4785 - Spare him the cutter

Took ages getting to sleep last night. Not
Till at least 2:30, or later. Those
Sods next door were shagging, that had a lot
To do with it, I'd say, and I propose
To cut off his willy... No, wait, I s'pose
The main problem is her, the sex maniac
You see, she came here from old Mexico's
Shores. That may not mean she's Remainiac
Since she's not from an EU state. Alack,
Many times she's left me in a s state. Spot
The man who can't drop off, though tired, can't doze
Tossing and turning, half-insomniac
Oh well, I'd rather shagging than laughs, shouts
Or parties, with music and thumping bass

4784 - Has beans

A nice day indoors sheltered from the rain
Spent nothing, just doing what I felt like all
Day. Exercised, watched Boris, who explained
The 'humbug' incident showed no ill will
To women who receive death threats that kill
On occasion, as Jo Cox showed back then
Read The Guardian. Comedy review spilled
The beans that Eddie Izzard's new show went
Down not so great, then read all the comments
Which linked to Question Time 2016
Izzard was a rabbit in headlights, fool
On YouTube, then watched Star Stories. Helen
Recommended it. George Michael and then
Take That. Hilarious. Worked two hours. Ate well

4783 - Brexit weekend

Terrible rainy day but I stayed in
Didn't even recycle my rubbish
I worked about three hours late afternoon
And early evening, then a long uke sesh
Playing Beatles songs, feeling I could smash
Any track I chose, and I did, by God!
Despite my night out, exercised my flesh
And bone on the mat, ironed shirts like I should
The only thing I've not done that I could
Is upload a video and post it on
Facebook. Also YouTube cannot languish
That's potential income some day when viewed
In sufficient numbers. Sunday, staying
In again, got Brexit work to finish

4782 - Expect the unexpected

Was feeling washed-out at work, but I had
To get my Brexit stuff done all the same
I didn't finish it, not close, so packed
The s-pro in my bag and took it home
Knowing some weekend work might get it done
Got home about six and soon took a call
Unexpectedly from who but Helen
We went to watch a band and had a ball
Beer and several Sambucas later, all
Seemed right again when it had seemed so bad
For so long, may never be right again
But it's OK once more, it was so cool
Talked about future trips which included
Amsterdam and a return to Berlin!

4781 - I advance, smashed

I feel so energetic that I must
Go get some booze, I'll do that fairly soon
Feel like a blow-out, it's a week since last
Time, and since then I've exercised, I've been
Filming with some pals in a park, and seen
The results, and they're good. I hope it will
Increase my comedic reputation
The way things are going gives me a thrill
By posting entertainment I may still
Be able to advance without the cost
Of constant social media duty on
Facebook and Instagram, though now I still
Fancy Twitter for networking and such
Maybe even Linked In? Hard work, but fun?

4780 - Live and too direct

I've been watching live footage from the House
All evening, prorogation is ended
With much invective shooting from their mouths
As they stand or still sit on green benches
I must admit, the Tories seem indeed
To be in the lead despite court's finding
The PM to have somewhat contravened
The law or constitution in lying
About the motive for the proroguing
Boris has had to fly back, furious
It appeared, with being thus so frustrated
But gradually his tone was softening
As he was roundly criticised for most
Aggressive speeches. Me? Been uploading...

4779 - Oh won't you stay....

Only about two to three hours' sleep last
Night, knackered, but worked hard in the office
Doing Brexit guidance, part of the cast
Of thousands here in the civil service
Working towards No Deal, but today this
Seems further than ever away from being
Realised by the poor beleaguered Boris
Who made as his promise we'd be leaving
The EU, Oct the 31st. Staying
A while longer. it seems. The judges passed
Their verdict, that Boris told the Queen lies
In order to prorogue Parliament in
The month it would have frustrated his dash
To get us out by hook or crook. (He is!)

4778 - Best work day, worst comedy night

I really had to work my ass off but
It ain't over. Tomorrow I'll be in
A workshop when I've a big backlog sat
In my electronic in-tray, nagging
But I enjoy this more than when sitting
Wondering what to do, or what my work is
I can relax the rest of the evening
Might plan tomorrow's comedy 'business'
Back to The Worst Comedy Night, I've missed
It for too long, need performance reboot
It's always been easier than travelling
Long distances at night, gigging. I must
Introduce the Dirty Doctor and get
Some video footage, get all to join in!

