3757 - Fucking bollocks

Well, all I can say is, well, not a lot
It's 10:30 which is quite late, you know
One could say, yes they could, I've lost the plot
But that's all bollocks, things come and they go
Sensible people make decisions, know
Things I don't know, that's up to them, don't care
Each day goes by, things happen, goes to show
That we should just carry on, don't despair
Carla is having late night soup, not sure
What it is, but it's green - that means a lot
It may be healthy, may be not also
Things are as they are, yes, yes, to be fair
Until things change, why not ask a robot
It would make more sense than what we have to show

3756 - Beer right in the end

What a day at work! Very pressurised
But it's all over with a good outcome
Got thanked and my work was quite rightly praised
Now, although I shouldn't, I just want 'numb'
So bought beer on the way from work to home
Now I'm writing this, reasonably happy
But don't think I'll do much rehearsing. Some
Relaxation is now necessary
I've shaved, so that's enough chores now for me!
Can't even be bothered eating. My prize
First of all will be to have a good strum
Of uke, maybe guitar, quite soon we'll see
And neighbours will hear. Wonder if they've sized
Me up as good, or annoying? I'm done!

3755 - Let the brain take the strain

A strange day, began quite sleepy, but gained
Momentum with my work this afternoon
As vapour recovery minds were strained
Among many emails and telecons
But I felt good by end of day and once
Home, did exercises and ironing
Then cooked my tea, no time-wasting, but soon
(When you're quite late at work), time is slipping
By, and the evening's already waning
It's nearly 8:15. This is the strain
Of full-time work plus other ambition
Comedy is what I've been performing
For a few years now, I can't change again
I should stick with it, because I'm a loon

3754 - I Can Do Magic

I'm almost zombie-like, catatonic
After an hour of song lyric-writing
And a uke session that was fantastic
Playing Elvis, Cockney Rebel, ending
With the Beatles' tricky stuff - finishing
With a headache from the effort! Still want
To learn these songs a bit more this evening
Must work each day on being more efficient
So I can stick it to those cheeky cunts
Change their expressions from doubting to meek
And even awe-inspired! Hard work's looming!
But this is a good tiredness, cos the point
Is, it's caused by comedy work - caustic
Comment-reducing graft, learnt craft. Magic!

3753 - They don't know about us

A flippin' cold day but, spose, Christmassy
Achieved a lot early on, while still home
Comedy-wise, logged venues, Elvissy
Lyrics and chords noted, upwards goin'
Feeling confident now, despite those gnomes
Those talentless organisers, tin pot
Promoters, think they're businessmen, smart phones
But less smart brains, organisers, but not
Characters, no vision, except to plot
Some non-comedic route through comedy,
Parasites, sifting talent, mere drones
In service of the middle-class despots
Some have, and some have not, close family
Met my sister and niece, meal at Zizzi

3752 - Boring Friday

Woke up for almost three hours in the night
So to pass the time, kept humming the tune
To my recent new knees-up song, I tried
To make it better, lying in the gloom
It didn't affect work too badly - soon
I was off home while still light, which was nice
No creative work once home, fork and spoon
Were used to good effect, and TV eyes
And not much else, no fun and small surprise
Wanted a shower, but Carla's gone inside
The steamy and the wet little bathroom
She's out now, maybe I can soap my sides
After a shave, I'll shower with all my might
Then return to bed to work on that tune!

3751 - On the good foot-ball

Thank God I've got more energy tonight
After a long sleep of more than 8 hours
Done exercises, as I heard the flight
Of fans, police vans and helicopters
Man U are playing Feyenoord, of course
Meanwhile, Carla's cooking vegetables
So I'll postpone my comedy practice
So she can eat in peace. Still got troubles
Doing that long day's work serving peoples
Coffee and cake at Caffe Nero - quite
Tiring when you start so early, your powers
Are strained to the limit. She got chuckles
Last night for her brand new comedy set
Let's hope we get fans and they throw us flowers!!

3750 - Down at the old King's Arms

A pretty good night last night at King's Arms
I thought I did quite well live on the uke
I did however have to glance sometimes
At my notes and lyrics, but won't rebuke
Myself for this, this time, needed to look
Cos it's mainly new stuff. I've learned now, though
That for gigs where I need to impress, stuck
Reading from notes is not good enough. Slow
And steady, I'll practice before I go
To gigs further afield or big platforms
Hard work's all that's needed, it's not just luck
Maybe London's the place for me to show
I really can be good, with less alarms
Because I know my act - that's all it takes

