4511 - This Boots was made for walking to

I'm afraid that again I have not done
Work on my comedy show, but I will
Tomorrow, can't see what else that could come
Between that and my aim, although I'll still
Walk to Boots third day in a row to fill
My photo album with more prints, the last
Few from this year, and also my last hol
Of 2017, to Belgium, washed
Down with glasses of beer that got me smashed
Pictures of those beers, not just buildings, from
That trip. Exercises next. The appeal
Of going out and buying booze, a task
To say no to, but last night lay alone
Awake three plus hours. Drink is like a pill...

4510 - How many long strange trips there've been

I'm watching Top of the Pops, yes it's true
They have it annually at end of year
Walked to town this morning while crowds were few
To collect photos from Boots, put in picture
Album, solid memories that I will treasure
And I'll soon print more from my many trips
In the last few years. I've been here and there
And yet I never thought of making prints
Well it's the new old thing, retro but mint
And bought hair clippers, can't be hard to do
Can it? Dyed the back of my head before
And my mate Tom does it, so I'll do it
Did exercises, cooked, music on, new
And old on Spotify, pleasured my ear

4509 - Not only, but disco

I don't feel up to much creatively
Today, maybe I overdid it late
Last night, with the vanilla liqueur I
Had left from Christmas, but I had a great
Time with that and a beer to follow, treat
Made better by listening to all the Doors
Tracks on the Spotify playlist. Watched Pete
And Dud's long-lost clips and Father Ted, he's
A racist in this one, seen it before
So many times, but I am still happy
To see it again. No, not done much but
I did think of a good song idea for
The Edinburgh show - Worm Disco, wriggly
Dancing and all. To write it - just can't wait!!!

4508 - What happened, bro?

Well well, just as I prepared to write this
My computer almost crashed, an error
Alert accompanied by a loudness
Of deafening proportions, hurt my ear
It could have been the end, but for three hour
Negotiations with Re-Image (who they?)
But their link popped up just as things turned sour
Was it a trick, a scam by hackers? Way
Out of my league, I gambled worriedly
And paid for their help despite my fears
From the States they accessed my computer
Jesus D did his shit, got McAfee
Now, forty quid a year, but it's serious
I need a safe website for Edinburgh

4507 - This Christmas, I gave you my cheese

It's Boxing Day, slept on inflatable
Bed which was weird but OK, have to say
If you near the edge it gets unstable
But slept quite well, and soon was on my way
Home by car to change and collect Jo. Hey
She was wearing my presents, jacket and
Pants, they looked good, Clash t-shirt, black shoes, they
Gotta admire the dudess. Had a grand
Snack of bread, lightly toasted, the top spanned
By my cheese selection, and Jo dabbled
In it too, and a grilled aubergine they
Made for her which she liked. New board game planned -
Articulate - but way more suitable
Would be Argument... but ended OK!!

4506 - When a child eats quorn

Good night's sleep meant that Christmas Day was fun
Bummed around at home, then drove to Vee's flat
Got the route right for a change, few cars on
The Christmas road blocking my way, so that
Was nice. Pearl in a purple dress, and heat
Was nice, me in my new red pumps looked good
A few drinks, then Pearl began cooking at
The kitchen counter. Previous years she would
Get stressed but mainly it went well. I had
Quorn mince and herbs I brought, but also some
Cheesy grilled aubergine dish and veg - great!
The odd drink more, Vee slept while we two played
Monopoly, my luck was dumber, dumb
But laughed, then watched a film with Cary Grant

Tue 25 December

4505 - Twas the night before Christmas (part 55)

Twas the night before Christmas. I had been
In the office that day, Tanya, Lisa
The only other colleagues that were in
We had a laugh and chat while we were there
All left early, I knew for me to fare
OK in the Christmas film quiz, needed
To watch films pronto at home. On sofa
With meal on lap, first film, Superfly, did
Struggle to stay awake as it ended
But Meaning Of Life was entertaining
And Midnight In Paris likewise. Some fear
The neighbours would party late, but quieted
Down nicely, they went out and no return
Peaceful night, ready for get-together...!

