4268 - It's good for your body, it's good for your soul

A lovely sunset, though it's not been hot
Woke early, but was tiring by lunchtime
Got through it, went home, but I just could not
Envisage doing exercises - I'm
Disappointed, thought I'd do them this time
Three sessions last week was good. Tomorrow
Hopefully I'll have energy to climb
Using my arms and tummy muscles so
They have a chance like new tree roots to grow
Played uke again, jazz and Captain Beefheart
It's addictive, my brain is lost in time
And rhythm, mind muscles expand, and toe
Taps as I play, like down at the gym, but
I experience growth of body and mind

4267 - The heat is on (why?)

A good weekend, lots done - but what today?
Woke up really early, twenty-past six
Listened to some music, used headphones, stay
Quiet while Bart's in bed - but what the fuck's
He got the heat on for, these warm mornings
Glad I added twenty-five quid to rent
He's used it up in heating bills, methinks
Went for a walk in Salford - Peel Park, then
Pendleton, then Shopping City, and when
I saw those cheap prices, just had to pay
And grab those sheets, pillows, cushions... My next
Thing to buy's a suitcase on wheels. Even
A Holland & Barrett there. Bought tea-tree
Shampoo. Cleaned my room. Played uke. That's all, folks!

4266 - Short of the mark

I'm on edge today, but it's been quite nice
Hung out with Josie and non-royal Louis
Louis was heading down the gym, surprised
Us by getting off the tram dressed strangely
In scruffy blue shorts. In Pizza Hut we
Chatted for an hour or so, then he went
To keep fit while Jo got the train sans me
A new stage in her self-development
Saves me time and energy, better spent
In other ways than tedious train journeys
Chatted to Carla, back from Italy
On her way to buy an iron! Then bent
My uke strings to good effect. Now, some tries
At writing comedy songs seems timely!

4265 - Sing a little song

Nearly fell asleep at work, afternoon
Luckily, was busy up until 3
So only an hour or so til I'm shown
An escape route from soporifity
When I got home, played the ukulele
Now the sun's setting, sky looks beautiful
All orange - yet tomorrow's not sunny
Judging by the forecast... oh well, oh well
Put some tracks on a USB for Hell
When will I give it to her? Could be soon
Now I'm definitely feeling hungry
Got fish fingers (day 2) - cooking with skill!
So many comedy ideas - a tune
Or two of my own now feels right for me

4264 - Good health!

I went out for drinks, it was fun, but now
I'm back home, had my tea, now settling down
Was tired all day, woke early, but got through
Then went down the pub with Sonia, Helen
Michael, Caroline, Cesar and a man
Whose name I don't know, beers flowed down our necks
Now it's a case of rehydrating and
Getting a good night's sleep, and then what's next?
Got to overcome alcohol effects
Tomorrow should feel good, after work, go
Straight into exercises, build up them
Muscles, compensate for things that deflect
From fitness. Will my tiredness allow
Me to watch Question Time? Time will have shown

4263 - Grubissimo

Crazy weather, heavy rain and sunshine
Now I'm cooking my tea at half-past ten
Pasta and peas, a pie to eat all mine
The footy highlights about to come on
Last night, Liverpool's 5-2 Anfield win
Not seen yet, cos I was out last night at
The King's Arms, lost my effin' fags ya know
Bought more tonight to fill that hole, prepared
For tomoz, on the piss, nothing is spared
There'll be beer, gin and possibly some wine
On Thursday night in old Manchester town
What will happen cannot be predicted
But we should put ourselves out on the line
I'm fucking full, but it's bedtime again

4262 - Pack of shit

Dammit, where's me fags? I've lost a new pack
Of twenty with only two smoked, bugger.
Now I can't enjoy the beer. Oh well, back
To bed, get some more little bit later
In the week, perhaps. Waste of 8 quid, duh!
Less booze though as a result, so that's good
Missed a good game, Liverpool and Roma
5-2 apparently they'll take forward
To the away leg in Rome, defended
And they're in the final, kind of a shock
Can anyone beat Ronaldo though - seems a
Tall order these days, results he has had
And God help us, it's the World Cup, oh heck
In Russia, glad I'm not gonna be there