4777 - Doctor in the park

Been filming in the park with Barbie and
AJ, the rain just holding off enough
And not deluging us as it threatened
To allow us to do our comedy stuff
They were all my ideas, should raise a laugh
When I post them over the next few weeks
We went to Buile Hill Park, Salford, a tough
Area but some nice houses too. The leaks
From the clouds earlier made the grass wet, streaks
Of mud here and there, and I rolled around
In it in my white doctor's coat. I love
My new character, Dirty Doctor, seeks
Employment at your gig, he has laughs planned
Phone storage full now, got to take pix off

4776 - Resident boll weevil

Good day, bought stuff for tomorrow's filming
The ideas were penned last weekend, now bought
The props, which include lots of food and drink
If we film it, there'll be laughter and snorts
Now I've Facebook comedy friends who ought
To know what's good I met in Edinburgh
Listening to The Residents, earphones caught
Fire, frequent aural madness in my ear
'Meet The Residents' is now loud and clear
Class avant garde comedy music swing
From the 70s, then I never sought
Their vinyl output. It was hard to hear
Their stuff on the radio, stores weren't selling
Them then, but now their Floydish stuff sounds great

4775 - Filming in the rain

Very tired, worked hard this week, Friday night
For me tonight won't be much fun but still
It's nice to have a flat empty and quiet
Nothing that needs doing, nothing that will
Not wait, and there's not much more time to kill
Til bedtime, hopefully waking refreshed
Working on comedy ideas until
The afternoon, then I'll expose my flesh
To the sun's rays, if warm enough. We're blessed
With a sunny Saturday. Sunday might
Not be as nice, but that's not too evil
If we get to film in rain when we're dressed
In office clothes in a field, some strange sight
Like that would be funny, make people smile!

4774 - Objection, m'lud

A quick one, because it's already late
Question Time has begun, from Southampton
I've had a few beers, and I have since ate
Now it's the closure of evening, it's done
I'll watch QT for a while, hear someone
Voice objections, then retire after a
Good day at work, coped with all obstruction
That's why I was happy and needed a
Celebratory drink. And so now for
The end of today, I appreciate
Everything that the universe gives one
So much is good, how can we now concur
That it isn't? It's left down now to fate
What happens, but life means that we've all won

4773 - Baby you can drive your car

Great night out last night at the comedy
Things are back to normal, plus J has got
A car now and it's easier to be
Back quicker. They seemed to know me, but what
Do they know? My face, name, or I've a lot
Of good material out there? Probably not
That yet, though they soon will, I'm on the road
I'm hitting the streets, doing things of note
Coming out of hibernation, the cold
And the closet of comedy foretold
I was worried as time went by I'd be
Too late getting to sleep, things would unfold
Badly in today's workshop, but then we
Were fine, it's done, so wine's being downed, tut tut!!

4772 - Olaf, you bastards!

Going out to a comedy show soon
So as I also need an early night
I'll write this diary entry now, return
Later, straight to bed, meaning that I might
Be able to cope with the alarm's fright
At 7:15 so I'm not late for
An important meeting in which I've quite
A big role. I've prepared, can't do much more
So, for now, time to relax, and guffaw
At Olaf Falafel back in that room
I went to last week with some pals. Tonight
It's with Justyna. The last time before
Tonight was two months ago, when, from June
To mid-July we saw some shows - was great!

4771 - Where are the shows of yesteryear?

Red autumn sky, 7:30, almost
Dark now, but things are OK on the whole
Couldn't drop off last night, I turned and tossed
Quite tired then, but worked well to overhaul
Some work left too long, although quite simple
Fiddly boring shit, didn't understand
How to do it for months into my role
Can't put it off no more, or else smacked hand
Tomorrow there's a comedy night planned
Olaf Falafel, an Edinburgh ghost
Saw him there at the Pear Tree. Wonder will
He do new stuff or just a Fringe rewind?
Watching Corrie, first time in years, I'm lost -
Who are these strangers? Who are these people?