4504 - Big prang theory

So yesterday we drove to that Sheffield
Today we drove first of all to Derby
Always a nice drive, then drove to Lichfield
Derby city centre in the rain, we
Ate in Slug and Lettuce, she had steak, me
I had sausages and mash, good value
Not been there since well the mid seventies
When Dad bought me the Sparks' single and you
Don't know what it was called, oh but I do
Something For The Girl With Everything, world
Beater still, after The Rams under Mackay
Had won or drawn at the Baseball Ground. Now
Walked round a new Derby then drove past field
On field to Lichfield, changes there to see

4503 - Prangs for the memory

It's Saturday and I've got a hired car
I drove to Sheffield, we had no such plan
It's just where we went in the end through the
Clouds and rain of the Pennines near the end
Of the year when it gets dark early and
It did, but got back out of there in time
Got a guide to Marrakesh, got my hands
On new slippers (red) with strong soles, look fine
Pranged the hired car reversing, the bang signed
With yellow paint, need to remove that scar
Or I'll be paying extras the day when
I return the darn thing to Bolton town
Meeting Jo tomorrow also, wonder where
We'll drive? Can't be too far, but should be fun!

4502 - Mad Friday

Helen's off out to see 808 State
How cool is that, on Mad Friday? I'm in
Tonight, but had three nights out this week, ain't
Feeling bad. Had a few beers, uke session
Spoke to Louis, now I will start cookin'
It's all good, so good, I am so happy
I'm in control, my new workplace rockin'
This is better than it seemed it could be
A few months ago, it's how it should be
I'm free now to decide and to create
It's grown, it's a 12 year evolution
And the one constant is that I am me
If anyone doubts, I can outcompete
But I have fun and that is the main thing

4501 - Symphonie pathetique

Was woken soon after dropping off by
Those pricks next door playing disco music
Starting at 12:20 at night when I
Was already knackered, needing rest. Sick
Fuckers, and naff to boot. Gets on my wick
Then about 4-ish they started bonking
And woke me again with their knock knock knock
Against the wall as he was climaxing
I even heard his pathetic moaning
How nice on a week night. No empathy
No consideration, taking the mick
Worked well today though, finally sorting
Through stuff with deadlines. Laughs with Tanya. I
Met Tom and discussed Edinburgh schtick

4500 - Four green and brown bottles

Another boozy night last night listening
To reggae and The Smiths when I got home
From seeing Pearl for a chat and a drink
Felt happy today in work but felt some-
what sluggish, workwise, but we all had fun
Secret Santa, a quiz and a buffet
Had lots of laughs, told jokes, comedian
Status suddenly rumbled by Jacqui
Steve my manager gave out beer, away
Home with four bottles in my bag clinking
I need a break from drink tonight and some
Unbroken sleep, refresh my battery
Tomorrow got to go to depot, bring
Jo's parcel home, then hopefully meet Tom

4499 - Uni and loony

Well here I am after one more night out
This time with daughter Pearl, four or maybe
Five hours in Turtle Bay, Oxford Road, caught
Up with each other's events, Italy
Move in her case, though she's split up sadly
With Luca, she's still moving to Milan
And there's no reason why it won't still be
A great move, and she will then meet someone
Else fairly soon. She got a distinction
In her Masters. I can now hardly wait
For the Uni of Bristol ceremony
The day before she emigrates! Had fun
Updating her on my news, it's about
My great new job, my show and holiday

4498 - Not not going out

Poor Helen's still injured, her arm still hurts
I found out that Simon Collins will not
Now help me in my recording so it's
To a recording studio that will cost
£25 per hour, but it's about
The end product, which will at least be good
Money well spent if it wins my crowd round
The musical talent that's in my blood
Shown to the wider public with a mood
Of fun and games which I don't think distorts
Its impact. I am going out a lot
This week: Dermot tonight, then Oxford Road
Tomorrow with Pearl, and then Tom awaits
We'll discuss our shows next year, raise a toast

4497 - Cough cough

A cold day, not as cold as yesterday
Feel a bit better, but disturbed sleep since
The neighbours rocked their bed 'gainst wall at 3
I kept coughing, I hope they heard, and think
Hey, we can hear him, can he hear us? Wink
Wink, yes I can, fools, is that a surprise?
Just move the bed, move rooms, do anything
To be less disturbing to your neighbours
Despite my poor sleep, I've advanced my cause
Today, sharing a room with Tom when we
Both do next summer's Edinburgh Fringe
Five hundred for the full run, and Tom's car's
There should I need it. Had a good uke play
Posted Christmas cards. Next - Boots app, pic prints...