4261 - Mizz bizz

Not going to Shark Comedy tonight
Too far to go, too long to wait, just no
It looks out there like miserable and wet
So I'll stay in, listen to music, go
For a shower, wash clothes, already done, so
Can wind down after my exercises
Played uke to an album from long ago
Still sounds good, so it's one of my choices
For my top ten albums on Facebook - this
Has been occupying my mind - polite
Way of saying obsessing - the mind of Toe
Now I can turn my thoughts to other biz
And also maybe let some dreams take flight
Bearing me off on my magic pillow

4260 - Rude Ermintrude

In the end not much happening so went out
To see a great film, Funny Cow, at Home
On Whitworth Street West, and it was worth it
Only seven quid too. Trip back in time
To before I was born, but in the clime
And environment that I know too well
The mean streets of the North, terraced house grime
And old-style stand-up gigs with few female
Comics welcomed, heckled by fat and ale-
Soaked blokes, had to be tough and quick of mouth
An ambition that led to death for some
A thousand deaths, don't forget to inhale
Suffering precedes success, there's nowt for nowt
People need to see you've been through, become

4259 - Drinking water spody-o-dee

A busy morning writing comedy
Then soup, then a session of listening
To music and reading news, comment's free
Next up it was a session of playing
The uke to some reggae, just ad libbing
Really, as I didn't know all the songs
Watched footy live, Man United winning
Their semi against Spurs, meanwhile heard from
Helen, not quite sure yet if we'll do some
Thing this weekend, or tomorrow Josie
And I will head to town, see V and P
Briefly (P's busy with her work, teaching
At Trinity High), we'll see what does come
Of it. Today, lots of water drinking!

4258 - The weekend doesn't really start here

Felt OK when I got into work but
No Helen, because she missed the last bus
Still sunny today, but not quite as hot
I had reasonable energy at first
But gradually got tired, but not the worst
Since I can stay in tonight, do nothing
Bought for tea from Sainsbury's some nice trout
Two nice pieces I gave a good grilling
The taste of soft oily fish is thrilling
Why tuna's so popular I don't get
I'll go to bed soon, shower'd be a plus
Don't think I've the energy, I'm failing
Leave it til the morning, then hot to trot
Will have to turn in soon, how scandalous!

4257 - This fine social scene

Beautiful sunny day, very social
First, lunch at Scene opposite the office
Then an ice cream on the grass went down well
With colleagues enjoying the sun, what bliss
Soon after that I went out with that Miss
Helen, sitting in the sun once again
It was a rather long-lasting bingefest
Including open mic at White Lion
Wrote out a set but I just wasn't buyin'
It, so didn't perform, but this might well
Be somewhere to do amplified uke bits
A mixture of songs and comedy one
Time might do the trick. Anyway, thanks Hel
For a great Thursday night out on the piss!

Thur 19 April

4256 - You only live now

Lovely red sunset, bodes well for next day
Otherwise known as tomorrow, I know
Too many syllables for me to say
On that line, so tomorrow had to go
It never knows and never comes and so
There's only today, tomorrow becomes
Today and then it stops being tomorrow
Yesterday was once tomorrow but comes
Into being only as today. Like sons
Setting, they all die into yesterday
All our yesterdays are yesterday though
Compared to Macbeth's nightmarish poems
Long gone, he rests in peace but is always
Only known by the living who live now

4255 - Ashes to fascists

I look a sight after my drink last night
What to do, can I quit, is't realistic?
Went to the doc's for a check, and they might
Put me in touch with a group assistic
In stopping smoking, that's a start, but quick
As I sink drink, which itself has become
Toxic, my resolve dissolves, and I sneak
Off to buy twenty sticks. Only want one
Or two, but this real caring government
Dictates we must buy twenty, such a blight
On lungs, but revenue treasurific
Kills off the poor, creates a tidy sum
For missiles and subs, keep memories bright
Of when we were the most militaristic

4254 - Storm and stress

Listening to Helen's album choice right now
While, knackered, I try and decide whether
To go and do some comedy somehow
At Shark. Probably not, this time. Why not spare
Them this week, the material will be there
Next time and still funny, better rehearsed
Maybe, who knows? Who knows if they all care?
I care not, think I'll buy a bottle, worst
That can happen, had nowt all week, my thirst
Has been restored, clear wee, blood pressure low
As in just right, and the conditions fair
The anti-climax of not going's burst
In milder way, less strain and stress, allow
A small ration of naughtiness, earlier

