4391 - Chat-anooga choo choo

A fun Friday at work, chat aplenty
But still worked on revising some guidance
If you're bothered, it's Notice 184a
Tied oil public notice. It was real pants
But when I'm done, it's gonna be the prince
Of notices, but then they'll abolish
Them anyway. Time moves with quick footprints
It's boots head for the sea, sleep with the fish
Meanwhile, did not need to eat liquorice
Today in the office, Sonia bought three
Irresistible munchy treats that hands
Had to grab and force down throats, so delish
Choc fingers, Jaffa cakes, made up for the
Theft of our sweets the night before, so thanks!

4390 - Sorted, mint

Woke early and felt energised and fit
Put in a long day, could have stayed longer
Did 55 press-ups, and then a great
Uke session. Feels like I'm getting better
Can even play Borodin without a
Single bit of rehearsal. That's well cool
Now what do I do? Maybe a beer
Is in order and deserved. Eaten well
A late tea, with refreshing mint leaves all
Scattered, but it's all used up now. I got
Some food for tomorrow from a cheaper
Shop - Home Bargains! Panda liquorice for
89p... Yet Holland & Barrett
Sell it for £2.50...!! That's not fair!!

4389 - Red fails in the sunset

The red chalk washed out fully this morning
My hair returning to normal colour
Great news, I can implement my scheming
To jazz up my boring hair. A shower
Will wash it out easily soon after
Although it's made a mess of my pillow
I'll put a towel on that in future
Or shower before bed - you never know
Anyway, last night's unexpected show
Means I haven't done enough practising
Songs for the White Lion open mic affair
On Thursday - that's tomorrow now! Might go
And do comedy though, by relying
On the set I did up in Edinburgh

4388 - One more red night-hair

Nice to see Helen and back to work again
After the bank holiday washout's done
After that I experimented on
My hair, used chalk, made it red, bit of fun
Then Dave got in touch, said are you goin'
To the King's Arms, and I was quite surprised
So I went with red hair. They're acceptin'
It pretty quickly, I noted, so wised
Up about this, I see the distant prize
Of lookin' interesting is not beyond
Achievability for this old son
Should I go into work like this or prise
The colour out my hair in the mornin'?
We'll see if I can be bothered quite soon

4387 - Bowel of laughs

Not yet applied to Leicester Festival
Laziness, procrastination and fear
I hope to do it next though. I've got all
My papers ready on the table here
What type of show, I need to consider
And even worse, do I have suitable
Footage of any recent shows to share
With the promoters? No. It's laughable
I'm so bad at self-marketing. It's hell
But no-one likes doing it, and they still
Do it because they have to. Persevere
My lad, gird your loins, prepare for battle!
It isn't scary sending an email!
Better to try and fail than not, d'you hear?

4386 - Leicester tester

A quiet day although got some stuff done
I decided to write a comedy
Sketch inspired by news stories about nuns
Who'd been arrested for repeatedly
Abusing kids in their care home, and the
Idea led on to funny observations
Written, as first draft guidance says should be,
Without too much thought or hesitations
Bought a CD, Johnny Guitar Watson
On Amazon, then sought lyrics to songs
I fancy doing covers of shortly
Browsing on Facebook, was alarmed at some
Leicester Festival comments - not got one
Decent showreel, no gigs, agent … fuck me!

4385 - Jingle jangle jungle

A great lie-in, woke at six, then drifted
Til eight, I always feel good when I drift
In and out lots of times, my restless lids
Open and shut, open and shut, a lift
To energy levels. Put in a shift
Of uke-mania this morning - on fire,
I was, cos I was fresh, my fingers skipped
Around, hopefully strengthened by rubber
Balls, rings and elastic bands, stretching the
Fingers and thumbs, squeezing hard as I could
Strength and dexterity helped as I gripped
The uke and made it rock!! Slight disaster
Missed a pub crawl, the others all seemed hid
So bought a tambourine - comedy gift!

