5010 - Yoga bear

Just waiting for a conference call to end 

I’ve done a few things today while my eyes

Stayed on my inbox. Yoga, lots of bend 

And stretch, wobbles as Bony Tony tries

To stand on one leg! Popped to shop, my buys

Including fish for the next two main meals 

Wrote a comedy script - Morecambe and Wise

Beware - involving jokes to produce squeals 

(Of pain). When it’s all done, tonight reveals

Dogs of Berlin on Netflix. Recommend

It to Helen, may bring back memories 

Of our days there. A place that still appeals 

Work’s done now, so comedy time, my friends 

The second of my Jesus interviews 

4987 - Good but boring

Although it's boring staying good and clean
It does have benefits. You get more done
Whatever, today I was determined
To finish work early, get flexi down
A bit, and I exercised early on
Re-wrote comedy scripts for videos
The first already filmed this afternoon
In time to watch the coronavirus
Daily briefing, and fried some great sea bass
While it was on. The truth is, I'm real keen
To play my uke before two films come on
Europa Report, Eye In The Sky, just
Into films right now when I'm relaxing
They entertain while I'm stuck in lockdown

4982 - Bottom of the pops

It's Thursday. I think. Hard to tell these days
Did quiz research first, and had some ideas
For a comedy sketch, not that it pays
But it's fun to think up and do, I guess
Filmed at home, there's no travel expenses
And it doesn't take me long to do it
It never has. It suits my laziness
I've done so many now, feel less a tit
If people don't watch, that don't make it shit
Popularity, I don't know its ways
But then so many don't. Even success
Is no guarantee of that, not one bit
Played good uke, a few soul numbers. My craze
For music is something that never dies

4956 - Self isolation

Today I planned to do 'self-isolate'
As a theme, and wrote lyrics this morning
Listening to a 70s song that's great
Called 'It's Too Late' by that there Carole King
From 'Tapestry', that's a familiar ring
An early 70s classic album
Allied to the coronavirus thing
Thought I could match it to wiping your bum
And self-isolating and staying home
It was OK but I should have done more takes
Then I'd have sang it better, no doubting
Lessons learned and all that, I must become
Willing to put more work in not frustrate
My talent with laziness, so I think

4899 - Not Right Writing

Only nonsense will do for this tonight
A long day's work, not everything's all right
Just get along the line from left to right
This is the fourth line, that is two lines twice
The flat is as quiet as two house mice
Each noise makes me jump up with some surprise
It takes me ages to think up these lines
And soon as I have, once, then it's two times
And with each line I'm running out of rhymes
And it's so true you know I'm out of lies
This is a tricky rhymer's paradise
And a film's on the TV and my eyes
Keep getting pulled that way they dramatize
But now I've reached the time I finalise

4894 - Ketching up with people

A long day with a lot of achievement
Got up in time to watch Andrew Marr's show
Wrote a new song and then some merriment
In the form of a JFK sketch, though
It needed ketchup as a prop, and so
Bought some from Sainsbury's and I cooked my lunch
Rang Louis on his birthday, radio
On while I dozed, then caught the tram to watch
Liverpool v Man U, the rivals' crunch
Match with Barbie Mugabe, and we went
To two pubs in Chorlton. Beer was a no-
No, for I was to perform song and sketch
Later, where the audience was in ferment
And chaos reigned, but made a video

4889 - From mess-ups to press-ups

Woke early, perfectly allowing me
To get to work earlier than expected
So much to do, and worked so feverishly
Before my productive morning ended
A course this afternoon lifted the lid
On writing for the customer, but still
There was more work before I exited
No soaking walking home, that was a thrill
Somehow managed to exercise, did well
A hundred press-ups, and did abs quickly
Caught the headlines, ate tea, and considered
Myself too tired to go out. Georgy Girl
The old film from '66 on TV
That'll pass time, and then early to bed

4887 - It'll be all right on the Sprite

Still recovering from yesterday in more
Ways than one, but although I'm physically
And mentally drunk, I did recover
And went on to do quite a lot, really
Wrote a new Sprite sketch which is quite funny
Looked at Prague flights, went shopping, searched for nights
Out, planned the next few nights, so much to see
Comedy, films, and all stuff that excites
Think I'll go to the Frog and Bucket, might
See some acts I know from Worst Night take the floor
Will they survive, or raised cards will they see?
Was tired, but took a new song to Worst Night
Good response to Walking In Austria
A new video for YouTube, hopefully!

4879 - Saturday Sprite Fever

So - must begin with so - what did I do
At home on Saturday. I exercised
(Fourth time this week), sat down and wrote some new
Comedy, more burping from drinking Sprites
Went to Sainsburys to buy some more, surprised
A big bottle costs the same as a small
Hopefully Sunday I'll record a nice
Little video, but if not, I've got all
Next week. I think it'd look best filmed well
After dark, since the sketch is set when you
Are out late in some bar with lonely eyes
Despite years passing, still missing your girl
Watched Atomic Blonde, Berlin cold war view
Any chance to see its familiar sights!

Saturday 4 January

4838 - Far from the Worst Comedy Night

A good day, did exercises and lots
Of other chores, knowing Harry would be
Moving in before long, and I had chats
With Helen, about the gig, Saturday
Best of all, went through all my songs to play
On video next weekend, so I could send
Some clips to the Fringe or maybe display
On YouTube, show my fans by next weekend
Who don't know, I'm a comedy song fiend
Wrote new ones too. Harry moved in, and its
All sorted relatively quickly
Including his quick payment of the rent
And best of all I went out to The Worst
Comedy Night in its new home. Happy!

