3423 - Stormy weather

A shortened day at work, so few were in
That there was nothing much to do, but I
Answered a query needed answering
And ensured all was OK, not in my
Normal office due to floods. On Monday
The 4th of January we will see
If by then Ralli Quays is again dry
Meanwhile Storm Frank has caused some misery
Ireland and Scotland particularly
It won't help the SNP, this flooding
People will wonder how if the Scots fly
The British nest they'll afford what must be
A costly flood control programme. Going
Out for a drink, then home for year's bye bye

3422 - Strange desks

Now for today, spent most of it not in
The usual office at Ralli Quays, but
In Albert Bridge House, because of flooding
Meaning there's no water supply, yes, wet
Conditions have meant there's nothing to put
In your teacup, and washing of hands is
Out, so we can't stay there. Last two days, sat
At a strange desk on the 3rd floor of this
Tall old building that may not last for years
Even took pictures from the top floor, rain-
Soaked vistas, though no severe downpour dropped
Upon us (yet). Which God should we appease?
Jehovah? Allah? Or maybe, Mammon?
Got home with no soaking, so thanks a lot!

3421 - The fifth day of Christmas

This rain goes on and on, next it's Storm Frank
Set to victimise the north once again
With downpours and floods, rivers bursting banks
Who'd live in central York now? It is plain
That it's far from over, incessant rain
Caused by global warming. Where are the snows
Of yesteryear? The temperature has gained
Too many degrees, and now no-one knows
Whether ever again a winter freeze
Will revisit like an old friend we'd thank
For stopping by once in a while. We'd spend
More on heating, yes, as the cold wind blows
But instead, daffodils bloom, and new lambs
Are born in December at the year's end

Tue 29 Dec

3420 - The fourth day of Christmas

I am completing this sonnet Monday
While watching the football highlights again
Having read earlier on, The Fall, and Joy
Division, Kevin Cummins' book, Martin
Hannett, these names have passed into legend
What about Martin Rushent, what about
The UK, not just Manchester, but then
We all appreciate the in and out
Time and place, please forgive me, and don't shout
Say what you like, it isn't quite fair play
Saw Man United draw with Chelsea, can
Rationalise it, Man U just cannot
Win, even against Chelsea, not today
A few pints downed at Salford Arms with John

Mon 28 Dec

3419 - The third day of Christmas

I felt sorry for Josie yesterday
Closing her door with a tear in her eye
Her mum was in pyjamas, was too shy
To show herself, hid behind the door - why?
Also, I felt she went home too early
Hadn't had enough fun at Christmas, so
I rang her (waking her up), said that we
Could make up for her disappointment, go
Into Manchester, what she likes to do
And then spend more time back in Vera's flat
And play a football quiz I bought for Louis
And see more of Lola the Cat, mad-eyed
Funny feline. Hopefully cheered up, new
Hope inside, think it worked. Ending the day
Watching Derby go top, guitar, whisky!

3418 - The second day of Christmas

Back home after a long walk in the rain
Began the day at Mum's with an omelette
With cheese and mushrooms, I couldn't complain
Said so long to her and Rob and then set
Off in the hired blue VW, got
To Wilmslow soon enough, invited in
Gave Jo her boots, she put 'em on, looked hot
Then drove to near Vee's flat, parked, and had fun
Handing out presents and cards. Next, consumed
Pizzas aplenty, West Didsbury, gained
More pix, quips, arguments, gossip, and ate
Starters, pizzas, dessert. Turned my lights on
Realised I'd been driving with fog lights, strained
To see ahead! To Vee's flat, then my flat

Sat 26 Dec

3417 - The first day of Christmas

Another Christmas Day, and very wet
So no walks outside this year, stuck inside
But we all got along, got up quite late
Porridge at first, then more breakfast, now fried
Seems like most of the day some music played
On TV festive stuff, accompanying
Our day, no need to play games, wrapped a tide
Of presents for tomorrow when I bring
My 3 kids together for a Boxing
Day meet-up and meal which is usually great
In the evening, my mum hurt my insides
By making me keep on and on eating
When I just wanted beer. There's Bailey's, but
Gonna watch now how Dad's Army was made

Fri 25 Dec

3416 - The first day of Christmas, minus one

Went in to work, not many people there
At lunchtime did late shopping for presents
The rain had stopped, mild for the time of year
Got good gifts from Oklahoma, offence
Given to none, cos they're all good gifts since
I spent a bit more this year. Also bought
Some booze and snacks for us all here at Mum's
Four of the six beer bottles are all poured
Out and gone. Still got some wine left though, but
Then NOTHING! Still, Boxing Day could repair
To shops in the car, and fetch home some drinks
But first, Christmas Day, I wonder just what
There'll be under the tree from Rob and Ma
Plenty of snacks, and even merriment!

