4875 - Train not in vain

Returned the car to Avis in Bolton
No scratches or surcharges, thank goodness
Got the train back, forgot my main mission
To buy a bedside alarm clock, replace
The broken one where time never changes
Main task once back has been to watch videos
And I've now seen those shot at Barbie's place
Back in early December! I suppose
They're not too bad, ten songs in all. I froze
From watching them all this time, a burden
I shrank from, watching myself make a mess
From inadequate rehearsal, but shows
I'm improving at the uke if I can
Make it sound ok while singing, I guess!!

4874 - No alarms

Went to work, did some things but I struggled
To concentrate. It was fairly useful
As a memory jogger, attempt to meld
Together my broken brain after full
Days and evenings of drinking and slow fall
Into stupor. I got some momentum
But left early, walking to the Arndale
Managed to get a refund for that bum
Bedside alarm clock. Argos will have one
That's better, I'm sure. My new boots niggled
And I'll get blisters soon, so I've now pulled
Out some plasters from the kitchen. Good strum
On the uke, exercised, forgot it'll
Be a party at Tom's tomorrow. Cool.

4873 - Ashton fashions

Got up slightly drunk after last night's binge
Of almost ten Guinnesses while I soaked
Up the Disgraceland stories, hearing strange
Tales of excess and death from rock stars coked
Up and more, doing stuff as careers choked
Like Brian Jones in his pool, stoned and drowned
Rock or soul stars, shot, who could not be woke
Most bought their drugs with dollar, some with pound
But today, took a break from Disgraceland
And had a day out in the car which ranged
From Uppermill to Ashton as we Merc'd
Along. I bought new boots, waiting around
For Pearl and Jo finally to re-emerge
From Ashton's arcade, we talked, laughed and joked

4872 - Podcasts at long last

Last night I listened to my new podcast
Obsession, specifically, Disgraceland
And loved it, so didn't wait long to blast
Through more tales of dangerous and decadent
Behaviour from music stars from the land
Of the USA, mainly, Britain too
Brian Jones, Amy Winehouse, James Brown and
The odd rock combo such as Motley Crue
The best one was the first I listened to
Dennis Wilson, who couldn't have forecast
The Manson Family's crimes when they hung round
His house, their orgies, sex turning into
Death which was nearly his. And then, at last,
To bed at 1:30, later than planned!

Sat 28 Dec

4871 - The weekend is postponed here

Woke early, very tired, but excited
Thinking tonight I'd go out with Helen
Firstly to watch Mike Joyce's DJ set
At Yes, and then from there, we could go on
Extending hopefully a long night's fun
To K2 karaoke bar, China-
Town, a place I've heard of but not yet been
But when checking the Yes address, I'm a
Little confused, the date had changed kinda
Secretly, suddenly, before we met
To Saturday. Given this confusion
And both our family commitments, kinder
To us and all of them, we thought, to wait
Til next Friday, then we'll have a good one!

4870 - Crowd saucing

Boxing Day, slept over on blow-up bed
Slept okay considering, saw the dark sky
Turn morning grey and overcast like lead
Waited for all to stir. They discussed my
Edinburgh experience and wondered why
I'd do it again, but it's hard to let
It go after that effort, have to try
At least apply, and if I could just get
A suitable venue, I won't regret
It, and not end up so disappointed
At crowd size, the main issue, passers-by
Assaulted by waves of flyerers forget
Your show in seconds. We all were well fed
At Piccolino's in West Didsbury

Thur 26 Dec

4869 - Wrap it up and start again

Took ages to wrap presents, then I rang
At almost twelve mid-day, to check they were
Expecting me at all, I'd heard nothing
From them so far, but they said come over
So I drove the hired Merc through Manchester
And parked in space 34 as was told
Bag of presents in the elevator
And got given mine in the family fold
Pearl cooked the meal, so tasty, all were filled
But not too much, then film quiz competing
I came second, not bad, beating Vera
But losing to Pearl, but I was more skilled
At Trivial Pursuit. They went off sleeping
I listened to podcasts for two hours

Wed 25 Dec

4867 - Can strain my brain

At work, sat with Charlotte, combination
Of good process mapping, and good chatting
I think it's safe to say we both had fun
And a day of some important learning
Stayed almost til six, then back home playing
The uke until ten, my favourite hobby
I love the way it gets my brain humming
My circuits fizz, they work excitingly
And most importantly, they work quickly
And then I ate my tea, with late night fun
Provided by The In-Betweeners fling
In Australia, which I wanted to see
Recommended by Jo. Nicely tucked in
I dropped off to the radio, soon dreaming...

Mon 23 Dec

4866 - Song sung blue

The main focus of today - to prepare
To go out and play new songs live, video
Footage to be obtained so I can share
The musical side of my act some know
Well, but not Edinburgh venues, although
I've still to decide finally whether
I want to do the Fringe, another go
After the trials of this closing year
I certainly felt it spoiled Edinburgh
All those young flyerers and some cynical fare
Pirates, Potter, sci-fi, and so and so
Not to mention endless takes on Shakespeare
At times it was almost too much to bear
But tonight I went out and led the show

Sun 22 Dec

4868 - Eve of dissipation

Christmas Eve, was supposed to work at home
But also had to collect a hired car
A Mercedes, no less, quite a big one
Train to Bolton, drove home, then bought cheap beer
From Sainsbury's, and drank and watched five hours
Of my Chernobyl DVD. Dozed off
In episode three, replayed it, then four
And five on disc two, by then I felt rough
And went to bed soon after, disposed of
Christmas Eve satisfactorily on my own
Not a great fan of this time of the year
Mainly it's the darkness I find quite tough
That's why we have the lights, music and some
Big eating and drinking to revive cheer

Tue 24 Dec

4865 - Christmas fever

Met Josephine for a walk around town
She was quite late arriving - after two
In the rapidly darkening afternoon
Left Piccadilly Station, headed to
Las Iguanas, a favourite when we do
Lunch in Manchester. Pleased that they have changed
Their chilli con carne recipe. Few
Times I've had it, and it was rearranged
Somewhat, and it was enjoyably strange
Jo was cold, somewhat feverish. Walked round
The Arndale Centre to stay warm, and cue
Christmas shopping, amongst the mass deranged
Festive frenzy, all subordinate clowns
To big commerce all of us must be true

Sat 21 Dec

4864 - Bumming and strumming

Day off, although I'm back at work next week
Slight hangover after some beers last night
Couldn't be arsed doing much, so had a peek
At a film while cooking lunch, with the heat
On, making it a pleasant place to sit
Didn't do much more. Harry went back south
What did I do next as the big clock ticked
Towards time to leave at six, to head out
To Tom and Rhiannon's party. Had doubts
About walking there through dark Salford streets
But it was fine, and I got there all right
Brought the red wine my bosses handed out
To my fellow senior officers. Necked
This and some San Miguel. Had a good night!

Fri 20 Dec

4863 - You're a loser, baby

Hard day at work, doing everything myself
But I'm growing, becoming hard to beat
I don't need to rely on other's help
To get around my failings. No defeat
Is mine, I'm winning with each stressful week
Afterwards, exercised, and played my uke
Drove Harry out the flat, who cares, I can't be weak
Onwards and upwards, losers make me puke
No-one has helped me, I just face rebuke
But now I see I was always right, felt
It inside, what they'll never do, they bleat
Even though they're conformist, they can't shake
The status quo, why do they oppose my stealth
Well I've been kind long enough, now, shit, eat!

4862 - Labour of hate

The fallout from the election goes on
The Labour MPs all slag off Corbyn
Meetings of blame and recrimination
But now is socialism in the bin?
Was it ever out of it, in Britain?
Now the media's wheeling out Tony Blair
What a drag! No rehabilitation
For that poodle of Bush, deciding there
Could be no objection to joining war
Making up evidence when there was none
And copying Tory methods to win
Been to see two films these last two nights. Her
Smell, about a female rock musician
And Blue Story, London gangs and knifing

4861 - Flat broke

So luxurious to heat up the flat first
Thing in the morning. Into the kitchen
Turned on the heat remotely. Soon, like toast
The flat became, hot water at tap's turn
Harry loved it, what a contrast, what fun
Especially new for me. I've lived here for
Thirteen years, and it's never really burned
With this wonderful warmth. But just before
Going out to work, a message of horror
Reached my eyes - the bank would now charge interest
Daily on the overdraft just begun
By the boiler purchase, my Santander
Account 60 quid in the red, but worst
Fears calmed - it's just a quid a day taken

4860 - Nothing stirred, except a mouse

Day off, new boiler installed, main event
What a relief after a week, freezing
No more, whacked it on when convenient
And did my laundry washing, floor cleaning
My exercises and my recycling
Popped to the shop, then haircut, shave, shower
Then enjoyed myself ukulele-ing
As my clothes dried on the radiator
Popped out for Secret Santa stuff later
Harry came home, stays hidden and silent
If he don't want to know, no explaining
From me how it works, bored now with his mere
Mouse-like hiding, it's a disappointment
Fine mate, I'll forget you're there, do my thing

4859 - The guy who came in from the cold

Last full day of this cold flat, I hope so
Slightly less cold than yesterday somehow
Thank goodness. Stayed in mostly, but did go
Out to Home Cinema, warmth was my vow
That's where I found it, Sons of Denmark now
The latest film I've seen, a potent tale
And pertinent, the rise of the right, how
It affects families on all sides and fails
To resolve or unite, luring young males
Against their own best interests. Some may sow
The seeds of hate but we mustn't allow
It to triumph, scapegoat innocents. Fail
And things could sink so much further below
A reminder to stay strong and not bow

4858 - Cold cold Christmas

A boring day at home, and cold throughout
The boiler's dead and I sat in my coat
I was recovering from my drinking bout
So took it easy, played uke note for note
Along with some Spotify tunes by rote
In the evening, forgot my shivers by
A fun spell on Facebook, though still not put
My songs on from a week ago, so I
May do that on Monday, when at last my
New boiler is installed, when I will shout
For joy, whack the heat on, remove my coat
Looking forward to the heat, I won't lie!
Meanwhile, was so engrossed in online chat
Match of the Day was completely forgot!

Sat 14 Dec

4857 - Do do ron ron

Friday, a manic morning prior to
Going to the Wellington for our do
It was the first Christmas do in my new
Job that I properly took part in. We two,
Helen and I, last year, followed my crew
But mainly stuck together, chats were few
With my new colleagues. This year, I did do
The do fully, Helen out with hers too
In Castlefield. Nice meal, then drink flowed through
And enjoyed the evening, it almost flew
Left around ten, maybe, dunno, do you?
And on the way home, bought more beery brew
But could only manage one more can. Too
Much and I'd be ill, so bedtime was due!

