3845 - Thy wig be done

I got a shock call at work from Carla
She said 'Who's in the flat?' Said I dunno
You tell me. She said it's a man who's there
To look behind the sink, and then he'll go
I was worried. Conmen do this, you know
Anyway, all seems to be here, and she
Didn't let him walk down the hall, and so
Hopefully there won't be a burglary
Reassured to know he ain't got no key
And that he just popped in and out. Prepare
For comedy at the King's Arms, a show
Where I intend to play God literally
With my God wig. It's the Last Judgment, yeah!
Will I drink beer tonight? Maybe, don't know...

3844 - Meditation, aha-ha, meditation

Another Monday, but it was good fun
Helped organise and run a wellbeing day
For HMRC staff, and everyone
Was there, like fitness advisors, and they
Gave exercise suggestions and today
When I got home I tried the new ones. There
Was also anti-smoking advice, weigh
Up the desire to smoke or not, compare
And maybe decide to stop... Manicure
(Mainly a woman filing my nails), some
Meditation, prostate cancer talk - hey
And the nearby Salford Angel Centre
Does gym classes and days out for just ten
Quid a month, if I sign up straight away!

3843 - Uke can be serious

Oops, I nearly forgot today's diary
So here it is, though I stayed home all day
Apart from trash recycling just at the
End of the car park. Not done much today
Did not ask for gigs or write comedy
But Carla found and booked a good hostel
When we travel late March up to Geordie
Land, our open mic spots in Newcastle
At The Stand Comedy Club, must go well
Watched a very long documentary
'Hypernormalisation' - while rugby
Was on TV, and heard Man U repel
Southampton in a final at Wembley
Ate, then played uke well as I've ever played

3842 - Woozy floozy

A busy day, the usual stuff with Jo
Went to United's ground to buy tickets
Got some for a weeknight clash, the Euro
Match against Rostov, all else sold out, nixed
Popped into Bella Italia, I picked
Agnelli pasta which was nice, and she
Had pollo bianca pizza, then we tripped
Along the mall to buy some Cadbury
Creme Eggs, a bag each! Then I met Jenny
Bought her a meal in the Greenfinch, and so
Glad we went there and not to town, but it's
A red wine knockout, she felt too woozy
We had a sex talk, but felt we should go
Home, resume it next Thursday (must have sex!)

3841 - Not Labour Day

Stayed up late last night after cinema
Watching Question Time and by-elections
UKIP failed in Stoke, they can't win nowhere
Paul Nuttall pays price for the false mention
Of losing friends at Hillsborough - oh come on!
Nuttall, you nutter, what a stupid lie!
But in Cumbria, the Tories somehow won!
For Corbyn's Labour, a kick in the eye
It wasn't til 3.15 I could lie
In bed at last to sleep, perchance to snore
Did speculative job application
At work, then back home, messaging Jenny
Watching pop on TV, not doing much more
Might play uke if I can energise some

3840 - Union Slacker

A fun day at work, apart from the Tom
Problem (a guy who does no work). Also
Storm Doris with its wind and rain hit home
But now seems to have blown off eastward ho!
A Union Learning Rep meeting to go
To, soup for lunch, Covent Garden, reduced
In price. Walked home, exercised, had tea, so
Then to Home cinema, nine quid to view
Toni Erdmann, German comedy, whose
Idea was to set it mainly in Rom-
ania's capital, Bucharest, but no
Complaints from me. cos me and John have choosed
To go there in September. We will roam
The Transylvanian hills, which I'll video

3839 - Coke and empathy

Last night was fun, belated date with Jen
Met at the Shakespeare pub in town at 6
We both like early starts, so maybe then
We should next time meet at 5? Both had drinks
Then relocated to the Vine, got kicks
From chats and groping (on my part) in that
Quiet pub, room to ourselves, then taxi whisked
Us back in no time to her rain-drenched flat
For vodka and Coke, frolicking and chat
Much more cuddly than before, and warm when
We got together in bed. Electric
Batteries must heat her. How is she so hot?
Only 4 hours' sleep, back home on the tram
Then changed, and to off work, couldn't take sick!

3838 - Here's to good health!

Still dehydrated, four days after drink
Can't tell me it's just the drinking that did
That, no, there must have been some infecting
By something, bad food or a toilet lid
No booze since Friday (that was just a bit)
Slept loads, energy low, and stomach pain
(On Sunday). So - infection of the gut
Maybe? Does that dehydrate, stop the rain?
Bad colds do that, though I couldn't complain
Of too many symptoms, bad throat, sneezing
Anyway, I would like to think I'm mid-
Way to recovery, and over the strain
By tomorrow's date with Jenny... a drink
In the Salford Arms! Oh dear, what'd I did?

3837 - Bucket of pain

Felt dreadful today, stomach ached, felt cold
Nevertheless I organised a bit
Like comedy nights we could play, used pooled
Info from me and Carla. After that
I arranged for the plumber to visit
To fix the shower which drips and leaks bad
Also, needs to fix handle on toilet
Having to use a bucket to flush turds
And whatnot. Messaged Robin, must try hard
To find who's going, who's staying the whole
Night at our July family bash, then fit
Them into a venue, near Brum, northwards
Though ill, walked out in the evening rain. Sold
Out! Toni Erdmann, a German film. Shit!

