4906 - You lot are boring

And so I'm supposed to write something here
By myself, no other bids me to write
I fell victim to the most ancient fear
Of not being popular, it is no right
But I have learned after decades of plight
We should not blame ourselves for things that are
Not our fault, bend with the wind, then upright
Stand, unaffected, perpendicular
I feel as though today they went too far
They chatted but I didn't feel a cheer
They formed a group and I never did quite
Manage to join it. Could have tried harder
But I had nothing left, got out of there
At least I'm not spending pub prices, right?

4894 - Ketching up with people

A long day with a lot of achievement
Got up in time to watch Andrew Marr's show
Wrote a new song and then some merriment
In the form of a JFK sketch, though
It needed ketchup as a prop, and so
Bought some from Sainsbury's and I cooked my lunch
Rang Louis on his birthday, radio
On while I dozed, then caught the tram to watch
Liverpool v Man U, the rivals' crunch
Match with Barbie Mugabe, and we went
To two pubs in Chorlton. Beer was a no-
No, for I was to perform song and sketch
Later, where the audience was in ferment
And chaos reigned, but made a video

4847 - Fishy on a dishy

Worked at home for a while, then caught the train
To the airport, from there flew to Belfast
Had a lovely walk round, there was no rain
In fact it was pleasant, though when I passed
Custom House to the Quays, the wind was iced
A little. Headed to City Hall in
Quick time. The Christmas market there, quite fast
I walked round, bought nothing, time for eating
Fish City, Ann Street, an award-winning
Restaurant, expensive, filling just the same
Then to the Duke of York, a lovely glass
Of Guinness, possibly the best-tasting
I've ever had, then hotel film, and lain
In bed thinking of Helen. What a blast!

Tue 3 Dec

4789 - Bilious at Berlioz

Saturday, day of showers, met Josephine
It was dry as we walked around and ate
At Las Iguanas, where the Brexit scene
Was discussed, must have impressed those who sat
Nearby, my still-young daughter really at
The races now with politics and views
She's doing it at A level, and that
Will make her even better with the news
And current affairs. Like Louis, she'll use
That expertise to good effect, I ween
Then met Helen at Waterhouse, some chat
Then to the Bridgewater after some booze
That knocked H out, she felt ill, kept it in
The whole concert, then puked, then went and ate!

Sat 5 Oct

4701 - It's only words

Mainly sunny, Monday, not in work mood
Neither was anyone else, seemed to me
Chatted to two colleagues, then time for food
And costume-shopping with Helen in the
Arndale Centre, at LuvyaBabes party
Clothing emporium. Couldn't really take
Any good pix of H in her sexy
Costume, because of shop assistants. Took
Some OK ones though, did my best, then looked
For seats in the sun, The Mitre seemed good
For quick service. Back home this evening, she
Sent another pic, wearing tights - my luck
Was in! Practiced street songs a little. Should
Start learning the lyrics now, urgently!!

4627 - The foggy bucket

One day late, here's my Thursday diary
Some showers, good to see some falling rain
We may need the water, come June, July
Kept forgetting, it's Justyna again
More comedy acts we were enjoyin'
Our second trip to the Frog and Bucket
I struggled at first with bearings, the strain
Of finding my way to the bar, seemed it
Was like crossing the Pacific by boat
Using oars, blindfold. I managed to buy
Two cokes OK though, and even return
To the right table without spillage. What
An achievement! Comedians couldn't see
Us, too far back, and safe from their disdain!

Thur 25 Apr

4611 - Shit went down

First set at Worst Night in Salford in an
Age, went well I thought, with no rehearsal
My 5 minute 'shit' set premiered there, and
I did it well, not memorised at all
So quite pleased. Got a few laughs and a cool
Singalong, even, lots of smiles, but I
Couldn't stand OJ's boring closing bull
Dave Turquoise wasn't there, James was MC
It was half ten by that stage - time to fly
I had just two pints, but I've bought some wine
So I'm knocking that back now, maybe I'll
Get a good night's sleep. Chan's gone once more, by
The way, it's China this time! My headphone
Has packed in. Some old ones are working well!