4496 - Coming down fast

Got a good night's sleep, much needed it was
In the morning, heard poor Helen had hurt
Her shoulder, falling over. Now that does
Remind me of early May, when I fought
But failed to stay on my feet, and lay sprawled
On a busy road in Salford, too pissed
To get up, my life at risk. Can get caught
Out necking copious amounts, but still wish
To do it regularly. Today, it's
All about taking it easy, because
I've not slept well this week, but I've felt good
Since getting my show signed up. It's the Ritz
Hotel for me, where I'll stay between shows!
Played The White Album on uke. 'Twas good sport!

4495 - It's perky without turkey

I felt pretty bad yesterday, a cold
And sore throat made me feel weak and chilly
But despite this I was looking forward
To my old team's Christmas meal. Not turkey
But Thai. The venue, Thaikun. One curry
Would have been enough yesterday the way
I felt. Two courses was too much for me
So I left half my curry, was away
Outside with Helen, it got took away
Without me having to feel, well, awkward!
Drinks, we tried Albert's Schloss, but too busy
Then Peaky Blinders, then the Nag's Head. Hey -
It's the new must-go-to place for a good
Old sing-song with raucous karaoke!

4494 - I got the point

Still awake half the night last night. I've got
A cold and sore throat, I am quite unwell
And yet today, in the cold, I went out
For a tattoo appointment which went well
Over four hours for three big new ones. Hell -
No shirt on all that time, plus agony
The chosen spots for the tattoo needle
Were all bony areas, or soft fleshy
Ones. Ouch! But the ordeal is behind me
Look forward to the new look when it's hot
Like when Helen and me go on our hol
To the Moroccan sun, dressed scantily
Last night Chan was asleep and I could not
Turn on the heater, but now it's on. Brill!

4493 - Sit down shut up

Bloody tired, two nights of not enough rest
Struggled to speak at work, unusual
But just too knackered. Home, quorn pieces fest
With carbonara sauce, gave it appeal
Then a uke session, I've got a phoneful
Of tunes to play along to. And confirmed
With Space UK I've reserved Surgeons Hall
Theatre 3, and Charles has really warmed
To my show, in fact he loved it right from
The moment he saw it in summarised
Form by email. The hardest part was all
Too easy. No mates were needed, they're gone
They'll look on from the seats and will have missed
The boat, because they're all boring people...

4492 - I am floating in space

Last night I worked hard emailing venues
And after I left to go out, I got
A reply which I read today. Good news
Three venues have replied saying it's great
The first one bit my hand off - The Space at
Surgeons Hall - and other Space venues too
Were made available to choose from. It
Is so exciting! I have got MONTHS to
Refine, prepare, practise, plan and review
It should be easy, as Space will produce
The audience and the show. Just got to get
Myself on stage. That's all I have to do
Much of my know-how has come from that course
In France last June, and last year's Fringe visit...

4491 - Man at work

A busy day, stayed at the office til
Six thirty, then went to a meet-up group
At Ziferblat, biscuits, cakes, had my fill
And a reviving coffee, filled me up
The point was to meet someone who I hope
Can help me with my Ed Fringe show music
Some were just chatting music. I'm no dope
Not going down that road, they think they're sick
While I'm truly working, I know the trick
I've found Simon, cost will be minimal
To record at his Whitworth Street flat, whoops
Sorry expensive studios, I won't pick
You, just need comedy show stuff, no frills
Let's hope this happens, won't produce no poop

4490 - Not a weak end

Sunday evening, it's been a long weekend
So have to accept work is tomorrow
Had a late night on Friday with Helen
Then a lie-in to recover and grow
Back energy Saturday to meet Jo
We went to Wigan on the Northern train
Lucky it was even running, they're so
Unreliable. Watched the football game
Then a few beers later listening to some
Spotify, then watching footy again
This time the Premier League highlights. I'd go
To the loo many times last night. The blame
Is mine! Today played uke. Now I must end
With the Fringe. Must contact those venues now

4489 - Virgin on the ridiculous

Cold and wet day in Wigan, and once more
I bought an umbrella and it broke straight
Away, what the hell. That I think makes four
Since November (two in France). I do hate
The way brollies don't work in strong wind, mate
We went to watch Wigan v Derby and
Derby won one nil, but they weren't so great
They couldn't close the game down or withstand
Wigan's attempted comeback at their ground
The train system's gone crap, with strikes and more
Why were the Virgin trains with no strikes on, all late?
Jo had to wait an hour on the train, sands
Of time run slow then, it is such a bore
What's happening to the European state?