Fri 13 Dec

4856 - The old boiler

What a tiring day. Woke at 6:30
Tried to get back to sleep for a while, but
Gave up and got up. I knew I would be
Interrupted at work by a call - it
Was the boiler repair man. Had to split
Back home. He prodded around, but he could
Not revive it, it was truly kaput
My finances will be spilling like blood
It was sixteen hundred and fifty quid
For fitting a new boiler - oh Lordy!
Back to work, in the rain, again got wet
Felt shivery by the time I lowered my hood
Worked on, or chatted, there til 6:30
Home again, rained again, again I'm wet

4855 - Off the boil

Less work done today, but lots of vital
Other stuff. Firstly, I emailed Helen
Arranged another meet just before Yule
That meant I knew better than before when
I should hire a car from Avis, Bolton
And it's Christmas Eve, though a working day
I'll collect it late morning, drive it home, then
Go to work. Not many in anyway
Jo will be pleased, she likes those drives away
Around Christmas. It's easier to see Pearl
And Louis too when I'm driving. I went
To the T-shirt shop, Oldham Street, to buy
More, same design, new colours. Boiler hell
It won't ignite, got plumber appointment

4854 - Nothing up top

Too busy at work to even eat my
Lunch, or pop to the shops, or to message
Anyone. Now I'm home it's hard to try
And do much, don't feel like doing too much
I exercised though, my body image
And overall health still very important
It's chucking it down, and cold, a deluge
So at least going out tonight, well, can't
Not that there's much on. At least I don't want
To spend, cos in December it can fly
Out. That's to my bank account's advantage
Jon Ashworth's slagged off Corbyn. So the hunt
For the Labour fox gains 'momentum'... Why
Do so many help the Tory message?

4853 - Election direction

Not doing much, just got the radio on
A debate's on later, one of the last
Perhaps, of 2019's election
Most people think that Corbyn cannot catch
Johnson, although the last time they thought that
He almost caught Theresa May, closing
From a long way behind, but this time's lacked
The same campaign excitement following
Corbyn around. Maybe they're all trying
To ignore him, concentrate on Johnson
And his claims of hospitals being enhanced
Nurses, police officer numbers growing
And above all things, let's Get Brexit Done!
And then it'll be great, we'll all be blessed

4852 - A day not at the races

I need to get my decorations out
It's the twelfth of December already
I also need a shave, of that, no doubt
Big week to come, I mustn't look scruffy
So time to find the silver Christmas tree
I bought three years ago, Krakow market
A few bits of tinsel, minimally
Acknowledge it rather than deny it
This has been almost the lost weekend, not
Quite at the races, spinning roundabout
Feeling at times, eyes shut, turn nauseously
As you deny the turning and get hot
And bothered, can't control within, without
As the whole world spins nauseatingly

4851 - Lasagne man, yeah

I rose at twelve, I did, how about that?
Return to the teen lifestyle, you could say!
Except I drank a bottle of Buckfast
At Barbie's house last night, plus shots and way
Weird syrupy stuff. He'd bought loads that day
Turned out to be a head changer, that did
Today Jo called, already on her way
I met her in town. It was quite crowded
Being Saturday near Christmas, but we had
A meal at Bella Italia, Deansgate
One of my favourites, good again today
Discussed politics, then they delivered
Lasagne for me, heaven on a plate
Now listening to boxing. It's Joshua, A

4850 - A case of me

Left work early, because Barbie messaged
He wanted to start our videos early
And yet soon after that he then messaged
Again to say, contradictorily
That he was going to town for a drink. He
Met me outside the Brooklands tram station
Me with my suitcase of props, easily
Transporting them in that way, better than
In big heavy bags where nosey types can
See the stupid stuff inside I've foraged
From supermarket toy aisles, charity
Shops, and the like. We then did film all ten
Songs, but it lasted all evening. I cadged
Some stuff and it all ended quite hazy

Fri 6 Dec

4849 - It's only words

This evening, rehearsed ten songs, they were mine
I had intended to cover The Doors
Song, People Are Strange, but, time-pressed, my mind
Forgot to practice it. I spent two hours
Or maybe three, going through the songs, a pause
For the odd fag, and wrote the words in black
Marker pen on big A3 sheets, the chords
Above the words they happen, keep on track
With these new songs as tomorrow I'm back
In Barbie's house, the sheet's there to remind
Me so I don't keep messing up because
I've lost my way while recording each track
On video. Saves memorising the lines
Like in acting class, back one or two years

Thur 5 Dec

4848 - Breakfast in Belfast

A filling hotel Irish breakfast at
The Ramada, so near to everything
At Custom House on time, the meeting starts
At 9am til 10:30, covering
All the items, though I needed more time
After those two colleagues left, I was lucky
To chat to C, she gave me everything
I needed. By coincidence, and funnily
Those two women tomorrow both will be
In my building in Manchester! Contact
Was fun with three important peeps, growing
My reputation gradually, slowly
But surely. Back home, pulverised the frets
Of my uke, The Jam and The Doors did ring!

4847 - Fishy on a dishy

Worked at home for a while, then caught the train
To the airport, from there flew to Belfast
Had a lovely walk round, there was no rain
In fact it was pleasant, though when I passed
Custom House to the Quays, the wind was iced
A little. Headed to City Hall in
Quick time. The Christmas market there, quite fast
I walked round, bought nothing, time for eating
Fish City, Ann Street, an award-winning
Restaurant, expensive, filling just the same
Then to the Duke of York, a lovely glass
Of Guinness, possibly the best-tasting
I've ever had, then hotel film, and lain
In bed thinking of Helen. What a blast!

Tue 3 Dec

4846 - Putting it off again

Like last night, feeling a bit too tired to
Do what I should. Last night it was go out
To Worst Comedy Night and video
Some live audience interactive stuff, shoot
It and then get it edited to suit
The Musical Comedy Awards push
And also for next year's Ed Fringe, to boot
Tonight, it's rehearsing the songs to smash
It on Thursday evening, I'm in a rush
Got to put more videos out, something new
For actual and potential fans to shout
About and spread the word, so I go WHOOSH
If Barbie can't do it I'll have to do
It with Jamal, because time's growing short

4845 - Doors of {near) perfection

Last night I went out to a gig. It was
The Doors Alive, a Doors tribute band, and
The lead singer really looked the part as
Jim Morrison, wrapped round microphone stand
The keyboard man seemed to have grafted hands
From Ray Manzarek. The drummer was okay
But the guitarist, he let down the band
He couldn't play like Robbie, sad to say
But they did some good mash-ups, where they'd play
The long songs, with some short ones interspersed
I enjoyed the night jointly with my friend
A feast of friends, her, me and some class A
Music. I feel like I've now seen The Doors
More memories, close to you. This is the end.

About Sat 30 Nov

4844 - Christmas - what a turkey!

Have yourself a shitty little Christmas
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
Transplant after I died, my best wishes
For your survival. These tunes always start
In October. Yule Will Tear Us Apart!
All I want for Christmas is a big poo
On Boxing Day, after turkey and sprout
So here it is, Merry Christmas to you
From October onwards. Spend your cash through
Those three months, long before the 'here it is'
Walk through a winter wonderland, and fart
In a reindeer's face til Rudolph says 'Eeuuuw!'
Light the log fire, burn Santa alive as
He climbs down and gets stuck cos he's so fat!

4843 - The gates of hell

Today, I had a mad day, highs and lows
But it's ended. miraculously well
Problems at work, problems with videos
Problems with people who won't want to tell
The truth, how do you combat this? You sell
Your soul because you want something so bad
And people see that you are credible
Take the lead, fight for your vision, they've had
To recognise it's your thing, in your head
They'll never know how you think, and the blows
You deflect, you must be strong, mustn't fall
Believe in yourself and it's not so bad
And five things have resolved today, it shows
That faith will get you through the gates of hell

4842 - Boring bastards

And so we come to yesterday, no drink
Lots of fags on the balcony instead
Never as good as that great combining
Of booze and fags which can't be defeated
If some false friends decide they've retreated
That's their loss, we both know that it was good
I get bored quickly, and if they're not stead-
fast in aiming at fun, they're Christmas pud
They're yesterday's news, they're just wasted blood
Going nowhere, no victims they're helping
They're just causes of boredom in my head
They are merely human samples of mud
Why care about them, why be worrying?
I'd rather enjoy life as should be led

Thur 28 Nov

4841 - Whatever happened?

Things have got crazy, so busy all day
I don't really know what I did, as the
Time has flown by, three days have had their say
And it's three days ago, so I'm not sure
What happened today, but I remember
I had a few beers, thinking I'd earned it
And I was so keen on that, that I erred
And didn't do my diary, wasn't fit
So I'm doing it now, three whole days late
I'm worried that there's repeated delay
In videoing, just as it's out there
And a few fans have emerged. I must hit
The iron while it's hot, or things will play
Out and degrade. Need reliable helpers...

Wed 27 Nov

4840 - Sorry does seem to be the hardest word

Andrew Neil is on TV, questioning
The Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn
And first off, Corbyn's answering
Widespread allegations flooding in
Of institutional anti-Semitism
Corbyn's long campaigned against racism
Yet the media keeps aiming that at him
Under Andrew's forensic searchlighting
I have to say that Corbyn is struggling
He doesn't seem too keen on arguing
This point, and in fact seems to be squirming
Unable to apologise to them
The frightened Jews, apart from those planning
To vote Labour anyway. Worrying...

4839 - A fishy tale

Quite tired at work, less sleep than usual
Quite quiet at work, and got quite a lot done
Came home and had fish for tea, tasted well
Then Harry appeared, a wag of the chin
And that 's taken up all of this evening
But it's been funny, and quite productive
Although it's not so helping my thinking
And my brain's feeling so radioactive
It's malfunctioning like you won't believe
The thoughts take long to get from cell to cell
It takes so long reaching destination
That it's not worth it, to your huge relief
Even the ads seem funny, all, yes. all
The drama of it all thrills everyone

4838 - Far from the Worst Comedy Night

A good day, did exercises and lots
Of other chores, knowing Harry would be
Moving in before long, and I had chats
With Helen, about the gig, Saturday
Best of all, went through all my songs to play
On video next weekend, so I could send
Some clips to the Fringe or maybe display
On YouTube, show my fans by next weekend
Who don't know, I'm a comedy song fiend
Wrote new ones too. Harry moved in, and its
All sorted relatively quickly
Including his quick payment of the rent
And best of all I went out to The Worst
Comedy Night in its new home. Happy!

