3423 - Stormy weather

A shortened day at work, so few were in
That there was nothing much to do, but I
Answered a query needed answering
And ensured all was OK, not in my
Normal office due to floods. On Monday
The 4th of January we will see
If by then Ralli Quays is again dry
Meanwhile Storm Frank has caused some misery
Ireland and Scotland particularly
It won't help the SNP, this flooding
People will wonder how if the Scots fly
The British nest they'll afford what must be
A costly flood control programme. Going
Out for a drink, then home for year's bye bye

3422 - Strange desks

Now for today, spent most of it not in
The usual office at Ralli Quays, but
In Albert Bridge House, because of flooding
Meaning there's no water supply, yes, wet
Conditions have meant there's nothing to put
In your teacup, and washing of hands is
Out, so we can't stay there. Last two days, sat
At a strange desk on the 3rd floor of this
Tall old building that may not last for years
Even took pictures from the top floor, rain-
Soaked vistas, though no severe downpour dropped
Upon us (yet). Which God should we appease?
Jehovah? Allah? Or maybe, Mammon?
Got home with no soaking, so thanks a lot!

3421 - The fifth day of Christmas

This rain goes on and on, next it's Storm Frank
Set to victimise the north once again
With downpours and floods, rivers bursting banks
Who'd live in central York now? It is plain
That it's far from over, incessant rain
Caused by global warming. Where are the snows
Of yesteryear? The temperature has gained
Too many degrees, and now no-one knows
Whether ever again a winter freeze
Will revisit like an old friend we'd thank
For stopping by once in a while. We'd spend
More on heating, yes, as the cold wind blows
But instead, daffodils bloom, and new lambs
Are born in December at the year's end

Tue 29 Dec

3420 - The fourth day of Christmas

I am completing this sonnet Monday
While watching the football highlights again
Having read earlier on, The Fall, and Joy
Division, Kevin Cummins' book, Martin
Hannett, these names have passed into legend
What about Martin Rushent, what about
The UK, not just Manchester, but then
We all appreciate the in and out
Time and place, please forgive me, and don't shout
Say what you like, it isn't quite fair play
Saw Man United draw with Chelsea, can
Rationalise it, Man U just cannot
Win, even against Chelsea, not today
A few pints downed at Salford Arms with John

Mon 28 Dec

3419 - The third day of Christmas

I felt sorry for Josie yesterday
Closing her door with a tear in her eye
Her mum was in pyjamas, was too shy
To show herself, hid behind the door - why?
Also, I felt she went home too early
Hadn't had enough fun at Christmas, so
I rang her (waking her up), said that we
Could make up for her disappointment, go
Into Manchester, what she likes to do
And then spend more time back in Vera's flat
And play a football quiz I bought for Louis
And see more of Lola the Cat, mad-eyed
Funny feline. Hopefully cheered up, new
Hope inside, think it worked. Ending the day
Watching Derby go top, guitar, whisky!

3418 - The second day of Christmas

Back home after a long walk in the rain
Began the day at Mum's with an omelette
With cheese and mushrooms, I couldn't complain
Said so long to her and Rob and then set
Off in the hired blue VW, got
To Wilmslow soon enough, invited in
Gave Jo her boots, she put 'em on, looked hot
Then drove to near Vee's flat, parked, and had fun
Handing out presents and cards. Next, consumed
Pizzas aplenty, West Didsbury, gained
More pix, quips, arguments, gossip, and ate
Starters, pizzas, dessert. Turned my lights on
Realised I'd been driving with fog lights, strained
To see ahead! To Vee's flat, then my flat

Sat 26 Dec

3417 - The first day of Christmas

Another Christmas Day, and very wet
So no walks outside this year, stuck inside
But we all got along, got up quite late
Porridge at first, then more breakfast, now fried
Seems like most of the day some music played
On TV festive stuff, accompanying
Our day, no need to play games, wrapped a tide
Of presents for tomorrow when I bring
My 3 kids together for a Boxing
Day meet-up and meal which is usually great
In the evening, my mum hurt my insides
By making me keep on and on eating
When I just wanted beer. There's Bailey's, but
Gonna watch now how Dad's Army was made

Fri 25 Dec

3416 - The first day of Christmas, minus one

Went in to work, not many people there
At lunchtime did late shopping for presents
The rain had stopped, mild for the time of year
Got good gifts from Oklahoma, offence
Given to none, cos they're all good gifts since
I spent a bit more this year. Also bought
Some booze and snacks for us all here at Mum's
Four of the six beer bottles are all poured
Out and gone. Still got some wine left though, but
Then NOTHING! Still, Boxing Day could repair
To shops in the car, and fetch home some drinks
But first, Christmas Day, I wonder just what
There'll be under the tree from Rob and Ma
Plenty of snacks, and even merriment!

Thur 24 Dec

3415 - Be nice to each other!

Madness, utter madness. Life is so mad
The madder the better, but no violence
Or hatred please, let's just be nice and glad
To be alive, appreciate each chance
Of happiness, though some crave divergence
From that, unhappy themselves, try to screw
Your own hard-won equilibrium, since
They haven't yet worked out how they should do
Life's hard breaks, they project it onto you
Denying responsibility, add
Their frustration to you, but instead hence
They should play their part, be a social glue
Prove they are nice, temptation to be bad
Denied for all's sake, you know it makes sense

3414 - Guitar free comedy

Another comedy night at King's Arms
I was quite pissed before I turned up there
Three bottles of high-strength beer mingled forms
In my stomach, altering what aware
I had a pint of orange squash once there
But then another pint. It wasn't bad
The Christmas night, some were dressed as Santa
When it came to me, I was somewhat sad
But it went OK, a few laughs were had
Many folk were there in the snug, disarmed
Most knew the score but some were unaware
I sang songs without guitar, cos it had
Seemed unnecessary to lug, harm-
less as it turned out. maybe in new year?

3413 - Rehearsal room for improvement

A stressful day at work, made worse by shit-
Heads, one in particular. It's colder
Than last few days. When I got home I did
Exercises, then played prog on guitar
Can rock those solos better and better
Still room for improvement though, and the key
Is daily practice, keep it regular
Now it's Arsenal / Manchester City
A crucial title battle, no Chelsea
Competing this year, Mourinho's been ditched
And finally the drop looms for Villa
Not sure if I'll rehearse for comedy
Tony Bastard debuts tomorrow night
Maybe I'll think about it all later

3412 - Old, new, borrowed and blues

Today, stayed inside, but for recycling
Old beer bottles and fish finger packets
The weather was better, saw no raining
What have I done? Mainly playing records
Some not heard for donkey's years, since student's
Times or not long after. Vinyl era
Was dead soon after that, then long cassette
Selections and compilations were the
Thing, freely taped from the ghetto blaster
Tuned to John Peel, the charts, or some such thing
It was creative, make your own records
On tape, which could be listened to on a
Stroll round town, bicycle ride, or jogging
Borrowed discs from libraries, and taped old hits

3411 - Bootiful Christmastime

A late night last night, went to bed at 4
A great meal at Lunya with Derm and Nance
Mad Friday was OK, it wasn't too
Crowded, at least not in our restaurant
By the time we came out the night had calmed
Down somewhat. The Salford Arms our last stop
As for today, bought Jo's Christmas present
Timberland boots, nice light brown colour, top-
Looking footwear. Ate at our usual stop:
Rowntree, no gammon. Then did a grand tour
Of Manchester's Christmas markets, a chance
To show Jo what they're like, despite raindrops
Bought a Christmas church, lit interior
Added to my Yuletide decorations

Sat 19 December

3410 - Mad Friday madness

Mad Friday's here, and after work I went
Across town through the crowds to Avis car
Hire, sorting out my Christmas car - will spend
Around a hundred and fifty quid there
Collecting it a whole two days before
Christmas, and returning on Boxing Day
I then walked back to Salford, collecting a
Parcel from Claire and Tom (such a long way!)
And soon I'll walk to town for Mad Friday
Part two, a few drinks and meal with two friends
Dermot and Nancy. There'll be a packed bar
Or two no doubt, they'll all be packed out. They
All pile in, all mad, 300,000
Of them, according to the newspaper!

3409 - Still yawning

Somewhat over-the-top post yesterday
Ahem, I was drinking beer, had had wine
Earlier. In vino veritas, maybe
Or just in vino nonsensus and scorn
Bit of both perhaps. It's boring though when
The women only speak to women, though
There were a couple of odd exceptions
They claim to like men but I wonder, do
They? Men, not just this man, I mean. So few
Treat us men with the same respect that they
Show each other. It's simply sexism.
They think we're just a joke, maybe it's true
But if so, stuff 'em, I'll be on my way
Soon anyway, they'll miss me when I'm gone

3408 - People (yawn)

A terrible works night out, so boring
You try your best but they just won't have it
Thank goodness, long gone are when I'm caring
I know that the friendliness means jack shit
But why not at least have a laugh, they flit
From arsehole to arsehole, bore to bore, and
Try to paint you as inferior, but is
It all bullshit, yes, probably, I can't
Be bothered, don't care, let them all pretend
I feel fine in spite of their bullshitting
So funny, I used to care 'bout this shit
Now I see people as trying to defend
Themselves, not being open, offering
Anything, okay, bye bye then, shove it

3407 - Tracks of my beers

Pub quiz night tonight, but before I go
I'll write this, and I'll convert one more disc
The next vinyl record I'll turn into
A digital audio file is a mix
Of mainly eighties John Peel session tracks
What on earth is that racket from next door?
Sounds like they've got their sound system on max
With some computer game, tremendous roar
And rumble, repetitive noise, a bore
To listen to it, but I won't have to
When I put that disc on, and then I'll nix
It even better by going out for
That quiz in West Didsbury by yellow
Tram (to Burton Road). But what will be asked?