4384 - Amazing Journey

Life is an amazing journey, for sure
But only while we're alive does it count
So do what you can while you're on its shore
Because before long, the tide's sure to mount
And overcome you, and then you'll have drowned
It has no feelings, only you care, so
Focus only on your brief enjoyment
I've done that as much as I can, also
I've brought others in who might somehow grow
From my existence. But it don't matter
They must make their own way that they have found
Just like I did and still do, ride the flow
We shouldn't criticise the natural law
Be thankful for all of this sight and sound

4383 - Mr Fingers

A fun day where I booked a real good flat
In Berlin, in trendy Kreuzberg district
Me and Helen looking forward to that
Better location I could not have picked
Finally some happy boxes are ticked
Got home, didn't feel like exercising
Should have done really - what a lazy prick!
But at least shortly I will be using
My kit for finger and wrist strengthening
While watching TV, on my sofa sat
Shame that last night the habit wasn't kicked
Of drinking beer, fags accompanying
But I'd not done it for some time. Congrats
Not due. This habit I have to restrict

4382 - Hairdresser slightly smouldering

A fun day working with Sonia, then I
Went for a haircut, avoiding rain, just
Good chat with John the hairdresser, fun guy
(Well not really), but he was quite impressed
When I said 'Keep the change' - that was the first
Time I've tipped any of them. I was hot
In that barber's chair under the cape - it's
Been a cloudy but humid day. It's not
Looking like a return to what we got
From May to July, a heatwave. Bye bye
Summer sun, autumn's blowing from the coast
And heading our way. I'm an idiot
I'm thinking beer and fags, I miss the high
Yet my health's improved without them both, trust...

4381 - Love and Pride

It's just about dark as nine approaches
Listening to Tuesday night Championship
Football games on the radio. Derby's
Struggling again, at Pride Park, playing Ip-
swich. Frank Lampard's first managerial blip
Disturbed by the sex-mad neighbours again
Last night, about 1 a.m. Hope they slip
Out of the bed and knock themselves out when
They next resume their torrid horrid din
Bedsprings creaking is what reaches my ears
It starts off slow and regular, speeds up
Then settles down. But it's so late, often
If only it was in the evening hours
But no, they wake me from my night's dream trip

4380 - Food for chorts

Felt great this morning, but as the day went
On, felt tired, accumulated tiredness
From five long days in Edinburgh. Won't
Have a late night tonight, back to my best
Is the aim. I'm not far off. Who'd have guessed
I could go on at midnight, do so well
Well I've got stamina, I passed that test
Many times before in many ways. Full
Of greens tonight, at last, my tea a pile
Of peas and spinach. Though I didn't spend
Much on food up there, my diet was gross
At times, eating at Greggs twice. Not a deal
In the long run. If I do a show, can't
Live like that for a month, I'd be a mess

4379 - Edinburgh Day 5 - Stick Out The Jams

Weather gone to shit, dour, rainy and wet
Made the coach from Edinburgh to Glasgow
But the Glasgow to Manchester coach hit
Technical problems, breaking down, then slow
Progress, with traffic jams from the Lakes to
The big cities to the south. It's Sunday
And it's August, and the weekend is through
It's the end of many a trip away
As for mine to the Fringe, I am happy
How it went. Learned a lot. There's really hot
Competition for punters, but lots go
To watch a show, and not having to pay
Much to be entertained is a real treat
For them, if your show's good - so make it so!!

4378 - Edinburgh Day 4 - To be Frank

Saw more shows. Firstly, Mr Hennessy
Upstairs at Bar Bados about lunchtime
Next, Jew-o-Rama. Four comics pleased me
One played a uke, Hitler name-dropped oft-times
Missed a show, so had lunch. Haggis was fine
The next show that I caught, it was Dave Green
Wearing a green T-shirt - clothes choice sublime
Then, Musical Comedy Showcase in
The Globe Bar, Frank Sinazi headlining
And then, Church of Phil, unfortunately
It's now approaching my final showtime
As guest of Tom's Comedy Shorts. A keen
Saturday night crowd. Generated glee
Toe dipped into the Fringe. Had a great time!

Sat 18 Aug

4377 - Edinburgh Day 3 - The pie who I didn't love

Today was mainly about seeing shows
The first one was Tom Short and Tom Little
Time was short to see Tony Law. My toes
Took me quickly to the Monkey Barrel
About 4.15, it was time to fill
My face cheaply at Greggs, with two pies that
I didn't even like. Sauce makes me ill
Keep eating this shit and I would get fat
A month here would need a healthy diet
Two average Irish comedians, then chose
To see Canadian comedian Glenn Wool
Rushed to catch Tom and Josh, Hanover Street
(A hard gig), then rehearsed my stuff, which goes
Down very well, I'm pleased to say - real well!!

Fri 17 Aug

4376 - Edinburgh Day 2 - I'm Better You Bet

Although I only had about 5 hours
Sleep, today I felt massively better
Some of it's adrenalin, gives you powers
But somehow today I felt much fitter
Scotch egg and cheese for breakfast, then put a
Spring in my step to meet Carla, Mandy
Also. We saw Seymour Mace. Ace titters
I worked on my material with coffee
To keep me going, and cordial to be
Rehydrated and well. Walked round the towers
And castles of Edinburgh for a
While. Popped back to the flat, ukulele
Collected. Saw Paul Currie, then I was
Rehearsing for my gig. Did good patter!