4770 - New feet for the old road

Exercised in the morning, then went out
To see Josephine, first time for a while
The rain had stopped. She knew the place to eat
Pizza Express - voucher, 2 for 1 meal
In her pocket, so although in normal
Times I wouldn't go there, this time we did
For the second day running, a cycle
Event, this time for families. Oxford Road
Was our next stop, new students all around
Walking excitedly up the main street
Of the campus area in similar style
To me in the 80s when that whole ground
Looked so different. Video uploads complete
Ready for new ones to make people smile

4769 - It's only shop and stroll

Spent the morning thinking of film ideas
And writing them with sharpie on a pad
Next Sunday we'll be filming, it's so near
So after that I walked around Salford
Hoping for more ideas as my feet toured
Nothing more came, but it was nice again
To see places I'd previously explored
But forgotten where they were. I went down
Liverpool Street as far as Pendleton
Kept on through Seedley and Weaste, saw the trees
Of Buile Hill Park, then soon realised I could
Reach Eccles, past Hope Hospital, and turned
Left. Soon there, checked out the shops. For my bus
I bought red paper, Now I need cardboard!

4768 - Clown Prince TB

It's Friday night, must stay in and be good
I need to save, and maintain good habits
For a while, the exception's if I could
Spend time with friends making plans, or some dates
But not drinking at home and all that shit
Better to focus on good health and goals
Such as the above, and, when not doing that
Why not read more? I've bought books that could fill
That void. Keep practising the uke, write all
Those silly comedy scenes people would
Be amazed by, cause lots of sides to split
Even more than Brexit, but play the fool
In a similar way to MP, lord
Or advisor in our broke politics

4767 - Exercise 101

Decent night's sleep, felt quite energetic
Enough to do my mat exercises
Also tonight, once more played a mean uke
Playing along to funk and rock classics
No matter how hard, seemed to play with ease
For two hours twenty minutes. In the end
I had to stop. It's getting late and these
Other things need to get done, like send
This sonnet into cyberspace. Defend
The impossible, that's our politics
And Question Time's on later. Laugh at this
Programme, you may as well, as they offend
And interrupt each other, Commons schtick
Brought into once polite TV studios

4766 - Political football

Hard day at work, following a late night
Out at XS Malarkey with some friends
And then when back home, watching the highlights
Of England versus Kosovo, defence
At fault on both sides, but goals made amends
And England won 5-3. Drank quite a bit
Which contributed to my jaded plight
Today, but still managed to do a lot
As one of the many making Brexit
Preparations, although we don't know quite
When, or even if, the confusion ends
The Tory government has failed in its
Bid to hold an election, expedite
Leave with increased numbers in Parliament

4765 - Cogs within cogs

Back in the office. This week, much to do
I'm doing my best, quite liking the challenge
At first, when I took this job, it seemed too
Vague, almost pointless, and that didn't change
How different now, with Brexit being the hinge
On which it's swung around to so busy
Fortunately, I'm learning the vast range
Of internal groups in HMRC
I wasn't aware of previously
When back home, pleased to see that there were new
Likes for Bony Productions Facebook page
That I'd previously kept in secrecy
A silly approach that I've now reviewed
In the evening, I went out with some friends

Tue 10 Sep

4764 - Positive turn of events

Worked at home, the smart meter man cometh
Went out in the rain, Debs the caretaker
Was standing there. She said, for what it's worth
Smart meters only work on the ground floor
I'm on the second floor, two floors higher
This turned out to be true, but he still stayed
Putting new meters in for the future
Meaning my work time was badly delayed
While waiting, uploaded videos I'd made
Onto Facebook, where there had been a dearth
Of new posts by me for six months or more
It's something I'd previously been afraid
To do. But self-analysis gave me strength
To be proactive and overcome fear

Mon 9 Sep

4763 - Circles of squares

Woke up early despite late night last night
Still got a lot done. First, watched Andrew Marr
Amber Rudd, John McDonnell kept me right
Up to date with their views on Brexit. Are
The people round Boris breaking the law
If they don't ask for yet more time to fix
Things? Sajid Javid tried vainly to square
That circle. It will take some clever tricks
By Number 10 to leave before the clocks
Tick past October. I managed to write
More Ed Fringe '20 ideas, even better
Ideas for a second show. BT gets
Angry - a show where I abuse and fight
(Verbally) the audience. Amusing, huh?

