3362 - The thrill of the kill

I'll do my diary now before football
Results come in, but the Rams are winning
At home to Rotherham. We've heard from Paul
Scholes, criticising Van Gaal's quite boring
Style of play, few shots on goal, and struggling
Rooney - midfield or striker - no-one knows
And no-one passes to him. Not seeing
Little Jo today, Halloween, it goes
Without saying, tho not for many more years
Maybe, takes top billing, and her mate will
Be staying overnight too, thus meaning
I won't disturb their fun as tomorrows
Get underway. That evening, it's the thrill
Of seeing Killing Joke live. The waiting...

3361 - Working to no avail

A long long day, I did the best I could
So much to do, while others just chatted
And did fuck all, they won't be targeted
Though if the past is any kind of guide
Because I've got lots of work. If they said
They did also, they're lying. I've had
It with this team unless things change, I pledge
Despite the workload, I'll still get my head
Down with another application, grad-
ually getting better until I'm good
And I no longer care what the effect
On the team would be. Nine years working hard
Accumulating knowledge, helping out
My managers and colleagues, but shafted

3360 - Shock news

A long day at work, but still not the time
To get it all done, my long to-do list
At least tonight I'm not too drunk to rhyme
Like last night after Munchen got me pissed
I'm getting hungry though, because I missed
My evening meal last night, and so I must
Shortly get cooking, but what I'll do first
Is have a shave and shower. Some bad news just
Received by Javier. He has just lost
His job at the warehouse. All isn't fine
Right now, but if I can maybe assist
In some way, I'll try. Suggested the Post
Office. And as we approach Christmas-time
There may be more short-term jobs advertised

3359 - Munchen Beer does this to you...

It's difficult to concentrate when sat
Next to the sexiest woman that there is
Oh my goodness, but despite all our chat
None of that matters, I know that her biz
Is what it is, and that's not mine to quiz
I love her but maybe that is misplaced
So forget that, don't worry, please don't stress
I know she makes do in her time and space
Tonight after work, drunk out of my face
I bought drink yesterday, and today, drat!
It all makes sense, time goes, like,things, and how's
Why do yo go about from place to place
Never mind me ... (then I dozed off at that
Point and went to bed with this unfimished!!)...

Lines 1-13 before brackets, Wed 28 October, the last lines in brackets, morning of Thur 29 October

3358 - Time for fun

After work, went to the Home of Honest
Coffee, on Chapel Street, I memorised
My comedy set, kind of like a test
Which I would like to think that I had passed
Under the eyes of rich girls, not yet pissed
Made it to the King's Arms round about eight
Jaynee turned up, and that was fun, we gassed
And then the comedy began, was fraught
As usual with variable results, bought
Some time, but who cares because it's the best
Over-rehearsed stuff's over-emphasised
In the moment, sink or swim, I am caught
Living in the moment, that's where I'm blessed
So-called professionals, time to be surprised

3357 - Iceland, baby

It's been a productive day all along
And I ain't finished yet, think the coffee
I drank mid-afternoon has made me strong
After work I spent time in the cafe
Had chocolate drink, gave me more energy
Rehearsed my comedy, also researched
The Iceland trip  - you can swim in the sea
Believe it or not, ice doesn't besmirch
The Icelandic coast, even in the worst
Mid-wintertime, and hot thermal pools, fling
Yourself in, stay nice and warm. June will be
In any case quite pleasant, though a burst
Of rain may be expected. All night long
It should be light, that will be new for me!

3356 - Moanchester Disunited

United City derby day, I saw
It with Louis, not like last time, when I
Actually attended, when Jo won the draw
To be a United mascot. Depay
Didn't do much today, ate all de pies
Maybe. Martial threatened but despite his
Military name, didn't make City die
Van Gaal needs more Van Goals, it is his biz
To sort that in training. Rooney is mis-
firing at the moment. It was a bore-
Draw in the Theatre of Dreams, literally
Cos it was sending folk to sleep, zzz zzz
So far removed from Charlton, Best and Law
Or the guaranteed success of Fergie

3355 - Queen of Beer Sheba

Went to my mother's in Greasby, with Jo
The rain dictated that we went by car
Went to the old fogey's place where we go
Now and then, Jo had gammon, which by far
Is her fave choice of food. So much, she shared
It with me after I ate my sea bass
Left mum's at five, motorway, went too far
Lost valuable time, dropped her off, then fast
Returning of car to its parking place
Cambridge Street. Good day for Derby, not two
But three points at Huddersfield, Rams are stars
Now enjoying bottled beers, in my face
While I wait for the Rams highlights to show
Then Match of the Day, finishing my beer!

