4328 - Boogie Nights (Heatwave)

Heatwave part nine, bit stuck in the office
Got stuff done, then went home, re-heated soup
And hopefully I will survive all this
I feel OK so far, so there's still hope
It had chicken in it, within the scope
You might think of things you cannot reheat
Just after I ate that, felt like the Pope
All-powerful, especially as I met
Up unexpectedly with Helen, great
Evening, and now it's bedtime, not too pissed
Good nights' sleep's hard to come by in this soap
Opera of the heatwave, can you relate?
It's getting late, cumulative tiredness
Is kicking in, so let's now try to sleep

4327 - If you can't stand the heatwave

The heatwave goes on, a word from the past
High pressure, but not of the stressful kind
It's of a weather kind, but if you're last
House before the moors, then you'll want to grind
Your teeth over the fires and smoke that winds
Its way down the valley and makes you choke
Being stuck in the office was a bind
After Blackpool beach yesterday. I spoke
To my manager, hoping to revoke
The requirement tomorrow to do just
The same and waste the sun. It's so unkind
I can't work at home, so instead, no joke
I'll come early and go early, on grass
Outside my flat I'll lie, try get more tanned

4326 - Beached tale

What a lovely hot day, skies of pure blue
Went to Blackpool for a work conference
Four talks in the morning, then happy to
Walk along the prom with Emma, the sun's
Warmth quite remarkable. Winter Gardens
Again for two more talks, hot rooms tiring
But out before four, to the beach at once
Two hours to do some tan developing
So long since on a British beach lying
In such heat, takes me back years, yes it's true
Meanwhile, good news from the World Cup - The Huns
Are out, beat by Korea! I'm laughing!
Might watch the highlights to enjoy that few
And far-between sensation more than once!

4325 - Kane is able

The heatwave continues, moor fires begin
A pinkish dusk, bodes well for tomorrow
When I'm in Blackpool, hoping for more sun
After the conference, hopefully I'll go
On the beach for a while. No mosquito
Problems up there, I trust. Argentina
Scraped through against Nigeria, and Rojo
Of Man United was the goalscorer
There's more games tomorrow, can't remember
Them all but if I miss them, that's no sin
I'll see the England-Belgium game, I know
Cos that's on Thursday evening. Everywhere
They'll be tuning in to watch it. Can Kane
Add to his five goal total? Let's hope so!

4324 - Enema of the people

Worked at home in the morning, and also
Booked bus tickets for Edinburgh Fringe
Five days up there but doing just three shows
But I'll be there, and that's a beginning
Never even been to see anything
At the Fringe before, and it won't cost much
A 5 a.m. coach from Manchester - think
That's a bit too early, yes, just a touch!
Meanwhile this afternoon I was engaged
In giving myself an enema - oh!
Then to Salford Royal for bowel screening
No trams running to Eccles. Taxi just
In time. They stuck a camera up there, saw
Two polyps, cut them out. Sunshine, walking

4323 - Park pie

A lovely sunny day, watched the football
A big win for England v Panama
A Harry hat-trick, Kane firing on all
Cylinders, deserved penalties for their
Fouling in the box, wrestling at corners
Immediately after, I headed out
On the tram to Heaton Park, Manchester
Where Nancy's picnic took place. It was hot
So they were under a tree, a nice spot
Some nice rice provided with spoon and bowl
Cheese, a pie and ice cream, then a few beers
With Dermot. Poland's team crashed, three goals put
Past them by Colombia. For Bart, how cruel
His team's out after just two games - unfair!

Sun 24 June

4322 - Check-up not check out

A useful day at home, trying to read
The Logan Murray comedy book while
Keeping one eye on the games as they played
Booked a private health check-up to which I'll
Go in July, get the verdict, the trial
Especially of my heart, that's the focus
There must be some reason for how I feel
Need to change things while there's still time I guess
But first I need to see if there's a mess
Are the arteries getting blocked? Please feed
Me the meds if they are, feed me in style
Heard today from some of the fun ladies
On the French comedy course - made me pleased
Some positive comments that made me smile

