3331 - Bathtime!

Sorry for my drunk post late yesterday
I had four pints while out, then drank Stella
Got so drunk I fell in the bath on way
To toilet, and couldn't climb out, stuck there
For about five minutes, it wasn't fair!
But today turned out well, not only fun
But got advice about writing better
Competencies on job application
Which I sent in while talking to Helen
I now feel more confident, know how they
Like these things to be written, how to score
More points. Will it be good enough? Well when
I know, I'll let you know. Spose I could pray!
And now, just saw City beat Borussia

3330 - Make of this what you will

Well well well, well well well, well well well, well
Here we are once again, well it's just me
That's OK cos that's all there is to tell
There's you but this is me, and I'm happy
Are you? You may well be, well, hopefully
Each day is precious, each hour, each minute
If you don't love it,explore urgently
How you might love it, but you're full of shit
And consequently, you are a biscuit
While I'm a cake, nay, a dessert, nay, jell
Y-O, whatever you want me to be
But I'm not constrained by that, so tough shit
You carry on being what people sell
I'll just be me, until eternity

Tue 29 September (written while drunk)

3329 - Water torture

Bad news. The boiler won't come on, because
I can't fill it with water. The tap's jammed
Have messaged Tom the Plumber who's done jobs
Here before. Things aren't going quite as planned
I think the boiler's OK, that's a grand
Or two to replace. New taps are cheaper
I've sent him pictures so he'll understand
The set-up and what's needed. Spent hours
At work trying hard to put together
A draft job application. Some practice
Of this art is useful if I'm to land
Promotion, at least before I retire
That will boost my pension, it's for the best
Though it will be hard work for this 'young man'...!

3328 - Driving north

A good night's sleep on the sofa at Pearl's
(And Stevi's) flat in Swindon, needed that
After a long day shifting heavy girl's
Stuff, especially books, clothes, and tit and tat
Was worried I might do my back in, but
Got away with it. Had intended to
Have breakfast at Sainsburys, but it was shut
So back at the flat, Pearl did toast and two
Fried eggs, yum. Then to Oxford, van was now
Empty, heading to London, not St Paul's
But Hainault, Essex, outside Louis' flat
Took him back up north, to his mum's, for few
Weeks, he'll then go back down on London soil
His writing and film dreams are still intact!

3327 - Lost in Swindon

The day went mainly to plan, but traffic
Held me up at the M6/M5 join
At Birmingham, those Saturday shopping
Or going to a football match, enjoying
The Rugby World Cup games, and roadworks ruined
Even more that bottleneck, real, real slow
But no real time pressure, so nothing spoiled
Parked in Swindon Outlet car park, to know
Where Pearl's place was, she met me there, and so
Guided me to her new flat, quite respec-
table, sorted out stuff, no strains of groin
Or back as far as I can tell, then oh!
A curry in Swindon's quite nice Old Town
Nice seeing Pearl, the day's gone terrific!

Sat 26 Sept

3326 - Driving south

A quick Friday night sonnet, here it is
Three bottles of beer ready to be drunk
Gearing up for tomorrow, my business
Then will be driving to see Pearl among
Her new teaching environment, starting
Her new career in Swindon. Checked the route
And it looks OK, motorway driving
Is easiest, my van won't need to toot
I hope, but will the 'Magic Roundabout'
Be on my route, that's Swindon's most famous
Landmark, it's just a roundabout. I think
It shows there's not much there, that's not in doubt
I've prepared the route, gathered some CDs
Now I'm all set to hit the south, kerplunk!

3325 - Seein' da kidz

Just got a call from Louis, he wants me
To give him a lift back north from London
Because the job he's got, his salary
Isn't being paid til the end of next month
And that means he's dangerously short of funds
And will have to stop paying London rent
And move up til Christmas, stay at his mum's
So on Saturday, drive to Swindon, spend
An evening with Pearl, after we have spent
An hour unloading boxes of her three
Million books and clothes, that is. A lie-in
And then drive van to Louis' flat near Kent
No, sorry, Essex! Driving north, Louis
Will tell me how well his writing has gone!

