you won't believe
The thoughts take long to get from cell to cell
It takes so long reaching destination
That it's not worth it, to your huge relief
Even the ads seem funny, all, yes. all
The drama of it all thrills everyone

4808 - Turning pages, waiting for wages

Brexit work's so intense it dominates
The days these days, I haven't much left once
I get home, so I relax with my thoughts
Might play some music, reading even comes
Into mind, which it hasn't done for months
But when I've done this, might pick up that book
I've struggled to get into, the doldrums
Of inactivity can't always look
At drink to get me through. Doesn't take pluck
To pick up a book, watch how time stagnates
Less than before, like a busy day comes
To an end sooner and you can head back
Home to freedom, so a good book puts skates
On a quiet evening, and it feeds your brains

4794 - Thoughts that can't be bought

You can't deal with my mental changes that
Are faster than yours, they happen real time
It's not my fault if you are a slow twat
No more shame on my part that makes me climb
Your slope, your expectations, I see I'm
Different, and from now on I decide how
I progress my life, avoiding the slime
Of normality, dictated somehow
By people like you, brought up with head bowed
I went to university, they taught
Me to think for myself, and I won't chime
Like a clock, I'll decide what I do now
If you think it's wrong, that's okay, but what
Are you gonna do? I'll do what is mine

4764 - Positive turn of events

Worked at home, the smart meter man cometh
Went out in the rain, Debs the caretaker
Was standing there. She said, for what it's worth
Smart meters only work on the ground floor
I'm on the second floor, two floors higher
This turned out to be true, but he still stayed
Putting new meters in for the future
Meaning my work time was badly delayed
While waiting, uploaded videos I'd made
Onto Facebook, where there had been a dearth
Of new posts by me for six months or more
It's something I'd previously been afraid
To do. But self-analysis gave me strength
To be proactive and overcome fear

Mon 9 Sep

4761 - Born again, died again

A great day at work, progress really being made
Not easy, some people are strange, but me
I just go on and wade through it, and played
It pretty well this week, showed I can be
Taken not as a joke but seriously
I wasn't born yesterday, I can fight
My corner and come through. I am slightly
Disappointed with myself, default flight
Into self-isolation, weakness quite
Typical, got to rise above my staid
Normality, must grow, maturity
Still not achieved, I still feel like a kite
Unable to stay in the sky, I played
A bad hand, got to try harder to be