3870 - Pop to the shop

A lovely sunny day, blue sky and warm
Luckily, I was due to walk outside
A lot, meet-up with Jo as is the norm
On Saturdays, and as usual, a ride
On the train to Manchester where she tried
To spend more of her accumulated
Money, and kept looking at these quite weird
Shell suit type tops, 80s Scouse style - what did
She like about them? At last I ended
Up persuading her the emporium
Known as Affleck's Palace most likely might
Have cheaper ones and with more choice, and it
Proved true, she got her jacket, then a swarm
Of classic pop badges, ten for four quid!

3869 - Newcastle news

A hectic day at work, non-stop meetings
Emails, and some fun chat, as the spring sun
Streamed in through office windows and warming
The whole floor like a greenhouse. This has come
So soon after days of rain and dark gloom
And it's very welcome! Carla has had
A call about a job down in London
I wonder what's the outcome? It's quite bad
News for Newcastle next week. She'll be hard-
Pressed to attend or rehearse for that gig
Instead she'll be doing preparation
And training for the sales job. My reward
I suppose for being alone is thinking
Through my act, it may help me, but less fun.

3868 - Old and stupid

Yesterday evening was hilarious
I went to Tiger Lounge to meet this Bill
An older comedian Carla said was
Doing a 5 minute spot there. He will
Be a friend, she said. Walked there as rain spilled
From puddles into my trainers, while she
Ran home from the gym to change, in a while
To join us there, but there's a problem. He
Didn't show up. Seems he wanted to be
Only in her company! We discussed
And decided he's blown it, he has killed
Their friendship, by refusing to meet me
(Or her, or doing his spot!) What a wuss
What an old fool! People, people, people!

3867 - Her struggle

Thoroughly wet day, Carla is struggling
To find a job, she mentioned she might leave
By end of month, it's hard imagining
The torment she's been going through, perceive
Time running out, no solution, you'd grieve
For your dreams, although she's not going back
To Italy, not permanently. You've
Got to try Germany, I then remarked
She agreed Berlin would be good, just talk
Hopefully she'll get a job that's teaching
Italian kids in a Salford school, with
Luck those documents will arrive she took
A few days getting from Italy, wing
Their way here soon, that would be a relief

3866 - Up all the way

Worked hard since I got home, and ain't stopped yet
I'm writing this, of course, it's ten to nine
First thing I did was exercise, and that
Is the second day in a row, no lyin'
Although I was lyin' on the floor, tryin'
To beat my recent press-ups personal best
Did 50, that's not bad. Sit-ups went fine
Did 20 full ones, not halfway, that test
Has become stale, too easy. To impress
With my stomach muscles I have to sit
Up all the way. And next it was uke time
Rehearsing (briefly) my set songs. And next
More creative writing. Then I'll be fit
To go to bed, read a bit, and recline...

3865 - Cheques and balances

I'm on burger for tea like yesterday
Just having pasta and carrots with it
(And quinoa and natto beans, natch). Today
I felt tired at work, not through a late night
But an hour-long legal talk that dealt with
Appeals to Tribunals. The rain stopped at
Lunch time, Went to the bank to deposit
Mum's cheque, then back for soup - my favourite,
Lentil dahl - then that legalistic chat
Back home, exercised, ironed, took away
Cans and bottles for recycling, then ate
My tea, chatted to Carla, now I've got
To practise the new Newcastle set, play
The songs, learn lyrics, practise uke a bit

3864 - Stand by your fans

Mainly in today, but walked down the lane
Ordsall Lane, to be precise, to buy food
It was quite pleasant, so soon after rain
I took pics of new buildings, in good mood
Having revised my set that wasn't good
Enough for Newcastle's Stand audience
I think that I'll still play the part of God
But I've rewritten the part, makes more sense
Worked two short songs into it, my defence
Against boredom. Introduced 'Knock Knock!' Lame?
Hope not, Audience interaction pursued
By this and other methods. Quite intense
Five minutes of my life, all quite insane
It must be different, funny, not too rude

3863 - Cheque out your mind

A hard morning trying to hire a car
Failed at Easirent (ha!) and failed at Sixt
Walked on to Avis, but they were better
Albeit the car was larger, and priced
Far higher, but Jo had her easy rides
There and back in the rain, visiting Mum
(Her Grandma). Generously Mum she provides
Me with a cheque for a hundred. Twas fun
We laughed at racism and Kim Jong Un
Good banter, good games played, Scrabble winner
Was me, then Consquences, drawing tricks
And chips earlier, then sausage rolls were done
In the oven. Mum looks well, gets better
After her recent fall, she's got it licked

