4906 - You lot are boring

And so I'm supposed to write something here
By myself, no other bids me to write
I fell victim to the most ancient fear
Of not being popular, it is no right
But I have learned after decades of plight
We should not blame ourselves for things that are
Not our fault, bend with the wind, then upright
Stand, unaffected, perpendicular
I feel as though today they went too far
They chatted but I didn't feel a cheer
They formed a group and I never did quite
Manage to join it. Could have tried harder
But I had nothing left, got out of there
At least I'm not spending pub prices, right?

4905 - Middlesbro' - where art thou?

Day off today, Thursday, to recover
From the late night last night doing comedy
Stayed to the end of the gig. Left the bar
In Middlesbrough at 11:30
Home about 1:20, bed 2:30
Can't really go to work without a break
After that, or shouldn't try, need to be
Calm and restful for my mental health's sake
The work situation, I need to make
Some move, I've got no help and it's not fair
Tomorrow there's an opportunity
To tell my boss the truth and what's at stake
Then there's a meal and drinks to mark retire-
ment of a colleague, if in fact I'm free!

4904 - Sticky singers

Extremely hectic and frenetic day
Thank God, slept well, since I set the alarm
For 6:30, it's been all work, no play
Recently, so I worked hard as a storm
Left early enough to go and perform
Up in Middlesbrough at Sticky Fingers
Three of us in a car, me trying to learn
The chords. It's much better when with others
The whole experience shared with my peers
Sadly I quite forgot to ask AJ
Or Barbie to film me, so short of gorm
Was I, but my set went down well, got cheers
And got dropped off home quickly by Barbie
But what's my next move? Where wriggles the worm?

Wed 29 January

4903 - My room's not a balloon

So glad I found time last night to work on
My set, it's tomorrow night, yes, that soon
Although sleep-deprived and hard-worked, I've done
More on it since getting in, searched my room
And various boxes for props and costume
I'll get up early, finish work early
Then home to change, think I'll wear the maroon
T-shirt for the Middlesbrough gig. Must be
At Dane Road tram station by 5 in the
Afternoon, so Barbie can get us gone
Up the road, and not too far from the Toon
Got Thursday off as leave, yes thankfully
So enough sleep tonight's wish number one
No sneaking in my room to pop a balloon!

4902 - Do adjust your set

Early start, and a long day in office
But still I did exercises later
Sent over a biog and couple of pix
For the upcoming gig in Middlesbrough
Wednesday night - so soon! Needed to prepare
So next, I rewrote the set, started to
Learn the words, and I might practice in ,,, where?
In bed, that's where, and it might be fun too
So I can wake early again I do
Want to finish these sonnetary tricks
And get creative under the covers
Jiggling with words, juggling with how d'ye do?
So don't say to me, hey, you can't touch this
Because I need to touch my big idea

4901 - Going going going

Sunday, a bit of a failed day today
It's my crap phone and Dropbox both combined
Trouble uploading anything, all day
Kept trying, but it was a long, failed grind
I'll hope another day will be more kind
My only consolation, a booking
Of a holiday literally just round
The corner - mid-February, it's looming -
Me and Josephine then will be flying
To Lisbon for three or four days to stay
In the much-praised Portuguese stomping ground
Even before Prague with Helen, happening
Soon. Hope the office lets me go away
And hope my tech demons to hell confined!

4900 - Cinema Gates

Woke up so late, drifted til half-past ten
Showered after breakfast, and then soon Jo
Messaged to say she was getting the train
And we'd meet at Deansgate, so had to go
Anne Frank's Diary was on BBC2
I saw the end of that, then met Jo at
The lift on Deansgate, then we went to
The Gasworks opposite Home. She would meet
Friends and then go and watch Jo Jo Rabbit
While I fancy watching 1917
So when I've written this, it's a retro
Trip back by cinema to World War One
Could win best film at the Oscars, it's tipped
So why not check it out right now, you know?