3406 - Spice world

A long, important day reaching its end
The day of my interview, promotion
The goal, can't believe I'm back there again
After all these years, feel renewed, upon
An upward curve, a positive vibe, and
Nobody can stop it, life can be good
If you choose to make it so, don't depend
On others, just try to do all you could
It's what makes you happy, though it is hard
Sometimes, but challenges can make each bend
Of the road exciting, stimulation
Like not knowing where you will rest your head
That's the spice of life, time precious to lend
Much better than safety, routine, humdrum

3405 - Infernal view

I've still not prepared for my interview
Tomorrow. If I have a look tonight
Jot down a few things, tips on how to do
Them, that's a start, but also I must quite
Get down pat what I'll say about my great
Work of recent years, handicapped by one
Of the panel being an ex-boss who thought
Not highly of me. Even if I've gone
And done a good interview, he may ruin
It for me, not accepting it's all true
Even if it is, those he's not had sight
Of previously in his career doing fine
Though they may prove average if they get through
If I fall at this hurdle, I won't quit

3404 - Where have all the flower shops gone?

A rainy day and then some here in Man-
chester, forget the cliches, this was bad
Saturday Christmas shoppers going on
Determined, hoods up, umbrellas deployed
Stallholders keeping it going, afraid
That the downpour might dampen their profits
No need to worry, he must be obeyed
The God of Santa, keeping up spirits
I searched in vain in the rain, coat so wet
For a flower shop, where have they all gone?
Back home, mission impossible indeed
Couldn't arrange online either, seems it's
Gonna be last-minute ordering to send
A bouquet to Doreen's funeral (so sad)

3403 - Write now

Friday evening, staying in but it's fun
Popped to the cafe after work to write
Some Tony Bastard ideas, and I done
Four pages mate, old-fashioned pen in flight
On old-fashioned paper, makes me feel quite
Old-fashioned meself, but maybe I am
But nobody can tell me I ain't bright
My wit will prevail, bam, then again, bam
Knock out my many opponents like lambs
To the slaughter. Know it's not an even
Playing field, acting classes, cliques and shite
But I have to admit, althouigh I am
A good writer and thinker, still I done
Bad performances. Need to get it right...

3402 - From out of the shit

Woke early, lay in bed almost an hour
Got to work early, with my eyes aching
The usual banter with Farah, Emma
And the rest, but I had to get cracking
Do the minutes from yesterday's meeting
I didn't get them all done, things crop up
Don't think I was AWOL, going shopping
I was at my desk, only break was soup
Need to plan my interview, or fuck up
After last night's farce, had a new idea
Just now, new comedy undertaking
And all there in the name I just thought up -
Tony Bastard! Welcome, hope you devour
Audiences and other foes with your sting!

3401 - Wank you very much

What a tiring day, finishing in rage
A hard day's work, chairing a tough meeting
Then to see Tom George I went to engage
At the Tiger Lounge, while volunteering
To do some of my new jokes been writing
While on my travels back in Germany
OK they weren't all classics, but I brung
A long list of good jokes and puns. Tuesday
Tony, the host, had previous, because he
Had cut me short last time on his mean stage
Back in August, not been back since, but being
As Tom was there, fought back tiredness to play
Out and watch him, and do my jokes, but sage
TT killed me off again. Time-wasting...

3400 - No show at the comedy a-go go

First full day home, and back to work again
Very busy and new crises afoot
Trying to catch up, and preparation
For tomorrow's workshop, things got quite hot
In fact I still felt cross later that night
As I was walking past crowds all lining
Up to watch a shit musical, a tight
Look on my face, my patience short. A young
Man stopped me - it was Lukas. Not going
To the King's Arms tonight? Usually I'm game
But tonight, I decided it could wait
Heading to Lou's flat for an exciting
Night's European football. City won
Sterling and Bony both scored. Alors, zut!

3399 - Hamburg Day 6

The final day, basically getting home
From Rugen to Hamburg and Manchester
Nice breakfast in the hotel, was alone
Then a girl from Hamburg, chatted to her
Down the hill to the station, woman there
Was really helpful, saved me big money
Told me to save by waiting one more hour
Sat in the winter sun waiting for my
Train from Bergen to Rostock, changed to the
Hamburg train, the weather really went down
But no matter, my holiday's over
Just need to catch the flight home. Happily
I got to the gate in sufficient time
Now I'm home, settled in, memories to share

3398 - Hamburg Day 5

Woken up earlier than I intended
Because of noisy peeps in dormitory
So had an early breakfast and threaded
My way through Rostock's streets, still quite empty
And an earlier train to Rugen for me
Bergen auf Rugen's the name of the place
No time to see the white chalk cliffs, sadly
A chance that time will likely not replace
In December the crowds would've been sparse
But never mind, it's cold, time's defeated
Me, and am tired, hotel room solitary
But one more Christmas market, one more wurst
This afternoon drank brandy, dozed on bed
Then a nice Chinese meal, treat just for me

Sun 6 December

3397 - Hamburg Day 4

Quite early train from Hamburg to Lubeck
Carrying my bag, I walked around that town
Daytime Christmas markets, churches, a drag
I missed the Rostock train by 5 minutes
Sat reading for 2 hours in the station
Luckily I'm enjoying my Chandler
From Rostock station, caught the tram, and found
The Jellyfish Hostel with no bother
Then looked around festive markets once more
Ate a bratwurst, banana, and milk drink
Chatted to Patrick and Phil, hostel men
In the cold, over cigarettes and beer
It's quiet, though the hostel's fully booked
Another bottle, then I'll settle down

Sat 5 December

3396 - Hamburg Day 3

Second full day in Hamburg, big breakfast
Set me up for the day, like yesterday
For 6 euros I got an all-day pass
And rode two railway stops to Sternschanze
From there walked all the way to Altona
Via St Pauli, stopped at the Fischmarkt
Then rode out further to Blankenese
Then to the Landungsbrucken 5 to start
The St Pauli tour at 2. Hopped on board
A boat with the group, and luckily, just
In time, Wang Yu turned up, good company
For me well after the tour finished. Good
Walk around the grotto, funfair, and last
Of all, gluhwein together, saw the sleigh...

Fri 4 December

3395 - Hamburg Day 2

First full day in Hamburg, a big breakfast
Started Raymond Chandler's 'Little Sister'
Read til 10:30, then walked, not too fast
Along Monchebergstrasse, to the square
To Starbucks opposite the Rathaus, where
The free guided tour began. It was fun
Well-hosted by a guy with a big stare
From South Africa, he was called Kalvin
He even knew Lichfield and Stoke-on-Trent
Met a nice girl from Vienna (there last
May!), and a Chinese actress. Me and her
And her friend will meet tomorrow at ten
And get the train to somewhere to the west
A concentration camp, and Altona

Thur 3 December

3394 - Hamburg Day 1

First day of my travels in Germany
The Generator Hostel in Hamburg
Already seen the Christmas market, tree
Rathaus, people, gluhwein, and all, dot.org
I'm no Christmas fan, but I'm no Cyborg
So it was a most enjoyable sight
Like watching Jimmy Connors play Bjorn Borg
Memories of Malmo, all lit up at night
But this time it's Germany shining light
Looking forward to touring the city
Tomorrow at 11 at Starbucks
After that, I'll know my way around, quite
Now I'm reading, writing, drinking, happy
I love indulging the travelling bug

Wed 2 December

3393 - Flying low

My last post before going to Germany
Excitement mounts in my head now, even
Finished Catch-22 in a frenzy
So I could take another book within
My bag. I've chosen a less heavy one
It's 'The Little Sister' (Raymond Chandler)
Like Catch-22, lent from Pearl, Swindon
A smallish book suitable for the air
Journey, or the airport. And also there
In my bag's my 'Instant German' trusty
Guide to the teutonic tongue. Hamburg, when
I get there, hope to eat a hamburger
And post a pic on Twitter, ha ha hee
So bye for now, see you in days seven!