3749 - Pub be good to me

A good night at the old King's Arms, Salford
I arrived at twenty to nine, quite late
But it was OK, ideal, got a slot
At the end of the first half, it was great
Anjuli was there, she was in a state
Stress from teaching in a 'good school' I guess
Hard work therein, not easy, over-rate
Some people do, promotion, or success
In one's career, it's a poisoned chalice
Listen to me, life's easy, if you're bored
Rather have that than overworked, a fate
Worse than death, while alive it's like death's kiss
A few really good pints beats that, my word
That's it from me tonight, a good one, mate

3748 - Empty chairs in my mind

A hell of a wet day, and windy too
Came home, got dry, did ironing and cooked tea
Then spoke to Carla, still both trying to
Forget and also remember the sea
Of empty chairs, and space, no faces, the
Absolute shithouse that was the Lymm gig
And some shitters were there too - comedy
Produces them aplenty, there's no big
Change there, they form their gangs, or they arse-lick
The promoter, act as agent for you
Do all the work, then you so lazily
Do your usual routine. Not me, I stick
To my guns, fall down if need be, get through
But I need more gigs. Where they gonna be?

3748 - Cock-up roundup

It looks as though I'm being cold-shouldered
By Trevor and his comedy brigade
Never mind, if I don't get invited
Back there, my writing has come to my aid
New material penned today, and I've said
To myself, don't throw away all your old
(Or even quite new) stuff cos of one bad
Performance where the small audience was cold
And though I took a day off, shook the mould
Off my poor memory, learnt my lines, fingered
The chords at home a few times, I was frayed
By the time I went on, comedy gold
Turned to shit, I see that now. Fame has spurned
Me, or I've spurned it. The feeling ain't great

3747 - Crock of ages

The second car hire in the last three days
Less stressful by far, just visiting my
Mum, with Josephine, to Greasby. The pies
Are good there, prices reasonable. My pie
Was chicken and mushroom. After that I
Had chocolate and Baileys sundae, yum yum
Drove safely home, new bedding for to try
Bit disappointed no blankets, but come
Home and find a thick pink one in my room
That's a blanket, you dirty sod. My days!
My brother's birthday, he is 55
We are heading with haste towards the tomb
But we've had a long, good life, I would say
And there's more to come 'fore we say bye bye

3746 - A little bit shit

I'm starting to run out of steam after
A tense and hectic last day and a half
Last night at Lymm, not quite a disaster
But not great either - still, there was some love
From the small audience, and made about five
New Facebook friends from the other comics
I hope they forgive my errors and prove
Fans of ambition, even though the tricks
Of the trade aren't quite learned yet. I ain't slick
Yet. No, I need to work that bit harder
But not forget the difficulty of
It, ukulele playing and lyrics
Learning and delivery. Getting there
But taking the hard slow route ain't all laughs!

3745 - Out on a Lymm

Taken today off, not much done so far
Came quite close to the 900-page end
Of the doorstop novel half-read before
Cyprus, and that is 'Our Mutual Friend'
By Charles Dickens - it drives me round the bend
Wondering how he did it - must have been quick
And easy for him, especially back then
When all drafts were on paper and pen. Nipped
The reading in the bud, cooked lunch, equipped
Myself with energy. I've left an hour
And a half before the car collection
From the central Manchester branch of Sixt
Me and Carla are off to Lymm to score
Comedy success, win colleagues and friends

3744 - What am I driving at?

A miserable night, poor Carla has gone
To the Tiger Lounge to do her new stuff
One night before the Lymm gig. Car booked - goin'
To Lymm in hired car with her - would've
Struggled to get there otherwise. Much love
To Carla as she goes on, on her own
No support from those wankers - it's so tough
For her, and for me too! Won't be alone
Tomorrow though in Lymm. Aldine, she's known
About this gig since last week in Sale. So
Now I will offer her a lift. I'm off
Work tomorrow, time to rehearse and own
The material til I'm real confident
Hope to impress Trevor C, get a laugh

3743 - Tea for three

A pleasant evening, pork belly and tea
In Chinatown and Portland Street, no less
With D and N, overdue catch-up. We
Discussed our lives of course, kind of a mess
Some of us drifting, maybe all of us
How to control the flow of time and tide
Is fate preordained - no, but soul success
Life success, goals success, is not a wide
Open goal, rather a thin slit, but pride
Dictates we do our best and stay happy
If our best isn't good enough, I guess
On the way home bought beer and stood outside
On the balcony, but bedtime must be
Quite soon, because work lies in wait, oh yes

3742 - Exercise in vanity

Another long and trying workday, no
Time for lunch, even, though there was coffee
As I discussed my year's work on the go
Then straight into a meeting back at the
Office. Was fed up by the end, frankly
Enough of that shit, now what about life
Outside the office? Enough energy
Mental and physical, to strain and strive
Some more, so did some exercises. My
Vanity is part of it, runs the show
After that, ironing, then cooked my tea
Carla came home - it's like having a wife!
Now the time nears to rehearse Thursday, so
Excuse me, must go. Arrivederci...