4253 - Music scene

A wet gloomy day, so pleased that we had
That car yesterday, visiting beaches
Today been watching, listening, playing, mad
For it. It's still living the teenage years
Where's my Mum and Dad? Oh wait, this ain't theirs,
It's not the old house, it's my flat, and not
In my home town either in Staffordshire's
Green countryside, but in Salford's top spot
Near Manchester, where years ago I bought
This place to hang out in, all I could afford
A base to foray out into the bars
And pubs and clubs, stadiums and what not
In this rainy town it's hard to get bored
Unless it's Longsight, Gorton type places

4252 - Beached Wales

Day two of automobile odyssey
Went west to Wales and hugged the coastal road
The sky was blue and the sun shone brightly
First, Flint Castle, and then Flint McDonald's
Next Talacre, never been before, loads
Of mobile homes from here up to Towyn
Saw them painting the lighthouse, but got spots
Of sand over my white car. Prestatyn
Next, better than I thought, of course the sun
Made it nicer. Next Rhyl, but sad to see
Even the sun could not rescue this old
Faded resort. Last, Llandudno. We've been
There lots before. Today it looked pretty
Under a blue sky, in holiday mood

4251 - Flash, ah-ahh

Day off, last day of Josie's Easter hols
Hired a car til tomorrow eve. Today
Drove a white Hyundai, first went to Pearl's
(Staying at her mum's flat), then made our way
To Wilmslow to collect Jo. Alderley
Edge (The Wizard) was the first stop, just for
A quick sit down and a drink each, then they
Agreed with my plan, despite cloud cover
To head for Britain's highest village, or
Flash, as it's called. Pics taken, then wheel rolls
Aplenty down to Buxton, the chippie
There providing lunch (baps not barms). Then more
Food - Bakewell puddings, in Bakewell. Poor Pearl's
Too full. Chesterfield's bent spire, our last stay

4250 - Return of the pack (of salmon)

Woke at 6:15, seven hours must do
Felt OK anyway, ate my porridge
And left before Bart emerged from Room 2
And I only just got done the work which
I had to do today, the deadline reached
Tomorrow, but I'm off then, so just had
To finish it, and did, just. Like a beached
Whale now, just wanna flop down on my bed
But no, life's too short, for what were we bred
If we do nothing challenging and new?
Played uke again, and ate some salmon fish
Making up for recently getting rid
Of out-of-date salmon from my fridge. You
Know that was hard, but better than death's ditch...

4249 - Advance to France!

I'm dead tired, like, after two late nights out
But both were good fun, music, comedy
Today I booked flights to Toulouse, no doubt
Now that I'm doing the course (Logan Murray)
In a chateau in hilly Gascony
The flight times had to be right so that they
Can collect me and drop me off for free
It's a hundred miles distance, a long way
Saves me hiring a car, having to pay
Loads for that and have to worry about
Finding this tiny village accurately
Also hired a car to have a nice day
Out this Friday with P and J. Stand-out
Week then, lots to look forward to for me!

4248 - Keeping it Short

A hard day's day at work and then a night
At The Worst Comedy Night in Salford
Did a Dirty Beatles Medley, all right
Some other good new acts got their reward
It's always good when that young man Tom Short
Turns up, and he did, and gave me a lift
Back, I invited him in for a chat
Told me about Edinburgh, and if
I wanted to, I could have some spots with
His Comedy Shorts show. I think I might
Do that, following on from what I'm taught
On the course in France in June, through the sift
For that, excitement rises more to spite
The local yokels, cliques with whom I'm bored

4247 - Rainy city

My feet are wet, I've taken off my socks
It rained all evening down on Oxford Road
I went to see The Vaccines, band that rocks
Everyone sang along, the lyrics knowed
I had three decent pints, then Carlsberg flowed
At the venue, the Academy by
Manchester Uni, a place I followed
In the 80s. Glad that teen spirit flies
More than ever now, kids singing, so why
Feel down about time passing, stupid clocks
Good things outlast individuals and modes
Of fashion and media shit. Learned from my
Own daughter, that indie lives, not from books
Or TV, those are sad shit for the old

4246 - The Observer on Sunday

A busy day at home - some might not think
Listening to 11 albums busy
But it is, and I played along, I plinked
My uke quite well to Cole Porter, 60s
Then listened to some new stuff happily
Passing the time, while reading up on news
And messaging peeps. Pearl's back in M/C
Am gonna hire a car, Friday, confuse
The usual weekend rituals, with two
Daughters, not just one, and doing touring
For a change, like the old days, ex-city
Out in the fields under sky, greens and blues
Also wrote comedy, so rehearsing
Can begin soon for Shark, one week away

4245 - Red, blue and grey

Rainy morning, listened to The Vaccines
In preparation for Monday night's gig
Walked to Manchester, the rain washed me clean
Poor Jo got caught in it, she was soaking
Got the train, went to Topkapi, thinking
It'd be fairly empty, and it was
Soup and then lamb, both tasty and filling
I went to Debenhams and bought trousers
A nice grey pair, then to my flat because
Bart was locked out all night and he was keen
To get back in, then train, taxi rushing
Her back home so she could cheer on the stars
Of United, beating the City team
At City's ground. Tonight Jo is buzzing!