Thur 24 Dec

3415 - Be nice to each other!

Madness, utter madness. Life is so mad
The madder the better, but no violence
Or hatred please, let's just be nice and glad
To be alive, appreciate each chance
Of happiness, though some crave divergence
From that, unhappy themselves, try to screw
Your own hard-won equilibrium, since
They haven't yet worked out how they should do
Life's hard breaks, they project it onto you
Denying responsibility, add
Their frustration to you, but instead hence
They should play their part, be a social glue
Prove they are nice, temptation to be bad
Denied for all's sake, you know it makes sense

3414 - Guitar free comedy

Another comedy night at King's Arms
I was quite pissed before I turned up there
Three bottles of high-strength beer mingled forms
In my stomach, altering what aware
I had a pint of orange squash once there
But then another pint. It wasn't bad
The Christmas night, some were dressed as Santa
When it came to me, I was somewhat sad
But it went OK, a few laughs were had
Many folk were there in the snug, disarmed
Most knew the score but some were unaware
I sang songs without guitar, cos it had
Seemed unnecessary to lug, harm-
less as it turned out. maybe in new year?

3413 - Rehearsal room for improvement

A stressful day at work, made worse by shit-
Heads, one in particular. It's colder
Than last few days. When I got home I did
Exercises, then played prog on guitar
Can rock those solos better and better
Still room for improvement though, and the key
Is daily practice, keep it regular
Now it's Arsenal / Manchester City
A crucial title battle, no Chelsea
Competing this year, Mourinho's been ditched
And finally the drop looms for Villa
Not sure if I'll rehearse for comedy
Tony Bastard debuts tomorrow night
Maybe I'll think about it all later

3412 - Old, new, borrowed and blues

Today, stayed inside, but for recycling
Old beer bottles and fish finger packets
The weather was better, saw no raining
What have I done? Mainly playing records
Some not heard for donkey's years, since student's
Times or not long after. Vinyl era
Was dead soon after that, then long cassette
Selections and compilations were the
Thing, freely taped from the ghetto blaster
Tuned to John Peel, the charts, or some such thing
It was creative, make your own records
On tape, which could be listened to on a
Stroll round town, bicycle ride, or jogging
Borrowed discs from libraries, and taped old hits

3411 - Bootiful Christmastime

A late night last night, went to bed at 4
A great meal at Lunya with Derm and Nance
Mad Friday was OK, it wasn't too
Crowded, at least not in our restaurant
By the time we came out the night had calmed
Down somewhat. The Salford Arms our last stop
As for today, bought Jo's Christmas present
Timberland boots, nice light brown colour, top-
Looking footwear. Ate at our usual stop:
Rowntree, no gammon. Then did a grand tour
Of Manchester's Christmas markets, a chance
To show Jo what they're like, despite raindrops
Bought a Christmas church, lit interior
Added to my Yuletide decorations

Sat 19 December

3410 - Mad Friday madness

Mad Friday's here, and after work I went
Across town through the crowds to Avis car
Hire, sorting out my Christmas car - will spend
Around a hundred and fifty quid there
Collecting it a whole two days before
Christmas, and returning on Boxing Day
I then walked back to Salford, collecting a
Parcel from Claire and Tom (such a long way!)
And soon I'll walk to town for Mad Friday
Part two, a few drinks and meal with two friends
Dermot and Nancy. There'll be a packed bar
Or two no doubt, they'll all be packed out. They
All pile in, all mad, 300,000
Of them, according to the newspaper!

3409 - Still yawning

Somewhat over-the-top post yesterday
Ahem, I was drinking beer, had had wine
Earlier. In vino veritas, maybe
Or just in vino nonsensus and scorn
Bit of both perhaps. It's boring though when
The women only speak to women, though
There were a couple of odd exceptions
They claim to like men but I wonder, do
They? Men, not just this man, I mean. So few
Treat us men with the same respect that they
Show each other. It's simply sexism.
They think we're just a joke, maybe it's true
But if so, stuff 'em, I'll be on my way
Soon anyway, they'll miss me when I'm gone

3408 - People (yawn)