3741 - A cold in the bed

My brain is starting to run out of steam
That's what happens when you work it real hard
Pleased to say I've done that, and so my scheme
Of properly preparing my set ahead
Of Thursday night in Lymm's on track. Forward
I go, with Carla's help, maybe friends there
Also from Meet-Up, hope they won't be bored
One thing I've yet to do is hire a car
Both for Thursday and next weekend, for
A trip to Mum's with Jo. Lately I've been
Suffering with old bedding falling apart
My Mum's got stuff for me, she's got some spare
Just in time for winter - blankets a dream
After last night's shivers in a cold bed

3740 - Spare time prepare time

Now for yesterday, not far back to think
Woke up early after that early bed
And used my freshness and spare time writing
And thinking about comedy ahead
Mainly in Lymm next Thursday, so prepared
I could now be by putting in the time
And effort while fresh. Then quite excited
By this success, went to see Jo, first time
Since Cyprus, and we carried on, no rhyme
Or reason to stop eating and chatting
About music - that's often in her head
Looked round the books in Waterstones, no finds
Need a travel book on Poland, looming
Visit to Krakow and Christmas market

Sat 12 Nov

3739 - Back in the fight

The first of two late sonnets - too busy
It seems, this weekend so far, for diary
Writing, First of all, I forgot Friday
And then also forgot on Saturday
So now it's the afternoon of Sunday
I can remember Friday, luckily
Although two days ago's long time for me
Friday, Remembrance Day, day of poppy
And two-minute silence, we all agree
To observe, obey the tannoy nicely
Though my typing fingers still tapped away
In the evening, a hard day two or three
A few beers, watched the England game, a 3
0 win against Scotland, then bed, early

Fri 11 Nov

3738 - Ale in Sale

Hard day's work, all my energy was used
Didn't get away til nearly six, then
A quick tea, and out to Sale there to view
A new comedy night at Vao, but some
Struggled, a big hubbub situation
Will it continue? Comedy is hard
Not always a moneyspinner, for them
Punters don't get pissed like they should, the bards
Of stand-up struggle with sober blow-hards
A tricky one, for sure, I ask, would you
Want to put yourself on the line for them?
Got to think about my act, so those sods
Don't heckle. In Lymm next Thursday I'll do
A spot, got to improve so I'm not damned

3737 - From Leeds in Yorkshire to leads in the polls

It's been a hard coupla days, even though
Technically, yesterday was a day off
But getting frozen and soaked, struggling to
Get the last bus home, finally dropping off
About 3am. It was looking tough
For Trump at that point. But after two hours
I woke again, at 5, and heard he'd shoved
Hillary out the way. Hilarious!
So, a long day and evening in Leeds, bus
Back late to Manchester, soaked through and through
Culminating in victory, not for love
(Hillary - yeah, right) but hate. The White House
Will shortly be Trump Mansion. No NATO
No immigrants - or is it all just bluff?

3736 - Verve Lurve

Sitting in Casa Colombiana
Numerous coffees in this cafe in Leeds
It was quiet for a while, no-one in there
Latino music only, to mislead
My train of thought, rehearsing my misdeeds
In the name of comedy for the gig
Still 2 hours to go til the fun proceeds
At the Verve Bar. I went out for a cig
And almost froze. There's no snow yet to dig
Me out of, but I'm shivering in here
My coat's done up tight. There'll be no sweat beads
Poor Carla, she'll be freezing too, and big-
Time, as she tries to write new stuff in a
Hostel somewhere nearby. When will we meet?

Tue 8 Nov

3735 - On the up

I worked hard back at the office and found
My manager is moving on, and there
Are vacancies for promotion, announced
As soon as I went on holiday (where?
Cyprus - have you been reading my posts here?)
Excitement then, but I have taken leave
Tomorrow so I can focus on the
Comedy in Leeds. Can hardly believe
The supportive comments, so I will give
It my best shot, rehearsing til it's down
In my head, run thru it on the bus there
Meeting Carla, a meal, then to The Verve
In Leeds, a ten minute slot, then return
Hopefully buzzing, bus to Manchester

3734 - Witness the Widnes

Oh fuck - never ever stay in Widnes
At least not at the Main Top Hotel there
It had been Bonfire Night though, in fairness
But me and Jo had missed the fireworks clear
Flying from Larnaca to the area
Touching down at near midnight, Liverpool
After a five hour flight - we were tired, yeah?
Taxi to this sub-standard pub hotel
The bar had just shut, but the decibels
Still pumped through the floor for the late-staying guests
In the pub itself. Not that many there
It seemed, but I was woken by a hell
At three thirty, a kids' party, a host
Of Scousers in the next room. Oh, beware!