4607 - Bye Bye Jamesy

James' first leaving do, it was OK
We got pissed. Crazy Pedro's, Mulligan's
Waterhouse, The Vine, not sure who has paid
Poor old James got too pissed, I helped him and
Hopefully, he got the Bury tram. Found
It for him, then I walked home no problem
So much to learn, I played my part, and then
I got home alone, with mixed feelings, then
Are not a great bunch, but that is the norm
Some of them haven't got that much to say
In years past I'd have felt bad, but now spend
Little time worrying, let them be them
Me and James hit it off, and I can say
That's enough, I know who are my true friends

5 April

4593 - Sterling work

Yesterday, Friday, was Steve's leaving do
At the Wellington, a nice grilled salmon
My first do with my operational crew
Crown and Anchor after the Wellington
Stayed til about 6:30, headed home
To catch England / Czech Republic - five nil
Sterling hat-trick, Kane penalty, and an
Own goal by a defender - terrible!
Not long ago it was us with no skill
But good to see England with more young new
Faces, scaring defences as they run
Into the box, their opponents fearful
Had a few beers in the pub and home, too
A good night's sleep was had, weekend lie-in

4582 - Watching the defectives

This is one day late, tales of yesterday
I came home somewhat late, went straight to bed
Following a busy office-bound day
It was cold and windy, hood on my head
As I went out after tea and headed
For town to meet Justyna - she was late
So I had plum porter while I waited
In The Castle pub, there on Oldham Street
A few doors down from The Frog and Bucket
Comedy club, to watch wannabes play
At stand-up. Most were okay. James Heath did
A paid spot, he's really doing good (the git!)
She's married, it turns out, agreed we'll stay
Friends and no more. I think that's what we said

Mon 11 March

4579 - Drinking with the rude boys

Finished (for now) the EU exit stuff
At work, and then a welcome early end
Met Helen (and Alan) and headed off
To Sinclair's Oyster Bar, where fun is banned
Suni was barred entry, racistly shunned
He had shoes on, his clothes were suitable
So we went next door to the Wellington
And before long found a nice round table
A few pints downed, with my old Oils people
Including Steve K, a guy who is naff
But harmless, except for his harassment
Of Helen, who's nice and incapable
Of giving him the logical brush-off
I told him straight, butt out, you're not a friend

Fri 8 March

4574 - Pub it, grub it, dub it

After my late night and awake til three
I couldn't lie in. It was Carla's do
So I had to get up fairly early
Even so, missed the first bus to Leeds. To
Pass an hour til the next one, ordered two
Items from Greggs, sat down, listened to tunes
Got to the Lamb and Flag early, but too
Dehydrated to drink pints. We were loons
At that lunch table. We weren't quite buffoons
But we were loud, a fun cacophony
Carla's living with a guy in a new-
Looking house outside Huddersfield, and runs
A lovely rust red car. She's so happy
Met Justyna, Emma, Hilaria too

Sun 3 March

4573 - Locked out, shopped, and barrel of beer

Not going out, or so I thought, but I
Did get a new second-hand jumper and
A pair of pale denim jeans. What a buy
At three quid each! I regret I didn't
Apply to the Fringe brochure that day. Went
Out in the evening instead. That was fun
Down the Salford Arms with Dermot, hell-bent
On getting pissed. We stayed out until one
No, make that two. While out, messaged by Chan
She even rang me. I ignored her cry
For help - she was locked out! Her name had changed
On Facebook to HJ. I carried on
Boozing with D. Got home, she was stood by
The door. Been there for hours. Guilt filled my mind