4837 - Wolf snack

A fun afternoon at Café Lupo
With Carla and Justyna. Carla was
Ill and nearly cancelled and didn't go
And Justyna, she went to the wrong place
Its old Chapel Street site, because of mis-
Information on the map, on Facebook
Anyhow, they were both there. Carla is
In a dilemma, happy with her bloke
But their house is in Huddersfield. She's stuck
There and would rather be here, and also
Seems to have stopped her comedy - that is
A shame - and in a low-paid job. She'd look
At a PhD course, but they are so
Costly here, less so in Sweden! Poor Miss!

4836 - To Lib and let die

Watched a great series of interviews on
The telly tonight, and my favourite was
Seeing the dismantling of Jo Swinson
She thinks she might be PM, why, because
She's a woman, never mind the Thatchers
And Mays, it's not a new thing anymore
And isn't always better. Also she's
Making the party name a misnomer
The Liberal Democrats, but would ignore
The Brexit result of 2016
And revoke Article 50. And worse -
Her defence was she had wanted, before,
A 'People's Vote' but now says there'll be none!
No-one convinced, no-one giving applause

Fri 22 Nov

4835 - In a rush

Rushed home because two guys wanted to view
The room in my flat which is up for rent
The first was Mike from Wales, he'd agreed to
Be there at 5, but no sign, so I sent
A message to him wondering where he'd went
He replied, is 7pm OK?
I was gobsmacked but I had to relent
As the room had not yet been taken. Hey -
Not too serious a scene, because Harry
Viewed the room on time, and he was keen, too
And a nice guy, I felt, potential friend
So we agreed he'd have it from Sunday
After that excitement I had a brew
And listened to some tunes. What excitement!

Thur 21 Nov

4834 - My Tube

Responses to my great YouTube channel
Have been received from strangers who love it
They called me 'God' - it fits me very well
Not because I'm even close to perfect
But because they liked my humour, that's what
Matters, and that the videos are being seen
By people out there who I've never met
I'm taking advantage of the machine
That is the internet, irony being
That I'm the least technical guy of all
And hate networking, messaging and shit
I was so happy, had to drink, but seemed
Still able to compose a song, oh well
It's all so easy now as I create

4833 - Let the right one in

Just watched the Johnson-Corbyn live debate
It was a draw, I'd say. may not affect
Anyone's votes, not yet at any rate
Maybe if gaffes happen later, they'll wreck
Their chances, but if they keep tongues in check
Avoid offence, and stick to policies
They stand a chance of having their box ticked
Now I'm watching jungle celebrities
But not closely, for those creepy crawlies
Are off-putting, of that there's NO debate
And not only them, also the insects!
Got responses this evening for flat. Please
Let me get someone in, it's getting late
I need cash in the pocket of my kecks!

4832 - Wading through treacle time

I feel, like this time last year, I'm behind
With Edinburgh prep, though it's true I did
Some thinking early September around
What my second year's show could be - a good
Start, based on Amanda's advice, then, hard
Though it was, went back on Facebook, putting
My videos on there for all to see, weird
New ones shot, with friends' help, them appearing
With me in them. But still I'm not doing
Enough. Soon the guilt will spur me to find
The way to get a move on like it did
Last year. It's so tough just motivating
Myself. I don't have the drive. But if kind
People help like last year, then try I should

4831 - Pasta master

It's getting late, and I must say I've not
Done much artistically as I hoped to
But otherwise it's been good. Showed the flat
To Ryan, who was interested but who
Later lamented in a message, blue
That he was unable to move in, so
The room's still free. Robin called, and who knew?
He was in Salford, with Liz, could I go
And meet them? Well, yes, I did, the talk flowed
And there's talk of a do next summer at
Their house in Lichfield for the family crew
Some of them will be shocked, put on a show
To astound them, I'm sure they will be rocked
Then watched England easily beat Kosovo!

4830 - Gnashing and smashing

(So) today I felt good and things went well
Slept well, shaved, showered, washed and dried clothes, then did
Exercises (three times this week). The bell
(Or buzzer) went soon after, as I read
Charlie Brooker, and I was excited
I jumped up, knowing my megaphone was
Here right on time, leaving me free to head
Out to meet Josephine. We got some nosh
At Dom's, my lasagne was fun to gnash
But after a couple of hours my girl
Felt she should head home, otherwise she would
Have to walk home alone. Played uke and smashed
It (in a good way), Tomorrow, at twelve
A guy called Ryan's looking at my pad

4829 - What I can remember of last night

Last night I drank wine, and once again I
Struggled to finish it - that's not so bad
I'm off it tonight, I don't want to try
Boozing again just yet. Last night I had
A fairly good time, saw the live England
Seven nil win against Montenegro
But it was cold when sitting outside and
Inside with the door open. OK Go
Were on my headphones - I like them. Also
The Psychedelic Porn Crumpets rocked my
World - what good albums! Haven't filled my pad
Yet, so messaged Ryan, although it's two
Days since he emailed me to notify
His interest in the room. At least I've tried

4828 - Delivery at slow pace

What a pain I endured on the way home
I walked miles to the post office depot
On a cold dark evening, my megaphone
The object, but a collection point no show
The gates were locked, though there was lighting glow
From the inside. On Wednesdays it should be
Open until 8, but tonight, well, no
Sign of life. I've arranged delivery
On Saturday morning. Watched England v
Montenegro, seven nil the score - boom!
Kane got a hat trick, a young team you know
Is always gonna do better, cos we
Are hot on speed and directness when goin'
For goal, it scares them, it's the way to go

4827 - So, etc

So (begin with 'so' - it's the new thing) what
Happened today? Well, it was less hectic
Than yesterday. Slightly tired, so no mat
On floor, no exercise, when I got back
At teatime. Phoned Jo though. She said the lack
Of contact at the weekend was my choice
And she was right - I'd hoped to film in Black-
pool, but that fell through, midweek. So I suppose
That was my fault then, not, as I'd thought, hers!
Also contacted Helen - probably not
Out with her Friday, since she has been sick
Since last weekend's birthday bash, so she prefers
Peace and quiet - unless she changes that thought
Met Giannina - she's a Peruvian chick!!

4826 - Good grief Justyna

This little man he had a busy day
Set the alarm, waited for Giannina
A potential flatmate, went wrong way
(She did), wrong bus, so had to advise her
I couldn't wait, work was calling. Stayed there
Til 3, then 45 minutes to get
To an eye appointment in Eccles. where
I got the all-clear. Tram back to the flat
Ate tea, then walked down Oxford Road and met
Justyna, first time in a while, she'd say
That's cos her life's hectic, stressful, and a
Pain in every way, but she still came out
She didn't like all the acts, but Randy
Felt Face she did like, so did I, ha ha!

Tue 12 Nov

4825 - (Not) Well I Wonder

It's cold, and I got hailed on, on the way
To work, but my coat protected me well
And soon it stopped. It was a busy day
But tomorrow will be busier still
As there's meetings, then I'm off to Eccles
For an eye check, then out to comedy
Randy Felt Face, no less, bringing chuckles
I hope. Poor Helen, post-birthday, now she
Is still ill, nausea, reaction to the
Excesses of the night out, Saturday
Meanwhile Josephine's gone over the hill
She's off-radar and out of sight to me
Didn't hear from her all weekend, just paid
Her ten quid on demand. What for? Can't tell!

4824 - Punk and orderly

Just stayed in but at least I wrote two songs
One's not Life On Mars but on Uranus
The other is my own composition
Extinction Acceptance, about boomers
Punk, and that there is no future for us
Cos we've ruined it for the rest of man
Animal and vegetable species
Black comedy I guess, musically an
Easy one to play and remember, when
Filming a video, or performing on
A stage, solo, straining memory, fingers
It's not just talent, but execution
What else? Exercises, the fourth time done
This week, a good number, a real plus

4823 - HHHHH

Helen messaged a day before her birth-
Day, let's do lunch, of course the answer's yes
She's so great, that she actually means the earth
To me, why and how does she pass the test
Every time, being herself, effortless?
It was hard going back to the office
But there was stuff to do, no more no less
But soon I'll be back, not taking the piss
Just getting along with this super miss
The epitome of cool, what's her worth
Unquantifiable, I feel so blessed
Only I can appreciate all of this
I'd just like to say, H, have a great birth-
Day, and I'll see you soon, so til then - bless!

4822 - Faster faster Mr Baxter!

Early start at work, nine hours at full speed
Yet as it neared the end, things unravelled
And more rapid work's suddenly needed
Add to that the weather is turning cold
A few hours break back home til I'm propelled
Again into the maelstrom waiting there
But things aren't too bad, can still be controlled
So I'll stay optimistic, won't despair
Mostly there's moral support, most are fair
It's been a tough week or two but my lead
Has borne fruit in most projects in my fold
And I've been improving beyond compare
Just when I thought that I had succeeded
More hurdles to jump, nettles to be held

4821 - Election misdirection

Rees-Mogg really put his foot in his mouth
When he said Grenfell fire victims didn't
Use their common sense, they should have gone out
Straight away, ignored the advice (the c***)!
Revealing Tory empathy's defunct
And what they really think of poor non-whites
Who do vital jobs, the same immigrants
Who keep London's wheels turning, and despite
Terribly low wages, fearing each night
The same could happen again, while those proud
Tories live in their mansions, arrogant
And detached (not semi) from people's plight
This is helping Labour without a doubt
Corbyn is their room-dwelling elephant

4820 - Flat flap

Woke early, Chan's last day here, briefly saw
Her pop into the kitchen and the fridge
While at work, she messaged with a picture
Of the keys on the table, a message
Of goodbye and good luck. Now a passage
To Korea for her, as the fireworks bang
Back here in Salford, keeping heritage
Alive, it really feels like sturm und drang
Round here! Now the flat's empty, couldn't hang
Fire on a bottle of wine. So let's pour
It out while I ponder finding just which
Person's right for this flat. Talking to Chan
Last night, got feedback, so I can be sure
Who would fit well here and how much to charge

4819 - The week starts here

So energised yesterday, despite all
I did all through Sunday to tire myself
Out, once in bed I just couldn't settle
For almost two hours. But felt in good health
Apart from a sore throat - that didn't help
But again, felt well when I woke, thank God
Because work's so hectic now, and by stealth
Deadlines approach while I have also got
Management duties that take time to sort...
Back home, as it got dark, first thing was pull
The exercise mat out to develop
The abs, in lieu of tiresome gym or sport
Need to strain a bit to look fit and well
As Bony Tony's world starts to revolve