3392 - Get out and walk

Paris is hosting a climate change meet
At which many world leaders can be seen
This is the top topic, this is the great
Challenge, this and over-population
They're all saying once more, time for action
I thought that was Kyoto, way back in
'97, big things were called for then
Then the USA and Asia, even
Europe wriggled out of obligations
So why now should we believe what they spout?
Try grappling with the car industry. Gone
Are the days when American cars ran
Their economy anyway. Oil might
Be replaced, even must be, sometime soon

3391 - No matter where I roam

Javier left soon after four a.m., I
Heard him, and hopefully he got back home
OK (must have a look on Facebook). Tried
To get into the hired car later on
This morning, but no dice, the battery'd gone
Some chump had left the lights on since last night
Luckily there was another car on
Whitworth Street West. I was half an hour late
Collecting Jo from Zenay's, but had quite
A nice drive in the Peak District. Had pie
With Jo in the George Inn, Tideswell, and roamed
(By car) on old familiar country routes
Then round Burnage and even to Old T
Now back in empty flat. Javier, bye bye!

3390 - The reign of Spain (is over)

Javier woke with a hangover after
A final evening session over here
Early tomorrow he leaves Manchester
Flying back to his home town of Murcia
So for now that was his last taste of beer
(Not the lager they drink!) Today also
He went out for a last meal, now he's here
Getting to sleep, early start tomorrow
At half-past four, so I won't see him go
I hope the taxi comes on time and there
Are no flight delays. Then Jo and me are
Riding around in a car. Tonight Jo
Is staying at Zenay's house just over
In Alderley Edge. Might see Pearl, Vera...

3389 - Antiques Recordshow

I didn't write comedy today as
Intended because other things needed
Doing just after work. Exercises
And paying the last of my credit card
Debt, after all these years. Boy that was hard!
I had to help Javier book a taxi
For early Sunday morning. I'll have snored
Through his departure to Spain, hopefully
I don't want to wake up at 4:30
I recorded more records. First one was
Pete Shelley's 'Homosapien'. I last heard
Probably about 1983
Then it was 'The Specials' I recorded
Hearing this old stuff again's quite a buzz!

3388 - Stage of composition

Felt better today, not like yesterday
Morning when I had dazed vision and could
Barely speak! A reasonable work day
Lots of talk of my interview. How should
I give myself the best shot? Back home, did
Exercises, was going to play guitar
But now don't think I will. I really need
To think about my comedy, think hard
At the coffee shop over a mocha
And devise a good act, one that might sway
A paying audience. I must not feel scared
But the best way to achieve that's be clear
About my act, don't chop and change, know thy-
self, comedy-wise. or you'll be stage-dead

3387 - On the job

Dog-tired today after two sleep-deprived
(Not sleep-depraved) nights, but there was good news
I got a job interview, now must strive
At every opportunity to use
Some good advice, beat the interview blues
Hard work in this area will literally pay
I must get help from the experienced crews
At work who know exactly how to play
The game in interviews, when often they
Conduct them themselves. Learn how to behave
In front of the panel, how to give views
How to walk in, sit down, and what to say
This evening, watched Man City lose to Juve
With Louis. Now drinking last of my brews

3386 - Moneyocracy

Well here we are now, but now will be then
Then is now and now is then, you'll agree
Then was then, now is now, now is not then
And now is not zen, extra specially
All I'm saying is that now is today
Today what did I do, who cares, I don't
I just need to write this, then I am free
Or rather, now I'm free, while you are not
Even in Nottingham, Windsor, Didcot
So forget your Windsor knot, or Le Pen
Let's not forget that France must remain free
Same is true you say of the UK, but
This front for democracy will end when
We see it's bullshit and all 'bout money...

3385 - Singing from the same hymn sheet?

A tense day at work at times, it's hardly
Surprising given the lack of support
Anyway, helped Farah and Helen, they
Needed it, I gave it, though I'm taught
By my bosses that unlike them, I ought
To feel lucky to escape 'Must Improve!'
Our bosses demand more staff MUST be caught
In that category. I suppose they prove
Their own worthiness every time, unmoved
If others do the same, for they must see
The quotas achieved, that's a leader's sport
They feign friendliness, but they feel no love
Win the race, never mind the quality
No vocation, it's about their wallet

3384 - It's been a hard day's rest

Before I get tired, I'll write my diary
You could say it has been a day of rest
Well, it's Sunday, after all, used to be
That in the old days, told by God and Christ
But we always played hard, we didn't waste
Precious weekend time out of school, although
In later school days the evening was passed
At the dinner table struggling to do
Homework while TV sounds cruelly slipped through
The yellow sliding doors. Adults, did they
Have it harder than us kids? I would guess
Not. Childhood's hard precisely because you
Have no choice, can't escape from your duty
Which you don't choose, can't see yet, or resist

3383 - No show for snow

Cold day though it was sunny earlier on
No porridge, so two fried eggs for breakfast
Set me up nicely, hopped onto the train
And soon in Wilmslow, waiting, til at last
She turned up, train to Manchester, of course
Tripped to Old Trafford, but too cold for her
So went straight to the mall, fish and chips bought
While eating this, suddenly saw Farah
From work, and said hello. After that, there
Was not much left to do there, so returned
By tram to town, looked round the shops and passed
The town hall market. In Oklahoma
Got a small red Christmas tree, lots of fun
Back home, watched a film and got my clothes washed

3382 - Mucho mocha mucho rocker

It's Friday night, I'm staying in, resting
Although I've done exercises, guitar
And even a pile of my ironing
Now I'm writing this. Wait, there's something more
I went to the coffee shop straight after
Work to write some comedy for Tuesday
It's topical, let's just say that, a stir
Could be caused maybe when I start to play
But pushing the envelope is the way
To reduce fear through confidence building
I still haven't eaten my tea so far
I had a mocha while in the cafe
I've got the TV on now, I'm watching
A bit of 'jungle' like all others are

3381 - Exercise Six

It's turned cold, but that's hardly surprising
Is it, in late November? So enough
Of that, today was fun, I'm enjoying
Work a bit more, although I still would love
The validation of promotion, have
Renewed ambitions in that area
Getting things done quickly and well is proof
Or should be things can only get better
Tonight did exercises, played guitar
And at last did some TEFL, achieving
A good score of 94%, bluff
I don't. Present simple, continuous, a
Further grammar lesson, it's confusing
Even for me, who's lived here all my life!

3380 - News and do's

There's been a lot in the news 'bout Paris
Since Friday night's killings there by ISIS
I must admit I was out getting pissed
With Tony Mac, and next night Lukas's
Birthday party which was a big surprise
For him, then Sunday with Jo, then Monday's
Struggles to remove the old sofa, it's
Now in the local tip. Then last night's quiz
At the Railway, and mostly the rain's pissed
It down the whole time, my new shoes have passed
The test so far, their cheap soles will resist
An influx of puddle water and last
A while longer. They've started refurbish-
ment of my block, Good news when it's finished!

3379 - Pub swizz

After work, played guitar to the Banshees
Then recorded The Clash, Cockney Rebel
Converting these two into MP3s
From my old copies on still clean vinyl
Though both albums they still jumped a little
The needle stuck in places, alarming
But got back in the groove after a while
I think they are OK, the recordings
I then hopped on the tram. It was raining
Even inside the carriage, and the breeze
Was strong outside as I walked to the Rail-
way pub for a quiz. It was frustrating
That we lost by one point, so sad to lose
Now to watch highlights of the night's football

3378 - Sofa so far away

Straight after work I walked into the town
And got in the hired van, drove to my flat
Slowly through the rush hour jam, up and down
The clogged Mancunian Way. I sure was grate-
ful for Javier's help helping me move that
Heavy but knackered old sofa out of
The flat at last. A small table would suit
The space created, with two chairs. I'll have
To shop for these quite soon. This year I've moved
The flat on nicely, looking better. Soon
I might also paint at least one wall at
Odds with the current all-white. I approve
Of a splash of colour, even light brown
Can be OK, creamy dreamy and light

3377 - I thought it was going to rain today

I'm quite tired, think an early night is good
It didn't rain much today, hired a car
Thinking it was gonna pour, but it did
Not. Drove Jo to towns in North Staffordshire
Like Talke, Audley and Chesterton. We are
Not aware of these places, they are small
Compared to Manchester, and so obscure
In Toby Carvery had a huge meal
No breakfast though, and no tea, should be full
All evening after that mountain of food!
Don't feel like doing much now, to be fair
Been out several nights in a row, and well
There's still lots to come, so without being rude
I'll just say, enough for now, and end here...

3376 - Good night

And so here I am, nearly three o'clock
It could have been later if I had stayed
But the club was quite shit, the music sucked
So I said my goodbyes, wasn't afraid
Before that though Lukas' party played
Itself out nicely, a good bunch of peeps
I don't quite know how I managed, but laid
Myself on the line, and not be a creep
When you're so much older than most, but keep
Your behaviour in check and trust to luck
Just be yourself and to their credit they
Were all nice to me. The learning curve's steep
But I think I've got there, I didn't suck
It was a good night by the people made

3375 - Late in the day

This is a day late, I was out all night
Not up all night, quite, but I was up late
Staying at Tony Mac's house after pints
At Mulligan's after work. Had a chat
A good one, but can't remember 'bout what
Towards the end (as ever, with him). I
Lost my bag AGAIN, what a bloody tw*t
The same as last time WITH HIM! I must try
To retain my wits next time, or maybe
Just not take a bag! Just this Thursday I'd
Paid for that bag to be mended. I hate
Losing my diary, done it again.  Try
Harder maybe  to stay in control? Quite
Annoying. I shouldn't get in that state!