3324 - Doin' the Strand

Very tired, after last night out, and lack
Of sleep last night, and train trip to London
For a work meeting, this eve will be slack
Was too tired to read my book on the train
These trips aren't frequent now, so can't complain
Got nothing much to say apart from this!
Or that, I should say, read those lines again
Because there's nothing else, so I insist
You don't expect much more, so you don't miss
Any great final statement at the back
Of this not-so-classic sonnet, when done
Let me be shit this time, you'll win a kiss
Allow me to say nothing, give no flak
About that, and we will finish as friends

3323 - General porridge

Bullshit bullshit, but after work, no shit
My team won the pub quiz, oh yet again
Only once have I not won that audit
Of general knowledge that I still maintain
Although I'm not so good on recent entertain-
ment, but there were some recent news stories
I got. The prize were beer tokens, the same
As usual, probably won't use them, can't see
Me going to the Railway Inn shortly
Enough to spend 'em, but you don't know it
For sure, for sure. Meanwhile I have to gain
Oblivion so I get a few hours' sleep briefly
Then it's a train trip to London, a meet-
ing, just work, no fun, no, work is no fun

3322 - So you think I'm a poor performer?

A hard day's work rewarded by bullshit
Again, when will the line-up change, cos that's
The only hope of getting some fair treat-
ment. I'm happy with my performance stats
And any fair person would be. But let's
Not dwell on that, there was a good outcome
Worked on comedy stuff at the Honest
Coffee Shop on Chapel Street. There's a hum
Of quiet music and quiet conversation
An ambience, but not such a racket
That you can't think or create. Even late
Departure from the office couldn't stem
My hunger to produce ideas and write
Unimpaired by folk who get on my tits

3321 - Mata of fact

Well, yesterday bought Jo a Mata shirt
And today he scored against Southampton
She brought him luck like she's still his mascot
Like against City when she held his hand
His was the third goal today, the difference
Between the two sides, that and De Gea's
Great save which also gave them the three points
Finally started World War Z - it has
Been on my sofa for weeks, but I whizzed
Through the first seventy pages, it's quite
Quick, easy reading, well you'd expect some-
thing like that from a book about zombies
I'm looking forward to creative spurts
In the Honest Coffee shop from now on...

3320 - What's the Mata?

Just got home, quite a warm day, til tea-time
Spent with Jo, yet again went to Old T
And I bought her a Mata shirt this time
She held his hand when mascotting, you see
The Spanish master, so good at footy
It was a nice surprise for little Jo
Before that, we had some lunch at Rowntree
Cafe in the Arndale. Filled with food, though
Very thirsty, both of us, all day through
Lots of City fans, at home to West Ham
Today, think they lost, but will watch TV
To check. If they did, disappointed Lou!
The Rugby World Cup's on now, and they're tryin'
To big it up with England victories

3319 - Out of date state

Had a good day at work, though it was hard
The morning occupied by a workshop
In the Palace Theatre, where we heard words
About future directions, catching up
With technological advances, grip
Online facilities, albeit late
In the day compared to banks, we have slipped
A little bit, but must accelerate
Forwards into the modern world, relate
To what 'customers' expect, and reward
Well-behaved taxpayers, and try to stop
The misbehavers trying to evade
Taxes, putting themselves before the world
The new era's upon us, and it's tough

3318 - Refugee rhetoric

The migrants are locked out of Hungary
The old route to the European Union
For one day they were encouraged to flee
Serbia via the eastern Croatian
Border, but once again, patience has run
Out with these large numbers not going through
The procedures, but simply migrating
Without permission, counting on EU
Mercy, human rights, jobs and homes. Though you
Accept they've seen bad things, it's hard to see
How they can all fit in. Can't the UN
Oversee aid and help, let revenue
And expertise flow to these poor countries
Making the Middle East fit to live in

3317 - Questioning time

Corbyn's first Prime Minister's Question Time
In the House of Commons was refreshing
Asking emailed questions when Big Ben chimed
Twelve. Cameron some say was relishing
A gentle easy ride, no punishing
Adversarial questioning like before
No, Cameron instead was seen smiling
But will that really impress people or
Will they instead approve of Corbyn's law
Of not playing the old Westminster game
Time will tell, is this a new beginning
Or will things be diluted and a bore
Young people and the dispossessed aligned
Enough to allow for some challenging

3316 - Pants Down

A good night at Comedy in King's Arms
Smug Roberts turned it into a workshop
I did school-themed stuff, almost alarmed
Them, and then Bad Designs added on top
Smug had gone by this stage, but I got up
And did my stuff, finishing with guitar
Did a Shittus Quo medley, rocky pop
Or rocky plop, the scatolology star
Shittin' All Over The World set the bar
High, then Down Down, but shittily transformed
Into Pull Your Pants Down, got a few claps
As usual there were a few ha ha ha's
Got a lift home from Joe but had been warmed
By phone that Manchester's football teams flopped