4818 - Chan Chan Cheerio

Woke early, good night's sleep, clean night before
And had a good day, did all I wanted
And quickly. Now there's not much left in store
This evening, so maybe I'll get started
On a new book, get naturally knackered
So I can get an early night and an
Early rise. Chan's departure - two hundred
Pounds of returned deposit's now withdrawn
One hundred more to come, all in her hand
Tomorrow, that's her last day here. Been more
Than a year - how it's flown, but then she's had
Lots of trips - the States, China and Japan
Korea, Spain - been globetrotting, for sure
Now from Korea a visa's needed

4817 - Train trouble

Woke up before eight, plenty of time to
Have breakfast and watch the rugby final
Before walking to town to meet with Jo
The train to Liverpool was an ordeal
It couldn't actually get to Liverpool
We had to change, the line to Lime Street blocked
And caught the Southport train to 'Pool Central
The Merseyrail far as Birkenhead Park
The 437 bus to Greasby, walked
To my mum's house on Thorns Drive, saw her new
I-Phone with all the apps and her struggle
To work it! Caught taxi to pub and talked
And ate for two hours or more. Taxi to
Mum's house again, then home by bus, not rail

4816 - Work is fun shock horror

I was planning to work at home because
The smart meter man had an appointment
He came, a waste of time, it really was
And then my wi-fi wouldn't work, so went
Into the office, a short walk, to spend
From eleven onwards in the office
Did a lot in my time there, as often
Recently - this week, long hours I've logged. This
Seems to be the pattern in this job. It's
Alright though, it gets me through the hours
Quickly, makes me feel as though my work meant
Something, more than in the old job. Get pissed
On Thursday and Friday evening. I miss
Old colleagues, but I'm in my element!

4815 - Women, wine (or plonk)

What a day at work! I am cream-crackered!
But happy I did all that I could do
Now I just want to relax, so I've got
A bottle of wine I'll start in a few
Minutes. Working at home Friday, a new
Pile of work. Must start early if I can!
Until then, I will drink a heady brew
And forget work for a while, renew my brain
Cells through escape and excitement. Helen,
If only I could see her, but I've not
Been in touch to arrange something to view
Or go to. But Saturday we'll see Gran -
Me and Jo, that is. Jo is acting weird -
It's Halloween, with her friend … wonder who?!!!

4814 - Flat out and in

I woke earlier than normal, having had
A good night's sleep - it's great when that happens
And as a result, my work wasn't bad
At all today! Reorganised my plans
For my projects, and now they make more sense
And are up-to-date. That's reassuring
And so now I have much more confidence
That all I have on hand is in hand. Bring
It on! Also looked at my complex Gambling
Duty issues (not my gambling!) I'm paid
Tonight, but this month I'll have fewer funds
Because my lodger, Chan, will be leaving
In November. Must quickly place an ad
For a new lodger before Christmas comes!

4813 - They wanna be elected

So!!! There'll be a general election soon
On December the 12th, to be precise
Just as Christmas approaches and the tune
May change from the usual jangly ditties
To more serious ones, but that's no pity
Felt more energised today, and I got
Things done, though not all that's in my in tray!
Need to put in long days and be a swot
Got home, did exercises on the mat
While watching news updates, keeping in tune
With developments. Uke-wise, found some nice
Acoustic stuff to play, and I was not
Bad, if I say so myself! Could I croon
Along to it yet? That remains the prize!

4812 - Toptober

Excited after yesterday's filming
And after a really brilliant weekend
One I can't seem to stop revisiting
Best was Friday afternoon with Helen
When she's like that, a dream companion
Looking sexy, acting naughty and so
In tune with what I like, it's so much fun
Our minds both on the same wavelength also
Talked of Prague early December, but no
Now she's checked availability in
That period, but she is making amends
Offering January! Saturday, Jo
Came out to see me. Sunday videoing
And fun with Chan as her time here nears end

4811 - Simply Timperley

As predicted, the Blackpool trip was not
Possible today, for comedy filming
Instead we convened at Barbie's house at
Timperley, and it proved well worth doing
Maybe fifteen films shot for uploading
With help from Barbie and AJ who do
Such a good job somehow realising
My ideas, always in one take, each new
Daft idea coming to life. I know you
Could not achieve so much so soon in shit
Stand-up nights in front of weekend drinking
Idiots, that's where the money is. Boo-hoo -
I can't get those gigs, don't want to compete
In a race to the bottom, performing...

4810 - Frackpool

Today I stayed in, watching the rugby
In the morning, England beat New Zealand
Brilliantly, a historic victory
The final favourites, they are now England
Who will they face in the final? Welsh friends
(Or foes) hopefully not, they seem to win
Against us when it most matters. No more,
Especially in the World Cup Final in
Japan. I also wrote a new song for
The filming tomorrow, fracking the core
Subject, filmed in Blackpool is what I see
On the beach, the red tower in the background
I left it late, and it won't come to be
This time, but maybe some later weekend

Sat 26 Oct

4809 - Love Cats

A short morning's work, then I met Helen
We had a cocktail at the Alchemist
Then a beer or two at City Road Inn
Then watched the Hutchence biopic, he missed
The mark, we both thought, was a plagiarist
Of Jim Morrison, the great Doors singer
Then another beer or two, got quite pissed
As you can imagine, and as ever
Public pissing, pulling down of her drawer
Followed by chips and more beer, and so then
Another great night out, a love-torn mist
The best girl I know, such a performer
She's my muse, my dream, I'll see her again
On our travels, Prague the next joint visit!

Fri 25 Oct

4808 - Turning pages, waiting for wages

Brexit work's so intense it dominates
The days these days, I haven't much left once
I get home, so I relax with my thoughts
Might play some music, reading even comes
Into mind, which it hasn't done for months
But when I've done this, might pick up that book
I've struggled to get into, the doldrums
Of inactivity can't always look
At drink to get me through. Doesn't take pluck
To pick up a book, watch how time stagnates
Less than before, like a busy day comes
To an end sooner and you can head back
Home to freedom, so a good book puts skates
On a quiet evening, and it feeds your brains

4807 - A date to remember

So energised yesterday that, half-ten
I went out for a bottle of wine so
I could bring on some sleepiness again
Listening to funk, until drunk and could go
To bed and drop off, which I did, although
I woke up two hours later and I stayed
Awake for almost an hour, doncha know
So no exercises today, afraid
I ain't got the energy. But I played
A blinder yesterday on the mat when
I did 95 press-ups in a row
That's the most I've done in recent years, mate
Just heard from Tania, Josephine's dating
A footballer's son. Wow - I didn't know!

4806 - The vote to nowhere

Just watched the Brexit votes - yes, YET MORE votes
Firstly, the Withdrawal Bill - the 'new' deal
Negotiated recently - got the most
Votes a Brexit deal's had so far, a real
Improvement on Theresa May. But still
It's going to be consistently derailed
By amendments and watering down, thus killed
In effect, by the other parties. Failed
Again, Brexiteers! The DUP rail
Against it because there'll be border posts
In NI, which will be closer, they feel
To the EU than the UK. Impaled
Once more, the Tories plans are turned to toast
This hung Parliament is like a stuck wheel

4805 - Parliamental

Feeling a bit weary partly because
I woke at 5 am and dozed and lay
Awake once more. Now I'm paying the cost
Also at work it's been a busy day
Soft drinks levy, Brexit, choosing which way
To work from now on with my staff of one
It's going well right now, I hope it stays
That way, and all acrimony is gone
So busy didn't know the goings-on
In Parliament, whether MPs would choose
Brexit today, tomorrow, or someday
As predicted, the speaker has said 'Non'
Tomorrow is when the UK withdraws?
Don't bank on it, though the pundits say 'Yea'

4804 - This fella loves Bella

Josephine said last night let's meet. I thought
She would choose instead to watch Man U on
The TV at home, but instead we met
At Manchester's Piccadilly station
Ate at Bella Italia, Cross Street, one
Of my favourite eateries. It didn't
Let us down, lovely flavoured pasta, down
My gullet too soon, but in my palate
It was delightful. While on Chapel Street
She said, why don't we go to Old Trafford?
Liverpool were the visitors. Sat down
In the Lowry Theatre, I had a flat white
She had a coke, and I voiced humorous thoughts
About the weirdos in there walking round

4803 - Brakes on Brexit

Today was dominated by the long
Live broadcast of the Brexit deal debate
Between 5 and 6 hours from the Commons
I watched and could increasingly relate
To the argument by Labour. We wait
For the conclusion even longer, yes
And though Starmer and co seemed to frustrate
Getting it done, now for over 3 years
The background explanation's not averse
To democracy. While Boris Johnson
Talked like Trump about making Britain great
But withheld details from MP voters
So they couldn't judge, form an opinion
Starmer made clear the damage would be great

Sat 19 Oct

4802 - Face off / off face

It's Friday night, think I deserve some fun
So though I don't want to smoke, I just can't
Think of anything else to do, buy some
Beer, or possibly wine, headphones around
My neck, stuck in my ears, the stool I'll plant
On the balcony floor, sit on it, light
Fags and hear music, tilt bottles or cans
And get off my face on this Friday night
Physically I don't need it, but I might
Go mad if I don't have some fun from can
Or bottle. From what or who else is found
Physical transformation or delight?
From where could it come that cheap and often
Followed by sleep and a new day unbound?