3836 - When Tony meets Jenny

Still tired, probably too much dehydration
Over the last week, oh, and sleep shortage
So despite early night last night, not fun
As usual today, batteries low voltage!
Good to chat to Josephine though. Purchase
Of a cool black and white shirt, T K Maxx
Should look good for comedy, on the stage
Maybe wear it in Newcastle, perhaps
Jenny liked it - we have resumed our chats
And made a date for Tuesday - Salford town
I hope she wants to make up for breakage
Of my trust last Friday, accepts the facts
Forgiveness is possible, try again
To make this work, allow it more mileage...

3835 - Rainy day women part 47b

A busy three nights Tuesday through Thursday
Comedy at the King's Arms, then meeting
John L to plan Romania holiday
And last night, Koffee Pot pub quiz, staying
Up late texting Jenny, her restoring
Contact and finally saying sorry
For a week ago, leaving me sitting
Alone in a crowded pub, Didsbury
So I've suggested meeting Saturday
Evening, after Josephine. What she'll say
I'm just waiting to see. Hesitating
A little. She's at work during the day
So might be too tired. We'll see. It's Friday
And I'm gonna take it easy, I think!

3834 - Women!

A fun night out, though short of free women
Louise Balotin was there but she's not
Free, and is too old anyway, her man
Adrian was with her, but she'd a hot
Memory of when it was that we had met
A pub crawl in Glossop two years ago
I impressed her with my humour, I hit
The spot with my wit, but who cares, I know
She's taken, and she's 55, so no
I don't think so. Jenny's messaged again
I should ignore her, or else a rocket
Of criticism of her behaviour
Indefensible as it is, but then
It might spur more messaging - she likes that

3833 - Liver Dead Pool

I went to Liverpool, interesting meeting
Union learning and all that jazz, and at
Lunchtime wandered round, and photographing
The interesting sights in Mann Island, that
Part of the waterfront, Three Graces, what
A funny little video I made
The Liver Building was the background, chat
About nothing in particular, said
Whatever right then came into my head
Practice (if you will) for videos pending
When I go to Israel in May and shoot
Some comedy videos that have obeyed
The rules I formulate in practising
Met John L tonight, ate a Chinese plate

3832 - Very cross at the Mersey

Unusually I left Wiorst Night (Salford)
At the half-time break, up early tomoz
Must catch the 8am train to Scouseford
(Liverpool, folks) - a union conference
On the waterfront, hopefully a buzz
To sit there with a view of the Mersey
As it reaches its widest point and flows
Carrying its troubles to the Irish Sea
Valentine's Day and I heard from Jenny
She sent me a message, thinks I've forgot
Standing me up last Friday, the Gatehouse
Didsbury, full of diners, drinkers, me
Wandering round like a lost lamb, a red card
Gripped in my hands, no-show, end of our biz

3831 - Mad girls

Mad girls are ok if they don't kill you
They have to be mad to like me I guess
They see some similarity, a new
Acceptance that they rarely feel or get
Bat crazy girls, I like 'em I confess
Though they're very short-lived relationships
How can I meet more of 'em, where's the next?
And what shortcomings will she have, what twists?
Who cares, as long as she strips and we kiss
It could just be a one-night rendezvous
Mad girls expect a treatment tortuous
Their hatred's ready for its quick release
They prey on the weak, but they are weak too
Have some quick fun, then get out of their mess

3830 - Too much of nothing

Oh dear, Jenny, what are you doing, girl?
She seems to be trying to piss me off
Maybe she's just not good at dating. Well
She's not, there's no maybe, she makes it tough
And then some, to stay interested in love
After her no-show that she said was work
She said she'd chat later, but no. Enough!
I was just left high and dry with no word
Of apology, then seemed to avoid
Contact, refusing to acknowledge all
My hurt feelings. I feel it's time to move
On from the empty promises, the mood
Swings, the lack of confidence, denial
It's not me, it's her, as events have proved

3829 - Bra mitzvah

It's official, the blond woman opposite
Is an exhibitionist, and her man
(Or maybe just her latest man), he fits
Into that too, curtains always open
And bedroom light on, they embrace, and then
She faces the window, I don't realise
She's not fully dressed at first as I stand
On the balcony smoking, then my eyes
Turn sideways to glance, and to my surprise
I see a black bra briefly as she slips
A top over her head and pulls it down
As soon as this is done, I then surmise
It's time to go back in, it's time to write
This sonnet diary. Thanks, neighbour woman

3828 - Date with disaster

It's bloody cold, it's briefly been snowing
It's no surprise in February I guess
Tonight I'm seeing Jenny, we're eating
And then drinking in Didsbury like last
Week. I hope she doesn't make me wait. Waste
Of time... Update!! I went into the cold
Got the tram, went to the pub, slightly late
But no sign of her, walked around and held
A visible red envelope, thus sold
Myself to them all as looking, hoping
To find my Valentine, but in distress
Not seeing her there. Bought a pint to hold
Wandered round some more, sat down, messaging
Then she said she'd been called in to work. Blast!