About Fri 13 Nov

3374 - The Hunger Fun and Games

After a long hard day drafting a new
Job application, punctuated by
A long lunch hour when my lunch vanished through
A black hole, meaning that I had to try
To get it back, and did eventually
I went home then back out to Home cinema
To see a Killing Joke documentary
Two and a half hours long, and my hunger
Grew, though it was a fun viewing for sure
KJ, one of my fave bands, what a crew
Of great musicians now in their fifties
Still singing 'bout the Eighties, but they roar
Saw them last week, live, at the Ritz. Jaz, you
Are a madman, but keep going, old boy

3373 - Job's a good 'un

Bought new clothes on the way home in the rain
New shoes (old ones are being repaired), some socks
And a new dark blue shirt that will look fine
Tomorrow when I turn up for more shocks
And surprises at the office. With luck
Some work on my job application will
Get done, did some today, but often fucked
Up by demand-led work and stuff that still
Isn't finished. When I got home, a brill
Guitar session, and next? I don't know when
I'll have my tea, but potatoes are dropped
From my daily menu, because I fill
Out the mirror these days, my belly's in
Expansion mode, got to reverse its track

3372 - Pub blub

It's half-past twelve at night, we got back in
From comedy night at the King's Arms where
The usual motley crew did their own thing
A night of awkwardness beyond compare
Although we did have an awkward compere
I just didn't get in the mood, maybe
The material was rushed, or is that fair
It was OK in part, but failed with the
Anecdote about going to Newquay
The audience uninterested, am thinking
About how anecdotes can work. Have fair
Amount of success in real life, story-
Telling, but it's different in the setting
Of humour. Of marriage they're unaware...

3371 - Easter in November

A windy rainy day, but temperatures
Are mild, so much so that I keep heating
Up uncontrollably in my coat. Was
A busy day at work, not much eating
Nipped to Tesco Express, then was 'treating'
Myself to a warmed-up chicken and mush-
room pie, though I did some chocolate snacking
Some Easter eggs brought in by Helen, much
To our bemusement, but was a nice touch
After work, wrote some comedy ideas
In the coffee shop. Feels like I'm rushing
Madly to get it all done. It's a lux-
ury though, being single, free to rush
Around doing my own specialised thing

3370 - TEFL on, Tony

A lot to do but interrupted it
To go see Louis and Vee at their flat
Saw Man City fail to beat Villa, but
They were unlucky not to win, then that
Was followed by a draw at the Emirates
Between Arsenal and Spurs. For fifty quid
I bought a TV box from Vee, Can squat
On the sofa now watching Netflix. Could
Have done it on my laptop, but I would
Rather watch it on the screen. Have I got
A suitable cable though? I must get
On with some TEFL tonight, must study
For my teaching credentials. There's a lot
To get through before I can say I've taught...

3369 - Cheshire chat

A fun day driving around Cheshire in
A hired City Car Club car with my Jo
Drove at random, headed for Altrincham
But struggled to find our way out. To go
Left or right's always the thing you don't know
Eventually we found Dunham Massey
And Little Bollington, saw a sign to
The Swan With Two Nicks pub, went in, and we
Had a nice meal, and a nice and funny
Chat. Afterwards we continued driving
While it remained light. Lymm, Bowdon. Although
We kept returning to Altrincham, seen
The shoppers, with a Christmassy feeling
As darkness descended and the lights glowed

3368 - Hard going

Very tired, late night last night, a party
In a tower block in Stockport, where we watched
Fireworks for a while light up the night sky
I just made the last train, I ran to catch
It and today my legs ache just a touch
I surprised myself how well I kept going
At work and did quite a lot. Packed some punch
But think I'll sleep well tonight, be dozing
Happily and unconsciously drifting
The rest of the evening is up to me
Don't plan to do anything very much
I guess right now I should be following
Derby's progress against Forest. Are we
Winning, in which case the top spot is clutched!

3367 - New Shit Station

Train to Birmingham, arrived in good time
Steve joined at Stockport, but our seats were full
Walked to the next compartment, trying to find
A spare seat, found two where we then could mull
Over the meeting's topics. Underwhelmed
By the new New Street station, media buzz
But it was better before, I can tell
Birmingham has fucked up once again, does
It really matter, it no longer was
A place of importance since in my mind
And body moved to Manchester, I will
Not really care about the place. It was
A fun evening at Ged's party, aligned
On the sixteenth floor, beers aplenty. Cool.

3366 - Memories of the Dockyard

Yesterday, for yes, this is tomorrow
I'm one day late, got to remember what
I did yesterday, well, workmates did go
At lunchtime to The Dockyard for a sort
Of pie which was disappointing, a squat
Edifice with paltry filling, poultry
Maybe, I'm not sure, it was diddly squat
As far as I'm concerned, my memory
Was last time it was good, a takeaway
But this time, no, everybody said so
After work, listened to The Fall, Dragnet
First time for thirty years or more, memory
Plays strange games, sounded OK now although
At the time sounded, well, it sounded shit

3365 - Kick start

Javi's off out to watch a Spanish game
But I'm staying in, it's the Manchester
Game that interests me more, City playing
Sevilla away, while United are
Playing CSKA Moscow right here
In Manchester, almost Salford, it is
While I'm Salford, almost Manchester, yeah
The build-up's going on, it's big business
European Champions' League's a success
Though English clubs have done badly, they're lame
In Europe, although few English players
Play in their ranks nowadays. They've the best
Players in wage terms, why are they so tame
In Europe? Derby's playing QPR...

3364 - Dynamite Day

A very long day, lots done, glad I did
Not drink last night after the gig, but went
To bed soon afterwards! I profited
From quite an early start. Later on met
New team leader Andy G, and we sat
In the corner chatting, getting to know
Each other better. Stayed so late, could not
Quite find enthusiasm 'nuff to go
To the cafe to write for a fun show
Instead, straight home to do stuff, and I did
Even some exercises late as eight
Played a record, first time since years ago
Kevin Coyne's 'Dynamite Daze' - took the lid
Off thirty-five years, songs that I'd forgot

3363 - The day after Halloween

My ears are deafened, that's loud gig syndrome
You may be asking who's responsible
Well, Killing Joke, they were the main act on
And before that, bass-heavy Jah Wobble
Great to see those two acts, a time bubble
But no edge lost over time, hence my ears
Humming (The Hum is a memorable
KJ song, but they didn't play it here)
Jaz looked scary as usual, he appeared
Suitable for Halloween, but that's gone
Now. This weekend, I've converted vinyl
To MP3, and it sounds great to hear
So fresh and crisp, with that nostalgic hum
Crackle and pop of needle on vinyl!

3362 - The thrill of the kill

I'll do my diary now before football
Results come in, but the Rams are winning
At home to Rotherham. We've heard from Paul
Scholes, criticising Van Gaal's quite boring
Style of play, few shots on goal, and struggling
Rooney - midfield or striker - no-one knows
And no-one passes to him. Not seeing
Little Jo today, Halloween, it goes
Without saying, tho not for many more years
Maybe, takes top billing, and her mate will
Be staying overnight too, thus meaning
I won't disturb their fun as tomorrows
Get underway. That evening, it's the thrill
Of seeing Killing Joke live. The waiting...

3361 - Working to no avail

A long long day, I did the best I could
So much to do, while others just chatted
And did fuck all, they won't be targeted
Though if the past is any kind of guide
Because I've got lots of work. If they said
They did also, they're lying. I've had
It with this team unless things change, I pledge
Despite the workload, I'll still get my head
Down with another application, grad-
ually getting better until I'm good
And I no longer care what the effect
On the team would be. Nine years working hard
Accumulating knowledge, helping out
My managers and colleagues, but shafted

3360 - Shock news

A long day at work, but still not the time
To get it all done, my long to-do list
At least tonight I'm not too drunk to rhyme
Like last night after Munchen got me pissed
I'm getting hungry though, because I missed
My evening meal last night, and so I must
Shortly get cooking, but what I'll do first
Is have a shave and shower. Some bad news just
Received by Javier. He has just lost
His job at the warehouse. All isn't fine
Right now, but if I can maybe assist
In some way, I'll try. Suggested the Post
Office. And as we approach Christmas-time
There may be more short-term jobs advertised

3359 - Munchen Beer does this to you...

It's difficult to concentrate when sat
Next to the sexiest woman that there is
Oh my goodness, but despite all our chat
None of that matters, I know that her biz
Is what it is, and that's not mine to quiz
I love her but maybe that is misplaced
So forget that, don't worry, please don't stress
I know she makes do in her time and space
Tonight after work, drunk out of my face
I bought drink yesterday, and today, drat!
It all makes sense, time goes, like,things, and how's
Why do yo go about from place to place
Never mind me ... (then I dozed off at that
Point and went to bed with this unfimished!!)...