4899 - Not Right Writing

Only nonsense will do for this tonight
A long day's work, not everything's all right
Just get along the line from left to right
This is the fourth line, that is two lines twice
The flat is as quiet as two house mice
Each noise makes me jump up with some surprise
It takes me ages to think up these lines
And soon as I have, once, then it's two times
And with each line I'm running out of rhymes
And it's so true you know I'm out of lies
This is a tricky rhymer's paradise
And a film's on the TV and my eyes
Keep getting pulled that way they dramatize
But now I've reached the time I finalise

4898 - Rhyme with chime

Oh God, my brain hurt at work - not today
Would I solve the riddles that chill my mind
So on white wispy clouds I drift away
But sadly I've not stopped the flow of time
And I don't wanna admit it's bedtime
Played uke for a while, seemed to play it sweet
Nice and relaxed, caressing rhyme with chime
My style gave me a smile and feel complete
That's really the main thing that I achieved
My chance to film has gone, thrown it away
Decided to chill my body and mind
Struggling to follow, brain cells cry defeat
My creativity is dull and grey
Except for on the more musical side

4897 - Art Deceitful Energy

Been lazy this evening, when should have done
Some filming in the empty flat. Will I
Be able to film tomorrow again?
I think Harry's away two nights, I'll try
And do it soon as I get home, I'll dye
My hair, film it, then wash my hair out clean
But I keep letting chances pass me by
To put my recordings online, refine
And define my act, to make my light shine
I still had energy when work day done
So it's a shame, I'm ashamed, I can't lie
Tonight was wasted, or am I being mean
To myself, why not relax when night comes
Do we undervalue our sleepy eyes

4896 - Life is short, but farts are long

I've worked so hard today, got so much done
That all I wanna do now is relax
One thing I'll do during relaxation
Is load my comedy videos from last
Sunday onto Dropbox, after I've axed
The many ones from that site that I no
Longer need, as my space on there's maxed
So I'll do that next, then I'll watch a show
And upload the new stuff. Harry will go
To London for two days, so then I can
Safely film my third Sprite sketch while the flat's
Empty, and also try new stuff out so
It can go on YouTube. All sounds like fun
For all I've done lately, I deserve claps!

4895 - Do the punky chicken

Woke early despite my hectic Sunday
Was pleased, so much to do at work, it's good
To get in early, get stuff out the way
Back home, put on a podcast, cooked some food
Ate half a huge chicken pie, now it's cooled
And in the fridge to finish tomorrow
Played uke, Harry went out. I'm not being rude
But I don't care, each time I play I grow
That little bit better, least I think so
Can do a better job now when I play
Something I only wrote earlier and could
Also I can look up and sing into
The mic, and see the faces on display
Proper performance, grooving like I should

4894 - Ketching up with people

A long day with a lot of achievement
Got up in time to watch Andrew Marr's show
Wrote a new song and then some merriment
In the form of a JFK sketch, though
It needed ketchup as a prop, and so
Bought some from Sainsbury's and I cooked my lunch
Rang Louis on his birthday, radio
On while I dozed, then caught the tram to watch
Liverpool v Man U, the rivals' crunch
Match with Barbie Mugabe, and we went
To two pubs in Chorlton. Beer was a no-
No, for I was to perform song and sketch
Later, where the audience was in ferment
And chaos reigned, but made a video

4893 - The Scream

My birthday, who knows what age I have reached?
Don't care really, it's bullshit, it's nonsense
You are the person you are since you screeched
As a newborn baby at the intense
Moment of arrival, in my case when
Snow gripped the nation, in a winter freeze
That seems unlikely to recur, the sense
Being the world is warming and its trees
Are burning in intolerable degrees
The whole world's becoming a sandy beach
Soon to be flooded, and the recompense
Is almost at hand for our mass misdeeds
Visited Mum, saw Hannah, had two treats
Fish and chips, chocolate cake. Deep joy. Immense.

4892 - Bed of poses

A hard day's work but easing off as the
Weekend draws near, and as I've not for days
Had a drop, got slightly pissed tonight, yeah
And ended up in somewhat of a daze
Although before then, did two videos
Saturday Sprite Fever, episodes one
And two, assuming that Harry he plays
Out Friday night and wouldn't backwards come
To the flat tonight, not anytime soon
But I'd just done two sketches, one in here
In the living room under camera's gaze
Then one even crazier in the bathroom
Finally, filmed in bed, but my phone power
Ran out, then he came home. Wow - that was close!

Fri 17 January

4891 - What? Another year?!

Yes, tired again come the evening, but what
A day. Yes, work is coming first right now
In the office early as ten to eight
And worked like crazy until half-past four
Did all I could as far as time allowed
Exercised once home, second time this week
Only Friday to go, then I'll be proud
To be the birthday boy, with fantastic
Things on the horizon, I've had a peek
And Louis' thirtieth on Sunday is quite
A landmark for the old boy! Let's enjoy
This big weekend, then, though out come the freaks
Is hardly it, is worthy of some sort
Of celebration, as onward we plough!!

