3965 - Noughty thoughties

What is it all about? Why we bother?
I don't know, don't care, it's all pointlessness
This is me, this is you, and this is her
There may be more but likely, there is less
I don't know which is which, I must confess
This is all nonsense, don't expect meaning
It could be a state of mental undress
Or a state of mental tasteful clothing
It could be hiding or be revealing
I'll leave it to the experts, leave it there
They know best, or so they claim, I digress
Myself, I don't fall for this bullshitting
It could be one thing, or be the other
I'm not convinced they know, Pizza Express...

3964 - Quotation time

Nearly forgot tonight's diary entry
Settling down to Question Time, remembered
So leapt off the sofa, typing quickly
So I can then sit back down, conscience cured
Because duty done. This evening's been good
For getting things done. Exercised at last
Played the uke, read quotations, ate and cooked
But not in that order, felt energised
I was profiting, having realised
Gains from last night's sound sleep. Impressively
I then chose and learned a monologue, read
A Woody Allen passage - learned it fast!
Read more quotes, then even more pleasingly
Had retained in my mind all Woody's words!

3963 - Alternative to gravy

Not doin' much tonight, two days to go
Til payday and this means I'm struggling to
Not go in the red, my funds gettin' low
Carla's gone out, the rain's stopped, tried a new
Thing, carbonara sauce in a jar, to
Provide an alternative to gravy
(Carla's back, but she could go out anew)
What's she up to? Just bored, restless, maybe
I'll probably play on the ukulele
Read a while. The quotations book is slow
Going, so massive, erudite, renew
The familiarity from the 80s
When I discovered quotes! But right now though
I need to go and sit down on the loo!!!

3962 - Known pleasures

Tonight played uke, then reading my emails
I found Vee's message about New Order
Exhibition in the Art Gallery halls
Looking further down, their predecessor
Joy Division are in yet another
Film. They are becoming among the most
Filmed about groups ever, and they weren't the
Kind of group at the time you'd have proposed
Ever seeing a film about. The ghost
Of Ian Curtis, barely filmed at all
In his short lifetime, also the other
Three faces never on TV, focused
On rarely, barely recognisable
Now they've all been seen over and over

3961 - Oh Darlington, you shouldn't have!

A fun acting class, good that Sarah's back
I missed last week, when I was in London
Still waiting for the results, what a shock
If I go through, but the audience had fun
And so did I. At acting, everyone
Was allowed to improvise a little
And they really enjoyed it. Made up some
Arguments with Sarah, to belittle
Her in imaginary Costa, cause tittle
Tattle among the imaginary black
Coffee drinkers at other tables. Won
A round of applause. It's been a struggle
For Carla today, Pret a Manger work
Then train to comedy in Darlington!

3960 - Pork and roll

Good meal last night at Fazenda, 'specially
Pork belly. Would have liked more, but too late
By then I was full, time was up, and we
Had to leave the table. Luckily, fate
Allowed me to sit by Michele and chat
Most of the evening! Today, cloud gave way
To sunshine as I went for a walk that
Took me to Trafford Bar, then Chorlton way
Good to find a quick route there, and survey
The many bars and cafes, which to me
Were tempting. Just need someone to take. Vee
Would probably like the Dulcimer. One night
There plays post-punk stuff, early 80s, sway
To the alcohol and the songs - wahayyy!

3959 - Gaucho (on your) marks

Quickly typing this before I go out
I need to leave in the next few minutes
But better maybe now beyond all doubt
To write a diary entry than when it's
Real late, and I may be drunk or tired, blitzed
Brain processes and whatnot. Wonder where
Carla is and how her day's gone? I missed
Her last night, saw her only briefly. We're
Still friendly but she avoids me, prefers
To go out or stay in her room. A bout
Of drinking later, but a big meal first
At Fazenda, Spinningfields, Manchester
A Brazilian place, lots at steak, ooh, ouch!
It's N's birthday meal. Menu looks delish!!