4801 - Ukulele independence party

Slept better last night, didn't overdo
The drinking either, so I feel OK
Could focus better at work, could see through
What emails and documents tried to say
And get things done quicker. Back home, I lay
On the mat and did exercises for
The second time this week, but with two days
In the week left, so I hope to do more
Played Britpop and 70s on uke, swore
It was one of my best sessions yet. Do
I record some music videos Sunday
After next? I should take the plunge before
Too long, I know that. Practice makes me grow
More confident that I'm able to play

4800 - The Killing Joker

Did what I could, Brexit-wise, left at four
To meet Helen on Bridge Street, then adjourned
To the Deansgate Pub, then Cask, for a beer
Or two, before seeing Joker, a film of spurned
Manhood, great performance in which we learned
Once more that ignoring or mistreating
Men won't end well, a message that's being burned
Into the consciousness, undermining
The propaganda that's overwhelming
That what men do is their own fault, and fear
And rejection they feel means they should burn
In hell. Who do we turn to? Who's listening?
Men have emotions, ignore them at your
Peril, we're still here. Watched it with Helen

4799 - Woke

Still recovering from my cold, energy
Still low, didn't do much in the evening
The main thing was playing uke expertly
Joy Division, and 90s indie things
Then ate food, and tried early retiring
Went to sleep fairly soon but as always
Woke in the middle of the night, struggling
To get back to sleep as the radio plays
Eventually did so, but then delays
In getting up follow, and lethargy
Of the brain are the result. Suffering
From what is an all too common malaise
I minimise the damage, try to be
Natural in the time of my waking

Tue 15 Oct

4798 - A night at the races

Felt a bit low on mental energy
Maybe cos was awake from four til six
Thought maybe tonight would hear from Louis
But no, so watched England and some racist
Abuse from the Bulgaria fans. Score? Six
Nil to the Whites. I mean, the Mixed Races
I mean the Three Lions. Much better since
That poor show in Prague. They tied their laces
Properly this time, ended with glad faces
Aside from that, the Queen's speech Brexitty
In nature, poor dear looked old, frail, bewitched
By Boris's manoeuvres, some traces
Of disagreement visible, maybe
Or is she a leaver, Elizabeth Rex?

4797 - A hard day's knife

Up early enough to watch Andrew Marr
Also did exercises for a third
Day in a row. Walked into Manchester
Met Josephine, we ate Mexican food
At Wahaca, quite expensive, but good
I had a nice sea bream. Walked round Arndale
First time in a while, where there was spilt blood
Only two or three days before, a failed
Knife attack, man arrested and wrestled
To the ground, on national TV we saw
And now we walked past Starbucks where a crowd
Of people sat at those same tables, cool
As you like. Got home, Chan at work, left her
Wallet and keys here at home, the daft bird!

Sun 13 Oct

4796 - Autumn in my step

Not been out today though it was quite nice
Apart from to recycle the rubbish
A few beercans drank Thursday, Friday nights
Dissipated the inactivities
Into a twilight zone but not ghoulish
Just oblivion on my own, and strangely
I was recovering from my cold with this
Remedy of drink, fags and balcony
Soon out there as seasons change it'll be
Dark and cold once more, long gone the delights
Of long light nights, t-shirts, and smoke that wisps
Into a pale blue sky unendingly
A sad summer in some ways, but I'm wise
Compared to spring, feel almost devilish!

4795 - Czech your facts

Tonight I watched Czech Republic / England
And despite an early goal, England lost
It' took me back to the day when Iceland
Beat us when Hart let in a harmless shot
But mainly how our players couldn't get past
Anyone, always sideways and back, no
Matter that they were big stars, and the cost
Of their paypackets would bankrupt and blow
Apart whole countries' economies, so
Frightened of the occasion. They returned
To this mode tonight, and gave up the ghost
As soon as the Czechs equalised, a throw-
back to the heady Hodgson days, look stunned
Like rabbit in headlights, boxer concussed...

Fri 11 Oct

4794 - Thoughts that can't be bought

You can't deal with my mental changes that
Are faster than yours, they happen real time
It's not my fault if you are a slow twat
No more shame on my part that makes me climb
Your slope, your expectations, I see I'm
Different, and from now on I decide how
I progress my life, avoiding the slime
Of normality, dictated somehow
By people like you, brought up with head bowed
I went to university, they taught
Me to think for myself, and I won't chime
Like a clock, I'll decide what I do now
If you think it's wrong, that's okay, but what
Are you gonna do? I'll do what is mine

4793 - Lie-in of Judah

Again, awake part of the night and I
Finally woke up, checked the time, it was
Just before nine, so I leapt out for my
Wash and breakfast. Could not immediately dress
So headed for the kitchen wearing less
Than I should, then Chan appeared to collect
Her clothes from the machine. Not quite shameless -
I did have a shirt and pants on! Cold sucked
My energy levels, haven't yet kicked
The virus into touch, runny nose high
Point, the source of waterfalls of mucus
Nostrils getting tender. So what is next?
Upload some videos of my comedy
Soon I'll need to decide next year's ideas!

4792 - Bint stint

Poor sleep last night, with my cold now full-on
Meant I was exhausted today for sure
But still stayed til 4:30, work all done
Then went home, hoped for nap on the sofa
Didn't get it, then walked to Manchester
Met Justyna at the Frog and Bucket
We crossed the road and went round a corner
Then came back thinking time to go in, but
For another half-hour we had to wait
And once we got in, there was still a long
Wait, as there always is. I still think there
Were enough great acts, award-winners, it
Was 6 of them, all were funny women
We got picked on, me in particular!

Tue 8 Oct

4791 - You've got to be in before you can be out

Tired, partly from my own weekend excess
And also I seem to have caught a cold
Out again tomorrow, so I must rest
Tonight, try to recover and enfold
Myself in duvet and sheet. The uke flowed
Tonight, played old rock tunes from a playlist
Made by Spotify, and more practice showed
How great it is to persevere, that is
The secret of art and of fruitfulness
The harvest of my labour through the years
That little uke, so small and light to hold
Brings to life vibrations from my cortex
Some from my childhood. But so much descends
From and depends on young experience

4790 - Poxy driver

Stayed in apart from Sainsburys. Bit washed out
Unsurprisingly after two nights' booze
Still did exercises though on the mat
Still thinking of Berlioz and belly ooze
Looking back on it's quite hilarious
Though I think Helen's still ill, suffering
It was nice walking in the rain to bus
Stop, helping her catch it and not needing
An expensive taxi this time. Spending
£60 getting home last Friday, what
A rip-off. Had thought I could write some new
Stuff, comedy or a song, but watching
The Pickwick Papers was far as I got
Enjoyed it though, class acts from the 50s

4789 - Bilious at Berlioz

Saturday, day of showers, met Josephine
It was dry as we walked around and ate
At Las Iguanas, where the Brexit scene
Was discussed, must have impressed those who sat
Nearby, my still-young daughter really at
The races now with politics and views
She's doing it at A level, and that
Will make her even better with the news
And current affairs. Like Louis, she'll use
That expertise to good effect, I ween
Then met Helen at Waterhouse, some chat
Then to the Bridgewater after some booze
That knocked H out, she felt ill, kept it in
The whole concert, then puked, then went and ate!

Sat 5 Oct

4788 - It's not me

Oh my God, this life is crazy for sure
Having a great time despite fools around
I no longer give ground, too many poor
Experiences from people all around
They have issues, so do I, as I've found
So why should I carry the can? Teachers
Deal with this every day, but grown-ups own
Their decisions, and so it is perverse
For me to cater for grown-up weirdness
I thought I was immature, yes, but your
Failings are not mine to correct, or ground
In reality, if you're so much worse
Sink or swim yourself in your own ordure
I've my own agenda now, and it's sound

4787 - A long and mainly Brexit kinda day

A long and mainly Brexit kinda day
It's so exciting now, adrenalin
Is almost kicking in, middle of the day
Is almost kicking, almost kicking in
The country's arguing and dividing
And I'm in the middle, screwing so hard
But as day turned into cooler evening
I went with a friend to a place so hard
To find, down some steps, with a helping start
From the barmen and bouncers so friendly
Bar Pop basement on Canal Street hosting
Kiri Pritchard-Maclean's new stuff. A lot
Of laughs and some serious issues to play
Around with. Well done Kiri, it's a win!

4786 - Brexitpop

Feeling a bit weary now after quite
A day, Brexit and Soft Drinks work on fire
One person has tried to put up a fight
But it won't stop me in my real desire
To shine at this higher level, inspire
Those around me, impress them and myself
With Brexit especially, it's a higher
Responsibility and test, a wealth
Of opportunity. I have been held
Back unfairly so long, had so much spite
In my direction, felt internal ire
Now I'll show when they chose me, they chose well
Bursting out of the binds that held me tight
Freed to do it my way. Sing, heavenly choir!

4785 - Spare him the cutter

Took ages getting to sleep last night. Not
Till at least 2:30, or later. Those
Sods next door were shagging, that had a lot
To do with it, I'd say, and I propose
To cut off his willy... No, wait, I s'pose
The main problem is her, the sex maniac
You see, she came here from old Mexico's
Shores. That may not mean she's Remainiac
Since she's not from an EU state. Alack,
Many times she's left me in a s state. Spot
The man who can't drop off, though tired, can't doze
Tossing and turning, half-insomniac
Oh well, I'd rather shagging than laughs, shouts
Or parties, with music and thumping bass

4784 - Has beans

A nice day indoors sheltered from the rain
Spent nothing, just doing what I felt like all
Day. Exercised, watched Boris, who explained
The 'humbug' incident showed no ill will
To women who receive death threats that kill
On occasion, as Jo Cox showed back then
Read The Guardian. Comedy review spilled
The beans that Eddie Izzard's new show went
Down not so great, then read all the comments
Which linked to Question Time 2016
Izzard was a rabbit in headlights, fool
On YouTube, then watched Star Stories. Helen
Recommended it. George Michael and then
Take That. Hilarious. Worked two hours. Ate well

4783 - Brexit weekend

Terrible rainy day but I stayed in
Didn't even recycle my rubbish
I worked about three hours late afternoon
And early evening, then a long uke sesh
Playing Beatles songs, feeling I could smash
Any track I chose, and I did, by God!
Despite my night out, exercised my flesh
And bone on the mat, ironed shirts like I should
The only thing I've not done that I could
Is upload a video and post it on
Facebook. Also YouTube cannot languish
That's potential income some day when viewed
In sufficient numbers. Sunday, staying
In again, got Brexit work to finish

4782 - Expect the unexpected

Was feeling washed-out at work, but I had
To get my Brexit stuff done all the same
I didn't finish it, not close, so packed
The s-pro in my bag and took it home
Knowing some weekend work might get it done
Got home about six and soon took a call
Unexpectedly from who but Helen
We went to watch a band and had a ball
Beer and several Sambucas later, all
Seemed right again when it had seemed so bad
For so long, may never be right again
But it's OK once more, it was so cool
Talked about future trips which included
Amsterdam and a return to Berlin!

4781 - I advance, smashed

I feel so energetic that I must
Go get some booze, I'll do that fairly soon
Feel like a blow-out, it's a week since last
Time, and since then I've exercised, I've been
Filming with some pals in a park, and seen
The results, and they're good. I hope it will
Increase my comedic reputation
The way things are going gives me a thrill
By posting entertainment I may still
Be able to advance without the cost
Of constant social media duty on
Facebook and Instagram, though now I still
Fancy Twitter for networking and such
Maybe even Linked In? Hard work, but fun?