3862 - Couch potato

Not much sleep on Tania's couch but was nice
To get that wine, chat, and a kiss, and save
Hiring a taxi to the airport, twice
As expensive, and a late night. I waved
Good bye to Jo, Tania helpfully drove
Me to the station, got the Bolton train
Which stops at Deansgate, went home, I could have
A change of clothes. This lifestyle is a strain
But interesting, varied, never the same
After work, short sleep, ate, Mum called, advised
Me she was expecting me next day. Gave
A surprised reaction, tried to explain
It was a week from now. But I've revised
Our plans, and hired a car so we can drive

3861 - Red but no bed

This is a day late, I missed the last train
After the Man U match with Josephine
A Europa League second leg close game
1-1 away at Rostov, and it seemed
At first United would easily steam
Into the next round, but it proved quite tough
Zlatan kept flicking the ball to his team-
Mates but neither he nor they got enough
Of a good shot on target to see off
The obstinate Russians. Juan Mata came
To their rescue in the second half, seen
Close-up from the Stretford End. Trams were stuffed
Full, took a while to get her home, so stayin'
Overnight with wine and chat was the scene

3860 - Through the opera glass

I've got a headache, but it's receding
Having taken some tablets with a drink
Just been advising Carla she should sing
Italian opera while she's performing!
It's stereotypical, but it's using
Her assets, her Italian-ness, as much
As she can. It'll take some time to bring
Song into her act though, will be a touch
Tricky to do in Newcastle, can't clutch
At straws in such a big gig. And speaking
Of that, I'll ditch some of that new stuff, fling
It in the bin and do some more thinking
Either funnier new stuff or old stuff which
Has gone down well, like famous song spoofing

3859 - Geordie Porgie

Well well, I premiered my Newcastle
Five minute set and it bombed, so I must
Review it, revive it, give it muscle
They say just use your old good jokes you trust
Good advice, but don't be like all the rest
Clinical, quasi-professional, no
I've got to be me, got to pass the test
Of originality, make them go
What the fuck? That's unique, that's not like you
Or me, or him, or her, or like people
I've seen before, that's not learned, that is just
One-off, not mainstream, not underground, oh
What was that? That's the reaction I will
Be seeking at The Stand in Newcastle

3858 - Levensfume

Was looking forward to a good night out
A pop quiz at Fred's, Levenshulme, but no
Due to the one-day train strike, it's kaput
Walked to Piccadilly but it's no-go
And so for the quiz, I am a no-show
Shame, wanted to meet new faces and that...
Want fun after the Jenny fiasco
So I'm back home, a clean night in, regrets
Only a few, cos this week, more nights out
To look forward to, I have not much doubt
Bit more of new material practice, now
Plus I can choose jokes for tomorrow night
From my trusty joke book, and have a bite
To eat, and matcha tea. Healthy hero!

3857 - New uke and panties

A busy day - what have I done today?
Sunday, my one free day, often it's hard
Work, of the creative kind. Ironed my
Shirts and trousers first, then up Regent Road
To buy a ukulele, could afford
A case for it, too. It's for those big gigs
Or noisy pubs, needs to be amplified
It's acoustic-electric, makes sound big
Enough to be heard above the talking
Shouting, coffee-making, hubbub. Then I
Wrote a 5 minute comedy set, floored
My comedy pedal with quick writing
Read a book on plants, and wrote many days
In my creative diary, funny words

3856 - Rain of terror

OK day until later when rain fell
Met Jo, train to town, she had cash to spend
Wandered round Urban Outfitters. Yes she'll
Find something soon, I vainly hoped, pretend
She will anyway; likewise H&M
And New Look, even Debenhams. She saw
Fishnet socks, but no black ones left, cos them's
Sold out everywhere, none left in the stores
Went home quite early, weakened, bought some beers
Just as well, as I'm home alone. I'm still
Dehydrated from yesterday, I sinned
Then too. It's the easy way to ignore
The void. Yesterday I was prescribed pills
When will I test them out? Don't know yet when

3855 - No milk of kindness today

It's Friday night, feeling quite tired, want to
Relax, Carla's here, a few laughs. Also
Jenny got in touch, she's depressed, not new
Well that's tough, I could be, too, but say no
To that, let her sort herself out, won't show
Sympathy now, she kicked me into touch
Heartlessly, and less than a week ago
I'm not gonna be a fool and get sucked
Into her needy self-pity. Not such
A drama queen that she can interview
Me about all her shit, insults get thrown
My way if I don't play the game. Not much
Incentive there, no fun offered, and so
Goodbye, get a grip love, don't want to know

3854 - Bottle battle

Had a good strum on the uke soon after
Getting home, one bottle of Leffe to hand
That's enough to get merry, but not a
Binge, then I sober up, do what I can
Eat, drink tea, do work, reading, on demand
The evening's part party, then other stuff
It's not all thrown away on booze like sand
Washed away by waves, but I must be tough
And stop after that one. I'd really love
To be mainly good, get things done, but there
Is also some relaxation. Can't stand
Total sobriety, I like to move
Out of that for a while, then I concur
It's OK to return to earth as planned