4890 - Vegetable Man

I'm super-knackered, two days' early rise
And a late night last night
And super hard work which, surprise surprise
Was not enough to do all that I might
Intended to sleep briefly back home, slight
Recharge, but changed my mind, thought it better
To carry on and keep active, to fight
The tiredness. Played uke well, first time for a
While, good use of my time. Rediscovered
Syd Barrett's The Madcap Laughs. It supplies
Some good lovelorn weird thoughts which resonate
Animal images which swim and purr
Druggy and wasted, vegetable eyes
Tripping on love, though sad, darkness and light

4889 - From mess-ups to press-ups

Woke early, perfectly allowing me
To get to work earlier than expected
So much to do, and worked so feverishly
Before my productive morning ended
A course this afternoon lifted the lid
On writing for the customer, but still
There was more work before I exited
No soaking walking home, that was a thrill
Somehow managed to exercise, did well
A hundred press-ups, and did abs quickly
Caught the headlines, ate tea, and considered
Myself too tired to go out. Georgy Girl
The old film from '66 on TV
That'll pass time, and then early to bed

4888 - Back to Drac

It's getting mad at work, I'm exhausted
Was gonna go out to Frog and Bucket
To see some peeps I know humiliated
Trying to Beat The Frog, but got so wet
In a downpour on the way home. Forget
Walking for miles to that venue and back
And possibly wet again, I felt that
Was beyond me, and so instead watched Drac
Episode 3, and slowly using slack
Wi-fi and phone, all night long, to upload
My performance last night, seven minutes
In length, I feared the time that this would take
But it's nearly done. When I go to bed
I think the alarm might need to be set

4887 - It'll be all right on the Sprite

Still recovering from yesterday in more
Ways than one, but although I'm physically
And mentally drunk, I did recover
And went on to do quite a lot, really
Wrote a new Sprite sketch which is quite funny
Looked at Prague flights, went shopping, searched for nights
Out, planned the next few nights, so much to see
Comedy, films, and all stuff that excites
Think I'll go to the Frog and Bucket, might
See some acts I know from Worst Night take the floor
Will they survive, or raised cards will they see?
Was tired, but took a new song to Worst Night
Good response to Walking In Austria
A new video for YouTube, hopefully!

4886 - Gimme Refuge

Nice lie-in, relieved, cos I woke at six
Then went to the loo and dozed off again
Felt a bit sickly, overdid the drinks
Slightly last night, thought there might be some gain
In getting rehydration powder, then
Felt better. now at long last it was time
To meet Helen in town for a session
She looked great, sexily dressed, so sublime
Went to The Refuge, some of her crew came
Too to see a DJ they knew, who mixed
The vinyl as we all chatted as friends
Finally, she had two burgers, hunger games
I hope soon our creative muscles flex
Saw her off on the bus - bye bye Helen!

4885 - It's all go - and then stop

Incredibly intense day at work, read
Through all emails, responded when I could
Updated my all my work progress records
And set email invites to quite a flood
Of people who need to have understood
The new platform for tax guidance they'll use
To online demo's, Monday morning would
Be the first of up to three previews
Of how to navigate and send their views
On improvements and the like. Back home, scored
A new personal best push-ups record -
One hundred and ten. Phew, and yet more phews!
So hyped up, had to get booze, though I should
Have filmed my sketches, couldn't be bothered

Fri 10 January

4884 - Middle Beast

Good night's sleep, and I was right to be good
Last night, because it was once more intense
At work, but I coped like I hoped I would
And had enough left, once home, to do bends
And stretches, maintaining my keep fit trend
Disappointingly, push-ups fell well short
Of last time's record which is one hundred
A landmark, best in decades, so I thought
Whereas today, eighty was all I scored
New podcast today - Behind the Bastards -
Qassem Soleimani the topic, since
He was recently bombed by drone, aboard
A car in Iraq, by the States, this blood
Causing Iranian missiles in response