Thur 16 Aug

4375 - Edinburgh Day 1 - The long and winding day

Woke at 3.30, alarm set for 4
Just time to get dressed, eat, and catch the bus
At 5:05 from central Manchester
To Edinburgh. Changed at Glasgow. Was
Not as wet as I'd feared. With little pause
For rest, followed Tom, mine host, round the town
As he helped various mates with numerous shows
So many hopefuls trying to play the clown
Competing for an audience, figures down
On midweek's 'Black Wednesday.' Teatime pasta
With Tom and a good group of improv-ers
(Improv comedy troupe). My own slot, round
Midnight, so late, so tired. Can do better
Having some energy would be a plus!

Wed 15 Aug

4374 - Get up, get on up, I feel like being a slapstick machine

Writing this early on Tuesday evening
Got to be ready for Edinburgh
Early start tomorrow. Done my packing
Even wrote a song, can practice on the
Bus up there tomorrow from Manchester
5 am start, fer Gawd's sake, what is that?
Gonna be really knackered, that's for sure
Hopefully, some sleep on the bus to start
Then some rehearsal as we go up nort'
The weather ain't gonna be good - raining
Looks most likely. I've packed my umbrella
I'd rather stay dry, don't care if a twat
Is what I resemble as I'm walking
Along the Royal Mile, sampling atmosphere

4373 - Tony Be Good

Definitely got a cold, not severe
That's why I've felt not quite right last few days
That means I'm dehydrated, so no beer
Must take it easy as Edinburgh nears
Need mental and physical faculties
To be in full working order so I
Can enjoy it, do my spots, see others
And learn lots about it so I might try
For a show next year, not pie in the sky
My focus should be on that, and so here
Tonight I must be good, just blow my nose
Read a bit more, watch TV. Right now my
TV's got a Brexit debate. 'We're 'clear'
They say, but they're not, so don't use that phrase

4372 - Eddie Lizard

Woke early for a Sunday, mainly read
This daft David Icke conspiracy book
About ancient gods all being the same god
Religions, like wars, made up by the Black
Nobility (Phoenicians) and a pack
Of white Aryans, with lizards in control
Of course he believes that Shakespeare wrote fuck
All of his plays, the guy could barely spell
He suggests Francis Bacon wrote them all
When I was at school, they said Holinshed
(A historian) was the main source, he took
A lot from there. Today I ate my fill
Four or five meals were stuffed into my head
Did no comedy work, but played my uke

4371 - Cat-a-clysm

Sunny morning but a gloomy evening
Safely back home though, so don't really care
Doing my best to resist more drinking
Think I'll succeed, just don't want to go there
It's lazy and expensive, why bother?
Been out with Josie Wosie and we tried
A new place, Evelyn's, we'd not been before
Long wait, but nice staff. We both had eggs (fried)
Watercress, and something weird, shoelace fries
The main thing being medium rare steak, tasting
And looking pretty good. Had hoped to share
Some time in Cat Café with cats that lie
All around on cushions. Couldn't get in
A two hour wait was too long. Oh, despair!!!

4370 - Lizard joint

Been a bit achey today, warding off
An infection I think, need to stay clean
Hard though that is on Friday night, yeah, bruv
But I must make it, remain determined
This David Icke book is proving a scream
The royal family is a lizard race
Not Diana though. That's why she was deemed
Fit to bump orf, I guess. Wills, Harry, they's
Lizards, I take it, Dave? All these theories
From Yank acid freaks do seem to derive
'UFO researchers' are his reading
Matter. Inaccuracy don't seem to faze
Our Dave. Must play uke soon, because I love
It and want to improve, keep improving...

4369 - Body doubled

Nice lunch with Helen at Beastro, made up
Hopefully we'll sort out the trip quite soon
I had some filling steak, full to the top
Struggled with work rest of the afternoon
Managed to stay til four, then I was done
I somehow forgot at teatime that I
Had eaten that meal, and I filled a pan
With a pile of more food. Just habit, my
Son. How did I find room. Sausages. Fried?
No, cooked in the oven, though I did pop
Some mushrooms in the frying pan. Balloon
Of stomach ensured, an expanding guy
Like Steely Dan, or Bad Manners, hip hop's
Biggie Smalls, Giant Haystacks, Man on the Moon...