4762 - Monty Write On

In all weekend, and after last night's fail -
Or maybe I deserved relaxation? -
Today, Saturday, I spent pretty well
Coming up with ideas that may go in
Next year's show. Such early preparation -
Just shows the Fringe is kind of addictive
The competition gets under your skin
And you want to do better and to give
The next show the best chance, more than you gave
The first, which was nearly a sorry tale
Also watched live football played by England
Who beat Bulgaria 4-0. Yes!!! We won!!
And played my uke just like ringing a bell
Followed by watching some Monty Python

4761 - Born again, died again

A great day at work, progress really being made
Not easy, some people are strange, but me
I just go on and wade through it, and played
It pretty well this week, showed I can be
Taken not as a joke but seriously
I wasn't born yesterday, I can fight
My corner and come through. I am slightly
Disappointed with myself, default flight
Into self-isolation, weakness quite
Typical, got to rise above my staid
Normality, must grow, maturity
Still not achieved, I still feel like a kite
Unable to stay in the sky, I played
A bad hand, got to try harder to be

4760 - The old country

Visited Vee in Ancoats to give her
The scarf from Edinburgh that I had bought
(At her request!). There two and a half hours
And walked home. Not much more now to report
Ate a late tea, watched TV, and I caught
The latest boring non-Brexit news and
Now it's colour film from the war they fought
In the forties. The countryside looks grand
So much beauty lost, the trees and green ground
Makes me nostalgic for my childhood years
When we could always walk for such a short
Distance to find wild brambles and fields, hands
Picking berries for jam. Then the super-
markets were new and fewer on the street

4759 - Winehouse of Commons

Too tired to do dating websites tonight
Or networking on social media
Simply read a few pages, fairly light
Of a book on wine - quotes and trivia
Then History of Scotland (Neil Oliver)
On the TV, concluding that series
Strangely, with James VI becoming the
Heir to the English Tudor royal rulers
What about the rebellions, enclosures
Until Queen Anne it was still separate. Right
Up to date, back to Brexit bullshit. A
General election bid hits the buffers
As Labour abstain. They don't want to fight
For power until Brexit's killed or neutered

4758 - Find me find me find me

Gone colder - I'm now actually sitting here
With a jumper on, first time for a while
And Josephine's back to school, September
The fourth (tomorrow), or college it's styled?
I've messaged her to ask, adding a smile
From an emoji, but it's really me!
After this, the next thing that I think I'll
Do is 'surf the net' (old phraseology?)
Research the best ways and places for me
To find partners. I need them, it is clear
Even if I think I don't, why not trial
It until someone good turns up, maybe
On the net, or maybe at events where
Like-minded women go that extra mile

4757 - Pictures of Silly Show

Felt much better today, much more alert
Caught up with all the issues in August
While I've been away, all that has occurred
And caught up with the guy to whom I'm boss
Restoring good relations where the frost
Had started to set in before I went
Even had time for video uploads
It took over an hour, but I couldn't
Have done it at home, cos the internet
Signal's so weak. All on Dropbox now, but
Still need to upload some to YouTube, post
The best stuff to my website, and to hunt
Down women and friends. Yes I can do it!
Just imagining it gives me a boost!

4756 - The X files

As usual, with any IT task that
I attempt, it's slow and painful and hard
But my Ed Fringe and Milan pics are sat
On Dropbox and my PC files. Forward
To the next step on my to-do list thought
Up yesterday, which so relieved my mind
Making me see that finally I ought
To think and act positively and kind
And that next step, part of being less blind
To how much I need others, is to put
Some recent pics on a website, the thought
Being to find a mate from womankind
Yes, it's exciting, and why should I wait?
I've worked hard, now it's time for my reward