4321 - Cock turtles

Another good night's sleep, but soon a long
Meeting drained me of energy, but it's
Friday, so I left at four, but knowing
I had limited time - I had to get
To town again to meet Pearl, so I sat
In the sun for a while in Peter Square
Waiting for her message, and then we met
In Turtle Bay, Oxford Street, happy hour
Two for one cocktails. Made the most of our
Opportunity. It was great, catching
Up on Pearl's recent trials, but now we're quits
It was interesting hearing 'bout Luca
Might finally meet in November. Watching
World Cup highlights now, but not off my tits

Fri 22 June

4320 - Answer Time

A good night's sleep at last - more energy
And indeed here I am, still writing this
At almost 11pm - ready
To watch Question Time. The football was bliss
Those cheating, nasty Argentinians - hiss! -
Were thrashed 3-0 by Croatia - oh yeah!
Messi was ineffectual, and this
Seems normal when international player
That serves them right, cheating Argentina
I'll finish this sonnet, and most likely
Have a late snack. Oh - morning messages
From Helen. Berlin's on, later this year
I hope that happens and to Germany
We go, and have several days' happiness

Thur 26 June

4319 - Choc tactics

Still tired today when afternoon arrived
Still recovering from my holiday
When I had just one good night's sleep. Contrived
To forget my soup - still not in the groove
So bought two steak bakes, got me through the day
Along with cakes and biscuits that the team
Had brought in. I confess, forgot to buy
Anything on my holiday. It seemed
That at Toulouse Airport, not much to dream
About, choc-wise, nothing that came alive
And said 'Buy me!'. Just watched a game. Spain played
Iran, and won by a lucky goal. Deemed
Offside, Iran's equaliser. Spain lived
Dangerously, but went through anyway...

Wed 20 June

4318 - After some late night beer trying to relax

After some late night beer trying to relax
After many hours spent in two airports
I woke up half-awake and then I sat
On the edge of the bed, and with weird thoughts
That it was all a dream, I issued spurts
Of wee onto the bedroom floor. I've seen
Others do that - it's sleepwalking of sorts
But never me, until now. I did clean
Some of it up later in the dark, being
Stretched on the bed, tried to mop up the wet
With tissues. And not much else to report
Very tired at work, but felt OK when
Back home, watching two World Cup games, and that
Was nice, sat on the sofa watching sport

Tue 19 June

4317 - Viella Day 8

Homeward bound day, cloudy rainy morning
Breakfast, goodbye to Claire and Martin and
Their three dogs, and then two hours of driving
The conversation in the bus weren't grand
The egos of Carly and Logan, friends
Already united, it seems, to stop
My enjoying myself right to the end
But everyone else was fine, just the top
Dogs being nasty. Toulouse Airport, up
To 5 hours' wait before finally boarding
The Brussels flight, and a wait there. England
Were fucking up their game in the World Cup
One-one at half-time, then some quick walking
To Gate B4 to Manchester - homeland!

Mon 18 June

4316 - Viella Day 7

A grey morning once more, but that made it
More comfortable in the upstairs studio
Went through our rants, a break, and then our 'hits'
From the week-long course, 8 minutes or so
In most cases. After lunch, got to go
Into a one-to-one with Logan, which
I used to ask him things I want to know
Like tips for Edinburgh, and like which
Kind of jokes or music he thinks are niche
Or mainstream. Overall it felt like it's
Reasonably on-track as it is, although
To be successful I'd need help with such
Stuff as publicity. Time to exit -
Tomorrow, Toulouse, then home. Revoir, au...

Sun 17 June

4315 - Viella Day 6

Woke at 5, the dawn light was seeping through
Opened the shutters - I may as well write
I thought, and wrote two rants, rant number two
Is usable - the first, longer one's quite
Serious and heavy. Today we applied
Ourselves to considering what our best
Material is from the week, to rewrite
It if necessary, so on the last
Day of the course, tomorrow, we'll impress
Logan and each other in a revue
Up to ten minutes each. Was pleased despite
A cloudy morning, to see sun win through
I swam in the pool while it shone, and yes
I have improved my tan, but still quite white...