3958 - Anarchy in the ukulele

A fun day at work, stayed quite late for a
Friday, not much to rush home for I guess
Nothing doing tonight, practised some more
On the uke, played well, better at the bass
Lines these days, not just chords, and can keep pace
With solos now too, regular one man band
Carla went out for a while, get some space
Probably from my mad playing, but must stand
My ground, I must practice, she understands
I hope. She does the same, getting better
Quite quickly, she only started doing this
About 2 months ago, she's doing grand
Now to read more John Peel Show book, it's far
Back in my past but still fresh memories

3957 - Up, down and away

Much cooler, though still warm, it's midsummer
Good chats with some colleagues, cheering me up
A bit, though still convinced that I'm under
A glass ceiling, with no room at the top
Just like the poetry and comedy scenes stop
My progress if they can, or don't support
Me positively. Last night at the Ape
And Apple, I was blatantly ignored
Although I think the host may just be short
Of memory cells, I'll be kind to the tosser
That's life though, but I go on, I won't flop
On the floor just yet. A great uke assault
To 70s rock classics. Do I dare
Check if I've been reviewed? Don't want to, but...

3956 - Happenings ten hours' time ago

The last day of this heatwave, so they say
It will be a relief when it's ended
Now it's midnight and I'm watching Newsday
On BBC's news channel, with Brexit
Returning as the main story, as it
Gets underway, the negotiations
Between UK and EU. Blown to bits
By ISIS, who set off an explosion
The old queen gave a frail peroration
On Brexit, in Parliament, while hubby
Phil is in hospital, staying in bed
There are yet more North Korea tensions
Trump's complaining again. Andy Murray
Crashes out of Queen's tennis - bad luck, kid!

Wed 21 June

3955 - Dorm trauma

Terrible night on the top bunk. No-one
Was on the bottom one - that's annoying
I could have switched and slept better, and gone
Easier to the bathroom. Breakfast, watching
Live rugby in the Flying Horse, tucking
Into a breakfast burger with gusto
Scanned a map of London, and deciding
That, in this heat, inside's the place to go
Skoob bookshop, near Russell Square, then followed
By the British Museum. First one done,
I couldn't manage the second, carrying
A large bag in these times. Russell Square, though
Was shady. Sat and read for hours. Got on
The 5:30 coach. Still on, while writing...

Tue 20 June

3954 - Tonight's another night

The big comedy competition day
Has arrived, to impress them in London
It is a wonderfully warm Monday
Which helps in making any trip more fun
Five hours' drive to Victoria coach station
First task, using the Underground to find
The hostel near Shoreditch in the East End
District & Circle eastwards, Northern Live
One stop to Moorgate, a short walk, short time
To reach the Flying Horse, Wilson Street - they
Have room upstairs. Showered, changed, got back on
The Tube in fancy shirt, rush hour sardines
Tryin' not to sweat before my show, I'd say
It went well, hope my review's a strong one!

Mon 19 June

3953 - Dream on

First day of a sunny weekend is here
Last night, a few beers, drowning my sorrows
Didn't honestly quite manage to cheer
Myself up, but watched some good TV shows
And played uke for a while. This morning, chose
To jot down some new style comedy themes
It's not all politics, no Game of Thrones
Or Dr Who at all. Don't deal in dreams
Shouldn't it be about real life, that seems
To get worse lately every day, the fear
It's producing in youngsters, tomorrows
Obscured by clouds, manipulation memes
But there's hope, as I see them learn to clear
Away propaganda, their learning shows

3952 - Monday Funday

So angry today at work. Hopefully
This will subside by next week, but not sure
It will. In the meantime, my comedy
Competition's on Monday, near the shore
Of the Thames, but doesn't feel like before
I don't especially want to qualify
For the semi-final in Edinburgh
Because I have now committed to fly
With Josie to Barcelona, too high
To touch down for 7 minutes of glee
But also, I'm feeling that more and more
I should try a change of direction, try
A more serious approach, delivery
And content - let my humorous lion roar!

3951 - Must do better?

I'm still wondering about my promotion
When will I get it, or am I blackballed?
I've widened my job alert criterion
Other departments, I have added all
The ones I felt I could work for, a full
List hopefully of opportunities
About to come my way, providing all
Possible interview experience - this
Is what you do when the authorities
Block your progress unfairly, when you've done
A good job for years, and interviewed well
At least I felt I'd done OK, but please
Don't tell me I'm poor at it, anyone
But me gets through, I've had a bellyfull!