3733 - Cyprus 8

The last day in Cyprus, but won't reach home
We're headed for a hotel in Widnes
Right now we're sitting for an hour's time
In Hotel Opera lobby, just upstairs
From St Lazarus Square, where we have passed
Many hours this week, watching and talking
Mainly in sunshine - we've been weather-blessed
And then of course there's eating and drinking
We've done some (but not very much) walking
We've had sun, but not much tan - what a crime
To have wasted that chance! But still I guess
It's a bit special when reminiscing
On 8 days with my daughter, us alone
Just chilling, mainly, no more and no less!

Sat 5 Nov

3732 - Cyprus 7

Although we did nothing, today was nice
A lovely sunny day in Larnaca
Didn't leave our room til 1. She enticed
Me to the cafe just across from there
The Cafe Da Vinci, sat in their chair
Outside for the 3rd or 4th time, to eat
Drink and enjoy the sun and, after hours
I persuaded Josie to use her feet
And go for a short walk along the streets
Looked in souvenir shops, leisurely pace
A few euros spent, then went for dinner
At Alexander's on the seafront - please
No more calories, we're full, belly size
Red alert, please don't give us any more!

Fri 4 Nov

3731 - Cyprus 6

A warm sunny day, what we came here for
I've accepted she doesn't want to do
Much, or go places, adventures or tours
Consequently, there was no rush, we knew
It was going to be relaxing. Nice blue
Sky, sat at the roadside cafe, breakfast
So noisy, sound of lorries as we chew
Then walked round Larnaca a while, and passed
Shops old and new, and markets full of tat
Jo bought something at last, good to see her
A bit more relaxed, scarf for mother, few
Tourists this time of year. Cold drinks and chats
But when the sun sank behind buildings, our
Time to head for the hotel - stay there, too...

Thur 3 Nov

3730 - Cyprus 5

A not done very much sort of a day
Never had a day quite like this before
An almost doing nothing holiday
No pictures worth taking, mostly a yawn
Not even a decent meal to restore
To life. From memory, nothing happened
We did walk along the Larnaca shore
Nice walk, but shadows already lengthened
Getting colder than holiday's start - end
Still a few days, still a few days away
Why bother going to Limassol, what for
When J will just protest and me defend
Every decision, including which way
Left or right? Everything seems such a bore!

Wed 2 Nov

3729 - Cyprus 4 -

Can't believe it's the fourth day already
Mind you, the first day was just getting here
At last, left Larnaca - capital city
Nicosia was where we went, Nicosia
It was a maze of narrow streets, appeared
To be very little to see, just shops
But few attractions, not even a beer
Today, two smallish meals, 5 euros, tops
Per person, very cheap at least. Jo dropped
Food on the floor for the street cats - many
Of them roam the cafes of Nicosia
And Larnaca too. Tomorrow might pop
To Limassol, they say it's worth a see
We're now midway through our Med holiday

Tue 1 Nov 

3728 - Cyprus 3

Hot sunny morning, so went out walking
As J lay in, thinking about her shower
Hopped onto the beach and went out paddling
In the warm Med (warm to a Britisher -
Warm even at the end of October)
Took pix, selfies in the sea, then walked on
To the bus-stop - trips to Agia Napa
To Limassol or Nicosia. Won
The battle with Jo in the end, we're goin'
To the capital tomorrow. Sitting
On the beach, golden sunset, late bathers
Then an excellent value meal within
Kalamaki - seafront Greek-style cuisine
Establishment, too much food to eat there!

Mon 31 Oct

3727 - Cyprus 2

Tried to lie in, despite lying on the floor
Josephine sleeping soundly on the bed
Sunday morning, church bells around the square
And as we lie there, choir songs room-invade
Greek Orthodox, once Byzantine, parade
I got up first, Jo is slow, like her Mum
I shopped for shorts, trainers, razors, and made
A purchase of fridge magnet and icon
From St Lazarus icon shop, and then
When we were both ready, two breakfasts for
Jo and me, safely in umbrella shade
Outside the Cafe da Vinci, talked on
For more than three hours. Back in our room, saw
A wedding in the church. Tea-time omelette

Sun 30 Oct

3726 - Cyprus 1

Slept well, woken up by alarm at 8
Finished my packing, but forgot some things
Got train to Wilmslow, Josie wasn't late
Got to Liverpool Airport, had a drink
Waited on the staircase, finally boarding
Got taxi to the Hotel Opera
Watched TV til we felt time for sleeping
We are in Cyprus, town of Larnaca
Amazing view of St Lazarus Square
Out of the window, the church tower looks great
The Greek and Cypriot flags both flying
It's nice for November, warm atmosphere
One problem with our room - double bed. Wait -
I'll sleep on the floor... My bones were hurting :(

Sat 29 Oct