4780 - Live and too direct

I've been watching live footage from the House
All evening, prorogation is ended
With much invective shooting from their mouths
As they stand or still sit on green benches
I must admit, the Tories seem indeed
To be in the lead despite court's finding
The PM to have somewhat contravened
The law or constitution in lying
About the motive for the proroguing
Boris has had to fly back, furious
It appeared, with being thus so frustrated
But gradually his tone was softening
As he was roundly criticised for most
Aggressive speeches. Me? Been uploading...

4779 - Oh won't you stay....

Only about two to three hours' sleep last
Night, knackered, but worked hard in the office
Doing Brexit guidance, part of the cast
Of thousands here in the civil service
Working towards No Deal, but today this
Seems further than ever away from being
Realised by the poor beleaguered Boris
Who made as his promise we'd be leaving
The EU, Oct the 31st. Staying
A while longer. it seems. The judges passed
Their verdict, that Boris told the Queen lies
In order to prorogue Parliament in
The month it would have frustrated his dash
To get us out by hook or crook. (He is!)

4778 - Best work day, worst comedy night

I really had to work my ass off but
It ain't over. Tomorrow I'll be in
A workshop when I've a big backlog sat
In my electronic in-tray, nagging
But I enjoy this more than when sitting
Wondering what to do, or what my work is
I can relax the rest of the evening
Might plan tomorrow's comedy 'business'
Back to The Worst Comedy Night, I've missed
It for too long, need performance reboot
It's always been easier than travelling
Long distances at night, gigging. I must
Introduce the Dirty Doctor and get
Some video footage, get all to join in!

4777 - Doctor in the park

Been filming in the park with Barbie and
AJ, the rain just holding off enough
And not deluging us as it threatened
To allow us to do our comedy stuff
They were all my ideas, should raise a laugh
When I post them over the next few weeks
We went to Buile Hill Park, Salford, a tough
Area but some nice houses too. The leaks
From the clouds earlier made the grass wet, streaks
Of mud here and there, and I rolled around
In it in my white doctor's coat. I love
My new character, Dirty Doctor, seeks
Employment at your gig, he has laughs planned
Phone storage full now, got to take pix off

4776 - Resident boll weevil

Good day, bought stuff for tomorrow's filming
The ideas were penned last weekend, now bought
The props, which include lots of food and drink
If we film it, there'll be laughter and snorts
Now I've Facebook comedy friends who ought
To know what's good I met in Edinburgh
Listening to The Residents, earphones caught
Fire, frequent aural madness in my ear
'Meet The Residents' is now loud and clear
Class avant garde comedy music swing
From the 70s, then I never sought
Their vinyl output. It was hard to hear
Their stuff on the radio, stores weren't selling
Them then, but now their Floydish stuff sounds great

4775 - Filming in the rain

Very tired, worked hard this week, Friday night
For me tonight won't be much fun but still
It's nice to have a flat empty and quiet
Nothing that needs doing, nothing that will
Not wait, and there's not much more time to kill
Til bedtime, hopefully waking refreshed
Working on comedy ideas until
The afternoon, then I'll expose my flesh
To the sun's rays, if warm enough. We're blessed
With a sunny Saturday. Sunday might
Not be as nice, but that's not too evil
If we get to film in rain when we're dressed
In office clothes in a field, some strange sight
Like that would be funny, make people smile!

4774 - Objection, m'lud

A quick one, because it's already late
Question Time has begun, from Southampton
I've had a few beers, and I have since ate
Now it's the closure of evening, it's done
I'll watch QT for a while, hear someone
Voice objections, then retire after a
Good day at work, coped with all obstruction
That's why I was happy and needed a
Celebratory drink. And so now for
The end of today, I appreciate
Everything that the universe gives one
So much is good, how can we now concur
That it isn't? It's left down now to fate
What happens, but life means that we've all won

4773 - Baby you can drive your car

Great night out last night at the comedy
Things are back to normal, plus J has got
A car now and it's easier to be
Back quicker. They seemed to know me, but what
Do they know? My face, name, or I've a lot
Of good material out there? Probably not
That yet, though they soon will, I'm on the road
I'm hitting the streets, doing things of note
Coming out of hibernation, the cold
And the closet of comedy foretold
I was worried as time went by I'd be
Too late getting to sleep, things would unfold
Badly in today's workshop, but then we
Were fine, it's done, so wine's being downed, tut tut!!

4772 - Olaf, you bastards!

Going out to a comedy show soon
So as I also need an early night
I'll write this diary entry now, return
Later, straight to bed, meaning that I might
Be able to cope with the alarm's fright
At 7:15 so I'm not late for
An important meeting in which I've quite
A big role. I've prepared, can't do much more
So, for now, time to relax, and guffaw
At Olaf Falafel back in that room
I went to last week with some pals. Tonight
It's with Justyna. The last time before
Tonight was two months ago, when, from June
To mid-July we saw some shows - was great!

4771 - Where are the shows of yesteryear?

Red autumn sky, 7:30, almost
Dark now, but things are OK on the whole
Couldn't drop off last night, I turned and tossed
Quite tired then, but worked well to overhaul
Some work left too long, although quite simple
Fiddly boring shit, didn't understand
How to do it for months into my role
Can't put it off no more, or else smacked hand
Tomorrow there's a comedy night planned
Olaf Falafel, an Edinburgh ghost
Saw him there at the Pear Tree. Wonder will
He do new stuff or just a Fringe rewind?
Watching Corrie, first time in years, I'm lost -
Who are these strangers? Who are these people?

4770 - New feet for the old road

Exercised in the morning, then went out
To see Josephine, first time for a while
The rain had stopped. She knew the place to eat
Pizza Express - voucher, 2 for 1 meal
In her pocket, so although in normal
Times I wouldn't go there, this time we did
For the second day running, a cycle
Event, this time for families. Oxford Road
Was our next stop, new students all around
Walking excitedly up the main street
Of the campus area in similar style
To me in the 80s when that whole ground
Looked so different. Video uploads complete
Ready for new ones to make people smile

4769 - It's only shop and stroll

Spent the morning thinking of film ideas
And writing them with sharpie on a pad
Next Sunday we'll be filming, it's so near
So after that I walked around Salford
Hoping for more ideas as my feet toured
Nothing more came, but it was nice again
To see places I'd previously explored
But forgotten where they were. I went down
Liverpool Street as far as Pendleton
Kept on through Seedley and Weaste, saw the trees
Of Buile Hill Park, then soon realised I could
Reach Eccles, past Hope Hospital, and turned
Left. Soon there, checked out the shops. For my bus
I bought red paper, Now I need cardboard!

4768 - Clown Prince TB

It's Friday night, must stay in and be good
I need to save, and maintain good habits
For a while, the exception's if I could
Spend time with friends making plans, or some dates
But not drinking at home and all that shit
Better to focus on good health and goals
Such as the above, and, when not doing that
Why not read more? I've bought books that could fill
That void. Keep practising the uke, write all
Those silly comedy scenes people would
Be amazed by, cause lots of sides to split
Even more than Brexit, but play the fool
In a similar way to MP, lord
Or advisor in our broke politics

4767 - Exercise 101

Decent night's sleep, felt quite energetic
Enough to do my mat exercises
Also tonight, once more played a mean uke
Playing along to funk and rock classics
No matter how hard, seemed to play with ease
For two hours twenty minutes. In the end
I had to stop. It's getting late and these
Other things need to get done, like send
This sonnet into cyberspace. Defend
The impossible, that's our politics
And Question Time's on later. Laugh at this
Programme, you may as well, as they offend
And interrupt each other, Commons schtick
Brought into once polite TV studios

4766 - Political football

Hard day at work, following a late night
Out at XS Malarkey with some friends
And then when back home, watching the highlights
Of England versus Kosovo, defence
At fault on both sides, but goals made amends
And England won 5-3. Drank quite a bit
Which contributed to my jaded plight
Today, but still managed to do a lot
As one of the many making Brexit
Preparations, although we don't know quite
When, or even if, the confusion ends
The Tory government has failed in its
Bid to hold an election, expedite
Leave with increased numbers in Parliament

4765 - Cogs within cogs

Back in the office. This week, much to do
I'm doing my best, quite liking the challenge
At first, when I took this job, it seemed too
Vague, almost pointless, and that didn't change
How different now, with Brexit being the hinge
On which it's swung around to so busy
Fortunately, I'm learning the vast range
Of internal groups in HMRC
I wasn't aware of previously
When back home, pleased to see that there were new
Likes for Bony Productions Facebook page
That I'd previously kept in secrecy
A silly approach that I've now reviewed
In the evening, I went out with some friends

Tue 10 Sep

4764 - Positive turn of events

Worked at home, the smart meter man cometh
Went out in the rain, Debs the caretaker
Was standing there. She said, for what it's worth
Smart meters only work on the ground floor
I'm on the second floor, two floors higher
This turned out to be true, but he still stayed
Putting new meters in for the future
Meaning my work time was badly delayed
While waiting, uploaded videos I'd made
Onto Facebook, where there had been a dearth
Of new posts by me for six months or more
It's something I'd previously been afraid
To do. But self-analysis gave me strength
To be proactive and overcome fear

Mon 9 Sep

4763 - Circles of squares

Woke up early despite late night last night
Still got a lot done. First, watched Andrew Marr
Amber Rudd, John McDonnell kept me right
Up to date with their views on Brexit. Are
The people round Boris breaking the law
If they don't ask for yet more time to fix
Things? Sajid Javid tried vainly to square
That circle. It will take some clever tricks
By Number 10 to leave before the clocks
Tick past October. I managed to write
More Ed Fringe '20 ideas, even better
Ideas for a second show. BT gets
Angry - a show where I abuse and fight
(Verbally) the audience. Amusing, huh?