3354 - Verb Verb Voom

Awoke at four-fifteen, wondered whether
To read more of new book, Catch 22
But I thought of a few tasks needing a
Bit of my time online. First, needed to
Check bank stuff, message Pearl, she replied do
You know where from? From Florence, with a man
In tow, she met him in Swindon, now who
Is he, I can't remember, Italian
So he'll be handy with the parmesan
Before work, did more TEFL course, harder
Than the Nouns section - Verbs this time, and phew!
It took much longer. 88 per cent
Was not too bad, then to work, where Emma
And the gang were fun. Relaxation's due!!!

3353 - Who's not eating all the pies?

A busy evening, but I've still not done
Any TEFL work, so here goes, tonight
I won't even eat til I have done some
Of the online course I joined Friday night
Nearly two weeks ago now. And diet
Is the other thing obsessing me now
Ate far too much yesterday, and a slight
Fat tummy is emerging. It will grow
If my lifestyle stays the same. Mustn't bow
Beneath the weight of pies and beer. The sum
Total of calories becomes a plight
And you can be an unholy fat cow
I'm not obese, true, but must watch my tum
The aim is to stay fit, stay thin, stay light

3352 - The rain of the game

Rainy day but still a good one, methinks
Had a memorable takeaway pie at
Lunchtime, tweeted it, which in turn is linked
To Facebook. No-one commented though, twats
They're so boring, they make my fun fall flat
Boring bunch, sick of insincerity
And unresponsiveness. Back to the flat
For a quick tea, then tram to Man City
With Lou, to see if they could cause a stink
By actually winning a Euro match
For most of the game, City weren't pretty
Because of the tram queue, walked to city
After the game, which ended with high jinks
De Bruyne pulled a goal out of a hat

3351 - Back to the whatever decade

A fun night out after work, West Didsbury
Started in the new bar the George Charles on
Burton Road, near the old hospital, the
Place where we went for scans, back then, yes in
The eighties. But it's the teenies now, and
You might as well be mad or you will just
Go back in nostalgia, and then be drowned
Fuck that, the old times were shit, they are dust
Deservedly so, you'll agree, we must
Move on and forward, each day is so free
Despite pricks everywhere, everything's fun
Tell me what you like, it's just sound, I've pushed
It to the background, today I've quickly
Chosen to go to Hamburg, so bring it on

3350 - Do your homework, Anthony!

I've been assigned a TEFL course tutor
So now I suppose I'm ready to go
I should spend maybe, well at least an hour
Before it gets too late and I'm too slow
I'm out the next two nights, quiz tomorrow
Then Man City the night after, they play
Sevilla in the Champions League, with Lou
(It's his team) at the Etihad. But hey
I've just played blinding guitar, real jazzy
In places. Stevie Wonder, Sinatra
Both lend themselves to jazz styles, I'd say so
I really must finish this, must hurry
It'll be a shame and quite a failure
If I've left TEFL too late. Have I? Ohhhh...

3349 - Three lines on my forehead

Busy day, woke up early, that was good
Had time to look at the TEFL website
For two hours, teaching tips, although I would
Rather keep it to one-on-one, no shite
Teaching whole classrooms, now my hair is white
Well grey but heading that way soon enough
Jobs in China and Japan, thought I might
But no, maybe not, that could be too tough
Would rather teach one at a time, above
One becomes stressful, converse with low blood
And other pressure, just fun with no bite
Teach about England, show and feel the love
Then watched Derby beat Wolves, in a good mood
With Lou and Vee, then Nancy - well good night!

3348 - Zip up Fatty

Saturday night, and somehow Javi's out
He must be tired, he should get to bed soon
I've been out with Josie to Old Trafford
But didn't go in the store. She's a loon
Though she was cold she just wouldn't button
(Or rather zip) up her leather jacket
Well probably not leather - imitation
Some kind of plastic, I did wear that shit
When I was a teenager, looked the pits
Going to the Jam gig in Brum, '78
Ah those gigs at the New Street Odeon
Poor old Pete Shelley got covered in spit
Good gig, Joy Division were the support
Though Curtis was ill, stood still, didn't zoom