Tue 15 Sept 2015

3315 - Tory Tory Tory

Security, security, Tory
Party's the party of security
So we're told by Osborne and David C
And Priti Patel tells us endlessly
The pretty patter of feet that's tiny
Except the large feet of the refugee
From Syria and Libya, cross the sea
The new boat people, why is it they flee?
Why don't they stay, face risk to family?
The West removed Saddam and Gaddafi
And they're replaced with tribal anarchy
The deaths were meant to spread democracy
Or was it more for sales of weaponry?
Vote for guns, war, and inequality!

3314 - Sound debaser

A really good sleep, which I needed bad
Having felt ill and tired yesterday
My foot is still sore, and my legs are red!
But I don't think it's serious. Anyway
It's been a good and quite productive day
Including writing some new comedy
First new stuff since before my holiday
With a 'school' theme, as chosen by Dave T
So hopefully I'll do this on Tuesday
Not sure if I'll go out Wednesday - they said
On the TV there'd be rain. I may stay
In that night then. Played guitar, and did the
Ironing, listening to football. It's all good
A few drinks tonight, then retire early

3313 - A toast to the teacher

I'm definitely coming down with post-
Holiday chills, lots of aching, tired, cold
But saw Josie and now can relax, host
To myself, back in the flat, where I'll fold
Up on the sofa, watch footy unfold
I know the results, it's Derby's first win
And Chelsea have lost again, on floor rolled
Laughing ass off, they're really struggling
Next weekend I'll hire a van, I'm taking
Pearl's stuff down to Swindon, where she's engrossed
With starting her teaching career, to mould
The dispossessed of fair Swindon's asking
Quite a lot, teaching them French. To have toast
Would be nice, but no bread, not even rolls

3312 - Lovely play

A pleasant day at work, though performance
Seemed to suffer later on from the strain
Enjoyed it though from head down to my pants
It's not supposed to be like this again
Back home, Javi had left, the man from Spain
Has an English course Wednesdays and Fridays
He'll be back soon, played guitar tunes, I aim
Not to look, and don't look much nowadays
But play in increasingly jazzy ways
Me and my guitar are deep in romance
I'm finding it easy, fingers insane
Saw the shadows of their moving amazed
At the shadowplay on the wall, my hands
Like mad spiders writhing as if in pain

3311 - Tethered to the weather

Actually today I cannot complain
About the weather here in Manchester
Following my return from sunny Spain
No, that was a bad joke, and false rhymer
It was the Balkans I went to, Croatia
Being the last country we visited
Feels strange, I've holidayed in September
But as yet spent nothing, cos all the quids
On currency and stuff were all indeed
Paid for in August. This is new terrain
Of solvency, thanks Javi, furthermore
Thanks for looking after the flat, you did
A good job. This evening I've been paying
For Super Furries gig in October

3310 - Balkan Saga 9

I'm safe back home from the Balkans, hooray
Though sad to leave those sunny shores and hills
Slept on the sofa in Split, was OK
Tino drove us to the airport, then killed
Time eating and drinking, that sandwich filled
Me, so I didn't need more food til late
This evening. Take-off in the sun, a thrill
To look down on the Adriatic, great
View, but the clouds started to congregate
As we flew further north, but still delayed
The gloom for a while, still sunlit until
We descended below the cloudy grate
Had to change out of shorts, needless to say
Back into jeans. Bye Balkans, it's been great

about Wed 9 Sept

3309 - Balkan Saga 8

The last full day of this trip, rose early
3.45 am to be precise
Walked to Ulcinj bus station to catch the
Early bus to Split and it wasn't nice
No comfort breaks for hours, but did shut eyes
Caught up with sleep. Good views of Dubrovnik
Along the way. Arrived in Split, a nice
Man helped us with directions and we checked
Into a cool apartment. Then we took
A walk into town, along the prom, sea
View, had late lunch, a Croatian sea bass
(No bones), walked round the old town, then we walked
Along the prom, past docks, to beach, but the
Main aim was to drink our Croat kunas*