4762 - Monty Write On

In all weekend, and after last night's fail -
Or maybe I deserved relaxation? -
Today, Saturday, I spent pretty well
Coming up with ideas that may go in
Next year's show. Such early preparation -
Just shows the Fringe is kind of addictive
The competition gets under your skin
And you want to do better and to give
The next show the best chance, more than you gave
The first, which was nearly a sorry tale
Also watched live football played by England
Who beat Bulgaria 4-0. Yes!!! We won!!
And played my uke just like ringing a bell
Followed by watching some Monty Python

4761 - Born again, died again

A great day at work, progress really being made
Not easy, some people are strange, but me
I just go on and wade through it, and played
It pretty well this week, showed I can be
Taken not as a joke but seriously
I wasn't born yesterday, I can fight
My corner and come through. I am slightly
Disappointed with myself, default flight
Into self-isolation, weakness quite
Typical, got to rise above my staid
Normality, must grow, maturity
Still not achieved, I still feel like a kite
Unable to stay in the sky, I played
A bad hand, got to try harder to be

4760 - The old country

Visited Vee in Ancoats to give her
The scarf from Edinburgh that I had bought
(At her request!). There two and a half hours
And walked home. Not much more now to report
Ate a late tea, watched TV, and I caught
The latest boring non-Brexit news and
Now it's colour film from the war they fought
In the forties. The countryside looks grand
So much beauty lost, the trees and green ground
Makes me nostalgic for my childhood years
When we could always walk for such a short
Distance to find wild brambles and fields, hands
Picking berries for jam. Then the super-
markets were new and fewer on the street

4759 - Winehouse of Commons

Too tired to do dating websites tonight
Or networking on social media
Simply read a few pages, fairly light
Of a book on wine - quotes and trivia
Then History of Scotland (Neil Oliver)
On the TV, concluding that series
Strangely, with James VI becoming the
Heir to the English Tudor royal rulers
What about the rebellions, enclosures
Until Queen Anne it was still separate. Right
Up to date, back to Brexit bullshit. A
General election bid hits the buffers
As Labour abstain. They don't want to fight
For power until Brexit's killed or neutered

4758 - Find me find me find me

Gone colder - I'm now actually sitting here
With a jumper on, first time for a while
And Josephine's back to school, September
The fourth (tomorrow), or college it's styled?
I've messaged her to ask, adding a smile
From an emoji, but it's really me!
After this, the next thing that I think I'll
Do is 'surf the net' (old phraseology?)
Research the best ways and places for me
To find partners. I need them, it is clear
Even if I think I don't, why not trial
It until someone good turns up, maybe
On the net, or maybe at events where
Like-minded women go that extra mile

4757 - Pictures of Silly Show

Felt much better today, much more alert
Caught up with all the issues in August
While I've been away, all that has occurred
And caught up with the guy to whom I'm boss
Restoring good relations where the frost
Had started to set in before I went
Even had time for video uploads
It took over an hour, but I couldn't
Have done it at home, cos the internet
Signal's so weak. All on Dropbox now, but
Still need to upload some to YouTube, post
The best stuff to my website, and to hunt
Down women and friends. Yes I can do it!
Just imagining it gives me a boost!

4756 - The X files

As usual, with any IT task that
I attempt, it's slow and painful and hard
But my Ed Fringe and Milan pics are sat
On Dropbox and my PC files. Forward
To the next step on my to-do list thought
Up yesterday, which so relieved my mind
Making me see that finally I ought
To think and act positively and kind
And that next step, part of being less blind
To how much I need others, is to put
Some recent pics on a website, the thought
Being to find a mate from womankind
Yes, it's exciting, and why should I wait?
I've worked hard, now it's time for my reward

4755 - The positive touch

Went to bed as early as nine last night
Almost my earliest ever, for ages
At any rate. The beer, combined with tired-
ness, probably accumulated, was
Enough to knock me out for twelve hours
Yes, I didn't rise until nine next day!
I still had a hangover though I'd used
Painkillers in the night. It went away
Finally, after breakfast. Felt okay
After lunch, so I decided I'd write
A summary of my Fringe, analysis
Of my thoughts, and steps to find the right way
Forward, Negative thinking's been my blight
I'll try harder to reach out for others

4754 - Boredom once again

So here we are, in limbo once again
What's the point of life once you've done the stuff?
Spoken to younger people, the refrain
Is all the same, they've coupled, that's enough
Or they haven't, high maintenance, they're too tough
Screw them all, who cares, unless they can show
A spark of something? I'm too old now, shove
Them all, their petty needs, mine the same, so
Be different, be fun, appreciate me, or no
Don't expect me to do my best, cos when
You switch from me your focus to some fluff
I get bored and you've lost me, I don't know
Why I should bother trying to entertain
So talk your talk and I'll walk somewhere off...

4753 - Short cut

First day back, not too bad compared to what
I thought it might be like. I made contact
With Amanda and Josh, something I had
To do, strike while the iron's hot, attacked
My reticence and fear, and they both liked
My Bony Productions page. On Facebook
Doing that, saw Tom Short had a show. I walked
To the Adelphi Theatre, and then, look -
Rhiannon turned up. Saw some film Tom took
At the end of the Fringe, only a short
Time ago. Walked back, played uke to a strict
Diet of Smiths and Sparks. Better on uke
Than ever tonight. The incentive's great
To work on my music comedy act

4752 - Back to work, back to reality

Woke up at a quarter to eleven
Although I was fairly late going to bed
And at twenty to six or maybe seven
Some talk and noise outside interrupted
My sleep for an hour and a half. I've tried
To do what I can, post-Edinburgh
I wrote a comedy song, summarised
My Fringe memories and impressions, a blur
If left longer, details would disappear
And now I'm mentally tired at seven
Thirty after my tea, refilling head
With Brexit shit I've not missed while up there
Engrossed in my show and others I'd seen
Tomorrow, it's back to work, I'm afraid...!!!

4751 - How strange, the change

Last night I woke at God knows when, confused
As I didn't recognise my own flat
Still thought I was in Edinburgh. Amused
Now to think of the stupidity. That
Is funny. Didn't know this place here that
I've lived in for 13 years! That's what being
Away for a whole month can do. Just what
Does the clever brain need to be struggling
So strangely? Okay, I had had some drinks
Actually like my place. That makes me pleased
It feels very white and pristine, and not
As shadowy as where I've been staying
Met Jo today, first time since we cut loose
From Milan. Hard to believe. Fancy that!

4750 - Back home

This was going to be my last Edinburgh day
Albeit consisting of just catching the bus
But a lift from Tom last night means today
I'm home, and the sunshine is glorious
After unpacking and shopping I was
Able to sunbathe and top up my tan
It was great listening to songs on the grass
And just getting settled back home again
Got some beers in, and healthily eaten
Next thing I want to do is have a play
On the uke while I digest potatoes
Chicken and salad. Summer's almost gone
This might be the last day this year I'll say
I could soak up the sun's refreshing rays!

Mon 26 Aug

4749 - Ed Fringe Day 26

Last day in Edinburgh. Dehydrated
But such a nice sunny day, relaxing
To stroll around, vest on, tattoos stated
Places I've been. Drank fluids, liked eating
Ice cream, stopped me overheating. Packing
Now in this heat, and listening to music
Will finish at Tom's Comedy Shorts, watching
(Unless I get invited to the mic
Unexpectedly)*. Then Tom and me, and his chick
Will pile into his car and be headed
South for Manchester, finally ending
Our month-long odyssey we have all liked
I'm actually sad to leave, though it's costed
Me a fuckin' packet! Been exciting!

*Didn't go to that show, Tom cancelled it so we could drive home earlier!

Sun 25 Aug

4748 - Ed Fringe Day 25

Last show of my first Fringe, friendly faces
Half-filled the room. Last show went with a bang
Amanda and Giles, Josh on sound, more Oz
Representation, Pinwheel Productions
Kaleigh and her group who've been such good friends
More Aussies (why so many Aussie fans?)
Word of mouth probably, that's how it spreads
Many of them were seeing it more than once
Got all my stuff out in the given five mins
Taxi back, table given away, then whizzed
Up town again on foot, Hannah waiting
Two hours' chat, then soon after met some friends
Again at their show, then went out for drinks
Josh and Amanda been so nice, so thanks!

Sat 24 Aug

4747 - Ed Fringe Day 24

Walked more today than any other day
24 kilometres, not far off
Marathon length. Quite a good show today
Three fun-spirited lads came, two were of
Aussie origin, and they gave the love
All the Aussies I've met here have given
Not only that, an Aussie comic gave
A great show - Bilge Pump Seminar - down in
The Boteca (Heroes) basement. Walking
In addition to Edinburgh, the bay
From Musselburgh back to the city. Wove
My way across sands, rocks and seaweed. Sun
Shone on it all! Can now definitely say
I've seen some great sights, free from push and shove!

Fri 23 Aug

4746 - Ed Fringe Day 23

Not much sleep, plagued by horny thoughts, and by
Tom's snoring earlier on. Got up to do
My show. Josh turned up last minute, but I
Was right, no-one came. Though there were some queues
For some shows. Some people I chatted to
Reported low numbers, especially in
This last week of the Fringe. Much too tired to
Do anything (after a Thai meal) than
Trudge home and rest. Got up late afternoon
Wrote a 5 minute stand-up set to try
At Tom's Comedy Shorts at Newsroom. Phew!
It went well, despite it being brand new and
Untried. The Sprite burp gag worked just like I
Hoped it would. Tomorrow night - stand-up 2....!!

Thur 22 Aug

4745 - Ed Fringe Day 22

Put my disguise back on - Bony Tony
Though wearing it was starting to feel sad
Nevertheless, though hopes were low today
As it turned out, I’m glad now that I did
A large special needs party all flooded
In at the last minute, well late, and that
Meant delay starting the show. Edited
It down slightly. Mustn’t finish late
And then after soup, walked down Chapel Street
Which became Buccleuch Street, and signposted
Was Craigmillar Castle, coincidentally
A sightseeing recommendation site
In a Guardian piece on this Fringe city
Walked there, bus back, a nice day out was had!

Wed 21 Aug

4744 - Ed Fringe Day 21

Two people came. Josh met them just last night
They stayed the whole show, then went to ‘Fishbowl ‘
A French mimed show that’s really done all right
I ate some food from Lidl, cost fuck all
Then thought, ‘I fancy a day out ‘ and strolled
Into Waverley Station, where I chose
North Berwick as my destination. Bold
Considering it was hammering down, but those
Forecasters were right on my phone. Sun rays
Eventually dominated. A quite
Lonely place it was. Beaches, harbour, old
Victorian style houses, a hill that rose
Above the town, which I climbed. What a sight!
North Berwick below, blue sea, and not cold!

Tue 20 Aug

4743 - Ed Fringe Day 20

Flyered yesterday afternoon with Shaun
Or his missus at any rate, but still
Nobody came to today’s show again
So waited a few minutes, then said we’ll
Go for a coffee, me and Josh. Refilled
At Costa, chatted a good hour, discussed
Amanda from Australia, who called
Him to back her at the Fringe, guitarist
Par excellence, and all-round nice guy. Pissed
At weekend, didn’t hear from him til morn
Today! I’m losing interest, my little
Family show. It’s not too bad. Shame I missed
Putting it on at Free Sisters, cos then
It might’ve been ok. Failed again. Yawn...