4883 - Evening of light and dark

A hard day at work, but enjoyable
Then went to see the film, Jojo Rabbit
It was well-attended, incredible
For a Wednesday tea-time January night
Heart-warming, sad and funny, and I cried
The mark of a good film, it cuts quite deep
But in a way that mainly kept it light
To pass an hour after work, took a trip
To the Arndale food market, fed my lips
With chicken biryani and bottle
Of lemon-flavoured water, both a neat
Way to hydrate, and from Aldi, a snip
At 72p. I'm comfortable
In my warm flat. I'll read, and then that's it

4882 - Old Pratford

What a funny evening with Josephine
We went to United versus City
At Old Trafford, but we couldn't get in
Through the turnstile. They said just go to the
Ticket office, a long walk, and soon she
Joined me there in the longest-ever queue
I was angry, having paid liberally
For our tickets and membership. A few
Cheers came from the distant stadium, and you
Knew it wasn't good. City were winning
By one, then two, then an own goal made three
When we got seen, we almost said Boo-hoo
I'd brought last year's membership cards. Flippin'
Heck! But we saw the Reds score. Oh so funny!

4881 - Fun and games

Felt alert today, and needed to be
Work was intense, but got lots of it done
With great help from Charlotte and Tracey G
I feel I'm growing my reputation
And tomorrow should be a day of fun
A relaxed team meeting with fun and games
Watching Arsenal - Leeds Cup confrontation
Tomorrow, I'll be at a stadium
Watching a game with Jo. Hope we keep warm
For United - City. I suppose City
Are slight favourites, and last year City won
The Carabao Cup, but, well, neither team
Really wants to make it through to Wembley
In this outdated old competition

4880 - East was east

Wrote the second Saturday Sprite Fever
Sketch. I'll film them one night when Harry's out
Went out tonight, played new song, Anozzer
Brick In Ze Vall, wearing my army hat
A Soviet hat, but I was playing the part
Of an East German military man
Singing about the Berlin Wall and that
It must be built to keep restless kids in
Jamie Heath videoed it, and when I've seen
It, I'll decide if it's good and whether
To put it on YouTube, though I forgot
To do my planned intro gag, but thinkin'
I could write it under the title where
Viewers could see it and smile like a trout

4879 - Saturday Sprite Fever

So - must begin with so - what did I do
At home on Saturday. I exercised
(Fourth time this week), sat down and wrote some new
Comedy, more burping from drinking Sprites
Went to Sainsburys to buy some more, surprised
A big bottle costs the same as a small
Hopefully Sunday I'll record a nice
Little video, but if not, I've got all
Next week. I think it'd look best filmed well
After dark, since the sketch is set when you
Are out late in some bar with lonely eyes
Despite years passing, still missing your girl
Watched Atomic Blonde, Berlin cold war view
Any chance to see its familiar sights!

Saturday 4 January

4878 - What a Scene

Wow, what a meal at Scene - so different from
The meagre lunchtime menu that I knew
From work lunches there. It filled up my tum
So much, I couldn't finish the meal through
Huge chunks of lamb, with naan bread and rice too
Pearl, on her birthday night, also could not
Finish it off. We both sat in a stew
Even now, back home, I'm all in a bloat
Not much room for beer or staying up late
I feel slightly ill, tired and overcome
But it was nice, glad that I was there to
Celebrate my girl's birthday, as her flight
Back to Milan is tomorrow. Now I'm
Going to transfer her some birthday dough!

4877 - Freddie's dead

Decent night's sleep, went to work, tried to catch
Up with it all, so complicated, though
Listening to ASAP Rocky as I walked
Home. Exercised, third time this week, on floor
Then listened to the Fred West podcast more
Played uke, Harry in his room must have heard
Last night's YouTube posts had comments before
I've even publicised them. Is the word
Getting out? I hope so, as I'm so bored
With marketing, telling people to watch
It'd be great if I didn't need to
Self-publicity's strictly for the birds
But, though I hate to do it, oh so much
I must post links on social media

4876 - All isn't quiet on New Year's Day

I'm tired now, although I stayed in all day
I was up late on New Year's Eve of course
And what did I do with my time today?
The main thing was sorting my videos
Getting them all on my computer, those
Awkward ones that seem to take forever
To upload to Dropbox, but the year's closed
With all of them watched, uploaded, all there
And put on YouTube ready for viewer
Enjoyment. Finished Disgraceland, will play
Two albums talked about on Jake B's shows
Namely, Todd Rundgren and also rapper
ASAP Rocky. The twenties underway
Hope things remain fun without any pause!