*The kuna is the currency of Croatia

about Tue 8 Sept

3308 - Balkan Saga 7

Possibly the best day of trip so far
Began amid peaks and clouds of Thethi
My arms still somewhat scratched and somewhat sore
From sliding down those rocks just yesterday
A very squashed and crowded hot mini-
Bus ride back down that awful rocky road
Dropped off in Shkoder, ate lunch at Puri
(A second time), then a quick taxi ride
To Ulcinj, home to the Albanian hordes
A cute resort, beach very popular
Fine sand, warm sea, bathed in it happily
Though the salt hurt my scratches, nice reward
For that long Thethi bus ride, blue water
Cleansing. Then, Albania lost at footy...

about Mon 7 Sept

3307 - Balkan Saga 6

Had headache last night, but still slept okay
Despite having a hard bed to sleep on
In the Hostel Gjicaj in Thethi, a
Thunderstorm during the night, on and on
But I still slept, just as well, for the morn
Was time to set out for walking the hills
All went well, great scenery, walked with John
While Gareth stayed behind in the hostel
We went the wrong way though, we couldn't tell
How to reach the two small lakes, lost our way
Climbed boulder after boulder, a sudden
Lack of strength in legs and arms, a struggle
To survive sliding down. John helped me stay
Alive, headed back in one piece, stiff, worn...

about Sun 6 Sept

3306 - Balkan Saga 5

One last night, Hotel Comfort, Tirana
Then a helpful hotel receptionist
She gave advice and called a taxi for
The bus-stop to Shkoder, but first I messed
Up buying cheap t-shirts (NOT cheap t-shirts!)
So I returned them, gangster price, too high
And next, hot and crowded bus, two hour shift
And had lunch in Shkoder. We met 'Freddie'
The most talkative taxi driver I
Have ever met. Learnt more 'bout Albania
And how Albanians treated with mistrust
By Greeks and Serbs. Freddie dropped us halfway
Then the biggest and scariest ride ever
To Thethi, stuck in the Balkans' highest

about Sat 5 Sept

3305 - Balkan Saga 4

Hotel Comfort is well-named, a room each
Slept well, no disturbance, but no breakfast
So bought a pastry and a drink that reeks
Of cheese which took an hour to drink, at least
Taxi to cable car up mountain, best
View of Tirana, and a good meal too
Walked back to town centre and then a fest
Of Albanian history for just two
Hundred leks at the museum, but phew!
One of us (Gareth) went missing - can't reach
Him cos he had no phone. Me and John passed
Time eating and watching football in two
Places. Albania and Denmark. Was such
Fun watching the locals support their lads

about Fri 4 Sept

3304 - Balkan Saga 3

Left the Skopje apartment for station
Caught the 9.30 bus to Tirana
An almost nine hour journey til it's done
But exciting back in Albania!
The bus stopped often in Macedonia
Some cute girls in the bus made it lively
Also met Marco, Italian traveller
He's been everywhere in the world to see
Hot day with bags so we caught a taxi
From Skanderbeg Square to hotel and then
Quick as we could, hopped out for meal and beer
Made a late night of it, predictably
Watching football in a sports bar was fun
Then at another small bar, beer encore

about Thur 3 Sept

3303 - Balkan Saga 2

Today, oh friends, we had a good breakfast
Lots of eggs and beans, all that you could need
This was at the Sveti Sofia, the first
Good breakfast I've had for a while, indeed
The next task was to catch the bus, we did
And headed for Macedonia, but wait!
At the border, long delays, was a dude
On the bus from Tunisia, Customs bait
Eventually we got to Skopje, bought
Tickets to Tirana, sorted out fast
Then with taxi driver's help, located
The apartment in some old Commie flats
It's nice though. Very hot. Had a repast
In Skopje, and now wine, we'll take no heed...

about Wed 2 Sept

3302 - Balkan Saga 1

Approximately three hours' sleep and then
A taxi from John's to the airport, then
A plane ride to Sofia, Bulgaria, then
A bus ride to Sofia centre, then
In extreme heat, taxi to hotel, then
Having dumped bags and donned shorts, better, then
Looked for a supermarket (razors), then
Walked to the bus station, got nowhere, then
Tried another bus station next door, then
Having found tomorrow's bus-stop, well, then
A few lagers and a meal were had, then
We moved on to Adam's Pub, more beers, then
We found an off-licence near hotel, then
We made for our hotel room and drank. Then...

about Tue 1 Sept