4488 - Wigan work it out

It was the office Christmas do although
I didn't really take part at all, but
I had a lovely time with Helen, so
I ain't complaining. We spent all eve out
I was well pissed by the end. Hope she got
Home OK, she got on the V2 bus
Sounds like some World War Two flying rocket
It was great to hang out and feel so close
Let's hope there's more soon. I've had a nice doze
And now I must finish this and then go
And meet Josie and have a walk about
In town, then on the train to Wigan - there's
A match between Wigan and Derby, so
I've persuaded her to go - might be shit!

4487 - Etch a comedy sketch

Been to see Mum today, for pre-Christmas
Presents and cards exchange, and a nice meal
I went by Northern Train and, well, it was
OK, and from Lime Street by Merseyrail
And the 437 bus. Nothing failed
So much cheaper than car hire, and I could
Work on my comedy ideas, and sail
To the end of my 'What?' my Fringe show should
Entail, broadly speaking. Sunday's a good
Chance to sketch out the actual show, then pass
The ideas to the venues, see if they'll
Accept the show, knowing there's still a load
Of time to refine it, resolve issues
And then chances of success will be real

4486 - Rainy day shoppin'

A long hard day at work but mainly fun
Getting to grips with a new soft drinks tax
And also with my management role in
The first month of the job. Now to relax
Having gone in the rain to the markets
To choose presents for Mum and Robin which
I'll give to Mum tomorrow. The visit's
The last time I'll see her before that kitsch-
Fest known as Christmas. It can be a bitch
Though usually it's OK. Really, the down
Sides are the weather, darkness, and life shuts
Down, like we're hibernating in some ditch
On the train to Mum, rested, I will pen
Next year's Fringe show broad concept's final parts

4485 - The Brexit Club

I'm listening to the Brexit vote debate
It's been going on for three and a half years
And more, from when Farage got on his feet
And got the media coverage, stoked fears
And national pride, distrust of foreigners
From Europe (notwithstanding his own wife
Is German). Consequently the Tories
Took over the UKIP mantle, set strife
On its way, thinking a Yes vote was safe
But the vote was Leave. Cameron headed out
Johnson failed in his leadership bid, was
Defeated by Mrs May, a relief
To some. Her deal-making skills - not too great
And now all her efforts may end in tears

4484 - Kim Kim Hooray

I didn't get much sleep, went in early
And lasted all day, I did really well
But even better, writing comedy
Principles, eight pages, back home, the spell
Of inspiration acting like a fuel
Chan's friend Kim arrived, came and said hello
She even thought to bring me snacks from Seoul
Think I'll take some into work tomorrow
Hope I get a good night - you never know
Got shopping to do, if time allows me

But right now, energy's exhaustible

And bed is surely where I should now go

Just two more lines - this feels marathonny

I'm on the last lap - yes, there goes the bell!

4483 - Trouble in Store

A day spent more profitably within
The comedy world, continuing to write
Ideas for my show, then Gullivers. None
There apart from three comedians. All right
I did a quick routine, then one more pint
In The Unicorn, not been there before
Then to what is a very scary night
King Gong at Gullivers, Comedy Store
Saw some familiar faces give what for
James Heath did well, Erika nearly won
Met Lubo from London, and he was quite
Good (driving back home tonight!!) Cards were borne
Aloft quite harshly but correctly in
The air, it was fair, but the whole thing's shite

4482 - Travels to Gulliver's

Not done much today, felt mentally slow
Although more ideas for the festival
Did pop in my head, but I need more so
I can describe the show in some detail
When contacting venues soon by email
I also need to decide what I'll do
In the 5 minute slot during Heckle
Comedy event, maybe seen by few
But still better than nothing, wouldn't you
Agree? Then to see King Gong, the tough show
Where hapless try-outs get gonged off, it's hell
For performer but rib-tickling to view
And then on Monday back to work I'll go
For the first time with managerial role

4481 - We drink therefore we are

A day off, looking at festival venues
Then lunch and shower and off out for some drinks
And chats with ex-work colleagues that I used
To see every day, back for more chatting
Some funny photos for which I'm waiting
As Sonia kept them safe in her bag while
We went on to Cooper's Hall for meeting
The rest of the party. They didn't sell
Food so we diverted to Slice to fill
Tummies, though I'd eaten already. Booze
Was all I bought there. Some great drinks bargains
At Cooper's Hall, and five Pilsner Urquell
Pints went down well. But shame I couldn't choose
From the fun cocktail list. Next time, methinks...

Fri 30 Nov