3853 - Body and drink

Life is what it is, for some it's this but
There's more than they realise in their own
Little huts, but who cares, fuck them, just let
Me do what I want, right or wrong, I own
My body and time's running out, so home
Is where I'm heading, gathering speed, and
I really am, so screw you, I'm alone
And your views to me are like shifting sand
When the sea comes in and I fall or stand
Either is OK but it's fun to not
Know which, but to see what happens, not moan
But laugh at it all, and to understand
That none of it makes sense so why get hurt
I decide, I reject, my aim is fun

3852 - Uke keep me hangin' on

A lovely steak pie, rich gravy, oh yes
That was my reward after a uke storm
In which I expertly played Strokes and Yes
Songs with complexity beyond the norm
I've done it the hard way, not just hit form
Recently, it's taken years on guitar
Now switched to uke, I feel I can perform
My dream is to make videos near and far
Beginning in Israel in April, where
I could film on Tel Aviv beach, and best
Would be if I can get helpers to film
Me and participate, add visual flair
Am I confident enough to do this?
If not, I'll film myself, Jerusalem

3851 - All about Steve

Well, it's been well over a year but now
I've had another big job interview
Going for promotion, and this time, how
I've improved, but enough? I'll let you know
Competition is tough, but I would view
Myself as a hopeful winner of Come
Work With Me (rather than Dine) - I know you
Got the reference, it might be lost on some
After work, popped home, ate, then caught the tram
To Vee's to watch All About Eve - that cow!
Anne Baxter looked sinister, while her mew
Was like Marilyn's (she was there, pre-fame)
Lola the Cat clawed me on the hand - Ow!
Now I'm relaxing with a beer or two!

3850 - Rip it up and start again

So somehow I got a good night's rest which
Was important, with what there was to do
Not just seeing Josephine, had to reach
Piccadilly in the pouring rain, go
To Wilmslow on the train, meet her, wait so
Long for a train to town, wander round shops
Eat at TGI Friday - what a blow
To the wallet that is!, go back and drop
Her off with her mum. No, also, the top
Task today was still undone, that's to teach
Myself how to do the job interview
Tomorrow at 12. My mind has not stopped
Yet, thanks to sleep and good diet, so sketched
Out things to say, strategies to win through

3849 - China crisis

This afternoon I walked down Oldfield Road
Crossed Chapel Street to the Angel Centre
Although they sent an app I could download
I had trouble with it, so went down there
To try to get on a get fit course. The
Place was all locked up though, oh what a shame
Will sort it next week. Went out for dinner
At the local Chinese restaurant with Derm
Good food, shared wine, and there's me feeling warm
And popular, even saying when he said
'How's your relationship?' I answered 'Yeah
A rocky start, but now it's good.' Not warned
That the end was at hand. Then oh my God
Suddenly dumped by text, alone once more

3848 - Magic us

A day off, long weekend, aim just to rest
After what I thought would be a long night
Nice lie-in with Jenny, she got up first
And on the Magic Bus I soon took flight
Popping into Chinatown so I might
Buy matcha tea and natto beans once more
Rainy day, miserable, but still in spite
Of that I felt good, saw Carla before
She went to Sheffield to see her brother
Who's a student there. Her mother is just
Visiting also. Something's not quite right
With Carla but she cheered up. Put flowers
In vase for her birthday, got quite depressed
Looks like a funeral parlour in here, quite!

3847 - Interview with the birthday girl

A tough day at work, meetings aplenty
Some discord, discontent and disorder
In the team over Tom - they just don't see
The demoralisation of Emma
Who has to do his work for him, and hers
Mock interview with Andy W
The weekend priority's to prepare
For the real interview on Monday. Who
Will be on the panel? Dashed home to do
Exercises, shower, change clothes quickly
Then carrying a basket, hopped on the
Tram to Burton Road, carried basket to
Jenny's flat. It's her birthday, her and me
Spending the evening, us two together

Thur 2 March

3846 - Koffee Pot and FA Cup

The main thing at work was Geoff Riley's talk
About biofuels before he retires
Passing on his knowledge. And I won't baulk
At doing the same if promotion fires
Me to the next grade and I swap my chairs
From Oils to Landfill Tax. Met Louis straight
From work, in St Peter's Square, and this was
The prelude to tea at the Koffee Pot
And then the short tram ride to Etihad
For a Cup replay. City failed to take
Huddersfield away, but tonight perspired
A bit but in the end fired in a lot
Of goals, 5-1 the score. No need to walk
Home, got the tram, No heavy rain, the liars!