Lines 1-13 before brackets, Wed 28 October, the last lines in brackets, morning of Thur 29 October

3358 - Time for fun

After work, went to the Home of Honest
Coffee, on Chapel Street, I memorised
My comedy set, kind of like a test
Which I would like to think that I had passed
Under the eyes of rich girls, not yet pissed
Made it to the King's Arms round about eight
Jaynee turned up, and that was fun, we gassed
And then the comedy began, was fraught
As usual with variable results, bought
Some time, but who cares because it's the best
Over-rehearsed stuff's over-emphasised
In the moment, sink or swim, I am caught
Living in the moment, that's where I'm blessed
So-called professionals, time to be surprised

3357 - Iceland, baby

It's been a productive day all along
And I ain't finished yet, think the coffee
I drank mid-afternoon has made me strong
After work I spent time in the cafe
Had chocolate drink, gave me more energy
Rehearsed my comedy, also researched
The Iceland trip  - you can swim in the sea
Believe it or not, ice doesn't besmirch
The Icelandic coast, even in the worst
Mid-wintertime, and hot thermal pools, fling
Yourself in, stay nice and warm. June will be
In any case quite pleasant, though a burst
Of rain may be expected. All night long
It should be light, that will be new for me!

3356 - Moanchester Disunited

United City derby day, I saw
It with Louis, not like last time, when I
Actually attended, when Jo won the draw
To be a United mascot. Depay
Didn't do much today, ate all de pies
Maybe. Martial threatened but despite his
Military name, didn't make City die
Van Gaal needs more Van Goals, it is his biz
To sort that in training. Rooney is mis-
firing at the moment. It was a bore-
Draw in the Theatre of Dreams, literally
Cos it was sending folk to sleep, zzz zzz
So far removed from Charlton, Best and Law
Or the guaranteed success of Fergie

3355 - Queen of Beer Sheba

Went to my mother's in Greasby, with Jo
The rain dictated that we went by car
Went to the old fogey's place where we go
Now and then, Jo had gammon, which by far
Is her fave choice of food. So much, she shared
It with me after I ate my sea bass
Left mum's at five, motorway, went too far
Lost valuable time, dropped her off, then fast
Returning of car to its parking place
Cambridge Street. Good day for Derby, not two
But three points at Huddersfield, Rams are stars
Now enjoying bottled beers, in my face
While I wait for the Rams highlights to show
Then Match of the Day, finishing my beer!

3354 - Verb Verb Voom

Awoke at four-fifteen, wondered whether
To read more of new book, Catch 22
But I thought of a few tasks needing a
Bit of my time online. First, needed to
Check bank stuff, message Pearl, she replied do
You know where from? From Florence, with a man
In tow, she met him in Swindon, now who
Is he, I can't remember, Italian
So he'll be handy with the parmesan
Before work, did more TEFL course, harder
Than the Nouns section - Verbs this time, and phew!
It took much longer. 88 per cent
Was not too bad, then to work, where Emma
And the gang were fun. Relaxation's due!!!

3353 - Who's not eating all the pies?

A busy evening, but I've still not done
Any TEFL work, so here goes, tonight
I won't even eat til I have done some
Of the online course I joined Friday night
Nearly two weeks ago now. And diet
Is the other thing obsessing me now
Ate far too much yesterday, and a slight
Fat tummy is emerging. It will grow
If my lifestyle stays the same. Mustn't bow
Beneath the weight of pies and beer. The sum
Total of calories becomes a plight
And you can be an unholy fat cow
I'm not obese, true, but must watch my tum
The aim is to stay fit, stay thin, stay light

3352 - The rain of the game

Rainy day but still a good one, methinks
Had a memorable takeaway pie at
Lunchtime, tweeted it, which in turn is linked
To Facebook. No-one commented though, twats
They're so boring, they make my fun fall flat
Boring bunch, sick of insincerity
And unresponsiveness. Back to the flat
For a quick tea, then tram to Man City
With Lou, to see if they could cause a stink
By actually winning a Euro match
For most of the game, City weren't pretty
Because of the tram queue, walked to city
After the game, which ended with high jinks
De Bruyne pulled a goal out of a hat

3351 - Back to the whatever decade

A fun night out after work, West Didsbury
Started in the new bar the George Charles on
Burton Road, near the old hospital, the
Place where we went for scans, back then, yes in
The eighties. But it's the teenies now, and
You might as well be mad or you will just
Go back in nostalgia, and then be drowned
Fuck that, the old times were shit, they are dust
Deservedly so, you'll agree, we must
Move on and forward, each day is so free
Despite pricks everywhere, everything's fun
Tell me what you like, it's just sound, I've pushed
It to the background, today I've quickly
Chosen to go to Hamburg, so bring it on

3350 - Do your homework, Anthony!

I've been assigned a TEFL course tutor
So now I suppose I'm ready to go
I should spend maybe, well at least an hour
Before it gets too late and I'm too slow
I'm out the next two nights, quiz tomorrow
Then Man City the night after, they play
Sevilla in the Champions League, with Lou
(It's his team) at the Etihad. But hey
I've just played blinding guitar, real jazzy
In places. Stevie Wonder, Sinatra
Both lend themselves to jazz styles, I'd say so
I really must finish this, must hurry
It'll be a shame and quite a failure
If I've left TEFL too late. Have I? Ohhhh...

3349 - Three lines on my forehead

Busy day, woke up early, that was good
Had time to look at the TEFL website
For two hours, teaching tips, although I would
Rather keep it to one-on-one, no shite
Teaching whole classrooms, now my hair is white
Well grey but heading that way soon enough
Jobs in China and Japan, thought I might
But no, maybe not, that could be too tough
Would rather teach one at a time, above
One becomes stressful, converse with low blood
And other pressure, just fun with no bite
Teach about England, show and feel the love
Then watched Derby beat Wolves, in a good mood
With Lou and Vee, then Nancy - well good night!

3348 - Zip up Fatty

Saturday night, and somehow Javi's out
He must be tired, he should get to bed soon
I've been out with Josie to Old Trafford
But didn't go in the store. She's a loon
Though she was cold she just wouldn't button
(Or rather zip) up her leather jacket
Well probably not leather - imitation
Some kind of plastic, I did wear that shit
When I was a teenager, looked the pits
Going to the Jam gig in Brum, '78
Ah those gigs at the New Street Odeon
Poor old Pete Shelley got covered in spit
Good gig, Joy Division were the support
Though Curtis was ill, stood still, didn't zoom

3347 - Weakened weekend

Morning shower that washed off the tattoo ink
Then on with a clean shirt, off to office
Less tired today, I was able to think
Got most things done, headed for weekend bliss
Well not quite, so many things going amiss
The weekend's filled with family, what can I
Do with that precious time? Can I practice
Anything, comedy, music, or try
To start my TEFL course, but the time flies
A week since I paid, but progress static
What with the plumber, comedy, and these
Tattoos, but at least it's all down to my
Choices and my time management, living
In freedom's cool, unpredictable days

3346 - Tattoo Central

I'm exhausted, ill with a cold, in pain
But that's from the three tattoos I've just had
Although it really hurt, felt I was goin'
To sleep at times on the tattoo man's bed
Not his bed at home, I mean where he did
My tattoos, in the Salford tattoo place
Beneath the arches, not far I wandered
When exiting my Ralli Quays office
By Salford Central Station, where they race
At the end of the day to soon regain
The paradise of Bolton, Preston... Sad
Still, someone has to live there. In my case
Don't fancy it,  but better not disdain
Maybe I'll end up there if I've no bread...

3345 - The heat is (back) on

Yay! Tom Plumb has popped in, and the heat's on
He's fixed the boiler, but with temporary
Measures, the 'olives' don't quite fit, there's some
Risk of leaks, like before, but I'm happy
To be able to dry my clothes properly
On the radiators, and heat the flat
Poor Javi in particular, well he
Can't cope with an unheated flat, that's fact
Coming from southern Spain, the pain's too great
The pain of the cold, English winter's come
So long the fly, and so long to the bee
See you next year, but til then, we'll need hot
Hot heat, and so fingers crossed that Tom Plumb
Won't be needed for a while, hopefully

3344 - Feast of cows

I need to write this quick, then get to bed
Been to Comedy Night at the King's Arms
Will now get that material out my head
Shouldn't be hard, it won't make me alarmed
To lose it, it's lost already, no harm
Done. The usual fighting, The Middle East
At each other's throats, all of them Islam
Against Islam, it's a religious beast
Meanwhile, myself, I've had a late night feast
Tuna in a can, that's what I have fed
Myself, and now bed beckons, spreads its arms
Fortunately soon my efforts are ceased
And I'll be sleeping, no I don't mean dead
Just snoozing, like cows and pigs in the farms

3343 - Cranky Boiler

It's gone colder, and the heating is off
The boiler's out of action - need Tom Plumb
But in the meantime we're shivering, feels rough
Cos not until tomorrow can he come
Forgot to use it yesterday - so dumb
Although we were both out all day, so it
Wasn't used at all, and the water's gone
Out of it now. After work, a visit
To Home of Honest Coffee, Chapel Street
A cafe where you can quickly get stuff
Written. In an hour, wrote four pages, fun
Material for tomorrow, comedy night
Today felt like I was bursting out of
My shirt. In danger of getting rotund...