Sat 2 March

4569 - No arm in it

Charging my speaker, so that I can play
Some music from my phone, since Spotify
Refuses to open its green display
On my laptop screen, though I've now paid my
Subscription, slightly late. Oh well. Should I
Eat first, or play first? Play first, that should be
Better, I think. Some wine still left, too dry
Last night to drink it, but OK today
I pondered going to the comedy
At the King's Arms tonight, but think I'll stay
In and do stuff. For weeks now, I've had my
Inbetweeners DVDs patiently
Waiting for me to watch, and this delay
Is like Brexit in its when, how and why

4565 - Pub a dub

Day off, I'd intended to go to Wales
For Lewis's leaving lunch but did not
So I was free, and invited Hell's Bells
Out, and we had a good few drinks and got
Around the Northern Quarter quite a lot
I'd suggested Odd Bar but it has gone
It's an Escape Room now, so instead met
In a typical pub, The Unicorn
Then Mother Mac's, then on to the Millstone
Karaoke in old Sinatra styles
Then The Castle, then Hunter's for a spot
Of food, then NQ64, games on,
A free drink, then Behind Closed Doors, no fails
All good places, good chat, Helen looked hot

Fri 22 Feb

4558 - Clone zone

Good day at work, then waiting to meet Pearl
I was in Piccadilly Gardens where
I bumped into Angela, office girl
From the old place, Ralli Quays, then in the
Time before meeting Pearl, went to withdraw
Twenty quid to buy shirts, red and yellow
But there was a dodgy man in the queue
Seemed to want to clone my card. Worried, so
In the pub with Pearl, phoned the bank to go
Through what happened, closed the card, unable
To buy my round though, so Pearl paid with her
Small finances, felt like a so and so
Good chat, cut short somewhat, a real
Pleasure to see her before she's not there

Fri 15 Feb

4553 - Minstrels in the Gallery

A good Sunday, woke quite early, half six
Got up almost an hour later, breakfast
Knew I had to register for the Fringe
But didn't do it, I needed to ask
Charles' advice, so I deferred the task
Til tomorrow at work. Instead I played
Uke, then out to Manchester for a cask
With Helen, and a sandwich, then we made
Our way from The Shakespeare along the road
In the cold to the Bridgewater Hall, quick
Glass of red, then up to the Gallery fast
So as not to miss the big serenade
Of choirs and soloists while strings assist
In Berlioz' The Damnation of Faust

4533 - Free Binge

An intense day at work but memorable
My first manager's talk, lasted three hours
But that's cos I did all I was able
And groundwork has been laid for our futures
Respect on both sides, exchange of ideas
And that continued into the evening
When I met Tom in the King's Arms, two beers
And for him, two cokes, he don't do drinking
Our third show meeting, we did some thinking
Refining, almost ready now to sell
It to the venue, that's the Free Sisters
It's all now getting much more exciting
So now back home, Estrella on table
Need to quickly diminish my powers

4495 - It's perky without turkey

I felt pretty bad yesterday, a cold
And sore throat made me feel weak and chilly
But despite this I was looking forward
To my old team's Christmas meal. Not turkey
But Thai. The venue, Thaikun. One curry
Would have been enough yesterday the way
I felt. Two courses was too much for me
So I left half my curry, was away
Outside with Helen, it got took away
Without me having to feel, well, awkward!
Drinks, we tried Albert's Schloss, but too busy
Then Peaky Blinders, then the Nag's Head. Hey -
It's the new must-go-to place for a good
Old sing-song with raucous karaoke!

4483 - Trouble in Store

A day spent more profitably within
The comedy world, continuing to write
Ideas for my show, then Gullivers. None
There apart from three comedians. All right
I did a quick routine, then one more pint
In The Unicorn, not been there before
Then to what is a very scary night
King Gong at Gullivers, Comedy Store
Saw some familiar faces give what for
James Heath did well, Erika nearly won
Met Lubo from London, and he was quite
Good (driving back home tonight!!) Cards were borne
Aloft quite harshly but correctly in
The air, it was fair, but the whole thing's shite