3950 - London's burning

What a terrible fire, more tragedy
In London, so soon after London Bridge
And Borough Market. What's really scary
Is this could inspire arsonists, alleged
Muslims or others using religion
To spread fear and death once more. An echo
Of 9/11, trapped people amidst
The smoke and flames, towering inferno
Families wiped out, unable to go
Down the lethal staircase to their safety
The fire service doing what they could, badge
Of honour once again, they were heroes
Now the recriminations start early
The health and safety implications huge

3949 - Stand by your homme

After work, a second night of drinking
Nothing too heavy, just three beer bottles
Carla was asleep so no uke playing
At first, so worked on comedy, little
Noise to disturb her rest, her initial
Stint at Pret, Cross Street, over. When I heard
Her getting up, the uke came out, settled
Into my stride quickly as I prepared
To watch France versus England - it was 'merde'
Cos England lost, but was funny watching
Macron and May in the stand. Is football
Their thing? I doubt it! Went early to bed
But woke at 3, eventually thinking
Of changes to my set, more radical

3948 - Caught in the act

It wasn't supposed to rain according
To the weather report, but it still did
Briefly when I was at work, mid-morning
Emma got slightly wet, and then she chid
Me a bit, I felt guilty, should have hid
Stayed til 5:30, acting class tonight
It's fun, all the students are cool. Waited
To do my duet with Andy, was quite
Confident this time, my fifth week, but slight
Over-acting still the issue. Trying
To correct this, getting there. When applied
To comedy or singing, should help fight
That inability to be reaching
Out to the audience, out of myself slid

3947 - Brainsburys

My leg's almost better, stayed home once more
On a mainly gloomy Sunday in June
Toad in the hole for tea, not had before
At least not from Sainsburys. And now my brain
Is starting to tire. It's evening again
Those light ones in summer that we all love
Unless you are observing Ramadan
Talking to Carla, thinking I should shove
Some life experience comedy stuff
Into my set, cos the Comedy Store
Crowds don't like stuff that's too strange. They are young
And often want quick and cheap laughs. Enough
Snobbery on my part, I can't ignore
The audience. I must make some changes soon

3946 - We are the robots

My leg's been aching for two or three days
But it's not been too bad today at home
I've not been out at all, but in self-praise
I rewrote my comedy set, it's honed
But I've not finished yet until it's grown
More hilarious that it is now, or else
It may be a wasted trip, one more groan
Of failure in a long list of insults
Unlucky and self-inflicted pratfalls
Undoubtedly though, hard work is what pays
That, and not making changes. But I've done
It again, made changes, but surely, fools
Stick with what they know and don't grow or raise
Their game, just robots in their comfort zone

3945 - Minority report

Unusual Friday night, post-election
Too tired to do much, went to Sainsburys
Not to get booze or fags, but onion rings
Big bag, one quid, eaten during the news
Labour did well, but it's still the Tories
In a minority government just
In time for negotiations with EU's
Difficult representatives. She's bust
Is Theresa, can't command respect, trust
Or bargaining power. Mind you, Britain
Is Britain, like Brexit is Brexit. Squeeze
Us and we'll squeeze you back. Regressed
Back to nationalism, now Brexit's done?
The weekend's here, late film, then beddy-byes

3944 - End of the Tory rain?

Election day is here. I already
Voted last week by post, no need to risk
The rain, heavy showers. On Trinity
Way, on the way home, broke into a brisk
Jog as the raindrops grew, my urgent task
To get under the railway bridge - shelter
From the rainstorm, no need to ask
Why I was loitering for five minutes there
On my balcony, observed freak weather
One minute torrential rain, then sunny
Then heavy rain once more. As Salford dusk
Approaches, the TV pundits prepare
Their instant analyses, while Tory
And Labour await their fate, fear unmasked

3943 - Will they think I'm funny?