3342 - Sunshee-ine Dayyy

Yet again, visited Old T with Jo
But found a better route, the Eccles line
Which goes to Media City, from where you
Can quickly walk to the world football shrine
It's also nearer to where you can find
Places to eat. Today, twas Cafe Rouge
Where I had lamb and she had steak, and mine
Had mash and hers fries. No beating 'bout t'bush
Straight to the Cadbury's shop, chocolate rubbish
Sure, but tasty mis-shapes, I wanted more
But she took the rest home. Now there's still time
To do something tonight. I'd very much
Like to start writing comedy, ho ho
Delivered with a Liam Gallagher whine

3341 - Train to the hills

Day out in Buxton, it went well, some good
Chat and good beer, up in the windy hills
I looked in the charity shops but could
Not find any clothes that fitted the bill
Steak and kidney pudding and chips that filled
Me for the rest of the day at lunchtime
Followed by more beer, stronger than you will
Find in Manchester, cheap as well as fine
Three bean stout (13%) took some time
To drink. Skipped the curry, no need for food
Sat in a takeaway with Damian, still
Not hungry while he ate, not once, two times
Left The Swan at ten past nine, up the road
To the rail station, home, now a small meal?

3340 - Buxtoning the trend

About to watch England / Estonia
Not sure if Rooney's playing, will soon know
In a few days it's Lithuania
The group's so easy we're already through
Just relaxing, no drinking, tomorrow
It's a trip to Buxton Beer Festival
The beer and hopefully the chips will flow
So I need to recuperate, be well
So that this day and night out aren't a fail
Might even read a bit while alone, yeah?
My reading of that zombie book's real slow
Got some new books waiting to get the call
Winter's here soon, hope don't get pneumonia
The summer's been poor, but don't expect snow!

3339 - Old folk's night

A fun night out in Stockport, though that seems
Like an oxymoron. Actually it was
Not fun except for taking the piss. Teams
Of superannuated folk 'singers'
Doing The Irish Rover, that business
Except that was probably the highlight
Me and Ged almost argued with a Mrs
Who thought this was good music, not a blight
(Albeit very quiet) on the sight
And on the ears. But they were old, not seem-
ly to take the piss I guess, but who cares
It was too deadly to just sit there tight
Like being in church but thinking of wet dreams
Then to the Boar's Head, then home for a piss

3338 - Don't let the music play

A rare night in, this week, early to bed
To recuperate from being up late
The last four nights, though it's been fun. Instead
It's relaxation, quiet. I will wait
For some other time to play music. Great
Chance to watch a DVD of burlesque
'Immodesty Blaize' it's called. Javi's out
At his English language class. On my desk
For the last week or two it's lain, don't ask
Me if it's any good, I'll soon find out
Meanwhile the Tory Conference takes its mask
Of caring for society (hearts bled)
Back to the south where strangers fear to tread
Unless they're loaded. Cameron pig-gate

3337 - Pop slickers

We won the pop quiz again, thought we would
Normally win general knowledge but pop
Is specialist, and I'm special at good
Pop lists, like eighties number ones, get up
To a good score and end up at the top
Of the pop pickers, slick as fuck, wee rule
As Echo might have said, we'll never stop
When it comes to pop, we will be no fool
Listen to me, for this is the pop school!
Actually I hate pop, oh what a word
Oh what a night, no this was not a flop
What we did just couldn't be ridiculed
And now, to close, I'd like to chew the cud
Heading for the balcony, hip hip hop

3336 - Aunty Austerity

Quick one, as it's gettin rather late now
Half-one, and I was tired when I woke up
I've done a day's work and gone to a show
Which finished at half-past midnight, oh crap
Wanted an early night, but that's fucked prop-
er. Celebrating a good time though with
A can or two of Stella, help to drop
Off quickly, maybe, but might need a piss
In the night. The first act, they came on first
Public Broadcasting Service, take a bow
Then Charlotte Church, never thought I would pop
To a show and see her! But she was with
It, quite proggy actually. Headliners now
Were Super Furry Animals, hip hip!

3335 - Bella Mancunia

Spent the day with Josie, so sad to part
Went to Man U as usual, always there
Pasta in Bella Italia, but what
Cuisine is that? Oh, Italian, oh yeah
No tomatoes were treated cruelly, fair
Play to the buggers, we had, what did we
Have? I know what, but I can't remember
What it's called. Creamy sauce, a sugary
And savoury thing. Afterwards met D
As audience members for King Gong, a fart-
Filled night of belly laughs. Thought the compere
Was witty, Paul Thorne, unlike most of the
Acts, but having said that, they were good sorts
Mostly, they're all slowly getting better

3334 - Thought for food

It's already almost three, oh gosh, gee
And I still need to neck my Stella cans
A good night out with Derm and lil Nancy
Went to Turtle Bay on Oldham Street and
It was good, Caribbean-style food, my glands
Appreciated it and the chat also
After that, Gullivers for more beer glass
The contents aided somewhat but although
Not entirely necessary no more
So much to say, so much felt, much to see
As time goes on the more we understand
If we still have open minds to adore
Each day as a portal, infinity
And everything within it still beckons

3333 - Everything, everything

I'll quickly write this sonnet while I can
After a long day at work, followed by
Unbelievably tight guitar session
So beautiful it makes me wanna cry
And so another day has gone, bye bye
Don't really care about what happens now
But in the oven is an onion pie
It's tasty, and the taste factor is wow
Life on Mars is back again, they allow
It to resurface now and now again
The news is so cliched, same themes pop by
War, childhood poverty, war, war, and so
Here it comes, yet another election
I'm getting bored, it's ending with a sigh...

3332 - Sock exchange

It's a month since the Balkans trip began
Seems hard to believe, I've been back so long
(It seems). Just shows how time's a funny thang
It plays tricks on your mind (but not your thong)
These cheesy observations kinda pong
Like socks you've worn for four or five days straight
But you can stick it up your billabong
If you have a problem with all this, mate
(Assumes Aussie accent) cos the worst fate
You can imagine is to play England
In the Rugby World Cup and LOSE, such strong
Humiliation, Ashes lost of late
(In the cricket) Poor you! Except that can
Not happen, England are shit. S'long...

3331 - Bathtime!

Sorry for my drunk post late yesterday
I had four pints while out, then drank Stella
Got so drunk I fell in the bath on way
To toilet, and couldn't climb out, stuck there
For about five minutes, it wasn't fair!
But today turned out well, not only fun
But got advice about writing better
Competencies on job application
Which I sent in while talking to Helen
I now feel more confident, know how they
Like these things to be written, how to score
More points. Will it be good enough? Well when
I know, I'll let you know. Spose I could pray!
And now, just saw City beat Borussia

3330 - Make of this what you will

Well well well, well well well, well well well, well
Here we are once again, well it's just me
That's OK cos that's all there is to tell
There's you but this is me, and I'm happy
Are you? You may well be, well, hopefully
Each day is precious, each hour, each minute
If you don't love it,explore urgently
How you might love it, but you're full of shit
And consequently, you are a biscuit
While I'm a cake, nay, a dessert, nay, jell
Y-O, whatever you want me to be
But I'm not constrained by that, so tough shit
You carry on being what people sell
I'll just be me, until eternity

Tue 29 September (written while drunk)

3329 - Water torture

Bad news. The boiler won't come on, because
I can't fill it with water. The tap's jammed
Have messaged Tom the Plumber who's done jobs
Here before. Things aren't going quite as planned
I think the boiler's OK, that's a grand
Or two to replace. New taps are cheaper
I've sent him pictures so he'll understand
The set-up and what's needed. Spent hours
At work trying hard to put together
A draft job application. Some practice
Of this art is useful if I'm to land
Promotion, at least before I retire
That will boost my pension, it's for the best
Though it will be hard work for this 'young man'...!

3328 - Driving north

A good night's sleep on the sofa at Pearl's
(And Stevi's) flat in Swindon, needed that
After a long day shifting heavy girl's
Stuff, especially books, clothes, and tit and tat
Was worried I might do my back in, but
Got away with it. Had intended to
Have breakfast at Sainsburys, but it was shut
So back at the flat, Pearl did toast and two
Fried eggs, yum. Then to Oxford, van was now
Empty, heading to London, not St Paul's
But Hainault, Essex, outside Louis' flat
Took him back up north, to his mum's, for few
Weeks, he'll then go back down on London soil
His writing and film dreams are still intact!

3327 - Lost in Swindon

The day went mainly to plan, but traffic
Held me up at the M6/M5 join
At Birmingham, those Saturday shopping
Or going to a football match, enjoying
The Rugby World Cup games, and roadworks ruined
Even more that bottleneck, real, real slow
But no real time pressure, so nothing spoiled
Parked in Swindon Outlet car park, to know
Where Pearl's place was, she met me there, and so
Guided me to her new flat, quite respec-
table, sorted out stuff, no strains of groin
Or back as far as I can tell, then oh!
A curry in Swindon's quite nice Old Town
Nice seeing Pearl, the day's gone terrific!

