4939 - Video dreams

Listening to Hot New Bands on Spotify
On my phone, thru my speaker, yes, all's fixed
Bluetooth's working on my speaker and my
Headphones now. Tomorrow I will visit
Vee's flat after work, take my PC, it's
Sending files straight from my phone when they're done
Onto my PC, should be effortless
But never has been, can take all evenin'
To upload a single video, makin'
It pointless filming them. Now maybe I
Can do it easily like modern kids
What a dream, especially with Prague comin'
To be able to film just what I spy
And upload when I want, and watch transfixed

4935 - This is the new sheet

Where's Storm Jorge? I thought it would pour down
I think it did last night, but today it's
Been cold and sunny, suitable for goin'
Out for a walk, no rain, not even spits
Popped to the shops, got new holiday bits
And bobs as Prague draws near, some underwear
I needed that - and some good new t-shirts
Also new bedsheets, though those are for here!
Might throw the old one out, the wear and tear
Has made it feel bobbly, can't move around
My feet and legs without slight discomforts
It needs to be super-smooth lying there
Rolling around, enough to bring on spurts
Here come the clouds, darkness sudden, profound

4933 - It's grim up South Korea

Poor Helen's having a hard time, I know
What that's like, but at least at work some things
Are working out, evil is being seen through
And my manager is great, supporting
Me, appreciative of my hard striving
To get things done with no help, that is new
And nice. After work, went to a screening
Of Parasite, the Oscar-winning view
Of class difference in Korea, who knew?
My mind wandered as I watched, but the show
Was worth seeing, and quite entertaining
In the end. Not sure had Helen gone too
If she'd have liked it, but she didn't go
It's ticked off now, and I'm late night drinking!

4926 - Lisbon Day 3

Cloudy at first, then the sunshine shone through
After confusion 'bout departure point
Caught the Yellow Boat with its friendly crew
Got off on the far bank - our appoint-
ment with the Christ statue was imminent
We took a tuk-tuk to Rio's twin bro'
Built in '59, the same monument
As the one in Brazil - no need to go
There now!) Only had half an hour or so
Then took the tuk-tuk back. Quick meal. Yellow
Boat just about to leave. Jo feeling faint
Headed back to the hotel so that Jo
Could have a lie down. There might be time to
Have an evening meal. Last night in this joint

Thur 20 February

4925 - Lisbon Day 2

Very late leaving our hotel room - she rises
So late it was 12 noon before we went
Caught Yellow Bus open top tour, which is
Also a ticket for a boat tour - can't
Wait for tomorrow! The bus drove inland
I thought it was the Modern Lisbon tour
But it was Lisbon and Belem. Unplanned
But brilliant. Saw Belem, but also saw
The Golden Gate style bridge just above our
Heads. So sunny. Next, we sat with slushies
And waffles at a pavement table. Planned
To see the castle. Just too late, the door
Was closing, but saw the cathedral. It's
Great in Barrio Alto. A day well spent!

Wed 19 February

4903 - My room's not a balloon

So glad I found time last night to work on
My set, it's tomorrow night, yes, that soon
Although sleep-deprived and hard-worked, I've done
More on it since getting in, searched my room
And various boxes for props and costume
I'll get up early, finish work early
Then home to change, think I'll wear the maroon
T-shirt for the Middlesbrough gig. Must be
At Dane Road tram station by 5 in the
Afternoon, so Barbie can get us gone
Up the road, and not too far from the Toon
Got Thursday off as leave, yes thankfully
So enough sleep tonight's wish number one
No sneaking in my room to pop a balloon!