4368 - Eat my sausage

The weather improved, the evening OK
Got beers in, listened to music, felt good
We'll see if others are like what they say
If not, I'll carry on just like I should
Not my problem what they do or couldn't
Life is fine with music and thoughts and heart
If they haven't got that, why on earth should
I give a toss? Great uke session, caught light
Did exercises, fifty press-ups, ought
To feel good, and I do. Then for my tea
Sausages, not healthy, but it's still food
Must be two years since last had them, I thought
Had healthy greens alongside them, and they
Offset the badness. In reasonable mood...

4367 - Uke a not be serious

Bloody tired for some reason. Got OK
Night's sleep, did some work at work, fairly tough
But not all that hard really. Shall I play
The uke, can I be bothered? Find some stuff
On Spotify to play, I've got enough
But first (after this) think I'll cook my tea
Second half of that quiche looks good. First half
Was last night, fed by non-sobriety
On the warm early evening balcony
After that, there's a match - Derby away
At Oldham in the League Cup. Think I'll have
To tune into BBC6 Marc Riley
For a session that's due. Meanwhile I may
Finish 'An Equal Music' - hope no bluff

4366 - It's all good, lol

Oh well, it's been a good day, got a new
Flatmate, at least that's how it seems, she is
From Korea, mutual liking too
She's already paid the deposit, she's
A good un, so that's sorted, now that biz
Is done I can relax, had beers, now I
Will cook a late tea. I got quiche
Just in time to watch TV. But just why
Can't people be nice? It's a mystery
It's all good now, people do what they do
They fuck things up, let them, I do what is
Necessary, and it works out for me
I don't care if they can't cope. I'll renew
Myself and my life, look for happiness

4365 - There goes the sun

How did I fail to sunbathe? I don't know
I heard today was gonna be all sun
So I had a busy morning, tried to
Clean the flat, read the news, listened to some
Albums on Spotify, such as the one
By Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs, then Rush
Then The Strokes' Comedown Machine, then took from
The fridge some soup. But clouds had gathered much
To my chagrin, felt like I'd missed the bus
By the time it cleared again, the shadow
Had encroached too far, and my space taken
By a woman in black. Man City bossed
The Community Shield game. Who would go
Against them as champions? Just Mr Dumb!

4364 - Bartleby Gone

A fairly cloudy start, glorious finish
Bodes well for tomorrow, I'd like to think
Some sunbathing's what I want, diminished
Opportunities remain as we sink
Towards the autumn, berries ripening
Today me and Jo went to Hebden Bridge
It was hot, crowded and fairly boring
To be fair, but we found a nice refuge
In a small café garden, the sun's huge
Power peeping over the roof, lavished
Us with timely rays. Without time to blink
Bart's fled the flat, keys left, I hold no grudge
As Nina Simone might say with flourish
The football season's back. Good luck to Frank!

4363 - Closer to the heart

Oh dear, oh dear, although I might be bad
Some others are worse, as time only shows
I'm gonna get on with my life, it's good
Don't want to be polluted by others
I hope they're happy, though I doubt they is
Not my problem, time's precious, make the most
Of it, concentrate, try to do my best
Focus on what I like, I never boast
Nothing to boast about, never can coast
The next year or two are mine, can't be bored
Or tied up or down, distracted. I've closed
My open heart, fate dictates, so I've lost
Again, that's fine, but still happy inside
I'll take the world on, no-one can oppose...

4362 - Shower power

It's been a bloody hard week, well except
For Wednesday which I took off, though I had
A good comedy night, Tuesday, and kept
The beer flowing nice and late. It was hard
But rewarding, acting teacher and bard
Three 90 minute creative writing
Classes, all well-received I think, some good
Things came out of them, and encouraging
Some to pursue it at home, or looking
To join a writing group, perhaps. I dropped
To the floor, did exercises, worried
About my upper right arm, but feeling
Fine, so I'm back on track for developed
Muscles! Now a power shower's needed!

4361 - Mirth of the cool

A pleasant restful day off with Josie
Accompanying her to get her brace
Fitted, which was a short walk to Edgeley
From Stockport station. Walked at a slow pace
Cos we were early. Then we had a taste
Of award-winning fish and chips nearby
Then train to Manchester, Afflecks Palace
She bought a top for her pal. Meanwhile I
Bought some cool blue sunglasses, building my
Different coloured shades collection nicely
Thinking 'bout Edinburgh. Met Lukas
In town, showed him my new shades. I think my
Act next year should feature a painted me
Wearing not a lot. The aim - to amaze!!!