Mon 19 Aug

4742 - Ed Fringe Day 19

Not as rainy as forecast - a good hike
Up Arthur’s Seat. The wind blew, but the sun
Shone. Perfect combination, how I like
It, especially when I’m climbing or when
Cycling. Keeps the sweating down, keeps you clean
Soon after I got back in town, the rain
Came, briefly. Flyered with Shaun’s missus and
Stepson Bradley, in Bristo Square. The main
Thing for the final week is to remain
Upbeat. Crowds will be small this final week
The kids are back in school. And my lesson
Is decide on my product. A good name
Is vital, will get me an audience. Psych
Myself up to rehearse, perform, often!!

Sun 18 Aug

4741 - Ed Fringe Day 18

I’d had high hopes for today’s attendance
Yesterday me and Shaun flyered an hour
In Bristo Square. It seemed there were some fans
Of the ideas in the show, and allowed
Free entrance to all, but a smattering showed
Up, and most of them fellow performers
And friends. The only good thing, a no-show
By the guy charging a hundred to use
A camera to record it. Jay from Oz,
One of the Pinwheel crew, was generous
And filmed it for free. Licked my wounds, saw shows
Which got more in than mine, made me feel worse
But enjoyed seeing them, still. Although ‘Brain Rinse’
Only had one paying punter. Ker-pow!!!!

Sat 17 Aug

4740 - Wd Fringe Day 17

Woke a little early and wrote a song
In the kitchen about dirty lamp-posts
Covered in bird shit. That should please the throng
In some mystical future gig with most
Of the cool comedy audience engrossed
And splitting their sides at my silly stuff
Two people in, one, Amanda Jane, most
Welcome was she, and Alex from Plymouth
She was a good sport. It can be so tough
When there’s so few. Of course, it’d be wrong
To talk to someone who just wants the host
To leave them alone. Flyered, got some love
From the afternoon folk, said ‘Come along -
It’s free tomorrow. It’s being filmed! You must!!!’

Fri 16 Aug

4739 - Ed Fringe Day 16

Flyerers out again, but again just one
Family in, but they were fun, and they joined
In the spirit well, mother, daughter, son
From Brighton, plus Jay from Pinwheel came and
One of their Aussie friends, Reece, a godsend
With his funny laugh. Thanks mate. Fewer shows
Seen than yesterday, pacing myself, fend
Off cold better that way , as cold winds blow
Though it was still quite sunny. Fingers Piano
Bar, 5:30, to see Josh, my sound man
Play guitar in Amanda’s naughty ‘band’
Of two. Looks a good venue for music
Acts. Could apply next year to do some song-
Based material like theirs, plus jokes for fun

Thur 15 Aug

4738 - Ed Fringe Day 15

What a day! Not much sleep. Alarm was set
Had to be at the skeleton by 10
To meet all the 3 flyerers I’d ‘met’
On Facebook last night, hand flyers out to them
Do flyering myself, meet Josh the tech man
Kaleigh showed him the ropes. One family came
But it was nice. Cheered me up. By the end
I’d seen 6 shows by others, not the same
Depressing day as yesterday- my ‘fame’
Is surely spreading... (!). Acts see my t shirt
And others ask me about my act and
I tell them. Spoke to many acts, my name
Becoming well-known at least, that’s in spite
Of the low turnout for my show again

Wed 14 Aug

4737 - Ed Fringe Day 14

Felt tired and even apathetic to
The show today- can it be rescued now?
Maybe with flyerers. I’ve applied for two
From SpaceUK, but they’ve not confirmed how
Or when yet. I’ll try Facebook. Need to know
The process. Should I try again next year?
But this year’s not worked out, just spent much dough
Resulting in not much at all but fear
That I’m not cut out for it. It’s fun here
Seeing shows, chatting now and then, but you
Walk around alone all day and somehow
The enthusiasm drains. Just need some cheer
Some audiences would be good, just a few
Or even better, lots!!  Rescue the show!!

Tue 13 August

4736 - Ed Fringe Day 13

First flyering success, I got a family
In to my show, the only people there
But it’s a first. Anyway, to help me
I’m hoping to get flyerers soon, area
Not too far from Surgeons Hall. They’ll flyer
Bristo Square, Teviot Square, the Blundabus
Speaking of that spot, I met Gabby there
She’s gonna see my show- how marvellous
And I even saw Metamorphosis
Three or four days late, they let me in there
Then wandered hazily round the city
Back to the bus. Lucy H caused a fuss
Met her old friend Lisa, spoke to Lucy
I might hang out there again, I like it there!

Mon 12 Aug

4735 - Ed Fringe Day 12

A terrible rainy depressing day
But one that may just be a turning point
Did a gig at C Viva, 1:30
About 30 kids and grown-ups. It went
OK, but no flyers taken. Then I fought
My way home through the driving rain. Felt bad
But no time to slacken, I had to write
My show again, and rewrite all my ad
Stuff on the Fringe website and theatre site
And post on social media. It's all quite
Fine, if you're asking. Rain, loss of money
A cold coming on. Show attendance? Shite!
But worked hard, new direction. Now, could they
Be flyering for me? If so, heaven sent!

Sun 11 Aug

4734 - Ed Fringe Day 11

A hugely disappointing nil turnout
The same as Thursday, when Pearl attended
Some shows are selling well, with queues throughout
The lobby every day, while my door's dead
No-one except me and Kayleigh are stood
There waiting to enjoy Bony Tony
And his Daft Show. Have they misunderstood
What it's about? Is it too odd? Surely
Not, when you consider new comedy
Of the more surreal kind, but taking out
The adult themes, the swear words. Yes it should
Work, but maybe there's no market. Tiny
Kids and their parents, they won't pay without
It being more clearly young kid targeted

Sat 10 Aug

4733 - Ed Fringe Day 10

Horrible morning deluge, just when we
(Me and AJ) started out flyering
My ew expensive umbrella totally
Destroyed by gusts of wind as we're walking
Up towards Edinburgh centre, trying
To protect my red sprayed hair from the rain
4 people attended, plus AJ.Things
Went well, missed out the swimming bit, but gained
On the recorded laughs and the chicken
Impressions. Charlotte, just 4, was a wee
Star! C Venues emailed me following
A dropout, did 40 minutes for them
Still got a slot this Sunday, too, at C
More flyering, and 2 shows seen. Spiffing!!

Fri 9 Aug

4732 - Ed Fringe Day 9

Today was the day Pearl saw my Fringe show
Sadly, it was a quiet day, and there
Was no-one else to show her how it goes
When it's in full flow, with lots of banter
I ran through some of my set, just for her
Sang most of my songs, and she saw the lights
Operated by Kayleigh, as ever
Nice and helpful. I've not flyered the streets
For 2 days - well, not really, so I might
Get no-one again tomorrow, I know
But hanging out with Pearl these 2 days, we're
Glad we did it, and we had a few pints
Now back on the wagon. I have to go
Into new strategy mode, do better!!

Thur 8 Aug

4731 - Ed Fringe Day 8

A testing show. Although a big audience
Many had special needs, but they enjoyed
It in the main - one more experience
In this big learning curve, this showbiz voyage
A family group came too, but sat dismayed
On the whole, not joining in, seeming shy
One guy, Darren, saved the show - he just played
Every game, took about 4 prizes. I
Got advice on marketing. Now to try
To find my real audience, and also sense
Where and when to flyer, to not avoid
My true comedy fans. Few families buy
Four tickets for an unknown. It's nonsense
To persuade them. Evening with Pearl was great!

Wed 7 Aug

4730 - Ed Fringe Day 7

Almost a week into the Fringe now. It's
Going so quickly, every moment's filled
Today was my Green Day (hair, t-shirt, glitz)
Took umbrella so green hair chalknot swilled
Away by the showers. About 10, willed
Myself to patrol the Royal Mile. I
Was targeting the kids and families still
But my prices are for them all, too high
And my humour too sharp. I'd say now, my
Audience is more teens and older - yes, kids
But, kids AT HEART, with adult brains. I killed
Them so far, those that came. Was emailed by
The C venues, got a good spot. It's this
Sunday - perfect chance to plug my show. Brill!!

Tue 6 Aug

4729 - Ed Fringe Day 6

Though very tired, almost no sleep, because
I thought Tom would at any moment get
Into the bed, not knowing that he was
In fact still with Rhiannon, headed out
Of Edinburgh and staying at some hotel
That stopped me going to sleep - of that, no doubt!!
Considering that, today went pretty well
Flyered from 10am, targeted small
Kids and their parents - but it seems about
Teenage and 20's humour my show is
(More than anything) - though under-10's yet
May enjoy it, if they're clever. To tell
The truth, I'm pleased with that. It's tedious
Just playing to kids, too boring just doing that...

Mon 5 Aug

4728 - Ed Fringe Day 5

I felt good most of today, but knackered
As the evening has gone on - now it's 9
Not that late, but mustn't delay my bed
Tonight. Flyering at 10 is my design
For tomorrow, I'll need body and mind
To be energised. Show at 12, of course
Then helping Pinwheel's show, then I should find
More flyering to do, eat, then see shows
Or Paul Silky White at least, as he knows
How to do comedy and music, wed
Them into a successful Fringe show. I'm
Keen to learn what works in my cause, suppose
It may help in future. Tom Short offered
A slot tonight, but can't do it this time...

Sun 4 Aug

4727 - Ed Fringe Day 4

Another OK day, and best of all
An audience for my show, that was a boost
They came in after I'd started to crawl
Through my act for no-one, something I'm used
To, but they came in, sat down. I could coast
Through it now, ad lib more, as I like to
When there's people to bounce off - it's the most
Easy thing to do, so easy to do
I just need PEOPLE!!! Work provides them too
But this is on a higher plane, it's full
Of risk, it's hard, it takes years to adjust
And learn how to do it well and be you
I'm already thinking how I could sell
More tickets next year, be a well-known host

Sat 3 Aug

4726 - Ed Fringe Day 3

It's so competitive, the festival
I got no audience for my first show there
Good to run through the show though, a trial
Run, free of pressure, though I'd much prefer
A audience to talk to, who can inspire
More quips, more energy, and more money
Of course. Pinwheel Productions, similar
No-one, though they'd sold two tickets, but the
Amount's nothing, split fourways, honestly!
So I'll now have to flyer streets like hell
If I want crowds it's up to me... Not fair
But the brochure and theatre, such a spree
Of spending, hasn't produced the people
Saw three shows this evening - must learn, watch, hear...

Fri 2 Aug