Third meeting in three days, in Birmingham
This time, with new buildings since last time there
(Always seems the case when in Birmingham)
No rain today - recently, that is rare!
Good chat on the train back with Mike. I shared
With him my jokes from last night and
He even laughed at some of it! Prepare
For So You Think You're Funny, that's the stand-
Up comedy competition, I planned
To do, and have done some prep, but I am
Not yet sure of the set I'll do. I'm scared
I won't be liked by the judges. Could find
I look too nervous on stage. I could bomb
So preparation's the key, yeah, oh yeah!

3942 - It noh funny

A long and tiring day, up at seven
To catch the train to Telford. On that train
I wrote comedy about the election
Not about Brexit, leave or to remain
That's done, so last year, so trying to explain
The foibles of May and Corbyn, with wigs
May's quivering lips and jaw. Gave me a pain
When I did it, how does she do it? Big
Political question, that, but the gig
Didn't provide many laughs. I'm strugglin'
With that material, cos most would complain
It isn't funny, cos it's depending
On their current affairs knowledge, but then
If they don't have it, it just fails again!

3941 - Acts of the prepostrles

Got wet a lot, it's one of those days here
In Manchester, though we have had some sun
Recently. After work, acting class, where
I regressed to a time when I was stunned
Like on a shrink's couch, mentally returned
To a long-lost time of trauma, back in
The 90s in a pub where I felt spurned
Enough of that, don't want to share, keeping
It private, sorry, humiliating
Was disappointed later on, through fear
Or ignorance of technique, I began
But cut it short. The coach said continuing
Would have been OK, s'pose that's good if there
Was some drama created. All good fun!

3940 - The Salford Stroll

I stayed in mainly, but went for a walk
Round Lower Broughton, Salford, not too far
But unfamiliar territory to stalk
Some of it by the Irwell's side, river
Boundary between Salford and Manchester
But here, in new, old Salford, in the sun
Old shops, bingo halls, parks, kids playing there
Coffee shops about to close - I'll go some
Other day, maybe. Trying to overcome
Mental lethargy, grow green shoots to stalks
How to close my act in London? Before
Bed last night, saw more horror, in London
This time. Meanwhile tonight, Liam Gallagher
Coldplay, Ariana Grande, all pop stars

3939 - Hard talk

A nice relaxing Saturday, staying in
Cos Josephine's researching a debate
For next week at school. She's being Corbyn
Or just the local Labour candidate
What an honour! So to help her do great
I suggested a few things she could read
The manifestos to defend or slate
And today, sent some Facebook links that need
To be read by Labour supporters, feed
Her arguments, hopefully help her win
Which will be tough in such a Tory seat
Good luck, little Jo! Used my credit card
To book a room in Barcelona. Fine
Building, Richard Rodgers designed. Can't wait!

3938 - It was 50 years ago today

Rain in the morning, but not too heavy
Not many of us in. Well, it's half-term
And Friday too. After work, went to see
A Beatles documentary. True to form
I took the opportunity, my turn
To ask the director a great question
Or comment, to whit, it's not just Lennon
Who made them tick - no, Macca was the one
The main leader who took them towards art
That was reflected in the film, I thought
And complicated him most liberally
Another election debate, back home
May, Theresa, and Corbyn, Jeremy
Again, Corbyn seemed the victor, I thought

Fri 2 June 17

3937 - Yesterday and today

A warm day, a long day in the office
Didn't get out of there til 6:20
A uke session playing along to Yes
Fragile and Close To The Edge - 70s
Classic albums from my childhood, you see
Played intensely, developing hunger
And tiredness too. Then, on the BBC
News, Trump was announcing America
Would pull out of the climate change Paris
Agreement of 2015 that we
All thought was a hopeful step forward, a
Positive thing, now including China
I'll watch Question Time tonight, because this
Is nearing election time, finally

Thur 1 June 17

3936 - Come to the cabaret

I missed the TV election debate
Because I went to Chancers' Cabaret
In Whalley Range where I performed of late
I met Louis, heard what he had to say
He's considering next time doing comedy
Chip off the old block, hurrah and hooray
So pleased his confidence is so high they
Didn't put him off tonight, no siree
The Baxter kids, they know their comedy
I'm home now, and it's still not very late
Let's see right now what the news has to say
About that debate... Corbyn's money tree
The Tories are panicking, not so great
Or strong and stable. Come, election day!

Wed 31 May 17