4834 - My Tube

Responses to my great YouTube channel
Have been received from strangers who love it
They called me 'God' - it fits me very well
Not because I'm even close to perfect
But because they liked my humour, that's what
Matters, and that the videos are being seen
By people out there who I've never met
I'm taking advantage of the machine
That is the internet, irony being
That I'm the least technical guy of all
And hate networking, messaging and shit
I was so happy, had to drink, but seemed
Still able to compose a song, oh well
It's all so easy now as I create

4790 - Poxy driver

Stayed in apart from Sainsburys. Bit washed out
Unsurprisingly after two nights' booze
Still did exercises though on the mat
Still thinking of Berlioz and belly ooze
Looking back on it's quite hilarious
Though I think Helen's still ill, suffering
It was nice walking in the rain to bus
Stop, helping her catch it and not needing
An expensive taxi this time. Spending
£60 getting home last Friday, what
A rip-off. Had thought I could write some new
Stuff, comedy or a song, but watching
The Pickwick Papers was far as I got
Enjoyed it though, class acts from the 50s

4769 - It's only shop and stroll

Spent the morning thinking of film ideas
And writing them with sharpie on a pad
Next Sunday we'll be filming, it's so near
So after that I walked around Salford
Hoping for more ideas as my feet toured
Nothing more came, but it was nice again
To see places I'd previously explored
But forgotten where they were. I went down
Liverpool Street as far as Pendleton
Kept on through Seedley and Weaste, saw the trees
Of Buile Hill Park, then soon realised I could
Reach Eccles, past Hope Hospital, and turned
Left. Soon there, checked out the shops. For my bus
I bought red paper, Now I need cardboard!

4768 - Clown Prince TB

It's Friday night, must stay in and be good
I need to save, and maintain good habits
For a while, the exception's if I could
Spend time with friends making plans, or some dates
But not drinking at home and all that shit
Better to focus on good health and goals
Such as the above, and, when not doing that
Why not read more? I've bought books that could fill
That void. Keep practising the uke, write all
Those silly comedy scenes people would
Be amazed by, cause lots of sides to split
Even more than Brexit, but play the fool
In a similar way to MP, lord
Or advisor in our broke politics

4767 - Exercise 101

Decent night's sleep, felt quite energetic
Enough to do my mat exercises
Also tonight, once more played a mean uke
Playing along to funk and rock classics
No matter how hard, seemed to play with ease
For two hours twenty minutes. In the end
I had to stop. It's getting late and these
Other things need to get done, like send
This sonnet into cyberspace. Defend
The impossible, that's our politics
And Question Time's on later. Laugh at this
Programme, you may as well, as they offend
And interrupt each other, Commons schtick
Brought into once polite TV studios

4763 - Circles of squares

Woke up early despite late night last night
Still got a lot done. First, watched Andrew Marr
Amber Rudd, John McDonnell kept me right
Up to date with their views on Brexit. Are
The people round Boris breaking the law
If they don't ask for yet more time to fix
Things? Sajid Javid tried vainly to square
That circle. It will take some clever tricks
By Number 10 to leave before the clocks
Tick past October. I managed to write
More Ed Fringe '20 ideas, even better
Ideas for a second show. BT gets
Angry - a show where I abuse and fight
(Verbally) the audience. Amusing, huh?

4762 - Monty Write On

In all weekend, and after last night's fail -
Or maybe I deserved relaxation? -
Today, Saturday, I spent pretty well
Coming up with ideas that may go in
Next year's show. Such early preparation -
Just shows the Fringe is kind of addictive
The competition gets under your skin
And you want to do better and to give
The next show the best chance, more than you gave
The first, which was nearly a sorry tale
Also watched live football played by England
Who beat Bulgaria 4-0. Yes!!! We won!!
And played my uke just like ringing a bell
Followed by watching some Monty Python

4755 - The positive touch

Went to bed as early as nine last night
Almost my earliest ever, for ages
At any rate. The beer, combined with tired-
ness, probably accumulated, was
Enough to knock me out for twelve hours
Yes, I didn't rise until nine next day!
I still had a hangover though I'd used
Painkillers in the night. It went away
Finally, after breakfast. Felt okay
After lunch, so I decided I'd write
A summary of my Fringe, analysis
Of my thoughts, and steps to find the right way
Forward, Negative thinking's been my blight
I'll try harder to reach out for others

4752 - Back to work, back to reality

Woke up at a quarter to eleven
Although I was fairly late going to bed
And at twenty to six or maybe seven
Some talk and noise outside interrupted
My sleep for an hour and a half. I've tried
To do what I can, post-Edinburgh
I wrote a comedy song, summarised
My Fringe memories and impressions, a blur
If left longer, details would disappear
And now I'm mentally tired at seven
Thirty after my tea, refilling head
With Brexit shit I've not missed while up there
Engrossed in my show and others I'd seen
Tomorrow, it's back to work, I'm afraid...!!!

4735 - Ed Fringe Day 12

A terrible rainy depressing day
But one that may just be a turning point
Did a gig at C Viva, 1:30
About 30 kids and grown-ups. It went
OK, but no flyers taken. Then I fought
My way home through the driving rain. Felt bad
But no time to slacken, I had to write
My show again, and rewrite all my ad
Stuff on the Fringe website and theatre site
And post on social media. It's all quite
Fine, if you're asking. Rain, loss of money
A cold coming on. Show attendance? Shite!
But worked hard, new direction. Now, could they
Be flyering for me? If so, heaven sent!

Sun 11 Aug