A terrible works night out, so boring
You try your best but they just won't have it
Thank goodness, long gone are when I'm caring
I know that the friendliness means jack shit
But why not at least have a laugh, they flit
From arsehole to arsehole, bore to bore, and
Try to paint you as inferior, but is
It all bullshit, yes, probably, I can't
Be bothered, don't care, let them all pretend
I feel fine in spite of their bullshitting
So funny, I used to care 'bout this shit
Now I see people as trying to defend
Themselves, not being open, offering
Anything, okay, bye bye then, shove it

3407 - Tracks of my beers

Pub quiz night tonight, but before I go
I'll write this, and I'll convert one more disc
The next vinyl record I'll turn into
A digital audio file is a mix
Of mainly eighties John Peel session tracks
What on earth is that racket from next door?
Sounds like they've got their sound system on max
With some computer game, tremendous roar
And rumble, repetitive noise, a bore
To listen to it, but I won't have to
When I put that disc on, and then I'll nix
It even better by going out for
That quiz in West Didsbury by yellow
Tram (to Burton Road). But what will be asked?

3406 - Spice world

A long, important day reaching its end
The day of my interview, promotion
The goal, can't believe I'm back there again
After all these years, feel renewed, upon
An upward curve, a positive vibe, and
Nobody can stop it, life can be good
If you choose to make it so, don't depend
On others, just try to do all you could
It's what makes you happy, though it is hard
Sometimes, but challenges can make each bend
Of the road exciting, stimulation
Like not knowing where you will rest your head
That's the spice of life, time precious to lend
Much better than safety, routine, humdrum

3405 - Infernal view

I've still not prepared for my interview
Tomorrow. If I have a look tonight
Jot down a few things, tips on how to do
Them, that's a start, but also I must quite
Get down pat what I'll say about my great
Work of recent years, handicapped by one
Of the panel being an ex-boss who thought
Not highly of me. Even if I've gone
And done a good interview, he may ruin
It for me, not accepting it's all true
Even if it is, those he's not had sight
Of previously in his career doing fine
Though they may prove average if they get through
If I fall at this hurdle, I won't quit

3404 - Where have all the flower shops gone?

A rainy day and then some here in Man-
chester, forget the cliches, this was bad
Saturday Christmas shoppers going on
Determined, hoods up, umbrellas deployed
Stallholders keeping it going, afraid
That the downpour might dampen their profits
No need to worry, he must be obeyed
The God of Santa, keeping up spirits
I searched in vain in the rain, coat so wet
For a flower shop, where have they all gone?
Back home, mission impossible indeed
Couldn't arrange online either, seems it's
Gonna be last-minute ordering to send
A bouquet to Doreen's funeral (so sad)

3403 - Write now

Friday evening, staying in but it's fun
Popped to the cafe after work to write
Some Tony Bastard ideas, and I done
Four pages mate, old-fashioned pen in flight
On old-fashioned paper, makes me feel quite
Old-fashioned meself, but maybe I am
But nobody can tell me I ain't bright
My wit will prevail, bam, then again, bam
Knock out my many opponents like lambs
To the slaughter. Know it's not an even
Playing field, acting classes, cliques and shite
But I have to admit, althouigh I am
A good writer and thinker, still I done
Bad performances. Need to get it right...

3402 - From out of the shit

Woke early, lay in bed almost an hour
Got to work early, with my eyes aching
The usual banter with Farah, Emma
And the rest, but I had to get cracking
Do the minutes from yesterday's meeting
I didn't get them all done, things crop up
Don't think I was AWOL, going shopping
I was at my desk, only break was soup
Need to plan my interview, or fuck up
After last night's farce, had a new idea
Just now, new comedy undertaking
And all there in the name I just thought up -
Tony Bastard! Welcome, hope you devour
Audiences and other foes with your sting!

3401 - Wank you very much

What a tiring day, finishing in rage
A hard day's work, chairing a tough meeting
Then to see Tom George I went to engage
At the Tiger Lounge, while volunteering
To do some of my new jokes been writing
While on my travels back in Germany
OK they weren't all classics, but I brung
A long list of good jokes and puns. Tuesday
Tony, the host, had previous, because he
Had cut me short last time on his mean stage
Back in August, not been back since, but being
As Tom was there, fought back tiredness to play
Out and watch him, and do my jokes, but sage
TT killed me off again. Time-wasting...