4902 - Do adjust your set

Early start, and a long day in office
But still I did exercises later
Sent over a biog and couple of pix
For the upcoming gig in Middlesbrough
Wednesday night - so soon! Needed to prepare
So next, I rewrote the set, started to
Learn the words, and I might practice in ,,, where?
In bed, that's where, and it might be fun too
So I can wake early again I do
Want to finish these sonnetary tricks
And get creative under the covers
Jiggling with words, juggling with how d'ye do?
So don't say to me, hey, you can't touch this
Because I need to touch my big idea

4847 - Fishy on a dishy

Worked at home for a while, then caught the train
To the airport, from there flew to Belfast
Had a lovely walk round, there was no rain
In fact it was pleasant, though when I passed
Custom House to the Quays, the wind was iced
A little. Headed to City Hall in
Quick time. The Christmas market there, quite fast
I walked round, bought nothing, time for eating
Fish City, Ann Street, an award-winning
Restaurant, expensive, filling just the same
Then to the Duke of York, a lovely glass
Of Guinness, possibly the best-tasting
I've ever had, then hotel film, and lain
In bed thinking of Helen. What a blast!

Tue 3 Dec

4811 - Simply Timperley

As predicted, the Blackpool trip was not
Possible today, for comedy filming
Instead we convened at Barbie's house at
Timperley, and it proved well worth doing
Maybe fifteen films shot for uploading
With help from Barbie and AJ who do
Such a good job somehow realising
My ideas, always in one take, each new
Daft idea coming to life. I know you
Could not achieve so much so soon in shit
Stand-up nights in front of weekend drinking
Idiots, that's where the money is. Boo-hoo -
I can't get those gigs, don't want to compete
In a race to the bottom, performing...

4810 - Frackpool

Today I stayed in, watching the rugby
In the morning, England beat New Zealand
Brilliantly, a historic victory
The final favourites, they are now England
Who will they face in the final? Welsh friends
(Or foes) hopefully not, they seem to win
Against us when it most matters. No more,
Especially in the World Cup Final in
Japan. I also wrote a new song for
The filming tomorrow, fracking the core
Subject, filmed in Blackpool is what I see
On the beach, the red tower in the background
I left it late, and it won't come to be
This time, but maybe some later weekend

Sat 26 Oct

4785 - Spare him the cutter

Took ages getting to sleep last night. Not
Till at least 2:30, or later. Those
Sods next door were shagging, that had a lot
To do with it, I'd say, and I propose
To cut off his willy... No, wait, I s'pose
The main problem is her, the sex maniac
You see, she came here from old Mexico's
Shores. That may not mean she's Remainiac
Since she's not from an EU state. Alack,
Many times she's left me in a s state. Spot
The man who can't drop off, though tired, can't doze
Tossing and turning, half-insomniac
Oh well, I'd rather shagging than laughs, shouts
Or parties, with music and thumping bass

4777 - Doctor in the park

Been filming in the park with Barbie and
AJ, the rain just holding off enough
And not deluging us as it threatened
To allow us to do our comedy stuff
They were all my ideas, should raise a laugh
When I post them over the next few weeks
We went to Buile Hill Park, Salford, a tough
Area but some nice houses too. The leaks
From the clouds earlier made the grass wet, streaks
Of mud here and there, and I rolled around
In it in my white doctor's coat. I love
My new character, Dirty Doctor, seeks
Employment at your gig, he has laughs planned
Phone storage full now, got to take pix off

4769 - It's only shop and stroll

Spent the morning thinking of film ideas
And writing them with sharpie on a pad
Next Sunday we'll be filming, it's so near
So after that I walked around Salford
Hoping for more ideas as my feet toured
Nothing more came, but it was nice again
To see places I'd previously explored
But forgotten where they were. I went down
Liverpool Street as far as Pendleton
Kept on through Seedley and Weaste, saw the trees
Of Buile Hill Park, then soon realised I could
Reach Eccles, past Hope Hospital, and turned
Left. Soon there, checked out the shops. For my bus
I bought red paper, Now I need cardboard!

4747 - Ed Fringe Day 24

Walked more today than any other day
24 kilometres, not far off
Marathon length. Quite a good show today
Three fun-spirited lads came, two were of
Aussie origin, and they gave the love
All the Aussies I've met here have given
Not only that, an Aussie comic gave
A great show - Bilge Pump Seminar - down in
The Boteca (Heroes) basement. Walking
In addition to Edinburgh, the bay
From Musselburgh back to the city. Wove
My way across sands, rocks and seaweed. Sun
Shone on it all! Can now definitely say
I've seen some great sights, free from push and shove!