4244 - Talking heads

Went home, played uke along to 60s hits
Ate chips and gravy on way to acting
Had fun there tonight, but I will now split
And maybe instead try to find something
More directly useful, on performing
Better in my comedy when onstage
These classes that for months I've been doing
Are about acting for camera, a cage
Of TV screen dimensions, your image
Boxed in, head barely moves, eyes merely slits
But I've discussed with Darren, exciting
Things they do, like one-to-one tutelage
From that there really could be benefits
And there's this course on comedy writing...

4243 - Darts and hearts

Eric Bristow the darts king, he is dead
This is crazy, it means that the past is now gone
I accept that what was is now ended
And the icons of my youth are beyond
The new names like let's say the Kardashians
Reign without rivals, no-one challenges
Them, that's fine, this brave new world has become
Homogenised and boring, so it says
I've seen both worlds, and compared both, but where's
The better? Neither. Try to get your head
Around it, you will fail, there isn't one
Answer available where all say yes
No, generations differ, people said
The same each time, and it all becomes one

4242 - Soviet reunion

April showers the order of the day
The Russia story remains the main one
The west united, Europe, USA
Seeming to enjoy attacking Putin
All part of the great game, the old routine
Russia penalised for trying to compete
And even worse, for actually trying to win
When it should know that's an unlikely feat
For such a small economy. When it
Was the Soviet Union and they
Stretched as far as Germany, an iron
Curtain of fear, they could turn up the heat
If only through rhetoric and display
But still relatively poor even then

4241 - ZZ Flop

My eyes are hurting, I'm so bloody tired
It's cos of yesterday's comedy show
Which went on late, I went on late, I tried
Some new stuff, remembered most, and with no
Notes on stage this time, gave it a good go
It was a long night, and so to relieve
The pent-up tension, necked some drinks, and so
Ended up staying up late like a sleep thief
It went quite well, at least that's my belief
Now I'm knackered both outside and inside
But bedtime's coming in an hour or so
Right now on TV, it's Histoire des Juifs
With Simon Schama. Hope it will provide
Lots of good shots of places that I know

4240 - Death, where is thy bling?

A horrid dark rainy Easter Monday
No wonder Jesus didn't stick around
And did those feet, etc? Not likely
He preferred preaching where the sun shone down
While being crucified, get a nice tan
And other quite modern things they did too
Instead of pierced ears, try pierced feet or hands
It's briefly fatal, but in no time you...
Wake up, see your mates again, let them view...
Your fab piercings, then take off vertically
Into the clouds, never coming back down
Then you sit on a throne and watch 'em do
Crap hymns saying you're great, and they all pray
To you on Sundays - no rest to be found!

4239 - Washing and waiting

A goodish day, though not all went to plan
Bart arrived about lunchtime after I
Had cleaned the flat floor with my own bare hands
Watched lots of hair float off into the sky
Most of it Carla's from the rug, maybe
And listened to three albums of reggae
Some good new tracks put on my MP3
I'll be mentally skanking on my way
Through Salford and Manchester, not today
But tomorrow. Shark Comedy is on
I've asked for a ten-spot by email, why?
Cos ten's better than five, and more early
Still waiting to hear. Washing machine man
Didn't come, stayed in for nothing, curse, sigh

4238 - Salford can wait

Spent all day and all evening out about
First seeing Jo at my flat and in town
It don't remind me of a teapot spout
But then if it did, I'd be mad and frown
Met Nancy, argued in Nero but soon
Made up. Dermot came, then we ate at Junk
Nice small meals, tasty, well-presented, down
The hatch went that and a few beers, among
The Vine, then Salford Arms crowds, old then young
Nancy practised her audition from out
Of the well-known film Shirley Valentine
She did well, seemed very far from a punk
It was nearly two when the lights went out
Into rejuvenating slumber thrown

Sat 31 March