3400 - No show at the comedy a-go go

First full day home, and back to work again
Very busy and new crises afoot
Trying to catch up, and preparation
For tomorrow's workshop, things got quite hot
In fact I still felt cross later that night
As I was walking past crowds all lining
Up to watch a shit musical, a tight
Look on my face, my patience short. A young
Man stopped me - it was Lukas. Not going
To the King's Arms tonight? Usually I'm game
But tonight, I decided it could wait
Heading to Lou's flat for an exciting
Night's European football. City won
Sterling and Bony both scored. Alors, zut!

3399 - Hamburg Day 6

The final day, basically getting home
From Rugen to Hamburg and Manchester
Nice breakfast in the hotel, was alone
Then a girl from Hamburg, chatted to her
Down the hill to the station, woman there
Was really helpful, saved me big money
Told me to save by waiting one more hour
Sat in the winter sun waiting for my
Train from Bergen to Rostock, changed to the
Hamburg train, the weather really went down
But no matter, my holiday's over
Just need to catch the flight home. Happily
I got to the gate in sufficient time
Now I'm home, settled in, memories to share

3398 - Hamburg Day 5

Woken up earlier than I intended
Because of noisy peeps in dormitory
So had an early breakfast and threaded
My way through Rostock's streets, still quite empty
And an earlier train to Rugen for me
Bergen auf Rugen's the name of the place
No time to see the white chalk cliffs, sadly
A chance that time will likely not replace
In December the crowds would've been sparse
But never mind, it's cold, time's defeated
Me, and am tired, hotel room solitary
But one more Christmas market, one more wurst
This afternoon drank brandy, dozed on bed
Then a nice Chinese meal, treat just for me

Sun 6 December

3397 - Hamburg Day 4

Quite early train from Hamburg to Lubeck
Carrying my bag, I walked around that town
Daytime Christmas markets, churches, a drag
I missed the Rostock train by 5 minutes
Sat reading for 2 hours in the station
Luckily I'm enjoying my Chandler
From Rostock station, caught the tram, and found
The Jellyfish Hostel with no bother
Then looked around festive markets once more
Ate a bratwurst, banana, and milk drink
Chatted to Patrick and Phil, hostel men
In the cold, over cigarettes and beer
It's quiet, though the hostel's fully booked
Another bottle, then I'll settle down

Sat 5 December

3396 - Hamburg Day 3

Second full day in Hamburg, big breakfast
Set me up for the day, like yesterday
For 6 euros I got an all-day pass
And rode two railway stops to Sternschanze
From there walked all the way to Altona
Via St Pauli, stopped at the Fischmarkt
Then rode out further to Blankenese
Then to the Landungsbrucken 5 to start
The St Pauli tour at 2. Hopped on board
A boat with the group, and luckily, just
In time, Wang Yu turned up, good company
For me well after the tour finished. Good
Walk around the grotto, funfair, and last
Of all, gluhwein together, saw the sleigh...

Fri 4 December

3395 - Hamburg Day 2

First full day in Hamburg, a big breakfast
Started Raymond Chandler's 'Little Sister'
Read til 10:30, then walked, not too fast
Along Monchebergstrasse, to the square
To Starbucks opposite the Rathaus, where
The free guided tour began. It was fun
Well-hosted by a guy with a big stare
From South Africa, he was called Kalvin
He even knew Lichfield and Stoke-on-Trent
Met a nice girl from Vienna (there last
May!), and a Chinese actress. Me and her
And her friend will meet tomorrow at ten
And get the train to somewhere to the west
A concentration camp, and Altona

Thur 3 December

3394 - Hamburg Day 1

First day of my travels in Germany
The Generator Hostel in Hamburg
Already seen the Christmas market, tree
Rathaus, people, gluhwein, and all, dot.org
I'm no Christmas fan, but I'm no Cyborg
So it was a most enjoyable sight
Like watching Jimmy Connors play Bjorn Borg
Memories of Malmo, all lit up at night
But this time it's Germany shining light
Looking forward to touring the city
Tomorrow at 11 at Starbucks
After that, I'll know my way around, quite
Now I'm reading, writing, drinking, happy
I love indulging the travelling bug

Wed 2 December

3393 - Flying low

My last post before going to Germany
Excitement mounts in my head now, even
Finished Catch-22 in a frenzy
So I could take another book within
My bag. I've chosen a less heavy one
It's 'The Little Sister' (Raymond Chandler)
Like Catch-22, lent from Pearl, Swindon
A smallish book suitable for the air
Journey, or the airport. And also there
In my bag's my 'Instant German' trusty
Guide to the teutonic tongue. Hamburg, when
I get there, hope to eat a hamburger
And post a pic on Twitter, ha ha hee
So bye for now, see you in days seven!