3347 - Weakened weekend

Morning shower that washed off the tattoo ink
Then on with a clean shirt, off to office
Less tired today, I was able to think
Got most things done, headed for weekend bliss
Well not quite, so many things going amiss
The weekend's filled with family, what can I
Do with that precious time? Can I practice
Anything, comedy, music, or try
To start my TEFL course, but the time flies
A week since I paid, but progress static
What with the plumber, comedy, and these
Tattoos, but at least it's all down to my
Choices and my time management, living
In freedom's cool, unpredictable days

3346 - Tattoo Central

I'm exhausted, ill with a cold, in pain
But that's from the three tattoos I've just had
Although it really hurt, felt I was goin'
To sleep at times on the tattoo man's bed
Not his bed at home, I mean where he did
My tattoos, in the Salford tattoo place
Beneath the arches, not far I wandered
When exiting my Ralli Quays office
By Salford Central Station, where they race
At the end of the day to soon regain
The paradise of Bolton, Preston... Sad
Still, someone has to live there. In my case
Don't fancy it,  but better not disdain
Maybe I'll end up there if I've no bread...

3345 - The heat is (back) on

Yay! Tom Plumb has popped in, and the heat's on
He's fixed the boiler, but with temporary
Measures, the 'olives' don't quite fit, there's some
Risk of leaks, like before, but I'm happy
To be able to dry my clothes properly
On the radiators, and heat the flat
Poor Javi in particular, well he
Can't cope with an unheated flat, that's fact
Coming from southern Spain, the pain's too great
The pain of the cold, English winter's come
So long the fly, and so long to the bee
See you next year, but til then, we'll need hot
Hot heat, and so fingers crossed that Tom Plumb
Won't be needed for a while, hopefully

3344 - Feast of cows

I need to write this quick, then get to bed
Been to Comedy Night at the King's Arms
Will now get that material out my head
Shouldn't be hard, it won't make me alarmed
To lose it, it's lost already, no harm
Done. The usual fighting, The Middle East
At each other's throats, all of them Islam
Against Islam, it's a religious beast
Meanwhile, myself, I've had a late night feast
Tuna in a can, that's what I have fed
Myself, and now bed beckons, spreads its arms
Fortunately soon my efforts are ceased
And I'll be sleeping, no I don't mean dead
Just snoozing, like cows and pigs in the farms

3343 - Cranky Boiler

It's gone colder, and the heating is off
The boiler's out of action - need Tom Plumb
But in the meantime we're shivering, feels rough
Cos not until tomorrow can he come
Forgot to use it yesterday - so dumb
Although we were both out all day, so it
Wasn't used at all, and the water's gone
Out of it now. After work, a visit
To Home of Honest Coffee, Chapel Street
A cafe where you can quickly get stuff
Written. In an hour, wrote four pages, fun
Material for tomorrow, comedy night
Today felt like I was bursting out of
My shirt. In danger of getting rotund...

3342 - Sunshee-ine Dayyy

Yet again, visited Old T with Jo
But found a better route, the Eccles line
Which goes to Media City, from where you
Can quickly walk to the world football shrine
It's also nearer to where you can find
Places to eat. Today, twas Cafe Rouge
Where I had lamb and she had steak, and mine
Had mash and hers fries. No beating 'bout t'bush
Straight to the Cadbury's shop, chocolate rubbish
Sure, but tasty mis-shapes, I wanted more
But she took the rest home. Now there's still time
To do something tonight. I'd very much
Like to start writing comedy, ho ho
Delivered with a Liam Gallagher whine

3341 - Train to the hills

Day out in Buxton, it went well, some good
Chat and good beer, up in the windy hills
I looked in the charity shops but could
Not find any clothes that fitted the bill
Steak and kidney pudding and chips that filled
Me for the rest of the day at lunchtime
Followed by more beer, stronger than you will
Find in Manchester, cheap as well as fine
Three bean stout (13%) took some time
To drink. Skipped the curry, no need for food
Sat in a takeaway with Damian, still
Not hungry while he ate, not once, two times
Left The Swan at ten past nine, up the road
To the rail station, home, now a small meal?

3340 - Buxtoning the trend

About to watch England / Estonia
Not sure if Rooney's playing, will soon know
In a few days it's Lithuania
The group's so easy we're already through
Just relaxing, no drinking, tomorrow
It's a trip to Buxton Beer Festival
The beer and hopefully the chips will flow
So I need to recuperate, be well
So that this day and night out aren't a fail
Might even read a bit while alone, yeah?
My reading of that zombie book's real slow
Got some new books waiting to get the call
Winter's here soon, hope don't get pneumonia
The summer's been poor, but don't expect snow!