Sat 26 Sept

3326 - Driving south

A quick Friday night sonnet, here it is
Three bottles of beer ready to be drunk
Gearing up for tomorrow, my business
Then will be driving to see Pearl among
Her new teaching environment, starting
Her new career in Swindon. Checked the route
And it looks OK, motorway driving
Is easiest, my van won't need to toot
I hope, but will the 'Magic Roundabout'
Be on my route, that's Swindon's most famous
Landmark, it's just a roundabout. I think
It shows there's not much there, that's not in doubt
I've prepared the route, gathered some CDs
Now I'm all set to hit the south, kerplunk!

3325 - Seein' da kidz

Just got a call from Louis, he wants me
To give him a lift back north from London
Because the job he's got, his salary
Isn't being paid til the end of next month
And that means he's dangerously short of funds
And will have to stop paying London rent
And move up til Christmas, stay at his mum's
So on Saturday, drive to Swindon, spend
An evening with Pearl, after we have spent
An hour unloading boxes of her three
Million books and clothes, that is. A lie-in
And then drive van to Louis' flat near Kent
No, sorry, Essex! Driving north, Louis
Will tell me how well his writing has gone!

3324 - Doin' the Strand

Very tired, after last night out, and lack
Of sleep last night, and train trip to London
For a work meeting, this eve will be slack
Was too tired to read my book on the train
These trips aren't frequent now, so can't complain
Got nothing much to say apart from this!
Or that, I should say, read those lines again
Because there's nothing else, so I insist
You don't expect much more, so you don't miss
Any great final statement at the back
Of this not-so-classic sonnet, when done
Let me be shit this time, you'll win a kiss
Allow me to say nothing, give no flak
About that, and we will finish as friends

3323 - General porridge

Bullshit bullshit, but after work, no shit
My team won the pub quiz, oh yet again
Only once have I not won that audit
Of general knowledge that I still maintain
Although I'm not so good on recent entertain-
ment, but there were some recent news stories
I got. The prize were beer tokens, the same
As usual, probably won't use them, can't see
Me going to the Railway Inn shortly
Enough to spend 'em, but you don't know it
For sure, for sure. Meanwhile I have to gain
Oblivion so I get a few hours' sleep briefly
Then it's a train trip to London, a meet-
ing, just work, no fun, no, work is no fun

3322 - So you think I'm a poor performer?

A hard day's work rewarded by bullshit
Again, when will the line-up change, cos that's
The only hope of getting some fair treat-
ment. I'm happy with my performance stats
And any fair person would be. But let's
Not dwell on that, there was a good outcome
Worked on comedy stuff at the Honest
Coffee Shop on Chapel Street. There's a hum
Of quiet music and quiet conversation
An ambience, but not such a racket
That you can't think or create. Even late
Departure from the office couldn't stem
My hunger to produce ideas and write
Unimpaired by folk who get on my tits

3321 - Mata of fact

Well, yesterday bought Jo a Mata shirt
And today he scored against Southampton
She brought him luck like she's still his mascot
Like against City when she held his hand
His was the third goal today, the difference
Between the two sides, that and De Gea's
Great save which also gave them the three points
Finally started World War Z - it has
Been on my sofa for weeks, but I whizzed
Through the first seventy pages, it's quite
Quick, easy reading, well you'd expect some-
thing like that from a book about zombies
I'm looking forward to creative spurts
In the Honest Coffee shop from now on...

3320 - What's the Mata?

Just got home, quite a warm day, til tea-time
Spent with Jo, yet again went to Old T
And I bought her a Mata shirt this time
She held his hand when mascotting, you see
The Spanish master, so good at footy
It was a nice surprise for little Jo
Before that, we had some lunch at Rowntree
Cafe in the Arndale. Filled with food, though
Very thirsty, both of us, all day through
Lots of City fans, at home to West Ham
Today, think they lost, but will watch TV
To check. If they did, disappointed Lou!
The Rugby World Cup's on now, and they're tryin'
To big it up with England victories

3319 - Out of date state

Had a good day at work, though it was hard
The morning occupied by a workshop
In the Palace Theatre, where we heard words
About future directions, catching up
With technological advances, grip
Online facilities, albeit late
In the day compared to banks, we have slipped
A little bit, but must accelerate
Forwards into the modern world, relate
To what 'customers' expect, and reward
Well-behaved taxpayers, and try to stop
The misbehavers trying to evade
Taxes, putting themselves before the world
The new era's upon us, and it's tough

3318 - Refugee rhetoric

The migrants are locked out of Hungary
The old route to the European Union
For one day they were encouraged to flee
Serbia via the eastern Croatian
Border, but once again, patience has run
Out with these large numbers not going through
The procedures, but simply migrating
Without permission, counting on EU
Mercy, human rights, jobs and homes. Though you
Accept they've seen bad things, it's hard to see
How they can all fit in. Can't the UN
Oversee aid and help, let revenue
And expertise flow to these poor countries
Making the Middle East fit to live in

3317 - Questioning time

Corbyn's first Prime Minister's Question Time
In the House of Commons was refreshing
Asking emailed questions when Big Ben chimed
Twelve. Cameron some say was relishing
A gentle easy ride, no punishing
Adversarial questioning like before
No, Cameron instead was seen smiling
But will that really impress people or
Will they instead approve of Corbyn's law
Of not playing the old Westminster game
Time will tell, is this a new beginning
Or will things be diluted and a bore
Young people and the dispossessed aligned
Enough to allow for some challenging

3316 - Pants Down

A good night at Comedy in King's Arms
Smug Roberts turned it into a workshop
I did school-themed stuff, almost alarmed
Them, and then Bad Designs added on top
Smug had gone by this stage, but I got up
And did my stuff, finishing with guitar
Did a Shittus Quo medley, rocky pop
Or rocky plop, the scatolology star
Shittin' All Over The World set the bar
High, then Down Down, but shittily transformed
Into Pull Your Pants Down, got a few claps
As usual there were a few ha ha ha's
Got a lift home from Joe but had been warmed
By phone that Manchester's football teams flopped

Tue 15 Sept 2015

3315 - Tory Tory Tory

Security, security, Tory
Party's the party of security
So we're told by Osborne and David C
And Priti Patel tells us endlessly
The pretty patter of feet that's tiny
Except the large feet of the refugee
From Syria and Libya, cross the sea
The new boat people, why is it they flee?
Why don't they stay, face risk to family?
The West removed Saddam and Gaddafi
And they're replaced with tribal anarchy
The deaths were meant to spread democracy
Or was it more for sales of weaponry?
Vote for guns, war, and inequality!

3314 - Sound debaser

A really good sleep, which I needed bad
Having felt ill and tired yesterday
My foot is still sore, and my legs are red!
But I don't think it's serious. Anyway
It's been a good and quite productive day
Including writing some new comedy
First new stuff since before my holiday
With a 'school' theme, as chosen by Dave T
So hopefully I'll do this on Tuesday
Not sure if I'll go out Wednesday - they said
On the TV there'd be rain. I may stay
In that night then. Played guitar, and did the
Ironing, listening to football. It's all good
A few drinks tonight, then retire early

3313 - A toast to the teacher

I'm definitely coming down with post-
Holiday chills, lots of aching, tired, cold
But saw Josie and now can relax, host
To myself, back in the flat, where I'll fold
Up on the sofa, watch footy unfold
I know the results, it's Derby's first win
And Chelsea have lost again, on floor rolled
Laughing ass off, they're really struggling
Next weekend I'll hire a van, I'm taking
Pearl's stuff down to Swindon, where she's engrossed
With starting her teaching career, to mould
The dispossessed of fair Swindon's asking
Quite a lot, teaching them French. To have toast
Would be nice, but no bread, not even rolls

3312 - Lovely play

A pleasant day at work, though performance
Seemed to suffer later on from the strain
Enjoyed it though from head down to my pants
It's not supposed to be like this again
Back home, Javi had left, the man from Spain
Has an English course Wednesdays and Fridays
He'll be back soon, played guitar tunes, I aim
Not to look, and don't look much nowadays
But play in increasingly jazzy ways
Me and my guitar are deep in romance
I'm finding it easy, fingers insane
Saw the shadows of their moving amazed
At the shadowplay on the wall, my hands
Like mad spiders writhing as if in pain

3311 - Tethered to the weather

Actually today I cannot complain
About the weather here in Manchester
Following my return from sunny Spain
No, that was a bad joke, and false rhymer
It was the Balkans I went to, Croatia
Being the last country we visited
Feels strange, I've holidayed in September
But as yet spent nothing, cos all the quids
On currency and stuff were all indeed
Paid for in August. This is new terrain
Of solvency, thanks Javi, furthermore
Thanks for looking after the flat, you did
A good job. This evening I've been paying
For Super Furries gig in October