Fri 23 Aug

4746 - Ed Fringe Day 23

Not much sleep, plagued by horny thoughts, and by
Tom's snoring earlier on. Got up to do
My show. Josh turned up last minute, but I
Was right, no-one came. Though there were some queues
For some shows. Some people I chatted to
Reported low numbers, especially in
This last week of the Fringe. Much too tired to
Do anything (after a Thai meal) than
Trudge home and rest. Got up late afternoon
Wrote a 5 minute stand-up set to try
At Tom's Comedy Shorts at Newsroom. Phew!
It went well, despite it being brand new and
Untried. The Sprite burp gag worked just like I
Hoped it would. Tomorrow night - stand-up 2....!!

Thur 22 Aug

4733 - Ed Fringe Day 10

Horrible morning deluge, just when we
(Me and AJ) started out flyering
My ew expensive umbrella totally
Destroyed by gusts of wind as we're walking
Up towards Edinburgh centre, trying
To protect my red sprayed hair from the rain
4 people attended, plus AJ.Things
Went well, missed out the swimming bit, but gained
On the recorded laughs and the chicken
Impressions. Charlotte, just 4, was a wee
Star! C Venues emailed me following
A dropout, did 40 minutes for them
Still got a slot this Sunday, too, at C
More flyering, and 2 shows seen. Spiffing!!

Fri 9 Aug

4730 - Ed Fringe Day 7

Almost a week into the Fringe now. It's
Going so quickly, every moment's filled
Today was my Green Day (hair, t-shirt, glitz)
Took umbrella so green hair chalknot swilled
Away by the showers. About 10, willed
Myself to patrol the Royal Mile. I
Was targeting the kids and families still
But my prices are for them all, too high
And my humour too sharp. I'd say now, my
Audience is more teens and older - yes, kids
But, kids AT HEART, with adult brains. I killed
Them so far, those that came. Was emailed by
The C venues, got a good spot. It's this
Sunday - perfect chance to plug my show. Brill!!

Tue 6 Aug

4724 - Ed Fringe Day 1

Not much sleep on the midnight bus up here
Which stopped at Leeds for two hours in the night
Woke up to see we were in Edinburgh
Pleased to say this time I felt great delight
Walked with red suitcase and blue bag to wait
Outside 88 McDonald Road for
Nick the Landlord, who came promptly. With great
Speed I settled in, searched for the Lidl store
Got food, etc. Practised songs after
Coffee and porridge. Two lads then appeared
- Jimmy and Lewis - said hello, then flight
To town, Fringe Central, firststop, then to Sur-
geons Hall, met Aussie crew, mutual helpers
I'll do the lights for their shows - yes, the lights!!

Wed 31 July

4705 - Rap Trap

Long day's work, thirteen hours, almost two days
In effect, train to Newcastle and back
Although the North East, I felt the sun's rays
Warming me as I walked around the blocks
Of that massive place where they do the tax
Benton Park View. Met Ian W there
For coffee and a fairly long chinwag
Been listening to many female rappers
On an extremely long playlist, never-
Ending, it seems, but when an oldie plays
Such modern music, give him pat on back
Knackered, but I'm gonna watch on Film 4
'Momentum' - violence and torture to gaze
Upon til bedtime, and my sleep gets back on track

4704 - Fishing for condiments

Drinking to get an early night because
I'm setting the alarm for 5:30
Got an early train to catch. It's long hours
Tomorrow, so that'll help my flexi
Up to Newcastle, Landfill Tax will be
The subject matter - it's kinda rubbish
Literally, there's a joke in there, trust me
When the boat comes in, we'll all get our fish
Of which there was a smell in the office
Today, no joke, and not sweetened by sauce
Tired tonight, so, with beer added, maybe
I won't be knackered when the alarm hits
My ears. Always stressful, the early rise...
Been choosing which Fringe shows I'd like to see