3339 - Old folk's night

A fun night out in Stockport, though that seems
Like an oxymoron. Actually it was
Not fun except for taking the piss. Teams
Of superannuated folk 'singers'
Doing The Irish Rover, that business
Except that was probably the highlight
Me and Ged almost argued with a Mrs
Who thought this was good music, not a blight
(Albeit very quiet) on the sight
And on the ears. But they were old, not seem-
ly to take the piss I guess, but who cares
It was too deadly to just sit there tight
Like being in church but thinking of wet dreams
Then to the Boar's Head, then home for a piss

3338 - Don't let the music play

A rare night in, this week, early to bed
To recuperate from being up late
The last four nights, though it's been fun. Instead
It's relaxation, quiet. I will wait
For some other time to play music. Great
Chance to watch a DVD of burlesque
'Immodesty Blaize' it's called. Javi's out
At his English language class. On my desk
For the last week or two it's lain, don't ask
Me if it's any good, I'll soon find out
Meanwhile the Tory Conference takes its mask
Of caring for society (hearts bled)
Back to the south where strangers fear to tread
Unless they're loaded. Cameron pig-gate

3337 - Pop slickers

We won the pop quiz again, thought we would
Normally win general knowledge but pop
Is specialist, and I'm special at good
Pop lists, like eighties number ones, get up
To a good score and end up at the top
Of the pop pickers, slick as fuck, wee rule
As Echo might have said, we'll never stop
When it comes to pop, we will be no fool
Listen to me, for this is the pop school!
Actually I hate pop, oh what a word
Oh what a night, no this was not a flop
What we did just couldn't be ridiculed
And now, to close, I'd like to chew the cud
Heading for the balcony, hip hip hop

3336 - Aunty Austerity

Quick one, as it's gettin rather late now
Half-one, and I was tired when I woke up
I've done a day's work and gone to a show
Which finished at half-past midnight, oh crap
Wanted an early night, but that's fucked prop-
er. Celebrating a good time though with
A can or two of Stella, help to drop
Off quickly, maybe, but might need a piss
In the night. The first act, they came on first
Public Broadcasting Service, take a bow
Then Charlotte Church, never thought I would pop
To a show and see her! But she was with
It, quite proggy actually. Headliners now
Were Super Furry Animals, hip hip!

3335 - Bella Mancunia

Spent the day with Josie, so sad to part
Went to Man U as usual, always there
Pasta in Bella Italia, but what
Cuisine is that? Oh, Italian, oh yeah
No tomatoes were treated cruelly, fair
Play to the buggers, we had, what did we
Have? I know what, but I can't remember
What it's called. Creamy sauce, a sugary
And savoury thing. Afterwards met D
As audience members for King Gong, a fart-
Filled night of belly laughs. Thought the compere
Was witty, Paul Thorne, unlike most of the
Acts, but having said that, they were good sorts
Mostly, they're all slowly getting better

3334 - Thought for food

It's already almost three, oh gosh, gee
And I still need to neck my Stella cans
A good night out with Derm and lil Nancy
Went to Turtle Bay on Oldham Street and
It was good, Caribbean-style food, my glands
Appreciated it and the chat also
After that, Gullivers for more beer glass
The contents aided somewhat but although
Not entirely necessary no more
So much to say, so much felt, much to see
As time goes on the more we understand
If we still have open minds to adore
Each day as a portal, infinity
And everything within it still beckons

3333 - Everything, everything

I'll quickly write this sonnet while I can
After a long day at work, followed by
Unbelievably tight guitar session
So beautiful it makes me wanna cry
And so another day has gone, bye bye
Don't really care about what happens now
But in the oven is an onion pie
It's tasty, and the taste factor is wow
Life on Mars is back again, they allow
It to resurface now and now again
The news is so cliched, same themes pop by
War, childhood poverty, war, war, and so
Here it comes, yet another election
I'm getting bored, it's ending with a sigh...

3332 - Sock exchange

It's a month since the Balkans trip began
Seems hard to believe, I've been back so long
(It seems). Just shows how time's a funny thang
It plays tricks on your mind (but not your thong)
These cheesy observations kinda pong
Like socks you've worn for four or five days straight
But you can stick it up your billabong
If you have a problem with all this, mate
(Assumes Aussie accent) cos the worst fate
You can imagine is to play England
In the Rugby World Cup and LOSE, such strong
Humiliation, Ashes lost of late
(In the cricket) Poor you! Except that can
Not happen, England are shit. S'long...