3310 - Balkan Saga 9

I'm safe back home from the Balkans, hooray
Though sad to leave those sunny shores and hills
Slept on the sofa in Split, was OK
Tino drove us to the airport, then killed
Time eating and drinking, that sandwich filled
Me, so I didn't need more food til late
This evening. Take-off in the sun, a thrill
To look down on the Adriatic, great
View, but the clouds started to congregate
As we flew further north, but still delayed
The gloom for a while, still sunlit until
We descended below the cloudy grate
Had to change out of shorts, needless to say
Back into jeans. Bye Balkans, it's been great

about Wed 9 Sept

3309 - Balkan Saga 8

The last full day of this trip, rose early
3.45 am to be precise
Walked to Ulcinj bus station to catch the
Early bus to Split and it wasn't nice
No comfort breaks for hours, but did shut eyes
Caught up with sleep. Good views of Dubrovnik
Along the way. Arrived in Split, a nice
Man helped us with directions and we checked
Into a cool apartment. Then we took
A walk into town, along the prom, sea
View, had late lunch, a Croatian sea bass
(No bones), walked round the old town, then we walked
Along the prom, past docks, to beach, but the
Main aim was to drink our Croat kunas*

*The kuna is the currency of Croatia

about Tue 8 Sept

3308 - Balkan Saga 7

Possibly the best day of trip so far
Began amid peaks and clouds of Thethi
My arms still somewhat scratched and somewhat sore
From sliding down those rocks just yesterday
A very squashed and crowded hot mini-
Bus ride back down that awful rocky road
Dropped off in Shkoder, ate lunch at Puri
(A second time), then a quick taxi ride
To Ulcinj, home to the Albanian hordes
A cute resort, beach very popular
Fine sand, warm sea, bathed in it happily
Though the salt hurt my scratches, nice reward
For that long Thethi bus ride, blue water
Cleansing. Then, Albania lost at footy...

about Mon 7 Sept

3307 - Balkan Saga 6

Had headache last night, but still slept okay
Despite having a hard bed to sleep on
In the Hostel Gjicaj in Thethi, a
Thunderstorm during the night, on and on
But I still slept, just as well, for the morn
Was time to set out for walking the hills
All went well, great scenery, walked with John
While Gareth stayed behind in the hostel
We went the wrong way though, we couldn't tell
How to reach the two small lakes, lost our way
Climbed boulder after boulder, a sudden
Lack of strength in legs and arms, a struggle
To survive sliding down. John helped me stay
Alive, headed back in one piece, stiff, worn...

about Sun 6 Sept

3306 - Balkan Saga 5

One last night, Hotel Comfort, Tirana
Then a helpful hotel receptionist
She gave advice and called a taxi for
The bus-stop to Shkoder, but first I messed
Up buying cheap t-shirts (NOT cheap t-shirts!)
So I returned them, gangster price, too high
And next, hot and crowded bus, two hour shift
And had lunch in Shkoder. We met 'Freddie'
The most talkative taxi driver I
Have ever met. Learnt more 'bout Albania
And how Albanians treated with mistrust
By Greeks and Serbs. Freddie dropped us halfway
Then the biggest and scariest ride ever
To Thethi, stuck in the Balkans' highest

about Sat 5 Sept

3305 - Balkan Saga 4

Hotel Comfort is well-named, a room each
Slept well, no disturbance, but no breakfast
So bought a pastry and a drink that reeks
Of cheese which took an hour to drink, at least
Taxi to cable car up mountain, best
View of Tirana, and a good meal too
Walked back to town centre and then a fest
Of Albanian history for just two
Hundred leks at the museum, but phew!
One of us (Gareth) went missing - can't reach
Him cos he had no phone. Me and John passed
Time eating and watching football in two
Places. Albania and Denmark. Was such
Fun watching the locals support their lads

about Fri 4 Sept

3304 - Balkan Saga 3

Left the Skopje apartment for station
Caught the 9.30 bus to Tirana
An almost nine hour journey til it's done
But exciting back in Albania!
The bus stopped often in Macedonia
Some cute girls in the bus made it lively
Also met Marco, Italian traveller
He's been everywhere in the world to see
Hot day with bags so we caught a taxi
From Skanderbeg Square to hotel and then
Quick as we could, hopped out for meal and beer
Made a late night of it, predictably
Watching football in a sports bar was fun
Then at another small bar, beer encore

about Thur 3 Sept

3303 - Balkan Saga 2

Today, oh friends, we had a good breakfast
Lots of eggs and beans, all that you could need
This was at the Sveti Sofia, the first
Good breakfast I've had for a while, indeed
The next task was to catch the bus, we did
And headed for Macedonia, but wait!
At the border, long delays, was a dude
On the bus from Tunisia, Customs bait
Eventually we got to Skopje, bought
Tickets to Tirana, sorted out fast
Then with taxi driver's help, located
The apartment in some old Commie flats
It's nice though. Very hot. Had a repast
In Skopje, and now wine, we'll take no heed...

about Wed 2 Sept

3302 - Balkan Saga 1

Approximately three hours' sleep and then
A taxi from John's to the airport, then
A plane ride to Sofia, Bulgaria, then
A bus ride to Sofia centre, then
In extreme heat, taxi to hotel, then
Having dumped bags and donned shorts, better, then
Looked for a supermarket (razors), then
Walked to the bus station, got nowhere, then
Tried another bus station next door, then
Having found tomorrow's bus-stop, well, then
A few lagers and a meal were had, then
We moved on to Adam's Pub, more beers, then
We found an off-licence near hotel, then
We made for our hotel room and drank. Then...

about Tue 1 Sept

3301 - Sofa to Sofia

My last day at home before the autumn
Holiday, very start of September
Me, John and Gareth off to the Balkans
Poor weather here, I hope for better there
Early start, I must try to rise at four
Fuck knows what'll happen if the alarm
Doesn't go off as it should or I snore
Through it, oblivious. Worry will arm
Me, I think, I'll probably, true to form
Wake up myself before it plays its tune
Not gonna have breakfast, I do not dare
Unless I wake up early enough, warm
Some porridge, quickly. I don't wanna run
To Piccadilly, panicking, no sir!!

3300 - Down in the pub watching United

I need an early night, but had a good
Day mainly relaxing, on internet
Quite a lot earlier, photos uploaded
The next ones will be holiday pix. Bet
I take a few when we're out there. Then went
With Javi to the Binary Bar, saw
United lose at Swansea, how upset
Will Josie be. I hope she's OK for
The first week back in school, maths, what a bore
Those days have long gone for me, yes, thank God
When 'Down in the Tube Station at Midnight'
By The Jam was a hit, took exam. Poor
Showing, tried again next June, succeeded
Got maths which I needed, then all forgot!

3299 - Labour of love

Saturday, the day I walk many miles
To see my daughter Josie, it's such fun
I'm like the dad Proclaimer, all those miles
Count as nothing to see my little hun
We walked from her home to the train station
Then met Pearl, my oldest, in Manchester
First we had coffees and crisps, chatted some
Then moved on to Slice, where we had pizza
And sat outside, we were joined by Vera
Her and Pearl left to see Corbyn, two miles
Up the road in Newton Heath, election
For Labour leader, causing a furore
In the mainstream papers, with many miles
Of print trying to spread opprobrium

3298 - Weekend starts here

Friday, Friday, oh oh that is my day
Nobody in the office, only two
Of us, I passed the time but felt weary
Tried to nap on the sofa but was too
Late, so got dressed and walked quickly down to
The Salford Arms, three pints with Dermot, he's
Off to Costa Rica, kayak, canoe
Off a waterfall or some similar wheeze
I demanded pictures of any she's
But he said no, that won't happen, no way
Then to El Capo, Vee and P and ooh
Quesadilla, very nice and tasty
Chat at the flat, then walked home thru the Gay
Village, crowded like mad, drunk folk carouse

Fri 28 August

3297 - Poem of poems

The last thing I need to do today 'cept
For eating my tea, is to write this now
So here I go, flex literary biceps
Although the main writing I've done is throw
A couple of poems by email, one to go
Into Kieren King's anthology of
Evidently poetry, based on show
He puts on monthly at the Eagle, bruv
Talking of pubs, last night we went to both
Tiger Lounge and Dry Bar. Tomorrow's set
Up nicely, pint with Dermot up in town
Then meal with Vee and Pearl, I'll huff and puff
To get there by nine, El Capo's select
As the venue, so Viva Mexico!

3296 - Get to bed!

Long day, I need to get to bed real quick
Got work tomorrow, nuff to make you sick
But before I retire, must do my schtick
Got a sonnet to do, my daily trick
Sometimes I wonder why I have this stick
To beat myself with, but it makes time tick
And after all this time, I've got so slick
Each day I recall every punch and kick
Each day I recall every friend or prick
Each line goes by, rhyme gets problematic
And tiredness grows, making the brain grow thick
I also feel the toilet call, rhythmic
Pulsating of the bladder, a caustic
Reminder that I have to stop, and quick

Wed 26 August

3295 - Not on the same page

A new diary begins today because
The old one's full, so said today's message
From Blogger,com, warning me it was
Likely I'd overwrite poems on old page
(Antonionioni's New Onions). Outrage!
At least they warned me, so here we are, new
Blog called TB Hee Hee's Diary, new stage
In my daily sonnets, nine years they grew
Need a new (free) page, let me continue
With no monthly fees, don't want to pay, please
In these times of austerity, spendage
Needs reining in, ask George Osborne, would you
Today I ordered cash for holidays
Less than a week to go, Euro rampage