3827 - Interview zone

I woke at 4.15 for no reason!
Grrr - it don't make life easy, does that shit
It's not like it's the bright morning season
I was tired when I went to sleep - don't fit
With the facts that I woke so early. Pit
Vacated before six, the office reached
Before seven, a nine hour day 'complished
Good news - I've got an interview, I've breached
The sift panel's defences, I've been teached
How to write competencies, draft my own
Then get advice on various improvements
I've asked for practice interviews to leech
Expert advice on how to pass this one
I've failed in the past. Performance must lift!

3826 - Con the con

My first time, or possibly my second
In the Lowry Hotel, coffee and chat
With our new manager, who seems quite kind
In the afternoon, I was wondering what
To do, whether I should go out tonight
In Ashton, or not. Ashton - not the best
Venue for a social meet-up, not quite
Top of the range, is it? Was not impressed
When I checked the details, not just few guests
Also, it's a business presentation!
Trying to con you out of money. That
Was a close one! Instead, I can watch Leic-
ester playing The Rams, FA Cup fourth round
I think it's time to get out the prayer mat!

3825 - It noh funny

Tired after staying up so late last night
But good memories of that gig at the Hood
(The Robin Hood) where I felt I was bright
And better than all the others who could
Picture themselves as successful and good
Now they know they're not, not compared to me
And unlike them, who repeat same jokes ad
Nauseam, then write new stuff, not funny
While I do good new stuff, regularly
I get laughs almost everywhere. They might
Not have heard of me, but the vibes I spread
Seem to be warm from city to city
Need to find more gigs this weekend, alright
I've almost run out as I gather speed

3824 - Strutting in Stretford

A work trip up north by train to Preston
The meeting was somewhat run of the mill
(But not of the satanic kind - northern
Literary reference for you there, such thrills)
But from that high-up room the bus station
(The infamous brutalist one) was brill
To see just below, and also Preston
North End's historic stadium, Deepdale
Afterwards, went out to Stretford's Robin
Hood pub (where someone once got shot and killed)
And killed the room with my set - it was fun
I did best out of them all, my will
Paid off not to get drunk 'fore going on
Felt energised and up for it. Am still

3823 - Busy bee, fuzzy foxes

Today I've stayed in but been so busy
Washed clothes, and read my new book on Israel
Wrote some ideas in that book Pearl bought me
Which already seems to inspire me well
To come up with new gag material
Heard Man United's thrashing of Leicester
Away, on 5 Live radio, meanwhile
The Foxes look dangerously close to the
Drop. I hope they do plunge down, way down there
Into the second division, only
One year after being champions. Oh well
That's what you get for hubris, Lice-ces-ter!
Shouldn't have taken those drugs, James Vardy
Now the evening's nearly gone. Effing hell!

3822 - Better out than in

Busy and fun Saturday about town
Firstly in the daytime with Josie-Jo
Ate at Pizza Hut, gave Claire's present, now
A week late, two good books, really thought so
Wandered round the Football Museum to show
Her the '66 exhibition there
Then stumbled across anti-Trump demo,
And took some fun pictures, in Albert Square
Afterwards, Jo had a party with her
Eight best friends from school, while I popped home, sound
Of arguments from a nearby house, though
It settled down. To Chinatown next, where
Met D and N and her French friend, and downed
Some duck at Wasabi, then was pub-bound

Sat 4 Feb

3821 - Splitter splatter

After work, I had a date with Jenny
Great to see her again after troubles
With misunderstood texts, but I think she
Has potential, she thinks I have foibles
But we can help each other and double
Our lives, for now anyway. Film-going
Friday night at the cinema, hubbub
And people a-plenty, young, old, crowding
Into Cineworld. We watched 'Split' finding
It an absorbing watch, after late tea
At the nearby Wetherspoons pub, marvels
Of cheap food and drink. Did some good talking
Then after the film, went separately
Home in the rain. On the tram were fools

3820 - Liverpool dying fool

A day late, it's been so hectic can't cope
Yesterday, Thursday, after work, I went
By National Express bus, wheeled antelope
To Liverpool for a gig. I was sent
By Carla in her place, and did a ten
Minute slot at the Milo Lounge, Lark Lane
Second time there, met George, and Mike Johnson
Tom George popped in from his flat. It was plain
It wasn't like Hot Water, far less fun
But that's what we must overcome, to hope
To succeed and grow. Bus back was meant
To be calm, but the bus driver was one
Of those resentful madmen, wouldn't stop
Venting anger and swerving, life hopes spent

Thur 2 Feb

3819 - Film 2017

Stayed up stupidly late drinking four cans
Yet I knew once again an early train
Was waiting, this time to Telford, no sense
In this, but I did it anyway. Plain
To see I'd struggle to stay awake. Stayin'
Awake's what I did though, boring meeting
Notwithstanding. Much time spent relayin'
Messages back and forth, never tiring
Despite my exhaustion. She said nice things
And intriguing things. Rearranged date, since
She didn't realise it was tonight. Prayin'
We have a great date Friday, with chatting
And a film. Finally, the decision's
For triggering Brexit, going alone!