Sat 16 June

4314 - Viella Day 5

Woke up at 3am, lost two or more
Hours' sleep. Refined song 'Plumber Of My Heart'
Though no-one wanted to hear it, it's for
Edinburgh now maybe, for its first
Real outing. An intensive day which brought
Some great tips on writing, generating
Endless ideas, beginning from the root
Idea, and branching out, new beginnings
Techniques that are immediately solving
The problem of how to keep sets altered
From one night to the next, one night apart
But while structurally similar, differing
Just with a tweak, different punchlines - a tour
Where each night's different's on, learning this art

Fri 15 June

4313 - Viella Day 4

Woke up at ten to six, which meant I was
Not at my sharpest, not just me but most
Of the group were so tired, with hangovers
In some cases. It happens when wine flows
Some good things covered today, like lists - those
Simple ways of devising multiple
Alternative joke endings to be used
To keep each gig different and variable
The sun was out a bit more, and the pool
Was entered for a second day. Others
Tried it later. I failed to grab a doze
In the late afternoon, and couldn't pull
My brain cells together enough to force
More ideas out. My mind had turned to toast...

Thur 14 June

4312 - Viella Day 3

Second day of the course in deepest France
The sun came out for the first time properly
The morning session was nicely advanced
Into the courtyard so that we could be
Blessed by the sun's rays, kissed by warmth and free
To relax and enjoy it, though we went
Back to the studio after coffee
Wasting the sunshine that was shortly spent
Relaxing by the pool was later meant
To be the icing on the cake, but pants -
The dark clouds returned and then violently
Discharged all their malevolent content
Sometimes it feels more like Scotland than France
But I'm hopeful for more sun presently

Wed 13 June

4311 - Viella Day 2

First full day in France at Maison du Guit

Just outside of Viella, Gascony

Martin and Claire, our hosts, are being so sweet

The food is both plentiful and tasty

Now we've sampled tutor Logan Murray

And his various techniques. The others were

Getting tired after a few hours - not me

We finished, but got homework. Tomorrow

I will try to sing and play for them here

A new song, composed between 6 and 8

I'll need to practice in the morning though

It's called 'Idiot's Opinion' - lyrically

It's a collection of Logan's own quotes

From the first day of the course, so … let's see!

Tue 12 June

4310 - Viella Day 1

The flight to Toulouse went OK, though I
Had to wait at the airport for 3 hours
Before Martin arrived, and by and by
The other paying course mates turned up as
Expected from other flights, then 2 hours'
Minibus journey to Maison du Guit
Between Toulouse and Biarritz, and guess
What? They're all women! Met Logan Murray
The girls are Simone, Celia, Carly
And Kelly (called Kiki). A cloudy sky
And bursts of sunshine hold out promises
For later days of sunbathing that we
May enjoy. It's midnight now, so bye bye
Tomorrow, first day of comedy course

Mon 11 June

4309 - Vive la revolution!

Packing for my holiday now - Helen
Is already en France or almost la
This is when you need organisation
Please no disasters happening a moi!
The passport's in the bag. I've fitted the
Good uke into the soft red uke bag cos
The hard case is too big and heavy for
Transit. It's protected by clothes and books
I'm virtually ready to go to Toulouse
As for today, thought I was to meet Tom
To lend him my God wig, but he's not there
Then off for a film quiz - it's one of Lou's
Then bed, then the land of revolution
Of cheese and onions and the tricolour

4308 - Sushi and the banshees

Today was cloudy but warm, then the sun
Broke through the cloud in time for our picnic
In Fletcher Moss Park. It was out first one
For ages. I made a sandwich mistake
I thought I had bought egg and cress, but EEK!!
It was cheese and celery. Anyway -
I ate it and surprise - it was OK!!
I also had some sushi - so did J
We chatted, lay on our towels, passed away
The time nicely. So nice to look upon
The sky above us, lying on our back
Got my uke out when I got home, hey hey
Next it's time to check the times of the train
On Monday. It must be early and quick!

4307 - Shed and not buried

Last day at work until my holidays
Only a half day, we went for a meal
At Albert's Shed, where I then chose today's
Soup (tomato and onion), followed real
Quick by today's fish - salmon - useful oil
And linguini, with shared red wine as drink
Helen saved a seat, next to her was Swales
Angela and Steve opposite, I think
Then next door to Dukes 92, more drink
Champagne then 'Albert's Brew' and it amazed
Me how Helen somehow magically healed
My recent illness. Now back in the pink
And ready for France! Let the soleil blaze!
For an end to the French rain, I appeal!!!

Fri 8 June 

4306 - Nothing Toulouse

The holiday preparations are now
In full effect. I know my flight details
The return leg's via Brussels - didn't know
That, but I do now! This morning, emails
Came from Claire, with great news. They provide meals!
And she confirmed Martin would meet me at
Toulouse Blagnac Airport, provide the wheels
To the chateau at Viella. Oh what
A luxury, the worry taken out
Been looking at maps to see where we'll go
Lourdes ain't that far, a place of miracles
And no doubt of many shops of cheap tat
The first afternoon, Claire said wine will flow
Weeks of rain will end - let the clouds set sail!

4305 - There's the beef!

Up at 7, buoyed by last night finding
My passport at bedtime - I could relax
Now and look forward to the impending
Week-long stay in a chateau in South France
But only just over 5 hours' sleep, thanks
To a business trip to London today
Had to get up early, just before 6
Met Farah on the train, was no delay
And we reached Euston on time, a short way
To Euston Tower from there. A good meeting
Finished in time to head back up the tracks
To Manchester 40 minutes early
Bought euros for my trip, then uke playing
Then beef for tea, then shower, now relaxing...

4304 - Pass the port!

I've lost my passport - an emergency!
I'm off to France on Monday, sacre bleu!
I'm off to London tomorrow, mais oui!
But I now need a new one to ensure
I can go on my course that I've paid for
Unless it somehow turns up, I must take
Thursday or Friday off so I can draw
Out money for a replacement, and make
My way to Liverpool - so much at stake!
That'll be a hundred quid, probably
What a waste! Where's it gone? Was in the drawer
In the kitchen, I thought, but no. A fake
Memory? Well I've looked in a frenzy
All over the flat, and it's just nowhere!

4303 - Uke otter be careful

Haven't played uke for a couple of days
Partly because I've strained my ligaments
Too much finger-stretching. I hope there's ways
Of overcoming this, I can't dispense
With the fun of playing, so I'll invent
An easier way, with stretching minimised
Over ten years ago I typed so much I went
Through a similar thing, so I revised
My style of typing, got a new mouse, wised
Up and eased off, and saw taking care pays
I played for two hours tonight, hope it mends
Despite continuing my journey, music-wise
No stretching of tendons, move whole hand place
To place, preserve my fingers as my friends

4302 - Nouvelles oignons d'Antoine

Nice day yesterday, once more to the Cote
Brasserie, three-course meal, it's top value
Got home later than usual and just caught
The end of the England match, which was 2
1 against Nigeria. Not long now to
Wait til the World Cup in Russia, begins
When I'm in France, staying in a chateau
Where I hope to meet great peeps and make friends
I might even know some comedians
If they're from the North West, but I'd have thought
It unlikely, this course costing a few
Hundred, plus air fare. We'll be writing puns
Double entendres, maybe an anecdote
I hope it fires my ambition anew

4301 - Sorry, Bolton

I don't know what the hell I was talking
About yesterday. Bolton? I've not been
There for a while, though I'm remembering
A few people I used to know, a scene
From dim and distant past I wasn't keen
On but nonetheless it contributed
To my development. Shouldn't be mean
About it and them, so what I stated
(After a long pub spree) is retracted
Maybe I looked on Facebook, saw something
And over-reacted - a booze routine
It's just nonsense and should be redacted
It's true I wanted to stop binge drinking
But was led astray by a mate. Stay clean!

about Sat 2 June

4300 - Avoid Bolton

Hey you, what have you got to say? Not much
That's fine, you are so normal, not your fault
Meanwhile, I will continue, it is such
An easy thing for me, easily vault
Over your expectations loosely spilt
I don't care what you want or hope for now
It's gone, now I move on without the guilt
I merely say that it is this, and how
Do not tell me what society allows
As far as I'm concerned, I'll lead a putsch
Reversing your collective lightning bolt
Derived from Bolton, not the place somehow
Instead, after my travels with the Dutch
I've decided you fail, so let's all halt